Monday, December 19, 2011

Hottest Hott of the Year #2: Bikini Clara

Just barely edging the taught thights of Oiled Up Sophie, Bikini Clara wins the coveted Hott of the Year for purity of smile and milky drinkable body. In fact I would posit if she’d kept her natural boobs, she’d have won in a buttslide. As it is, the “enhancements” actually detract from the overall hottness, and that’s how you know you’re dealing with a true hott winner.

As The Dude put it:

Bikini Clara, because she makes an otherwise potential nottadouche into a fishslap candidate just for being that close to her.

For hers is the face of an angel.

And the Groin Shave Reveal of a culture that traffics in amoral vice and spiritually destructive hedonistic degradation.

Happy Hannukah!

# posted by douchebag1
9:36 am December, 19 Douchble Helix said...

Too much clothes.

9:38 am December, 19 Wedgie said...

And she’s wearing appropriate club attire; bonus points.
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I hope that scary guy in the background didn’t kill her and make a t-shirt out of her.

9:41 am December, 19 tall guy said...

The thing I like about Clara is her daddy obviously didn’t throw every material thing at her. Whether he neglected her emotionally or not is another thing, and one I won’t go into at the mo. Nice win, Clara (if you’re reading). There’s no logical reason required why you’re wearing a bikini indoors at night when there’s not even a toddlers wading pool in sight. I get it.

9:45 am December, 19 Mandouchian Candidate said...

“won in a buttslide,” FTW

9:48 am December, 19 Vin Douchal said...

The awards are coming fast and furious today. Better keep up kids and for you folks scoring at home keep your pencils sharp.
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And by keep your pencils sharp I mean lotion and kleenex. Don’t wanna chafe yourself .
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When are we gonna hear from Young Mom Carol?

9:51 am December, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And Happy Channuka to you. We’re having Kroeger’s First Night Chili with the tribe.
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This chick is so hot I’d cock-punch a Mormon missionary just for fun, steal a ferrari and race against the man for 200 miles just to lick the turd off her cherished ticket stub.
The stub from when she went to the Oprah show finale, used Oprah’s private toilet, and on the way in to the toilet she got Oprah’s shit on the ticket off the fucking door knob. Gross.
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Our next guest in the finale is another mind-bending song from better days. Please welcome my mother’s favorite band..King Crimson.
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10:08 am December, 19 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Two words: Sch….WING!

10:15 am December, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Congrats to Clara, but she still needs to explain what synthetic material her hair is made out of.

10:34 am December, 19 Charles Douchewin said...

Clara’s hair is made from the baleen of whales, dyed black.

10:44 am December, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

Yeah!

10:57 am December, 19 Douchble Helix said...

Excellent, CD!!

11:08 am December, 19 The Dude said...

If the guy in the background is rasing a glass in a toast to Bikini Clara, so shall I. She has several pairs of interesting aspects, most of them god-given.

11:15 am December, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Thanks, Charles D. Would that mean she also has a blow hole?

11:30 am December, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’d like to extend my hearty congratulations to Bikini Clara on her award, and by extend congratulations I mean I have a raging hard-on.

11:46 am December, 19 Eponymous Douche said...

Boob job. Nose job. Ironed out and glazed hair. She’s got it all. Plastic perfection.
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Oiled up Sophie was robbed. This is an injustice that must be corrected. I will hold hostage a family of rabid bichon frise until Sophie is installed as High Hott,, the position she has so earnestly sought and deserves!

12:07 pm December, 19 Sophie L'Huile said...

I empty my bowels into your so called Douchie Award. This is an injustice of the highest order. I demand a recount. Mortimer Duke was my great uncle. I want those machines turned back on.

12:23 pm December, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Bikini Clara wants you to know that polypropylene hair is wind and flame resistant, not to mention easily cleaned with a simple wipe down after the occasional bukkake marathon. It’s the hair of the future.

12:43 pm December, 19 DarkSock said...

I’d mow through her dong canyon like a runaway golf cart on the Gridiron of Justice.

