Monday, December 12, 2011

Hottest Hott of the Year: Bracket 1

Since so many ladies of quality repose pass through these virtual gates, I’m gonna follow last year’s modus operboobi and give out two awards for hottness. But I need your vote.

Here’s your finalists for Bracket #1.

Hottest Hott of the Year #1: Nadijka

Perhaps unfairly booted out of a chance at the Monthly, here’s Nadijka’s chance to prove her merits as a Eurocentric ethereal vision that any spawn of Douchebag Trump could only hope to resemble (and no, it’s not her).

From November. Hers is a vision of bobble bobbs.

Hers is the tasty milky skin of nibble graze.

I slap a ferret with a hoe.

Then I hog tie a gundark.

All to bother her cousin, Miranda, who hates men and won’t give me her address now that she’s unlisted and moved to Denver.

Oh, and Entrepenis Doug still sucks. Yeah, I said Entrepenis. It’s like Ludwig Von Mises meets Larry Flynt.

At least that’s how I’m pitching it to networks.

Hottest Hott of the Year #2: Sucklechomp Amanda

From August’s ‘bag/Nottabag debate over Sunset Dusty, Sucklechomp Amanda brings bright-eyed and taily bushed innocence to the Finals.

For hers is the purity of lakewater beauty, the kind that inspires Rabelasian poetry and pervs to stalk her on the subway.

For she is tasty.

Hot.

Hot.

Hot.

I’m stalling to fill up the page to get to the next nom.

And here it is.

Hottest Hott of the Year #3: Champagne Katie

What a tasty little ball of hot minx this fiery firecracker is.

Pouty.

Giggley.

Alcoholic.

And with a thing for Billy Dee Villhelm and brothabags in nerdy sweaters.

More Champagne Katie.

And yet more Champagne Katie.

A tasty run, but will her candidacy be tempered by her lawsuit threats against HCwDB for slandolibelishness?

Hottest Hott of the Year #4: Cheerleader Kelly

From May’s The NBA… It’s Creeeeeeptastic!, Cheerleader Kelly may be the finest of Paid-to-Pose professional hotties circulating among the elite of NBA attending 1%-ers who just fired your mom for being too old, but she still brings A-Level Heat to the finals.

Pouty cheeks.

Taut hints of butt bobble in the collective Jungian unconscious.

A worthy #4.

Which H.C. in our first bracket deserves to be enshrined with a 2011 Douchie Award?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
6:51 am December, 12 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

If Katie had just let her looks do the talking, she’d be a shoe-in. But no. She has to write in and show off a literacy level that rivals somebody who just got of the boat from old country. The thought of her furrowing her brow when I use a polysyllabic word in the presence is a turn off.

Sucklechomp Amanda brings forth a winning smile, and the really hot co-ed from Arizona State. I’d walk across the desert with 20 scorpions in my shoes just so she can hit me with a restraining order for doing so.

Amanda FTW.

6:54 am December, 12 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Amanda and her Lactastic mammalian protuberances of puerile nutrition FTW.. Fake or no, motorboatable….

6:54 am December, 12 Red Headed Woman said...

Amanda.

7:01 am December, 12 Ted Brogan said...

Nadijka is a cookie-cutter blonde. And does it not look like Entrepenis Doug is cupping the balls of a glass-formed phallus? Katie is the hottest. But disqualified herself with her legal threat shenanigans. Kelly has ridiculously awesome boobage, but the vapid stare is off-putting. Which leaves us with Amanda, with her ample personality.

Amanda.

7:07 am December, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

Suckle Chomp Amanda looks the most intelligent. Plus damn, nice rack. Her date for prom ain’t that bad either.

7:13 am December, 12 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Milfish Amanda is as out as her league everydouche Dusty. If it weren’t for the fake cans, she’d be so ordinary she’d be practically invisible.
.
Nadijka is channeling the spawn of the king of NYC loudmouthery, Ivanka Trump. And yes, I I do vanka trump that, but no vote today.
.
The cryptkeeper has re-animated some tasty sideboob, but he couldn’t quite hide the lifeless eyes.
.
The vote goes to expensive spinner and cocktail tease, Champagne Katie.

7:15 am December, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Katie cause she’s a tiny hot little bitch I’d love to fuck hard
and piss on.
.
And by piss on, I mean welcome to the Hollywood stage by way of England, The Ambassadors Of Homoslavia and all things metal and gay. Judas Priest. Cause it’s Metal Day. Nepos.
.

7:25 am December, 12 Et Tu Douche? said...

Nadijka and her “is she wearing panties?” Salmon colored skirt reveal.

7:26 am December, 12 Hurl Scheibe said...

