Saturday, December 3, 2011

The 2011 Douchie Awards Start on Monday

Prepare.

Scratch Yourself.

Enjoy a tasty HoHo.

# posted by douchebag1
1:22 pm December, 3 Jeet Kune Douche said...

lol, that trophy looks hilarious

1:24 pm December, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m with Wedgie on the Christmas parties. Gotta go to the wife’s firm’s shindiggy at some fancy joint where the food will be too fucking salty, the waitress smug, and the owners sweating if they’ll get in the black by January 2nd.
I’d rather twist my cock on a African American’s super-hot curling iron until it melts at which point I would let it adhere to an anvil and rasp it off with a tetanus-plagued drywall router.
.
On the bright side I’ll be chugging free Armagnac and beer for four hours and the kids are gone and I’m driving.
.
Maybe the Douchies will cheer me up Monday.
.
Grinches

2:03 pm December, 3 DarkSock said...

Had to get a wider trophy cup for those two, I bet…

2:07 pm December, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

I am cueing the pump up music. I am stocking up on Cheetos and Fresca. I am ready to get jiggy wit the Douchies.

2:08 pm December, 3 DarkSock said...

DB1’s MTV show “Is She Really Going Out With Him” has been off the air for a while now…I’m starting to give up hope for there being a porn parody called “Is She Really Going Down On Him” as the days go by…Porn Valley, where for art thou on this one? Decades went by but they finally did “Titty Titty Bang Bang”, and the all-girl “Clitty Titty Gang Bang”, and eventually even the obscure German scat film “Shitty Gritty Wang Hang”. So there’s always faint hope…

2:18 pm December, 3 Jeet Kune Douche said...

How about teh Douchies consisting of 3-5 finalists for each category and the competition being decided on a television show?
I would bet the ratings on such an event would be scary high.

2:20 pm December, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

Is she really going down on him, is he really gonna make her choke tonight? And if my eyes don’t deceive me there’s going on around here. *Dude points to his crotch while saying around here* Damn you DarkSock.

2:23 pm December, 3 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Jeet Kune Douche, scary high is how the audience would have to be to sit through all of the douchebags and us commenting. I’m assuming said TV show would have a Peanut Gallery where the regs could all sit and heckle.

2:57 pm December, 3 Stephanie said...

Bring ’em on.

http://www.jokeroo.com/videos/fail/crowd-surf-gone-wrong.html

4:02 pm December, 3 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

I read this post incorrectly, and have just got back from scratching a hobo.

Those derelicts are violent sumbitches. I was fortunate to head fake him with a can of Old Milwaukee and escaped with my life.

5:21 pm December, 3 tall guy said...

Kroeger @ 1:24pm for the Comment Of The Week.
Also, a new category for comments: The Week That Was. Or, If comments are shitty, make it The Weak Week.

8:12 pm December, 3 Scooby Douche said...

Can’t wait!!! No one has a snowball’s chance of defeating Stackhouse.

What? He’s not in it this year? How can that be?

[Sings] “Where have you gone douche J. Stackey, a nation turns it’s lonely eyes to you…..”

4:16 am December, 4 CB Popped said...

Scoob – Stack wont be missed bc there is no shortage of ‘bags replacing him. The 2011 ‘bags are leaving us with no doubt about the societal losses they represent.
We even have new sub species of baggery this year
– I’m pumped (y).

“Obscure German scat film” almost made me cough out my wake and bake cush hit.

“Pretty women out walking with Douchebags down my street…”
“Look over there – WHERE? – Hey its Gretzky’s daughter all bleethed out….”

4:20 am December, 4 CB Popped said...

Stack may have appeared in an obscure German scat film.

6:29 am December, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

A few questions regarding the Douchie Awards:
Will there be snacks & refreshments?
Is it a black tie affair?
Will there be a house band performing?
Will there be an after party? if so where?
Who’s hosting?

