Friday, December 2, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

Mandana juicers make me ponderous and pondifacatorial on this Friday before the 2011 Douchies.

But Becoming Ubiquitous Clear Cup reassures.

Your humble narrator continues to fight the good fight in Hollywood, trying to sell new shows and dealing with the poo and the pee that form cultural dialectic in this wayward city of desert angels and arid, fecund peacockery.

So I munch on a saltine. And call it even.

Here’s your links:

Save your time with free content for websites from Article Writing Services. (Resource Link)

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week” I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I’m going to need to you do something for me… on spec.”

From England: Smells like Poo.

Speaking of tatts… Cracked presents: If tattoos told the truth.

Natalie Portman, Semitic pixie librarian hott and future ex-Mrs.DB1, is turning her baby boy into a ‘bagling.

Who’s getting hired at Rite-Aid these days? Read the fine print.

The internets. Where 19 year old girls go for attention. Boobs.

Speaking of hot chick philosophers: Believing in celestial orbs to reveal a divine truth is nonsense.

And speaking of hot chick spawn of famous hockey players, Wayne Gretzky’s daughter is gettin’ slapshotty. And yes, I had to link to the thieves over at The Chive for that one. I feel dirty.

Reader DanEBoy decides to read a Scooby Doo book to his kids, is shocked to discover Velma is displaying G.S.R.

Need holiday gifts for friends, family and loved ones on this holiday season? Buy it already, Bitch. It’s on sale.

For boxing fans, HCwDB gets a nice shout-out in a column about what a douche boxer Antonio Margarito is.

Toxic manwhore Ann Coulter got “bleeped” when she called John McCain a “Douchebag” on MSNBC. Well isn’t this a case of the pot calling the kettle a fascist manwhore.

But you are not here for toxic facist manwhorery. No matter your political persuasion, I offer you:

Inappropriate Outerwear for Fall Weather Pear

Only because I worry that Kelly might catch cough.

# posted by douchebag1
12:36 pm December, 2 Vin Douchal said...

Funniest Tim Robbins movie ever, “Nothing To Lose”
.

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Right after this scene a good ole boy in the mini-mart looks down at his smoking feet and says, “you must be fast”

12:38 pm December, 2 Wheezer said...

I.O.F.W. Pear…..oh me, oh my…..what a cutie pie!

12:52 pm December, 2 Vin Douchal said...

That Gretzky chick is a butterface. She got her mom’s body and Marty McSorley’s grill
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Speaking of Velma Dinkley I would eat out Linda Cardellini’s birthin’ slide like a homeless bum tasting an In ‘N’ Out burger for the first time

1:05 pm December, 2 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!! Inappropriate Outerwear for Fall Weather Pear.
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BRING ON THE DOUCHIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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True story Phil Epositos daughter was a smoking hot whoar back in the mid to late 80’s. You could always find her at places like Clarks & Daisy Buchanans in Boston getting hammered. My roommate banged the piss out of her one night. I’m still slightly jealous as she was hott!! then she moved to Fla and married a hockey player.
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Cotto v Margarito will be a good fight. Paulie Malignaggi now that’s a true D-Bag to the core and he’s not even that good a fighter.
.

1:11 pm December, 2 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I couldn’t make it past Celestial Orbs without stating that I love 19 year old girls and boobies. And I’m changing my astrological sign to Boobitarius. Keep em coming Vin.

1:37 pm December, 2 Douchble Helix said...

How come all these porn chicks like the 19 year old and the redhead and whoever was next never took their clothes off or started smokin’ a salami?

1:40 pm December, 2 Mr. White said...

Do not, for any reason, click on any of the “19 year old girls go for attention” videos in which said 19 year old sings. You’ll be really sorry. It almost ruins the boobs.
.
Almost.
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Also? I would bang Velma until Scooby Snacks fell out of her ass.

1:49 pm December, 2 Nancy Dreuche said...

Yeah!

1:50 pm December, 2 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Unfortunately for my employer, that gorgeous pear pic led me to the belladasemana dot com site which is filled with more pics of hot, round-assed hispanic women. Needless to say, no more work getting done today.
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Bring on the Douchies

1:56 pm December, 2 Nancy Dreuche said...

