Monday, December 26, 2011

Peter Pumpin’head and Mary Mammageddon Still Can’t Believe They Didn’t Make the 2011 Douchie Finals

They’re so upset, they brought Distorted Side Boob to Vegas to complain about it at the Hard Rock Pool Party Complaint Desk (a drunk guy named Vinny over by the potted eucalyptus tree).

But you know who was thrilled by their win at the 2011 Douchies?

Daytime Candid Champagne Katie. Followed by lots of squee and OMGs and then, like, a total manipedi that she deserved because, like, last week was ,like, too much and she’s serious.

# posted by douchebag1
1:24 pm December, 26 Ted Brogan said...

Best self-caricature?

1:26 pm December, 26 tall guy said...

Tranny on right brandishing side boob like saddle bag.

1:46 pm December, 26 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

If these people ever laid on top of one another, the whole thing would pop like a gangrene-infected pustule/carbuncle….oozing snot-slick silver-green goo from their stretched-to-the-limit epidermises.
.
.
.One must wonder…as many have: how does Peter P. wipe his ass, and in what position does Mary Mamms sleep most comfortably?.
.
.
.Dermatologists

1:46 pm December, 26 CB Popped said...

Her side boob is so large it looks air brushed.

1:56 pm December, 26 YA said...

THAT’S A MAN, BA – well, you know

2:01 pm December, 26 Steve said...

His head almost looks proportional to the rest of his body. Guess Peter’s been cutting back on the synth lol.

2:08 pm December, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

I can’t remember when the last time I squeed was. And what was the final verdict on Mary Mamm? Tranny?

2:23 pm December, 26 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

N.D.: Yeah, there was some full frontal pre-op picture of her, er uh him, whatever, on the net that I can assure you that you do not want to see. I’m still in therapy.

3:02 pm December, 26 The Dude said...

What a treat for Boxing Day. Why don’t they call it Fish Slap Day?

3:11 pm December, 26 Wedgie said...

What is that attached to her butt? Another butt?

3:25 pm December, 26 el guapo said...

That guy is so chemically enhanced that I don’t think he would make it through a airport scanner. The drug dogs would be all over him. I have to disagree about the hot chicks. They are fucking gross..

3:28 pm December, 26 tall guy said...

oh, the aggressive humility of it all…

3:32 pm December, 26 DoucheyWallnuts said...

That is not “side boob,” but “side undeveloped twin.” It can happen. Check this out.
.
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01244/conjoined-twin_1244416c.jpg

3:35 pm December, 26 Organic Alpaca Nutrition said...

Sometimes you guys just piss me off. If it’s not Rev Chad making insensitive mulatto comments, someone is making light of serious medical issues.
This poor young woman is suffering from a condition called http://www.extension.iastate.edu/NR/rdonlyres/29909D48-BCA7-4EAD-934D-61F2636E5DCF/87040/udder.png>mastitis,
which is commonly found in sexually active llamas, large-breasted milk goats and high-production dairy cattle.
It can only be treated by vigorously rubbing corn starch and calamine lotion on the herdsman’s testicles and buttocks, while applying a poultice made from red wine vinegar and finely ground Cocoa Pebbles® to the affected area for a period of three weeks.

3:56 pm December, 26 Stephanie said...

The fakeness is so strong here,I can smell the plastic burning. If they fart it’s going to smell like melted fake Louis Vuitton bag.

4:09 pm December, 26 troy tempest said...

how peter pumpinhead wipes his ass:
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crfGXmxJ1vM

4:17 pm December, 26 Mr Pudtato Head said...

Dude is so inflated that if he gets a paper cut, we’d have to call in NORAD to track his flight path.

4:22 pm December, 26 Vin Douchal said...

They look like bonobo monkeys posing for a National Geographic tv show about stinky animals

4:24 pm December, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

@OAN, did you graduate from the DarkSock School of Animal Husbandry? Your techniques are a little on the sketchy side.
.
@Mr. Pudtato Head, great, another ape up in here.

4:32 pm December, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

And you know what it would have been awesome to have Mary Mannageddon Super Tranny get voted into the HOH. I mean check out that side boob.

4:34 pm December, 26 hermit said...

I’d probably bang her if she had a 1/4 scale tattoo of southeast Asia on that sideboob.

4:39 pm December, 26 Mr Pudtato Head said...

@Nancy Dreuche: Hoo hoo haa haa

Tired of eating faces, The Wire is now feasting on nipples.

http://tardis.wikia.com/index.php?title=The_Idiot%27s_Lantern&image=DW20052x07TheIdiotsLantern-00768-jpeg

4:45 pm December, 26 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

All’s that comes to my mind is “balloon squeak proportions”.

5:02 pm December, 26 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Well, that ( ^ ), and Miniscule brain-box set atop a mass of bovine-steroid swole meat.
.
.
.
.
.
And Merry CHRISTmas DarkSock!

5:28 pm December, 26 Hurl Scheibe said...

It bears repeating what Dark Sock said about PPH. His right arm is his ‘baitin arm. His left arm looks like a hot dog.

5:41 pm December, 26 Hurl Scheibe said...

Wedgie, in Colombia, big asses like that are eaten. Big ass ants. I’m serious.

8:30 pm December, 26 creature said...

these are freakish carney folk…Cirque de Douche

8:32 pm December, 26 11th Plague of Douche said...

Craig Golias and Gizel. /gargles the vomit out

9:05 pm December, 26 The Dude said...