12:47 pm December, 19 Douchetastic Sam said...

she could suck my dick

12:55 pm December, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I plan to do my utmost to support the failing American’t economy this Christmas. My new “Buy American” Christmas program is more than symbolic. When I donate American made products to underprivileged children through the YMCA this year, I’m sure they will hail the cache of mainly guns, cigarettes, and bourbon as a shining example of the symbiosis of Patriotism and Christmas spirit. I don’t need any more reword than the smiling face of child who is able to quaff Wild Turkey while loading hollowpoints into a Colt semi-automatic and puffing on a Marlborough Red, but I kinda am expecting a humanitarian award or something.

1:08 pm December, 19 Wheezer said...

Dude McCrudeshoes (12:55 p.m.), AKA early frontrunner for the next Comment of the Week™…..

1:11 pm December, 19 Et Tu Douche? said...

I agree with Vin D @9:48 am and raise you Layla of “Long Island Bob and Layla” Man she is still hott?
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Bikini Clara is Scrumtrulescent and worthy indeed and by worthy I mean we all win.

1:22 pm December, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Wheezer, thanks (though I note you snubbed me like the communist that I allege you are in the 2011 awards)
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Let me take this opportunity to plug my new Christmas special, “Christmas, Fuck Yeah!” running on the Guns and Ammo Network. It’s the uplifting holiday story of Jesus, Uncle Sam, and Santa (note the order of billing) who team up to save Christmas from the clutches of Dr. Pinko Commie, the Sino-Franco-Russian villain who hates Jesus because Jesus loves America best. Dr. Pinko Commie tries to ruin Jesus’s favorite holiday, Christmas (the 4th of July is a close second), by importing highly toxic, dangerous, and mostly broken Chinese toys. That is until Jesus and Santa fill him full of lead, while Santa drives getaway. Watch for it.

1:23 pm December, 19 Wedgie said...

On a more positive note, at least I found out what “tumescent” means.
Fuccen Canadians.

1:24 pm December, 19 Hermit said...

DarkSock 12:43
That cart accident was awesome in a tragic kinda’ way.
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Speaking of football and Deep South NFL teams, that Drew Brees sure knows how to party, WOOOT WOOOO!!

1:27 pm December, 19 Hermit said...

^ I prefer the Red, and Day-quil is for pussies.

1:48 pm December, 19 Hermit said...

Happy Hannukah to all my Semitic brothers and sisters.
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Rabbi’s Badgers

1:58 pm December, 19 Hermit said...

Since I’m on my big boy computer and can post shit, here’s The real King of Rock and Roll.
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Eat your heart out Elvis, Big Joe was the real deal.

3:03 pm December, 19 DarkSock said...

It looks like DB1 has again ignored my suggestion for the “most likely to fellate a mailbox” bracket for the douchies…it’d have really classed up the site…*sigh*
qer

3:12 pm December, 19 Wedgie said...

@Dude McC:
I recently read a most enlightening Christmas article entitled “Praise the Lord & Pass the Ammo” in Stars & Stripes, authored by Anonymous. Would you care to take your due credit at this time?

4:26 pm December, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Wedgie, as far as I know that is the title of song released in the wake of the attack on pearl harbor. It wouldn’t surprise me if someone demonstrated their patriotism by co-opting the title without credit.

4:31 pm December, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@DarkSock, in honor of Hanuka, I give you everyone’s favorite Semitic hottie ramming her fist into her mouth:
http://www.bolevin.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/TV-Screenshots-3-3.jpg

5:41 pm December, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Love the classy bleeth deep-throating the Keystone can, it’s so realistic it’s almost like actually being in Canada. Thanks for saving me the trip.

6:46 pm December, 19 ehcuodouche said...

People have been smoking too much weed during the holidays. Her head is shaped like a watermelon.

9:25 pm December, 19 Stephanie said...

Clara gets washed by a tube of soap and a power washer. Then,she goes on the assembly line and gets greased and oiled up and sent out in a bikini to another club.

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