Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The John Largeman: Zen Beard Guy

Et tu Douche? hands out the award to the ever watching Buddha that watches us all:

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For the most part, when we mock it’s primarily aimed at the main subjects in the picture. However I’ve noticed that some of the best comments tend to arise when it comes to persons and or objects in the background.

I’ve only been around for a couple of years yet in that time some of the best chuckles I’ve gotten have been from these background images the funniest being John Largeman So I thought why not celebrate them at the yearly and in honor of JL name the award after him?

With out further ado I submit to you the 2011 John Largeman Douchie for best person, persons or inanimate object in the background.

While Wankus is a true ass clown ruining the bachelor party for everybody, and Pearielle is taught, PtP, gluteous suckle munch the true genius in this pic is Zen Beard Guy Aka “William Macy in Redbeard disguise”. Kudo’s to The Dude for coming up with that moniker.

The look in Redbeards’ eyes say so much. The slightly buzzed, focused lecherous intensity is awesome! He got the invite, he saved the date and planned around it and you know damn well he showed up with a wad full of money in the front pocket of his jeans that he knew he wasn’t coming home with and I applaud that. We are only left to ponder what went down when it was his time to enjoy the succulence that is PtP Pearielles ass. Zen Beard guy is enough alone to win but let us not forget the poor, forgotten, lonely URC and that this won the coveted weekly.

You’re probably saying to yourself but ETD? There were other posts that deserved some recognition and you’d be right. The runner-ups in no particular order are as follows:

Lil’ Pepe. At first blush not much going on in this pick but it wasn’t until (Hurl Scheibe) noted “Uptight white guy is” which set off one of the better meme’s of the year at which point Lil’ Pepe and Drunk Caroline boobal fondle were a mere afterthought. Good work (Hurl Scheibe)

Jan Lärggmän. Here DB1 give us JL’s Scandinavian? doppelganger. Who among us hasn’t had this look on their face when all you wanted to do was belly up to the bar, check out some sporting event on the tube, enjoy a beverage and then have to ignore the buffoonery of unnecessary euro baggery. His look of disdain speaks volumes.

The Collective Hand of the Unconscious anbd WTF Couple in Tommy-Pak. This submission had a double whammy. The facial expressions on the couple entering in the background screams “You gotta be shitting me, what have we gotten ourselves into?”

Honorable mentions:

Rev Chad crashing pool party?

One large green boob

Ski Mask guy

Beer bong, cornflakes and matching wristbands.

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# posted by douchebag1
7:23 am December, 14 The Dude said...

ahh, the fiery glare of Wm Macy posing as Zen Beard Guy. Macy has developing a solo performance piece on this theme. He practices the piece on every movie he’s in.
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Waking up to a large green boob is such a treat, I think I’ll go back to sleep and do that again.

7:24 am December, 14 Mandouchian Candidate said...

God gave William H Macy a gift; He lurks extremely well.

7:30 am December, 14 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

There’s nothing Ron Howard won’t do when researching his next picture: Apollo Douce-teen
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.

7:41 am December, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

Character actors are always more interesting than the leading douche and bleeth. Well done Et Tu. Epic thread with Ski Mask Guy. Still waiting on those peen pics from some of you. To those that have already sent me them (thanks Douchetastic Sam, and yes I would) keep up the good work.

7:52 am December, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I’m sure somewhere in a diner in Topeka John Largeman is hunkered down over a plate of steak and eggs, tapping his fork against his half empty cup of black coffee to catch the waitress’s attention.
.
And approving of this award.

8:02 am December, 14 Mandouchian Candidate said...

I am sure somewhere in Topeka, John Largeman is trying to squeeze his foot into a size 15EEE rockport walking shoe, breaking a sweat.

And approving of this award.

8:09 am December, 14 hermit said...

“…..slightly buzzed, lecherous intensity…..”
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Nice work Et Tu.

8:14 am December, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

I am sure somewhere in Topeka, John Largeman is still sleeping off last nights festivities and dreaming of approving this award.

