Tuesday, December 13, 2011

HCwDB of the Year: Bracket #3

Your third and final bracket to set next week’s Finals. Make it count.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #1: Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate

This heaping service of Vegas backwash in presence of flexi-hott Kate is well worthy of consideration for the Finals.

And lets not forget Joey Lumpcrustowitz Gives You the Finger.

That’s a tag-team of pictorial uberdouche.

For classic Vegas suck, I punch a kitten.

And spit on a spastic spatula.

Because that’s how I roll when filling up the text part that many don’t bother to read, despite my slavish wordsmithery.

On to the next one.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #2: The Herpster and Librarian Laura

The Herpster birthed an entire subcategory of 2011 Douchery with Hot Chickery.

The Herpster.

Part Hipster.

Part Herpdouche.

Total tuxedo crotch.

For patenting douche face, douche stubble, insanely stupid chest tatt, hipster ethos, and vinyl listening Echo Park parties that make me retch just thinking about, The Herpster is all that is wrong in Odessa.

And by Odessa, I mean that’s the nickname for his ’92 Yugo, which he painted ironic lime green.

And let us not forget that while Librarian Laura shows terrifying signs of Bleething, the purity of Pear is award winning and gnaw.

Gnaw.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #3: The Garglebag and Nadia

Our most recent of douchal winners, The Garglebag brings heinous nipplecentric douchetatt into play.

Then, just as Superman has Clark Kent, Garglebag has Leny Freaux, his alter-ego, and its own heaping serving of wretched douchey wretchitude.

Perhaps a long shot.

Perhaps not.

The twin pics of douchery really play with the mind and piss on the culture.

And by piss on the culture, I mean micterate on the rug.

Lebowski forever.

HCwDB of the Year Finalist #4: Poppa Squatter and Tendon Tina

Banished almost instantly to the flushed Closet of Poo, the heinosity of Poppa Squatter and relative tastyness of Tendon Tina never really got their due in the Weekly or the Monthly.

Witness the epic run of pumped up orangosity and heinous douchery.

The initial appearance of Poppa Squatter and Tina in July.
Poppa Squatter and Tendon Tina Win at the Game of Life
The Squat and Tina Celebrate
Perhaps their most cheesecackle photo with Poppa Squatter Gettin’ Jiggy with Tina
And then The Popp Squat and Tina laughing at one of our Weekly winners.

That’s an epic run of rimjob douchery and poo flush spastastity.

In fact, looking back, Tina was quite the tasty morsel. And Popps could grab the Wild Card.

But will they?

Vote for our final entrant in the Yearly, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
8:13 am December, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

Joey Lumpcrustowitz. The smug on that mug makes me want to take an augur to his torso and feed the ensuing gut splatter to a pack of coyotes.

8:15 am December, 13 douchebag1 said...

The site’s fine, but may redirect briefly to the ole’ Blogspot account before fixing back to normal. Hangs in there… and gets to votin’-.
.
– management

8:24 am December, 13 Douche of Hazard said...

Poppa is more joke than duoche. My vote goes to Herpster. The chicks are hot and he is the epitome of douche.

8:26 am December, 13 RAPETIME said...

I think Joey and Kate are going to win this in a walk, so that leaves me free to vote for The Herpster and Librarian Laura. She is hot; he is vile beyond words.

All that being said, and my vote being cast, Kate is as yummy as it gets.

8:26 am December, 13 Scooby Douche said...

This one’s easy: Librarian Laura. She’s hott, she knows she’s hott, and she knows she wants you to want her. She knows you’re spanking it at night whilst fantasizing about how you would gently rub that tanning lotion over every square inch. And that makes her even hotter.

8:28 am December, 13 Scooby Douche said...

Oops, my bad. This is for the Douche? Was kinda wondering why Tina was in there…..

Gotta go with Joey on this for only reason: tattooed Jesus bling. That is so disgusting.

8:31 am December, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

This is a tough bracket and by tough I mean they ALL suck. I’m going with The Garglebag and Nadia. Her GSR is tantalizing and the thought that The Garglebag get’s to play in and around said GSR makes me irate. Her B( . )( . )’s , fake or not, are glorious, bouncy, jiggle yumminess and again the thought of the The Garglebag being able to fondle those sweater cannons make me weep.

8:48 am December, 13 Doucheywallnuts said...

JLumps FTW (FTL). He’s channeling the original Guido-douches while adding his own 2011 twist. This is one of the more odious couples ever to disgrace the pages of this humble site.

