Monday, December 19, 2011

Smells Like Poo: Quoth The Raven

Creature hands out the 2011 Douchie Award for Smells Like Poo:

——-
by the good graces of our fearless leader & boss DB1 I am here today to bestow the dishonour of the Douchey for the chategory of Smells Like Poo… the nominees are:

from January 6 It’s Shark Week! a tighty gym short wearing tattbag who appears to be throttled in technocolour, toting around his own personal skin sack of social disease…one would only hope the shark was eating it’s way off this man’s torso

April 14 featured Captain Lubing & Tracey Gnaw a bumbling bum pirate who apparently infects comely midshipwomen by osmosis…toss him over with the anchor!

May 6 gave us the unforgetable Choad Runner a droopy pant, undie poke, colour skin pallette, red-eyed drunken zombie douche…is he human?

and finally, from September 7 we were “treated” to Quoth the Raven a slime sheened rockerbag putz…may those birds be hungry & feast on his rotted soul!

and the winner of the 2011 Douchey in the Chategory of Smells Like Poo is… Envelope please… Bleech it’s contents truly smell like an Etruscan sewer swamp on limburger ravioli night!…

Quoth the Raven!

…that steaming pyle of bird shiite….his appearance creates HAVOC!

…he smells so bad circling flys die…he smells so bad skunks cry…he smells so bad Fabreeze made a new scent “Anti-Raven”…if you kick him you must scrape him off your shoe!…get me some oxygen STAT!
——

# posted by douchebag1
3:22 pm December, 19 Charles Douchewin said...

Look at that!

Hunter S. Tompson comes back from the dead and dons a chick suit, for undercover research on his upcoming book:

“Fear and Loathing; the everywoman’s response to douche culture”.

3:26 pm December, 19 wonderdouche twin said...

Congrats Creature on a wonderful collection of excellent tattooing ability although the end result is still total shoe scrape!

3:41 pm December, 19 Wheezer said...

Creatch, just think: it’ll only be another week to 10 days that you have to wear that HAZMAT suit. Filing through all that poo is truly yeoman’s work, Son! Nice job, and Mike Rowe needs to step back and acknowledge this.

3:52 pm December, 19 Ted Brogan said...

Even with sunglass deception, I can definitively say that left hott will be future ex Mrs. Brogan.

4:01 pm December, 19 Mike Rowe said...

I’d kick Chuck Norris’ ass.

4:11 pm December, 19 Vin Douchal said...

Stomach turning. Cringe worthy. Could be a good diet plan, just look at these photos right around meal time to quash your appetite

4:15 pm December, 19 Wedgie said...

Creature:
Wow, and I thoiugh my category sucked. Way to take one for the team, buddy. No go rinse off with single malt, and relax for a few days. Or maybe weeks.

4:16 pm December, 19 Wedgie said...

Creature:
Wow, and I thought my category sucked. But not nearly as bad as my typing.

4:17 pm December, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The right chick looks like Carly Simon. If Carly Simon wasn’t whacked in the face with a blintz pan at birth for the kveching she caused her mother Ruth turned odd looking if not downright Semitic bringdown ugly.
.
In honor of that look the people from the Brill Building have allowed this band to perform a song dedicated to Poo above. Smells Like…Live…the Foo Fighters from the main stage in Hollywood live with You’re So Vain You Raven Covered Parent Shaming Piece Of Shit Emo Trucker Asshole.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhqj2hM4a-c

4:18 pm December, 19 The Dude said...

Smells like ‘ttoo!
.
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Nice job, creatch

4:23 pm December, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

This category makes me wretch. You must have needed a lot of booze for that, or heroin.

4:35 pm December, 19 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

If also smells like fail and unemployability. Nice job, Creature.

4:43 pm December, 19 Anonymous said...

That’s DJ Ashba, guitarist from Guns n Roses. Still a douche despite sweet gig.

4:55 pm December, 19 Wedgie said...

^Oh, so he smells like poo and ether.

5:11 pm December, 19 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

He smells so bad, a rotting horse corpse is used to deodorize his room.
.
.He smells so bad, Buddha could take a dump and nobody would notice.
.
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He smells so bad, even Rev Chad shooed him off his front porch. (or maybe it was away from the outhouse)
.
.
.He smells so bad, he could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.
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.He smells so bad, one of his farts could cut through a hot knife.

5:19 pm December, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

DJ Assram was an excellent choice for this award. Good pick Creature.

5:58 pm December, 19 The Dude said...

There’s a brand of Febreze called “Linen and Sky”. I have sprayed my worn-for-three-days clothes with this stuff, to some success.
.
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There’s another brand of Febreze called “Spring and Renewal”. Smells like an old Chinese lady took a dump in a field of Lilacs. Awful.
.
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Then there’s “Smells Like Poo”. I’ll go with the Chinese lady, thanks.
.
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Stink and RePooAll

7:31 pm December, 19 DarkSock said...