8:18 am December, 14 Medusa Oblongata said...

Somewhere in Topeka, acid reflux is making John Largeman irate behind the wheel of his big rig.
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And approving of this award.

8:22 am December, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I’m sure somewhere in Topeka, John Largeman is driving down a lonely, straight stretch of backroad, the wind whipping dry, lifeless snow in pitiless tendrils across the frozen, brittle blacktop. A Hank Williams Sr. 8-track protrudes from the original stereo of his ’69 Buick GS 400, the nasally twang of the country music giant just barely covering the muted cries for help coming from the trunk.
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John Largeman reaches down and methodically turns the volume up before retrieving his coffee from the after-market cup holder straddling the transmission hump running down the center of the car. He takes a long, deep swallow.
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And approves of this award.

8:50 am December, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I had forgotten about that ski mask guy and the hot Mexican. The girl makes me think about going to a strip bar but the kids get home in a few hours so that’s out for today. Great job Et Tu!
.
To celebrate the John Largeman award it will be strip club music day. Luckily I have been sent a feed from New Mexico where the sultry, poppy, tone deaf Taylor Swift gives us a tarted up shiny dance to the music of Def Leppard. Gentlemen put your hands together and remember the champagne rooms are open and the Gentlemen’s Buffet will be ready in 15 minutes. Please tip the beef carver.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yo5WQjPwumw

8:53 am December, 14 Douchble Helix said...

I am John Largeman, and I approved this award.
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My favorite category so far! Great ass and just enough face don’t hurt none.

9:25 am December, 14 Wedgie said...

Rev: How they got Def Leppard to share the stage with my 10-year-old daughter’s hero is beyond me. Although I think I spotted Roy Disney just off stage with an Uzi.

ETD: Great job spotting John Largeman (Jenny Craig Edition). Your synopsis is brilliant. I’ve shown up at places like that with a wad full of money that I know is as good as gone. Awesome.

9:54 am December, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Somewhere in Topeka, $27 worth of chinese food containers are blowing in the wind in a big rig brake shop parking lot. John Largeman farts his approval and is hungry exactly 30 minutes later
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In Chinese the way to say “Largeman” is “Lang Lang”
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9:57 am December, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Dude’s incredible ^

9:57 am December, 14 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Holy twat-whistle. I think Zen Beard Guy is Micheal Rockefeller.

10:13 am December, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Vin
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Isn’t that Mike Myers in Asian Face and wig? And yeah, he’s pretty f*cking awesome.
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Lang Lang that is.

10:18 am December, 14 CB Popped said...

Et tu and others that made this award possible had me laughing hard this a.m.

The Douchies are awesome.

10:31 am December, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

I take no credit for this as it’s all you reg’s with your comical comments that made this award and make this thread.

10:34 am December, 14 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Somewhere in Topeka, John Largeman wakes up in a post-black out drunk state in seedy motel with the worst case of cotton mouth he has ever endured. In his head, chasing $27.00 worth of chinese with a bottle of Red Stag seemed a good idea, but the blood stains and furry feel of his engorged tongue would say other wise. Not feeling up to task of putting this puzzle together just yet, John Largeman decides a Grand Slam is order. He showers and puts on his best sweats and ventures out into daylight, only to see 2 teary eyed children posting “missing dog” posters on the phone pole outside the hotel parking lot.

John pauses, farts, and approves this award.

10:34 am December, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’m sure somewhere on a crowded interstate heading east of Topeka John Largeman is wondering if he can still make it to Kansas City in time for the lunch buffet special at Oklahoma Joe’s Barbeque.

10:44 am December, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’m sure somewhere east of Topeka John Largeman, pissed off, is zipping up his rust colored Carhartt jacket, as he prepares to dismount from the cab of his Ford F-250 Super Duty, to fix his flat tire.
.
John squats, and while fixing his flat in record time approves of Red Beard Zen Guy winning this award.

10:47 am December, 14 tall guy said...