8:54 am December, 13 Steve said...

Man, Librarian Laura, you are all that is right with universe…until the camera pulls back and I see the company you choose to keep. TBH, I think there’s too much going on in that pic for it to win the yearly. Now, Gardglebag and Nadia would be good because her bottom is so low that I honestly wonder if she bought that in the kids section. However, my vote goes to Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate. The virus has infected her to at least stage 2 bleeth. You think there might be hope…until you see the pudwanker she looks so genuinely happy to be in the presence of.

Poppa Squatter and Tendon Tina don’t even deserve to be finalist for the yearly because they’re simply bodybuilders that are required to wear that fake orange tan for the competition. They certainly deserve to be on this site for willingly choosing to participate in such a narcissistic endeavor, and can win the weekly if it’s a slow week, but not the monthly, and certainly not the yearly. Again, I’m not going to their defense, but if they win then I’ll be very disappointed.

9:04 am December, 13 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Fuck. Me. Sideways. From the first stone knives used by our primordial ancestors to man landing on the moon, mankind has accelerated the advancement of civilization at a blistering pace. That’s all over now. The deceleration that started with the advent of disco become a full-on, brakes locked up, power-skid by the time Grieco assaulted us with 21 Jump Street. And now we have fallen off the cliff. You can thank all 4 of these ass-clowns for the end of civilization, and anti-Darwinian reverse evolution. It’d like to see them all burned at the stake, medieval style, while I roast marshmallows over their crackling bones.
.
It’s a split decision, but tattooed-on jesus bling trumps flaming black lotus nipple. And Kate trumps Nadia. Joey for the win.

9:09 am December, 13 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

The Garglebag by a nose, for sheer innovation. Note the sideways-on-lower-neck sunglasses park. The upside down flying lizard tatt with rightside up wings. And for a tatted-up ‘Bag, concave chest and chicken-wing arms are rare accoutrements indeed. The chin fung is more or less standard, but the package as a whole achieves sufficiency in its ability to revile and entertain at the same time.

9:09 am December, 13 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

You know, there was a time where i thought that flipping the bird while posing for a photo was totally badass and cool.



Then I turned 12.
Lumpy and Kate FML.

9:14 am December, 13 DouchYouWannaDance said...

DB1, with “Librarian Laura”, I’m noticing a new hott trend: glasses with no lenses as a fashion accessory.

Another recent hoot (I forget who, but was wearing hot-pink “glasses”, was also spoting frames with no lenses.

Have I spotted the birth of a new proto-douch trend?

9:15 am December, 13 DouchYouWannaDance said...

(“hott”, not “hoot”). 🙂

9:17 am December, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

Joey, cuz of the of the tatted Jesus bling, the other stupid tatts, the Something About Mary hair, the douche lips and well his name is Joey. His hott is sorta bleethy, but you know what who cares anymore. If Champagne Katie can get hottest hott the skys the limit for any bleeth out there. Bleeth power!

9:17 am December, 13 Hurl Scheibe said...

Joey – the douche look always gets my vote.

9:19 am December, 13 Douchble Helix said...

Now we’re at the big league level!!

Garglebag stands for all that this webite mocks. Nadia stands for all that this website cherishes – ‘blond’, huge fakes tits, way-too-small bikini, and – plenty approachable. And by ‘cherishes’, I mean spanks to.

This thing is over!!

9:22 am December, 13 DouchYouWannaDance said...

(Found “Pink Glasses” hott: Taut Miranda.)

2011/10/herman-herspter-spreads-his-taint/

9:23 am December, 13 Douchie Spellcheck said...

*Sigh* Lumpy FTW. I just feel so awful for mankind right now.

9:25 am December, 13 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Garglebag, just because I could picture him handing me a sack full of Arby’s and than having to go check off the hourly bathroom cleaning sheet, but somehow gets to rub up on all the swiss miss goodness that is Nadia.
@ND- if Champagne Katie and her Turd Trimester Pooch get hottest of the hott, I will declare shenanigans…

9:29 am December, 13 dhill0125 said...

The Herpster & Garglebag fall into the same category of that skatedouche-punk, ones that have tattoos, but at least they are original or non-tribal. I see them as mostly harmless.

Poppa Squatter is too freaky for any normal women to pay him mind and Tina looks bleeth.

Joey Lumpcrustowitz is though, he thinks he’s the shit and would hit on your woman while you had your arm around her.

Joey Lumpcrustowitz FTW (loss)

9:31 am December, 13 Juggalo 6 said...

