Thursday, January 12, 2012

Ashley's Malignant Roadie Ass Tumor

Nothing is more tragic for Louisiana Waitress Ashley than suffering from a nasty case of Roadie Ass Tumor.

On an related note, “Malignant Roadie Ass Tumor” was the working title for Roland Barthes’s 1979 philosophical treatise on memory and image, “Camera Lucida.”

# posted by douchebag1
7:15 am January, 12 whetman said...

Early contender for boobies d’anee.

7:16 am January, 12 whetman said...

annee, idiot!

7:29 am January, 12 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

This, Ashley, is your reward for being a douche-spigot. Now on top of paying for his clothes, rent, dinner, and weed, you have a barnacle of douche attached to your second greatest asset.

7:39 am January, 12 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Ashley has low rent southern debutante written, or spackled really, all over her face.

7:47 am January, 12 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Where have we seen him before? His mug looks, unfortunately, familiar.

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Wheezer? Track this suck nut down for us.

7:48 am January, 12 fatness said...

Wait…is the ass tumor the ass growing on her chest where her boobs are supposed to be?

7:54 am January, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

As Jeff (my alter ego) would say, “Boobyaka!” And then he would follow it up with something even more stupid. But I don’t do that any more, because apparently that breaks the rules of the internet.

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I had a boil on my butt once that was only half as painful to look at as this guy.

7:59 am January, 12 Wedgie said...

^Breakfast of Champions

8:23 am January, 12 soy bomb said...

Bew-bew-bew-bew-bew-Tittays! It’s a Two-Fer-One! Golden Globes® nominee and Most Punchworthy Face® nominee in one pic.

8:49 am January, 12 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

Wow. Roadie Ass Tumor has to be an early favorite for the 2012 Douchies’ “Douchiest Doucheface” award.

8:52 am January, 12 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

very punch to the face and / or trash can to the head worthy.

9:00 am January, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s got some horns o’ plenty there and a pretty nice face which seems to be non-semitic. He looks like he has been overloading on over-the-counter pain relief and had a case of the codeine constipation. I know.

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Since we haven’t seen an East European jewess today I present a shrt clip of the deceased Grandma Bubby Mrs .Kroeger’s great aunt in a good concentration camp survivor drunk on vodka and full of spirit hijinks.

.

9:17 am January, 12 tall guy said...

Ashley’s appearance of that of a thousand bleeths. Standard issue bottle blond tresses, boobies packed into a low-cut top & usually a noticeable shade of orange. Perhaps she falls short on signifier number three, but I’m sure she makes up for it with a heavy application of foundation, which is merely another indicator. Perhaps it’s a lighting issue. Make no mistake: she’s rootable in a big way, but she’s merely another version from the same passing parade of bleeths. I need more coffee, too.

9:42 am January, 12 Vin Douchal said...

It’s possible this douche is The GargleBag. Same mouth full of jizm pose, same skinny, undefined arms and same M.O. of posing with a large breasted blonde.

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Or it’s his brother GurgleBag

9:45 am January, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Speaking of previously posted hot chicks, why didn’t Rachel Hott get any run in the 2011 Douchies? She’d have been a great “Hottest Girl Next Door Hott” . Me likey

9:51 am January, 12 tall guy said...

Yeah I also offer my too late vote for Rachel Hott, whose purity is momentarily sullied by Stage 1 scrotestain.

9:54 am January, 12 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Just to follow up on Vin’s comment… There are NO 2011 HoH inductees. It makes me sadder than a neutered puppy with no balls to lick.

10:07 am January, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, I know, ever since Evil Bert got thrice dissed for the HOH I haven’t been able to sleep at night all that well. Well that and all the voices in my head just won’t shut up. .

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Evil Bert for HOH, and if Jeff gets in the Hall of Mock I will really know this place is a complete and total joke for reals.

10:18 am January, 12 tall guy said...

Dreuche, don’t fear the internet!

http://www.dontfeartheinternet.com/the-basics/not-tubes

10:19 am January, 12 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Drouche, I dunno who Jeff is. If it’s one of your alters, it isn’t one of the funny ones.

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Put Evil Bert in your Avatar. Then you can always look at him and get hot and bothered.

10:29 am January, 12 douche equis said...

unattractive girl + nice boobs = unattractive girl

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Vin, I didn’t pick Rachel Hott for a Girl Next Door largely because the girl next door doesn’t usually show that much cleavage, unless of course you happen to live next door to the farm where Supervixens was shot. That and the “paid to pose” description in the writeup were exclusionary factors. Pretty gal though . . .

10:29 am January, 12 DarkSock said...

That woman has large breasts that are partially visible.

10:43 am January, 12 DarkSock said...