Cheerleader Kelly. For even Tariq Aziz agrees she bears The Mother of All Side Boobs.

7:27 am December, 12 the douche is alright said...

Cheerleader Kelly for me. Not only is that my vote, but it is my entree order.

7:29 am December, 12 Douchble Helix said...

These broads wouldn’t even make the HoH. How can they be “Hottest Hott” of the whole goddam year?

7:35 am December, 12 shawk said...

Kelly. Side boob.

7:36 am December, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

I hate so say, it’s Champagne Katie over here. Even knowing how dumb she is, I still gotta go Team Brunette. I am weak.
.
And you’re doing a fine job spinning, Mr. DJ! How exciting to wake up to Metal Monday. May I throw in a few? I did rather enjoy expanding my horizons last week hearing some new-old treats. If I may, Mr. DJ, something to chase the coffee with: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPwackO7BaE

7:37 am December, 12 Geoffrey said...

Amanda went to UCLA. I know this because that guy went to my high school.

7:37 am December, 12 Wedgie said...

^High Standards must be met.
But the vetting process must go on, D.H.
Amanda, with apologies to Nadijka.

7:38 am December, 12 Wedgie said...

Wow, a triple cocck blocck,

7:38 am December, 12 Geoffrey said...

Cheerleader Kelly

7:43 am December, 12 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Cheerleader Kelly. Mostly for the copious amounts of side boob. And the fact that she’s able to hang out with Gollum. My Precious!
.
Nadijka and Amanda could be sisters, or cousins. Well played, ladies.
.
Katie? litigious slut.

7:44 am December, 12 CB Popped said...

Picturing them all on their knees impersonating hungry, blind baby birds as I fwap on them….maybe that will help me make a decision.

7:45 am December, 12 melvil_duchi said...

Champagne Katie

7:46 am December, 12 dhill0125 said...

Cheerleader Kelly & Champagne Katie look like total bitches that are only attached to money and could easily go bleeth.

Sucklechomp Amanda & Nadijka are both beautiful, therefore I will use breast size to decide….

Sucklechomp Amanda FTW

8:02 am December, 12 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Amanda, hands down. My pants.

8:02 am December, 12 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I was gonna throw down some hard core metal as well but then this caught my attention:
.

.
Gotta stop being so much of a fuccen geek.

8:03 am December, 12 Champagne Katie's Press Agent's Clippings Service said...

We cast our vote for Champagne Katie. The only real brunette of the group.
Besides, imagine the drama is she’s in the final. Every award show needs a human interest storyline, and hers is the most compelling of the year.
Don’t call it a comeback, she’s been around all year.

8:05 am December, 12 Bueller said...

Amanda

8:07 am December, 12 Scooby Douche said...

Nadijka lacks good taste and has poor judgment (she let that thing touch her?), so that detracts from her candidacy.
Katie is a spoiled little daddy’s-girl snot. She annoys like nails on a chalkboard. After 10 minutes with her you would wish you had James Bonds Aston Martin with the ejection seat.
Cheerleader Kelly is involved with some kind of pharmaceutical situation. Nice side boob though.

But Amanda, she is a keeper. Pure and delightful. And lemme tell ya boys, those are home grown boobies, and they are fantastic. Her natural, unspoiled beauty just adds about 10,000 BTUs to her hottness.

Amanda FTW.

8:11 am December, 12 Wedgie said...

^Rooby Roo!

8:13 am December, 12 Southern Scrotic said...

Nadijka!

8:24 am December, 12 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

OK, here’s some fuccen kick ass metal:
.

8:28 am December, 12 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Pirotecnia pequena chiquita… petite latina hotts are explosive by nature. Medial fact.

8:31 am December, 12 Jeet Kune Douche said...

This one ain’t even close – NADIJKA coasting to the win with EASE.
My tongue wants to do illegal, obscene, unspeakable and unclean things to her delectable, luscious physique.
Honorable mention to Katie, though besides being incredibly stoopid, is also not as hawt as her sister…..

8:33 am December, 12 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Ever since Champagne Katie’s illiterate moron rant, I am unable to gaze upon her boobiage without seeing the vapid idiot inside. Sad too because I have enjoyed a good many vapid idiot hotts in my younger days. Cheerleader Kelly is HOT HOT but Phil Spector-bag in the photo makes me verklempt. Sucklechomp Amanda, however, is all sweetness and light…and bodacious boobiage to boot! S.A. FTW!

8:33 am December, 12 RAPETIME said...

Nadijka.

3 out of 4 are blondes this year! I like where this is going.
Speaking of like, I like Kelly’s side boob, but she’s just not THAT hot.

8:54 am December, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, more like ReMedial Fact.
.
.
.
.

Aye Poppies!