Joey Lumpcrustowitz by far. The tattoo Jesus bling and the tattoo name to remember who he is deserves a boot to the face almost as much as the blue flamers. The glasses and gizz greased hair is enough to be overcome by the undying urge to slap the stupid smirk right off his face, break off the douche salute middle finger and cram it up his ass.

9:33 am December, 13 Vin Douchal said...

WOW this is a tough bracket. It’s like when Battle of the Network Stars would pit Adrienne Barbeau against Lonnie Anderson and you couldn’t decide for whom to root , you just wanted ther competition to involve cold, very cold water and t-shirt pokies….
.
In this case you want rampant syphilis carrying crabs to rifle through through all these douchebag’s crotchal areas.

9:39 am December, 13 Wedgie said...

I love it when Vin posts. You are a most exemplary ambassador of good will for the great state of Fontucky, sir.

9:40 am December, 13 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Am I correct in assuming the coveted HCwDB of the Year Award should go to the douchebag who inspires the most stomach-churning revulsion mixed with a desire to stick their head in one of those public toilets (usually maintained by some knuckle-dragging parks and rec employee) that gets flushed about once a week and cleaned every decade (whether it needs it or not)?

If so, Joey Lumpcrustowitz hands and head down!

9:48 am December, 13 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Joey Lumpcrustowitz for all the reasons already listed above. Pure douche.

9:52 am December, 13 Douche Springsteen said...

Lots of A-game douchebaggery going on in this bracket, but the Lumpcrust & Kate dialectic of poo / hott is the one that angries up my blood the most.

9:54 am December, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Herpes and Librarian Laura. I really fucking hate these herpsters even when, on occasion. I take part in a bit of nature’s wonderful anaesthetics. Burp…
.
And by burp I mean today’s going to be Douchebag Faux Metal Hated or Really Hated band day, cause it is the Douchies and with great responsibility comes great pain. For one day only the people you hate. or will pretend to hate, bringing us a crapload of musical douchitude and smelly fingers. Feel free to post your own pile of shit.
.
First up is a big old bag of track-lined arms and emaciation from the arsehole of a once proud nation. STP live from Baltimore. This is just fucking aweful. By aweful I mean awful.
.

9:54 am December, 13 Vin Douchal said...

The great state of Fontucky casts it’s vote for Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate for crimes against the epidermis , for commiting acts of extreme scrotal posing and for an indolent , impudentattitude befitting a much larger and successful carbon based life form. I know of Pumpy. You sir, are no Pumpy. Kate is Bleeth of the Yasminian Order.
.
.
I would rapid fire dry hump Nadia’s knee hollow until my expression resembled a slow loris having his armpits tickled, then I would fill my boxers with VinGoo
.

10:00 am December, 13 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Brutal bracket.
Group of Douche Death.
Joey Lump FTW for tattoo Jeebus bling…just a first-sight douchetrement DQ right there…and by sight I mean ranging him with nightvision-equipped Barrett .50 cal.

One Shot, One Douche.

Kate for HoH…in spite of Ink-Overkill, poor judgment and douche-taint.

The Orangiest Orange award should be named for Poppa Squat!

10:01 am December, 13 Troy Tempest said...

good grief what a steaming sack of poo this bracket is. ANY of these people could win the yearly, but I have to choose one. Hmmm.
.
I have to cut poppasquatter – he’s just such a damn freak I can’t even look at him as a douchebag. He’s more just a narcissistic bling magnet. Looking at him for more than a few seconds and my colon makes a fist. He doesn’t make it because he doesn’t have the ‘tude. He seems genuinely happy that he’s such a flush nugget.
.
Next to get cut is the herpster. I’m cutting him loose because he looks completely fucking toasted. The look on his face is “Good thing I got these chicks to like hold me up, cuz I’m about to fuckin pass right the fuck out…” Clearly not in sound mind or body, he gets a section 8 release.

So now it’s down to Joey and Garglebag.

They both have bleeth in tow. However Garglebag’s girlfri^H^H^H^H^H^idiot slut is possessed of a pair of the nastiest fake cans this side of Twin Peaks. They’re not only fake, they are completely and utterly fake, and way to big for her frame and her head of painfully fake blonde hair. So, Joey’s bleeth, Kate, gets the nod for being the hotter chick.
.
But is Joey more of a douche than Garglebag?
.
And the answer is yes.
.
The tattooed Jebus bling, the smirky tude, the blast shades, he’s got it all.
.
Joey FTW.