@ douche equis:
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unattractive girl + nice boobs = a sexual pummeling you won’t soon forget.
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I’ve been with women far above my pay scale looks-wise. For some reason they thought architects had money like lawyers and dermatologists do. There is an inverse ratio to the self-perceived awareness of a woman’s outer “hotness” and how utterly boring they are in bed. The hottest girl I ever laid basically did that; laid there expecting to get serviced.
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I’ll take cute over hot any day dude. Same thing goes for you ladies; if you want the best sex of your life fuck an ugly man. He’s gonna go for the brass ring. And by brass ring I mean little pink joy buzzer.
.
Fornicators.

10:44 am January, 12 antwar said...

He may be DB of the year 2011. AKA Gynochin?

10:47 am January, 12 baffomet said...

Sorry douche equis,

unattractive girl + nice boobs = paper bag + fun time

10:53 am January, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Dark Sock

.

While your generalizations about hot chicks are specifically general, I have a view which is more generally specifically specific. That being that some hot chicks are really good, but not if they are bitches, specifically if they are Mrs. Kroeger or a Mulatto (respect) with a brillo like bush, or generally some fun non specific girls who may have been hot or butt-ugly who were some of the generally wildest chicks I ever met. But some of the generally wild ones gave me specific problems for which I needed my personal diagnostician and pharmacist get me the cures for before my cock was specifically raped by a swab or umbrella. And that shit was generally and specifically harsh. Son.

.

Haley Barbours

11:01 am January, 12 hermit said...

I.completely agree with The Reverend Chad Kroeger.

.

.

.

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I think

11:16 am January, 12 Wedgie said...

Look, you fuccen hatters, equine-faced girls need lovin’ too.

Be a giver, like me. Put her first, and yourself second. Only in this manner can you achieve total consciousness.

.

.

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Spacklers.

11:29 am January, 12 Hermit said...

Hott chicks, ugly chicks it really doesn’t matter. The level of desperation and emotional states of mind can determine performance to some degree, but there’s no doubt in my mind that Fat Chicks (respect) is really where it’s at.

.

True meaningful sex can only be obtained through an obese woman who is approaching abnormally high blood sugar levels. A dry, cracked tongue and excessive urination are sure signs that your partner is approaching her peak performance level.

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Of course, the experience can be enhanced by location, timing of the estrous cycle and tidal influence, but I find an exhaust-filled garage, cold concrete floors and a tube of bearing grease can make for a memorable experience.

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Jump on, and enjoy the ride!

11:36 am January, 12 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Ashley hates her father but loves it doggie-style.

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.She also makes a lot of noise….thinking it makes her sexier than she really is…

.

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….and sexy she decidedly isn’t…especially when the make-up is scraped off.

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.I’m with The Sock: Cute beats beautiful any day. If Rev Chad bagged a gorgeous chick that was wilder than a March hare, good on him….but generally, the prettier they are, the less fun they become.

.

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.And Ashley’s boobs are parked so low on her torso, they could double as end tables.

11:57 am January, 12 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I will gladly field all the skinny hott chicks you fat, ugly chasers can’t be arsed with.

12:19 pm January, 12 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Ashley’s boobs are parked so low they could be fenders.

1:13 pm January, 12 Nostradouchus said...

Hair and face not that great. Boobs are great but they are fake.

I’m a lyrical mastaaaaaaa

1:49 pm January, 12 UFO Destroyers said...

Damnit Hermit, I should have learned last week not to follow any of your links.

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Now about that bearing grease: is it a high temperature grease in a pump-style pneumatic applicator or just warmed up in the palm of your hand?

2:54 pm January, 12 CB Popped said...

DB’s face says poo.

5:41 pm January, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Hermit, did we go on a “date” once?

5:48 pm January, 12 Wedgie said...

Hermit, I just signed you up for a subscription to Chunky Buns magazine.

You’re welcome.

6:34 pm January, 12 Stephanie said...

By saying here you go slide your peen across this,I say,you must not think very much about yourself. You might as well grease them up,and stand on the street. I know guys like that,but how obvious can you get? Really,I’m not a prude.

7:45 pm January, 12 DarkSock said...

I must agree with Stephanie.

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They might as well grease them up and stand on the street.

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Johns.

11:30 pm January, 12 Whoop-di-douche said...

Roadie Ass Tumor has obviously eaten through her bod and presents us with a straw-like pecker at full attention, aiming directly at her boobies.

Why do I have to be the one to point this out?

5:51 am January, 13 douche equis said...

In my experience there has been no discernible correlation between hotness and ride quality. That being the case, since I can perceive hotness immediately, I tend toward it. Am I shallow? Hell yes. I wallow in shallow. You say beauty is only skin deep? I say only a small percentage of me ever gets beneath the skin. (Not _that_ small, ladies . . .)

.

My gripe about the “hot” has nothing to do with the quality of the sex. Rather, it is their relative stupidity, a major turnoff unless a blowjob is already in progress, in which case IQ becomes less important, if not indeed fading out entirely as a criterion. One must compromise one’s standards when appropriate.

2:22 pm January, 16 Geoffrey said...

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