7:40 am December, 4 Wedgie said...

Well, that Christmas Party was really fun last night. My wife’s family is the stuff of reality television, but I won’t bore you with all the details. I will simply say that her missing step sister was there, she hadn’t been seen recently because she’s been in jail but nobody knew it. Apparently she was living under the Oceanside Pier just prior and was selling blowies to buy crack.
Rev, this one’s got your name written all over it.
.
.
God, I love the holidays.

8:09 am December, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Et Tu, the refreshments include Tang. And the after party is in Hermits crawlspace.
.
@Wedgie, I’ve been selling crack to give blowies, I knew I might be doing it wrong.

8:42 am December, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Wedgie
.
I had a great night with my wife’s associates and their spouses. Good food and drunk as fuck until I hit the patch of ice on the front step and tripped over the dog and threw my back out.
.
What is your sister-in-laws number? She sounds like my kind of chick and I’ve been toying with the idea of hitting the rock lately since my new oxy prescription was cancelled because of some silly forgery issue.
.
Felons

8:45 am December, 4 Douchble Helix said...

The party’s in your mouth, Et Tu Douche! Everybody’s coming!

8:55 am December, 4 Wedgie said...

Rev:
I don’t think there’s a phone under the Oceanside Pier, but how many chicks can be living under there? Give her a go, it would probably be a similar experience to what you described above with the curling iron, rasp & router.
Except it will smell worse.

9:27 am December, 4 army (ret) douche said...

i’m taking peter pumpin head and mary mammageddon as the dark horse winner this year. for the toxicity of them being in the same picture let alone in the same plane of existence is enough to tare the universe asunder!
.
i am very excited to read the write ups from the regs this year.

10:08 am December, 4 tall guy said...

Still think the best idea proposed so far is to broadcast The Douchies. Surely it wouldn’t be difficult to start a bidding war.

10:10 am December, 4 tall guy said...

…And that trophy will become the ultimate douchessory.

10:39 am December, 4 tall guy said...

Yo! Kroeger, you alright, son? Take it easy on the slippery ice. Or get yourself a ‘tourney and have him sue the shit out of your wife’s firm for allowing your drunken arse to keep on drinking.

11:42 am December, 4 Wedgie said...

@Rev:
silly forgery issue FTW

3:40 pm December, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

Yeah!

3:59 pm December, 4 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I’ve canceled all work appointments and told my boss if he hears me vomiting behind my closed office door to simply slide some pizza under the door along with some tissue and Pepto tablets.
.
Going to be a long week.

I’d also like to see the Boss throw out a few surprises: Best Haiku. Best Limerrik. Comment of the Year. Most over the top Ode to a Hott. Worst Reference to Plinky’s Mom. Song Parody of the Year. Sure The Rev, Hermit, and DarkSock would be leading in all categories, and it would be a helluva lot of work for the Boss, but it would be great to see.

4:03 pm December, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I have also cleared my plate for this week. And by cleared I mean snorted.

5:14 pm December, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

I second Scrotatos idea. And I hope you all know that in my above comment referring to “Hermit’s crawlspace”, I was talking about his butthole.

7:51 pm December, 4 Wedgie said...

^Nancy Dreuche is the nom de guerre of Erika Eleniak. Sweet.

8:33 pm December, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

I have nothing to wear to the douchies. I’ll be there with dirty feet and a potato sack. And a big bag of rotten tomatoes to throw at the winners. I mean losers. I mean diaper dicks.

11:35 pm December, 4 Anonymous said...

Trying to exercise a little patience while awaiting the first award. My curiosity also grows wondering what category. Shit, I mean you’re probably still sleeping, but I’m wide awake and unlikely to sleep until the first Douchie is decreed.

5:34 am December, 5 joericchio said...

Is that Pumpy on the trophy?

10:04 am December, 5 Wedgie said...

^Peter Pumpinhead, AKA Veg Armstrong

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