10:01 am December, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Vin
.
Does that beast multiply into legion of evil tricksters when exposed to water?

10:09 am December, 13 Champagne Katie's Press Agent's Clippings Service said...

We vote Librarian Laura. Sure, Garglebag makes me want to pepperspray an Occudouche, but Nadia, eh.
Laura’s all that is SE Cupp Legchair awesome, and Herpster’s peen is in a tux.

10:20 am December, 13 Daggerbagger' said...

I considered giving Poppa Squatter the nudge but there is just something too comical about him… like he’s not infact real but a cariciture of sombody less douchier.
So I go Joey for the win. The pool side pic of Jo and his cohhorts invites a deep anger from within. He possesses all the key ballsack traits and then some. And to top it off, his chick, albeit bleethish, is the holy tail’.

10:31 am December, 13 tall guy said...

First off I offer belated though sincere congratulations to idfma for his excellent work in handing out the Douchie Award for best Haiku. The subtly of a good Haiku is a true work of art.

Okay so work has kept me busier than usual & i’ll need to recap. Dieter? Coincidence it was a contender for Douchiest Bag Who May Be A Lesbian In Drag as well as taking out the Orangest Orange? I think not. And very thorough research work on the DBWMBAL Award, Wedgie. Congratulations! Next, Mandouchian Candidates choice for the 2011 Douchie Award for “The Yellowtail,” aka The Oldbag award couldn’t have been more appropriate. There’s something about Morty’s eyes that say locked basement, shackles and kidnapped hott that can’t be overlooked. Mandouchian Candidate you, sir are intuitive. Congratulations.
Now Category # 3: if a ‘Bag only was sought Lumpcrustowitz would win hands down (well, finger down, actually). But that hooped-ear ringed bleeth beside him annoys me this morning. Next, despite his innovative sideways-sunnies-on-neck move Garglebag and Nadia also fail mainly because Nadia appears to have stuck her head in a bucket of bleach. Poppa Squatter and Tendon Tina? No. So for me it’s the Sloan-like visage of Librarian Laura that’s brightest and best this morning. I once had a crush on a girl named Laura. While not Librarian hotness, she was bookish. Sadly (another) unfulfilled part of my past. Living with regret as alway, tall guy…
Librarian Laura FTW!

10:35 am December, 13 DarkSock said...

What? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
.
Not one vote for the (orange) body of work amassed by mega-douchocity that is Poppa Squatter and Tendon Tina????
.
He makes 2009 DB o’ the Year Metaphysical Hooligan look like Gilligan, people! I….I just don’t understand how he got overlooked in the first place, and is again being allowed to pass by unscathed.
.
Perhaps you’re all being hypnotized by his lemur-like Blue Dog stare?
.
hgjjk
ths
.
Poppa Squatter and Tendon Tina a thousand times over!
.
Stare-Ways to Heathens.

10:46 am December, 13 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

Joey L. Bad tatts nothwithstanding that’s a real hott ya got right there, no joke.

10:47 am December, 13 tall guy said...

Dark Sock my lack of vote is a form of protest and I believe in doing so represent the silent majority.

10:54 am December, 13 Douchble Helix said...

I peed in a a Blue Dog once. Great find, DS! I think… I am… motivated…

11:03 am December, 13 Douchble Helix said...

Here they are…

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/823/bothm.jpg/

11:08 am December, 13 hermit said...

I was instructed to vote for Vladimir Putin.

11:19 am December, 13 Vin Douchal said...

@ Rev
.
You gotta love the slow loris double fist pump during the rub down

11:21 am December, 13 Sergeant Poop said...

The Herpster and Librarian Laura.

All the necessary factors: “awesome” chest tattoo, “hilarious” tuxedo Speedos, and hott librarian hott.

12:02 pm December, 13 melvil_duchi said...

The Herpster and Librarian Laura

12:02 pm December, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The Herpster and Librarian Laura FTW! Why? Douche has a new phrase specifically made up just for him. Now THAT’S commitment to the cause.

12:13 pm December, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Rev Chad
.
You want shitty? I got shitty “metal”:
.

.

.

.

.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlN3oEjMpUQ&feature=related (Bill Clinton’s theme music)
.

.

.
And these are just what popped into my head in the first 10 seconds.

12:24 pm December, 13 Jeet Kune Douche said...