I’m confused. Nothing new there, but in this case y’all can help: which bottle blonde bolt-on nigthmare of cosmetic technology is Mary Mammaggedon? The one with the side boob? Or the man in the middle?

9:08 pm December, 26 The Dude said...

Researching the matter for 3-5 sec, I’m convinced Mamm is on the right. I’m also convinced I need some eye wash.

9:15 pm December, 26 Anonymous said...

I think Mammageddon needs to be removed. As Plastic Tranny is not Hot Chick. Yet the Douche is prime.

11:36 pm December, 26 tall guy said...

The thing is, If I happen that bleeth in middle has a nice arse, what if it turns out to be a tranny? It’s sitting in the dentists chair and hearing him say “whoops!”

11:37 pm December, 26 tall guy said...

‘happen to mention’

multi-tasking.

1:50 am December, 27 intimateases said...

‘happen to mention’

multi-tasking

3:36 am December, 27 Guid is Good said...

Holy crimes-against-sideboob Batman!

3:54 am December, 27 tall guy said...

‘It’s like sitting in the dentist’s chair’

4:47 am December, 27 Nostradouchus said...

I’d still hit it…awkward sideboob, self-esteem issues, and all…

5:49 am December, 27 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Maybe it’s my 5 day hangover talkin’, but the bleeth in the middle is smokin’ hott. And freaks or not, they would be hit, as my esteemed colleague Nostradouchus aptly points out.^

6:41 am December, 27 McCrude said...

A giddy Champagne Katie is cuter than a dozen elves in fuzzy yellow chicky costumes wrestling in a vat of honey after eating a cocaine laced moon pie the size of a truck tire.
.
Whoever attempted to photoshop that mam-mountain to be less horrifying needs to go back to trade school… I suggest strawberry wrangling or snail husbandry as suitably undemanding.
.
-McCrude who can’t be arsed to sign in.

7:26 am December, 27 Eponymous Douche said...

Blow-up Betty the Love Doll rocks the posterior.

7:38 am December, 27 Eponymous Douche said...

More Champagne Katie. I cannot get enough Champagne Katie.

7:48 am December, 27 Wheezer said...

des-per-a-tion n. ˌdes-pə-ˈrā-shən — the “hott” on the right had her already plastic side boob Photoshopped to be 1) larger and 2) “naturally” colored.

desperation

9:19 am December, 27 Whoop-di-douche said...

Always love a side-boob that’s bigger’n a glutea maxima, and a set of testosterone tits that dwarfs the pea-brained skull of its its owner.

10:47 am December, 27 FoghornLeghorn said...

Like many urban mass transit systems, the Chicago Transit Authority displays advertisements on the sides of its buses. This program generates a much needed revenue stream from large, seemingly useless spaces.
.
If Mary ever finds herself short of cash, she could consider the same strategy with the sides of her breasts.

12:16 pm December, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

What the fuck is going on here?

12:18 pm December, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Why won’t my main comment show up?

12:19 pm December, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

True dat, McCrude. That’s a pretty awful PS job. They would have done better to just draw in more bikini using MS Paint.
.
And why DID anyone feel it necessary to Photoshop sideboob? Were her freakishly massive pancake nipples migrating towards her armpits in a desperate attempt to escape the torment of be stretched like a timpani head across those bowling balls for tits she has? I wonder if each breast is tuned differently so that if one were to beat each one alternately with their cock it would sound like the opening beat to George of the Jungle.

12:20 pm December, 27 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Really? I had to remove the HTML link?
.
Stupid internet.

12:42 pm December, 27 soy bomb said...

He has the SAME…FRIGGIN’…POSE…in…EVERY…SINGLE…PICTURE.

12:57 pm December, 27 creature said...

her self esteem issues are larger than her fake cans

3:16 pm December, 27 Arbitrary Name said...

I’m guessing Mary’s ass is photoshopped, too – it’s never looked that large. I don’t even think that its possible.

6:52 pm December, 27 Anonymous said...

Douchebag – Hot Chick – Douche without her/his bag.

9:46 pm December, 27 Medusa Oblongata said...

“if one were to beat each one alternately with their cock it would sound like the opening beat to George of the Jungle.” Jacques Doucheteau for comment of the year. And I’m glad that I’m not the only one who thought it–when I first glanced at this photo this morning, I was like, “Why does the side of her tit look so weird?” On closer inspection, which made me vomit like a bulimic at an all-nite truck stop buffet, I noticed the line along her back. That’s been done in, too. Jeebus. Really? It’s not enough to get a set of bowling balls popped under your pecs, you have to edit the photos later on? You’re in for a long, miserable old age, woman. I’m assuming the airbrush on her tit was to hide the tiger-stripe stretch marks.

8:17 am December, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

“which made me vomit like a bulimic at an all-nite truck stop buffet,…”
.
.
.
Heh, heh, heh! Medusa, you don’t write so bad, yourself!

9:17 pm December, 28 DarkSock said...

I suppose the next step for them in their quest to seek attention would be to have their genitalia replaced with a pair of functioning semi-cognizant prehensile arms forever locked in mortal combat wielding 18″ long purple jelly dongs. the endless combat would sound much like the noise Mary makes when jogging…”FWIPPIDA-FWAP-FWOPPA-FWOP-FOIN-SQUEEEET—SHORKKK!”

Leave a Reply

What is 13 + 5 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)