Here’s me playing Velma in XXX Scooby Doo. SFW.
.

5:12 pm December, 2 Juggalo 6 said...

Unfortunately, that story about the poo on the girls back, yea it’s bullshit.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/poop-tattoo-story-is-crap-8764319

5:14 pm December, 2 Stephanie said...

That guy’s a giant pink meathead,but doesn’t have any tattoos,at least. Couldn’t that women who had shit tattooed on her back feel that something was wrong?
What does GSR mean? Huh?

Acronym Definition
GSR Galvanic Skin Response
GSR Gigabit Switch Router (Cisco)
GSR General Service Representative
GSR Graduate Student Researcher
GSR Government Social Research (UK)
GSR Great Southern Railway
GSR Global Set/Reset
GSR Glutathione Reductase
GSR Golden Star Resources, Ltd (Ghana)
GSR Galvanic Skin Resistance
GSR Grissom Sara Romance (TV show)
GSR Ground Surveillance Radar
GSR Gun Shot Residue (forensics)
GSR Group Service Representative
GSR general support-reinforcing (US DoD)
GSR Guest Service Representative
GSR Global Search and Replace
GSR Global Shared Resources
GSR General Staff Requirement
GSR General Safety Regulations (South Africa)
GSR Geo-Spatial Referencing (ViaVis Mobile Solutions, Inc.)
GSR Grand Sport Racing
GSR Gamehaven Scout Reservation (Rochester, MN)
GSR Guaranteed Service Refund (UPS)
GSR Goshen Scout Reservation (Goshen, VA Boy Scout camp)
GSR Generic Space Robot
GSR Government Service Representative (Sprint)
GSR General Support-Reinforcement
GSR Global Signature Register
GSR Gland Steam Regulator
GSR General Service Routine/Request
GSR Government Synthetic Rubber
GSR Government Spares Release
GSR Group Strategic Review

6:41 pm December, 2 Vin Douchal said...

Chubby Mandana Douche has a torn shirt from drinking forties with his cycle team and belch-fucking each other up the stink tunnel. Look at the size of that dork’s schnozz, he looks like Jimmy Durante fucked an anteater….
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She’s giving the Overbite of Oral Fixation
.
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yeah,… I’ve been drinking,… maybe later when I’m blind I’ll type something that I am sure will be the wittiest thing ever ….
.
.
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Bill W’s

7:36 pm December, 2 Mehmeh said...

I got your GSR right here bitches!

10:29 pm December, 2 Nostradouchus said...

Is it just me, or is she missing a boob?

Meet cancer survivor and diabetes candidate…or ‘roids-induced heart attack candidate…I can’t figure out which why he’ll go yet.

10:30 pm December, 2 Nostradouchus said...

which *way, I mean…

5:09 am December, 3 McCrude said...

People who “ride” escalators and moving walkways like they were amusement park rides without using their chubby stubby legs are going to a special hell. In this hell they will subjected to endless flaming magma demon bukkake sessions until their triglodytic faces melt off. So let it be written; so let it be uncle-fucking done.

5:47 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Your unofficial, self-appointed comments thread ombudsman here, checking in for yet another in a never ending series of self-aggrandizing commenting.

1) December is Constipation Awareness Month – I swear on my kids’ eyes – and this picture could wipe out constipation in our lifetime.
2) Ditto to the Gretzky Butter Face.
3) Janet Jones Gretzky could serve as a complimentary model for the term “Bleeth.” Kind of a change up for a slightly different look, Bleethy but different. As in “Here’s a great picture of a douchebag and a JJG in their natural habitat.”
4) I saw Wayne Gretzky in nothing but a jock strap once. He looked like a member of the marching band rather than one of the great athletes of all time.

6:17 am December, 3 Douchble Helix said...

DW – #4 seems a little illogical, no?

6:18 am December, 3 Douchble Helix said...

Mandana’s hand is the size of my Catholic-Polish-ex-mother-in-law’s Easter ham. Only without the spirals.