Nicely spotted, Et tu Douche? And bravo you for resurfacing Perfect Suckle Chomp Salina whose probably gone to the starch bomb wreckers by now. The pondering of what went down when it was his time to enjoy the succulence that is PtP Pearielles ass is ponder worthy, too! Jeebus, have a go at him… He looks like a marsupial gazing into the headlights of an oncoming vehicle. You could take a bat to his head and it wouldn’t disturb his lust-filled, depraved thoughts.

10:50 am December, 14 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Somewhere in Topeka, a XXXL bowling shirt, with a mustard stain shaped like Italy, waits patiently in the closet for Sizzler Saturday.

10:59 am December, 14 Mandouchian Candidate said...

Just west of Bonner Springs, John Largeman blows out the remaning three tires in his F-250. Realising it is a half marathon distance to Olathe and the BBQ buffet, John decides it just isn’t meant to be.

And approves this award.

11:07 am December, 14 John Largeman said...

Hi, I’m John Largeman and I…
Oh look, gingerbread men! Om nom nom nom…

11:13 am December, 14 Troy Tempest said...

Somewhere in Topeka, John Largeman has the hiccups. He guzzles some Bud lite, and belches loudly. This doesn’t help the hiccups. He does a dozen deep knee bends. No avail – he’s still hiccuping.
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He walks down the street (hic) and goes around a (hic) corner (hic) and a pit bull lunges at his nuts, and scares the crap out of him. He smacks the dog into traffic and its life ends a a speed bump in Topeka. He thinks – wow – cool – fear does get rid of the (hic) hiccu….oh fuck.
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So he wanders into a bar (hic), and in the back room is a bachelor (hic) party for his douchebag cousin, Jared. He wasn’t invited, and was surprised that JAred would have the party here. (hic). Jared sees him and says “Oh hi John – how’d you get here? Well, sorry for not inviting you, but since you’re here – go grab a brewski BRO!!! Check out the LAideeeeeezzz.”

And so John Largeman fills his URC with some more Bud lite (hic) and watches the festivities. That’s when Selina jumps up on a table and starts taking off her clothes. Every likes Selina – she’s got an ass so firm you could play a game of quarters on it.

But that night she was strippin for Jared. John Remembers (hic) when Selina was in high school, and thought – “dayum that chick is hott”. And there she was, pulling off her clothes. When she got down to her undies Jared grabbed her around the waist and made a doucheface and someone snapped a photo. Temporarily blinded by the flash, John Largeman saw Selina, pop off her top, and then her bottom and her black little landing strip was in full view, and well, heck – check it out – no more hiccups!

So John Largeman drank more beer at Jared’s party, farted frequently and happily, and when Selina jumped down on her knees and yelled BUKKAKE TIME!!! John Largeman obliged, approving of this award.

11:16 am December, 14 Troy Tempest said...

Frankly, I would have given it to The Collective Hand of the Unconscious anbd WTF Couple in Tommy-Pak. Their facial expressions were PERFECT.

1:44 pm December, 14 Douchble Helix said...

That guy from The Hangover has some madd piano skilzzz!!

3:03 pm December, 14 DarkSock said...

I am sure somewhere in Topeka, John Largeman is perusing theanti-Obama bumper sticker selection that Stuckey’s has to offer, and is weighing that purchase against the “Born to Fish, Forced to Work” beer huggie he had his eye on earlier, versus the 14 Slim-Jim Nacho Cheese Flavored Meat Sticks that sum could also purchase for the 1 hour drive home.
.
And approves of this award.

3:05 pm December, 14 DarkSock said...

I’d forgotten all about “Rev Chad crashing pool party?” & “One large green boob”…good times…
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I love Et tu Douche’s “John Largeman Douchie for best person, persons or inanimate object in the background”; it’s like “Best Supporting Actor/Actress” in the Academy Awards.
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It is essential.

10:08 am December, 15 jonezy said...

this might be my new favorite Douchie now that the Ricky is so 2007

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