9:03 am December, 12 Doucheywallnuts said...

Cheerleader Kelly FTW (Boner!). The douche/bleeth disparity is enormous, as is the bulge in my pants.

9:09 am December, 12 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Bring’Em Young….I always say.
.
. Sucklechomp Amanda
.
.
.Romneys

9:14 am December, 12 Douchie Spellcheck said...

Amanda, for being beautiful and the only recognizable human being in this whole lineup.

9:14 am December, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Champagne Katie’s gynocologist is still complaining that he can’t get the smell of lilacs and fail from his speculum since her last visit.
.
Nadijka and Kelly are as interchangeable as Tuffem Up Records and soiled diapers.
.
Sucklechomp Amanda is the one. She’s got the look of a confident, mature woman that has a successful career arc and will be an independent , productive member of her community until you see the douchebag next to her. Never mind…..
.
Sucklechomp Amanda FTW>

9:21 am December, 12 ehcuodouche said...

I’m not a big fan of any of the candidates, but I’ll go with Amanda for her girl-used-to-live-next-door-but-then-she-got-discovered-by-j-robert-powers-and-the-modeling-paid-for-her-college-she-went-some-place-in-the-midwest-illinois-or-was-it-indiana-some-big-ten-school-i-can’t-remember-but-then-i-ran-into-her-at-the-coffee-shack-it-was-just-like-old-times-and-after-she-said-goodbye-i-ran-home-and-jacked-off-in-the-shower-thinking-of-her.

9:22 am December, 12 jonezy said...

Nadijka
.
My loins just exploded

9:26 am December, 12 Juggalo 6 said...

Defiantly # 4 Cheerleader Kelly. Maybe if one pisses her off enough they can get put in a headlock. Mmmmm, side boob

9:28 am December, 12 Ferris said...

Cheerleader Kelly FTW, because, algebraically: side-boob > upskirt – visible panties > cleavage > cleavage + uptight bitch.

Plus, it looks like that guy is telling her he wants to use her skin to finish off a lampshade he’s been working on, and she deserves something for having to endure that, besides mental anguish.

9:30 am December, 12 tall guy said...

I’m inclined to agree with Doucheywallnuts re. Cheerleader Kelly adding that she’s as much trophy wife material as Shampoo Katie, whose stiletto-heeled, animal print shot provokes mild annoyance through its absolute cheesiness. But really, how could I expect any different from the likes of Katie? Of the rest, well, I’ve gotta go against the slim majority here and voice (rather type) my objections to Nadijka, but maybe it’s the douche next to her – allegedly from Queensland, and you know my dislike for Queenslanders… Sucklechomp Amanda inhabits that rare space of borderline Hott. Available photographic evidence does her no justice. Remove those clothes, fondle those jugs and I’m sure even the hardest of hearts would soften (while getting wood). So after a long an laborious process it’s Sucklechomp Amanda FTW!

9:33 am December, 12 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Champagne Katie sets my loins ablaze. Dumb as a box of rocks, but hey, this is all about looks isn’t it?

9:55 am December, 12 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Thanks for the spell-check, mom.

9:58 am December, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Thanks for taking over with those great obsure metal bands and hairy balls comrades while the chiropractor took another $35 out of my pocket. I will be keeping it mainstream and you guys do what you want, this is a fucking democracy isn’t it! And by democracy I mean I’ma going out in the cold to smoke a fatty to soothe the evil neuropathic pain from years of drug abuse and withdrawal. Stay with booze, pot, and sleep-aids like Ny-Quil and you’ll never suffer sons.
.
And by suffer I mean live from Tallguypalooza in Melbourne. The electric shockers, the short pants wearing guy, and Screechy McRocker.
.

10:10 am December, 12 ChestBrah said...

I cast my vote for entrant #3, while she’s ok looking what really makes this couple is Billy Dee Villhelm’s aesthetic. Even through his sweater you can tell he’s ripped and the fact he’s wearing some Diesel jeans. Reminder to self once I need to get one of those sweaters.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Said-aka-Chestbrah/101734643239134

10:15 am December, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

An endorsement from ChestBrah is gold. Gays know what’s hot fashionwise. Things are looking up for Moonshine Katie.

10:18 am December, 12 网上赌场 said...

great to…f*king bunch of douchebags

10:26 am December, 12 Mr. Biggs said...

Gotta go with Nadijka. Her beauty is the combination of youth, innocence, freshness and boobie suckle chomp which is lacking in one way or another in all the others.

10:43 am December, 12 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Rev Chad
.
Not to take over the DJ duties but I want to dedicate this one to everyone’s favorite redhead on here:
.

11:20 am December, 12 Tanath said...

This was tough, but in the end I have to go with Amanda

11:21 am December, 12 CB Popped said...