I detect a whiff o’ Tatt-Racism, but to be fair, the end result DOES smell strongly of doo-doo.
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Damn, Creature, you must feel like one of those Chernobyl fire-fighters, except instead of a smashed concrete radioactive cooling tower it’s a huge ass-tar-leaking 10-story commode.
.
Log-Floggers.

7:38 pm December, 19 DarkSock said...

…and almost one year too late, I think of “It’s Shart Week!”…

7:55 pm December, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

@DarkSock, I prefer the term skin purist. I’m pretty sure it all stems from the fact that I really hate needles. And I do believe “I enjoy farm animals in the traditional sense.” is my new favorite catch phrase of the 2011 Douchies, dare I say surpassing “DarkSock is nepos.”

9:03 pm December, 19 creature said...

yeah, I did tilt toward the overly inked in my consideration of the olfactory offensive…is it possible that excessive skin stabbing releases potty aroma….MO, help out here! are they overcompensating with ink for other shortcomings??? I venture the guess that the collective penile projection of my nominees may challenge an inch worm & smell worse than the sunstoked doggydoo kilns where apt. bound shiite scrapers deposit their yorkie-great dane waste along the strand of my beloved beach community!…frickin’ crapptankerous city dwellin’ zoo keepers, may their pets pee on their heads whilst they sleep!

9:07 pm December, 19 The Dude said...

Swimming with Sharts.

9:08 pm December, 19 creature said...

…he smells so bad Michael Jackson removed his nose!

9:09 pm December, 19 The Dude said...

The Wrong and the Shart of it.

9:16 pm December, 19 troy tempest said...

The chick on the right has all the brains normally found in a loaf of bread. And I mean LOAF. That bitch has “lazy brains” written all over her bleached teeth.

9:21 pm December, 19 Stephanie said...

Metal Havoc = the human dung beetle.

10:11 pm December, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Creatch–it’s hard for me to say. I find myself unusually, harshly judgmental of tattooed people. Not so much from my own hypocrisy, but from the poor judgment of the people I’m looking at. Guys like all of the above, who continue to clutter themselves up, just jamming things in here and there to fill the space, it makes me ill. Take a look at an acquaintance of mine; he does stellar, large-scale work. I know it’s not everyone’s thing, but if you want a fully tatted torso, this is how you do it. –I don’t know if that link works or not, I’ll find out in a minute.
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So, when I see a guy like Choad Runner, I call Douche. Because, look at him. A torso jam-packed with small tattoos, with bare arms. Why? So he can go to the office on Monday and not be judged; Saturday night, he has to walk around shirtless to earn his ‘cred’. WTFE. Living a lie at both ends. Jagoff.
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I assure you, if I were to slip a pic of me to DB1, most of you would have very unkind words for me on account of my tier-2 looks and overabundant tattoos. I am willing to accept the fact that I look like a total dipshit, and I expect people to think that. But guys like these in the category, they think they look AWESOME.

10:15 pm December, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

Didn’t work. Here’s another example.
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Tattooed torso: Ur doin it rite
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Smells like poo contestants: Ur doin it rong

3:32 am December, 20 CB Popped said...

Yes, that was difficult – good hunting Creatch.

In other news, Gretz’ daughter was in the “bling ring”. The Great one is attempting some moral damage control.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/dad_gretzky_checks_his_wild_child_ZTPDSgNfKQd0d6iIeEzLWJ?utm_campaign=OutbrainA&utm_source=OutbrainArticlepages&obref=obinsite

6:35 am December, 20 Nancy Dreuche said...

@CBP, um the Great One’s wife was an underwear model. That should be clue number one about his daughter’s behavior. It’s a good thing my mom was douchebag hunter.

7:18 am December, 20 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

That whole scene just looks like it itches. For all the investigating you did in the name of the Douchies, Creature, you’d better check yourself for parasites. Better yet, check your bank account.
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Well done.

8:34 am December, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

Good work Creature and DJ Assbag is indeed worthy as a matter of fact he showed up twice this year. This one on the arm of Aussie Boobal Hott Nicki Whelan. Her B ( . )( . )b reveal in the movie “Hall Pass” was outstanding!!!

9:31 am December, 20 Douche Springsteen said...

I normally disdain any kind of product placement but the Febreeze plug in this post was well warranted. Good work, Creature.

These ladies may not be top shelf in the looks department but at least they have real boobs. Unlike their forced smiles. But really, who can be happy to be near this guy? I suppose though, that by virtue of that fact they are more advanced members of the fairer sex, as there probably are plenty of bleethy girls who would gladly drape themselves all over Edgar Allan Pout here. I hope someday they find decent husbands who don’t spend too much time at strip bars.

10:22 pm December, 20 Whoop-di-douche said...

Creatch in his wisdom and faithful to the mission of this site does us the honor. Thankee.
The more dominant creatures of the winter landscape around these parts are indeed ravens, flocks of crows, hangin’ round the warm town and local lakes and river.. How worthwhile that a raven-tatted douchebag makes the final cut here in our December chill….and two ravishing ravenettes.
Ise no fan of tatts, but dem birds are masterpieces of ink.
Truly we have a Trickster douchebag on our hands.

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