6:37 am December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Chad’s Christmas Concert of Christmas: The Reverend Chad family has begun the frosty December Saturday morning ritual of helping local children less fortunate than his own. On the first weekend the children are given a tepid breakfast of questionably fresh unsweetened gruel while listening to Bing Crosby warn them that their poverty will be as uncomfortable as it can be so they may not turn into degenerates like their parents did. The remaining weeks will be dedicated to training under more rigid conditions including, but not limited to, breakfast supplied by the local prison which is always happy to get rid of it’s week-old week-old crusts of pre-toasted bread decorated with the partial dental imprints of the generous inmate population. After breakfast, a five mile forced march to the local strip of grocery stores leads them to the most valued part of the Christmas tradition, Dumpster Spellunking.
.
Cause after all, you can feed a douchebags kid gruel and half-eaten prison refuse one month a year, or you can teach him to fish maggot ridden food out of the rusty condom filled dumpster behind the Stop-And-Go and prevent another generation from being born for a lifetime.
.
Merry Fucking Christmas Where’s The Scotch

7:01 am December, 3 Douchble Helix said...

The Rev, FTW. Time to retire the trophy.

8:28 am December, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

RevChad for Christmas Comment of the week. And those two above posts aren’t me but really who cares. It’s gonna be a very troll Christmas I presume. Hopefully “I” post more cool links to internet porno. Gives me an edge to impress the kids these days. After they finish their unsweetened gruel of course.

9:35 am December, 3 tall guy said...

Good mocking on the Friday links, sportsters. It heightens my anticipation of The Douchies. You know, I’ve only recently realised that when a fellow ‘Bagsters screen name is red in colour it’s also a link to another part of their life. Fascinating!

So it’s very early here and although I’ve slept I’ve also woken early.

Coffee: the only drug I’m good for these days.

In other news, way back in the day I shared house with a single mom. It was interstate in Queensland. I was employed at a fairly posh joint (dinner suit required by the floor staff) and on a 2 day rostered break. My drinking at the time swung between binge>remorse>abstinence>binge>remorse etc and I’d been in the abstinence stage for almost a week. Space seemed to be closing in on my life and eventually I bought a box of wine on RDO#1. That evening after necking 5 litres of rotgut the housemate arrived home to find me sprawled out asleep on the front room floor beside an empty wine box and a plate with a bone on it resting on my chest, which was the remains of the baked leg of lamb she’d put in the oven before leaving for work that morning for her family’s (her + 2 kids) dinner. After a couple of phone calls she was directed to a city detox where she insisted I attend a “meeting”. I knew absolutely nothing about ‘meetings’ or “the fellowship”, but to ensure my lodgings went along. After kick-off a latecomer sat beside me. I didn’t think much about him other than he looked like a tragic hippy. Years later I recalled who he was. As it’s ‘anonymous’ I won’t break his anonymity, but of him Lester Bangs once stated that he’d had a photograph of this guy in his office above his desk and he couldn’t decide whether it was Carley Simon or Mick Jagger.

No Secrets.

Boring.
Insomnia.

10:20 am December, 3 tall guy said...

…And it’s Carly without an e.

10:31 am December, 3 creature said...

ya know boss if all the carpetbagging dungheaps trying to “sell shows & shit” would go back to the festering cesspools that spawned them, Los Angeles would be a much better place & might even be considered a fair city again.
…maybe some self examination is in order???
.
.
…that & get off my fucking freeways!

10:35 am December, 3 CB Popped said...

Fall Weather Pear,,,yum. Suckle cheeks.

11:27 am December, 3 DoucheyWallnuts said...

@DH I agree, #4 is illogical…nevertheless, true…

12:35 pm December, 3 Wedgie said...

Nothing like hanging Christmas lights all day to get you in the festive mood. But at least tonight I get to go to a holiday party at my in laws. This day just couldn’t get any better.
Unless I get hit by a car on my way over there.

12:53 pm December, 3 Justin said...

Another goofy chick starved for attention, Jenna “Marbles”.

Painfully annoying, yet pretty hott.

8:24 am December, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Nothing initiates Boner Kill faster than a hott who dances poorly and thinks she’s funnier than she really is.

7:47 pm December, 4 Wedgie said...

@Stephanie
I’ll give you a hint. The “S” in “GSR” stands for “Stephanie”.

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