This took a while,,,,Nadijka gets my final vote.

11:26 am December, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

Dr. BHD, you are a treat.

11:26 am December, 12 Mega bitch said...

Champagne Katie for the win.

’cause she needs a spanking

enough said

11:46 am December, 12 Wheezer said...

I give it to Sucklechomp Amanda by a hair over Nadijka, Cheerleader Kelly, and Champagne Katie (“Janira”), in that order.
.
Yeah yeah yeah, I know there’s not a natural blonde hair to be found for miles, but Amanda’s sweet smile and a desire to be seen with someone who is barely a stage-1 ‘bag (if that) gives her the edge. Oh yeah, and boobies.
.
And while there may not be a natural boobie in the Tri-County area…..

11:52 am December, 12 tall guy said...

Nice Acca Dacca clip, Kroeger! Way, way back in the day at one particular fortnightly Forestville RSL youth club dance they played. It would’ve been 72 or 73 and their mode of transport was a black Commer Van with a hand painted lightening bolt on the side panels. They hadn’t quite hit the big time…
Also, Shampain Katie shits me.
Finally, interesting to see Dreuche’s taste in men vis-a-vie that lanky, skinny tie wearing dude. If memory serves he scored a Notta. Just as well, Dreuche! I’m like your older bro here, making sure you keep away from the temptation of the ‘Bag.

11:56 am December, 12 baffomet said...

Am I the only one who thinks Champagne Katie’s friend (in the 2nd picture) is hotter than Katie herself? I’d choose her over all of these women, BUT if I had to choose with what’s given, it’s all about Amanda.

11:58 am December, 12 DarkSock said...

Champagne Katie? Peh.
.
Sucklechomp Amanda takes this bracket down, like Katie takes down a Platinum Amex at a day spa.
.
Rubbers.

12:18 pm December, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, thanks for lookin out. I could use a big bro on here. My actual brother is tall too. So it works on so many levels.

1:13 pm December, 12 Lady Kurobara said...

This vote is for Champagne Katie. Love the hair! You cannot beat a foxy brunette.

1:20 pm December, 12 Sergeant Poop said...

Cheerleader Kelly. You see that side boob?

1:37 pm December, 12 army (ret) douche said...

i was going to to say katie because of my brunette bias, then i remembered she’s crazy. which would go against my cardianl rule of never trifle with psychosis. therefore i humbly cast my ballot for kelly for se is long and lean and presenting tremendous courage to touch that thing without a hazmat suit. and side boob epic, epic side boob.

3:42 pm December, 12 Stephanie said...

Amanda

5:35 pm December, 12 Douchey McDouche said...

Katie

6:07 pm December, 12 Widget said...

Champagne Katie, of course.

7:22 pm December, 12 Fred said...

Champagne Katie gets my vote!

8:10 pm December, 12 troy tempest said...

Nadijka . She has a sweet smile.

8:58 pm December, 12 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Normally, I’d go for the Brunette, but Katie ruined that by writing in. Nadijka FTW

9:18 pm December, 12 Guid is Good said...

Love the comment on Zzyzzz’s Facebook page, “u dead brah?”

And while I pains me to vote against some side boob, I vote Nadijka. She looks kinda needy. I like that in a woman.

9:49 am December, 13 Douche Springsteen said...

Cheerleader Kelly. The sideboob and doe-eyed stare that is scanning the room for someone more important to talk to (i.e. who maybe holding the most cocaine) trumps all.

9:56 am December, 13 Broseidon said...

Sucklechomp Amanda

12:24 pm December, 13 Ol' Dirty Douchebag said...

With no fear of litigation, it’s Amanda. Or her boobs. Either one, both or all three. brb.

12:44 pm December, 13 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Cheerleader Kelly. Her sultry <90 IQ stare, pink bra lace reveal, and glorious side boob do it for me.
.
I'd talk more about it, but I'm watching my cousin's kids at the moment and it would be an awkward time to pop a stiffy.
.
.
.
.
.
…again.

2:49 pm December, 13 Redneckbag said...

Amanda FTW,.
Hands down.
Boobs up.
Kelly as runner-up.
Champaign Katie is ugly and stupid.

9:21 pm December, 13 Nostradouchus said...

Cheerleader Kelly FTW.

Suck it, Champagne Katie. Show a little less attitude and a little more side boob next time.

8:53 pm December, 14 douche equis said...

I too have the brunette bias, but I cannot vote for the ridiculous Champagne Katie, so I’m going with Cheerleader Kelly, who I can see is really a brunette at heart. And roots.

9:25 am December, 15 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Sucklechomp Amanda

8:58 am December, 16 merle baggard said...

Kelly

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