The revulsion, disgust and sense of doom I experience when looking at all four contestants is veritably galactic in proportion.
Nevertheless, since I am compelled to analyze and choose:
1. Lumpcrustowitz – what a fermented turd. Joey offers less value to humanity than a chewing gum wrapper steeped in cess. On a positive note, despite Kate’s stupid waist tats, pastel blue fingernails and watch, I would be honored to contract a venereal disease from her.
Douchecon 2 rating.
2. Herpster – insect. Cockroach. Vile disease-carrying vermin. Someone give me an industrial strength can of Raid to eradicate this bug, this infestation of maggots, this putrid puddle of cootie scat. Or at least give me the can of Raid and a lighter, and I’ll take care of Herpsters tux-panties in the appropriate manner.
Douchecon 3 rating.
3. Garglebag – Human tampon. I refuse to spend even another moment contemplating verbiage that accurately expresses my contempt for this….Stain.
Douchecon 3 rating (and he should feel honored.)
4. Poppa Squatter – SWEET BABY JEBUS!!!! AN ALIEN FREAK FROM THE DARKEST REACHES OF SPACE!!!!!!! For the betterment of the Universe, someone needs to Nuke this…..Leviathan of Douchedom, this Beast, this……..FRANKENSCROTE!!!!

Definetily #4.

Wow, I feel AWFUL now. I’m gonna go eat some chocolate and have a beer. I need to FORGET……….

12:25 pm December, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Suck it NirvanaVEVO and DaveGrohlVEVO. I hate that lump of shit band that shit out the last gasp of rock as a new concoction creating a generation of slackers and smelly occupiers.
.
So we’ll go to get dumped on by another smartsy fartsy piece of heroine drivel. Oh I found one clip of the stinky, screaming, Charlie Brown shirt wearing. rock music ending once in a generation lump of dog diarrhea fucker that has not been dead long enough for this old stoner. What a bag!
.
Nirvana live somewhere biting on it real hard with a trumpet even. Fuck me. This is horrible.
.

12:30 pm December, 13 Ol' Dirty Douchebag said...

This is the infamous group of death for sure. Since there can be only one, Herpster and Librarian Laura go through. Junk formal wear, indeed.

12:39 pm December, 13 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Joey Lumpcrustowitz is classic ‘bag. The blowout, the over sized glasses, the tribal tatts. But he has that extra little something that puts him over the edge (of a very tall cliff I would like to shove him). Jesus bling permanently TATTOOED AROUND HIS FUCKING NECK!
.
Kate is nuzzle pooch thigh crook of elbow sniffing wonderousness. Even despite her gaudy hoop earrings and pancake boobs, I’d still captain the skin boat to her tuna wharf.

12:43 pm December, 13 the douche is alright said...

ugh… Joey and Kate

12:47 pm December, 13 Wedgie said...

Hey, that’s a double fist-pumping Loris. Very rare, latin name Nycticebus Fontuckius Vincensis. Great find, Mr. Diesel.
Regarding the photos above, which I forgot to vote on, I must go with the majority on this one, as much as it pains me to go against the wishes of the Jedi Master Obi Sock. Your point is well made, but Popeye and his sidekick must take a back seat to Joey the Lump and that wickedly wanton star-tatted facial snack Kate the goddess. If looking at that tasty treat doesn’t get your motor running, you are probably dead.

12:50 pm December, 13 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Joey Lumpcrustowitz. Just make it stop. He should be floating in a tank of hydrochloric acid.

1:14 pm December, 13 FoghornLeghorn said...

Joey Lumpscrote and Kate. She moves me.

1:33 pm December, 13 Baron Von Goolo said...

The power of inky Christ bling compels you. Plus, you can’t go wrong with the classics. Joey takes the bracket.

1:42 pm December, 13 Baron Von Goolo said...

That being said, Poppa Squatter deserves something. But the big win? No. He’s too far askew. It’s like when true basement-dwelling gollumy neckbeards sit around a pile of 20-sided die and talk about how “Dark Star” is better science fiction than the original “Star Wars.” Even if we could understand you through your gag of half-chewed Hawaiian pizza, it doesn’t matter if it’s true because the world isn’t listening.
.
We know the truth, Darksock. We’ll have to be content with that.

3:18 pm December, 13 Crazed Aborigine said...

Herpster. The gravitational pull of Laura’s hotness, juxstaposed with the Wyland-like douche pose and douche face of the Herpster is too much for me.

Laura FTW, and for the yearly.

4:28 pm December, 13 Tits McGee said...

It’s Joey. He’s classic knife-to-the-throat worthy. Everyone else just has that quality that makes you want to snicker and shake your head. Joey is dyed-in-the-wool garbage.

4:29 pm December, 13 Douchey McDouche said...

Joey and Kate. I little piece of my soul died when I saw that photo.

6:08 pm December, 13 CB Popped said...

Its fuccen vile to witness them all,,,

FTW Joey and Kate.

2 out of the other 3 deserve diff categories – Herpster is a new breed and #4 is orange and quite scary.

Joey brings it, dual FU fingers.

6:10 pm December, 13 CB Popped said...

But damn, Poppa gives us a body of work,,,,he might warrant a separate category – a la – Morty , as well.

His purity rating is high.

6:22 pm December, 13 Wedgie said...

Hate to second guess the boss, but Dieter stole Orangiest Orange from its rightful champion. I demand a recount.
And while we’re at it, how many licks does it take to get to the chewy center of a Tootsie Pop? I’ve been waiting for the sequel all these years; that fuccen owl ruined my childhood.

6:39 pm December, 13 The Dude said...

Garglebag and the riveting Nadia. By ‘riveting’, I mean I’d like to drive some rivets into her.

6:45 pm December, 13 Wheezer said...

Yeah, let’s give it to Joey the Crusty Lump. He is easily most in need of a beatdown.

7:47 pm December, 13 ehcuodouche said...

Joey. Easily the biggest douche of the bunch. And since I’m not big on fake tits (or tits on steroids in the case of Tendon Tina), Kate beats out Librarian Laura. The Herp put up a good fight with what is probably the most obnoxious speedo of all time, but to no avail.

8:29 pm December, 13 Stephanie said...

This is too hard-can’t we have a tie here? Joey Lumposhit wins,by sickness.

9:17 pm December, 13 Nostradouchus said...

This is a tough one…

*Lumpcrustowitz represents the old guard. The legends. There’s so much tradition and reputation on the line, and I don’t know if stunner shades, spikey hair, and TOTALLY ORIGINAL TATTOOS can take a back seat. It’s been their stage, and throne, for a while I don’t see them giving up the title easily.

*Herpsterism is the new wave, and The Herpster was Patient Zero. His plague has affected the whole of the human race and, as a result, Herpster has become a force to be reckoned with.

*Garglebag pulled through for me in the last bracket, so there’s a personal connection. While his ‘baggery isn’t prolific, his showing (in every sense of the word) has been admirable. Everybody loves an underdog.

*Poppa Squatter came out of nowhere. While this was originally a local competition, Poppa flew in from his home planet of Zorton and upped the stakes. What was a Miss America pageant turned into an intergallactic battle….

I gotta go with Herpster. He has obviously shown the necessary poise, and staying power, for the big stage.

PS. Pun INTENDED on putting “new wave” and “Herpster” in the same sentence.

9:51 pm December, 13 shane said...

The Herpster FTW. The perfect combination of hot and douche.

11:33 pm December, 13 JK said...

Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate FTW!

5:46 am December, 14 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Joey Lumpcrustowitz FTW!! He eats, breaths, sleeps and shits the douche life!! The baggery he demonstrates is relentless, he is the superman of baggery only there is no kryptonite to stop him!! When the body building thing dries up for Poppa Squatter and Tendon Tina is there a job for them at the haunted theme park that Baron Von Goolo runs?

7:21 am December, 14 Red Headed Woman said...

No. 2.

8:29 am December, 14 army (ret) douche said...

joey, tattooed jesus bling. the only thing possibly more funny would be tattooed unearned dog tags. i hold hope that even with the star tattoos kate can be saved

9:44 am December, 14 Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabbadouche said...

Laura, Laura, a thousand times Laura. She looks like she’s all real and she’s next to a guy with TUXEDO SWIM TRUNKS. Oh, and he has two body tats that will shame his (sad) future children for decades to come.

6:28 pm December, 14 Justin said...

Joey and hotttttt

9:34 am December, 15 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Nadia and the tattoo ink blotter next to her. Female groin shave reveal and full, firm boobs will win me every time. If you were to hook your finger into the top of her bikini thong and pull it away from her delicious flesh your eyes would be blinded by the escaping light of heaven and your body would be consumed by the spirits that would issue forth, much like the Nazis when they opened the Ark of the Covenant in the first Indian Jones Movie.
.
But you’d still do it just so the last thing you’d remember is hearing her giggle in that “Okay, now you have to f*ck me” way while wondering if you’d live long enough to smell your finger.

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