Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Ask DB1: Tawny Kitaen as Proto-Bleeth?

Et tu douche? writes in asking us to historically codify 80s hottie Tawny Kitaen on the historical Bleeth spectrum:

———

Dear DB1,

Your post the other day of “Nick The Richard” got me to thinking. As we all know by now Yasmin Bleeth was infected with the Grieco virus and has gone downhill and out of site as a result. I posit that Tawney Kitaen has suffered the same indignity but in a different way.

She was wholesome, smoking hot, succulent, boobage fondle hott in the movie Bachelor Party and seemed to have it going on.

Then what I believe was the beginning of her end was when she succumbed to Metalrockerbaggery. If you asked anyone who she was they would say she’s the chick in that Whitsnake video and was married to the rocker/old bag David Coverdale. Before that she dated some dude in Ratt, supposedly Tommy Lee too.

So I ask ye which is more virulent, the Grieco Virus or Metalrockerbaggery?

Hell we can even debate basebaggery as she really hit the fan during her marriage to Chuck Finley. I’ve attached some before & after pics to help you decide.

ETD?

——–

Kitaen’s Bleethery is definitely apparent, but without the epic fall from grace travesty that was Grieco/Bleeth, Kitaen is merely on the second tier of 80s Hot Chickery turned rank pooery.

Far more noteworthy a case of Metalrockerbaggery was Bobbie Brown. Although that tasty cherry pie was probably ‘Baguette from the start.

# posted by douchebag1
11:28 am January, 17 Stephanie said...

A lot of links might prove she’s pretty,but it’s the men she slept with that give her the not cool bleeth award. Those guys are now playing state fairs,to ever aging rock fans with

the business in front,party in the back hairdos,and scream “awesome” and make rocker devil hands after a couple of beers.

11:34 am January, 17 Tom Choad said...

Curse Et Tu for putting that godawful Warrant song back into my head. Now I have to waste half an hour of work time watching videos of something good to combat it.

12:18 pm January, 17 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

It’s Warhol’s first postulate: after your 15 minutes are up, if you persist, you end up a pathetic looser bleeth/douche clawing for scraps in fame’s compost heap.

.

It truly is better to burn out than it is to rust.

12:19 pm January, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

It’s official, fuck Youtube. Making me watch a political ad in order to watch a Warrant video? Fuck that shit.

.

But thank you Et Tu Douche for the Kitaen pictures. They were…MOST enlightening.

12:19 pm January, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

And by enlightening, I mean dribbled from the tip of my cock.

12:21 pm January, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

Did Kitaen bleeth or did Bleeth kitaen? Who was the original Bleeth? I bet it was that pesky Eve and her goddamn Apple of knowledge. And the snake was the OG Greico in the Garden of Eden. Poor Adam, if only there were websites to complain about sexual politic injustice back then.

12:22 pm January, 17 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Tawny was painfully, blindingly, searingly hawt in her day. The idea that a rockerbag would even be allowed within 5 miles of her is sickening.

12:34 pm January, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Any whore that can straddle a Jaguar like that and let a Robert Plant wannabe screw her lovely asshole is a whore. I like her.

.

But the peak of her talent was shown on everyone’s favorite period comedy as the neighbor girls’ stupid mother, Midge.

.

12:42 pm January, 17 tall guy said...

Yeah good clip, Kroeger. Gets me thinking about what Dreuche would probably look like in a few years.

1:24 pm January, 17 DarkSock said...

Dammit, Stephanie at 11:28 am…you cut me deep. And by “me” I mean Reverend Chad Kroeger.

.

re: 80’s Tawny – I’d have slid it in. Right to the top. In the Heat of the Night.

.

.

.

Plant Clones

1:53 pm January, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

Wait, there is no way RevChad and DarkSock are the same dude. Because I would totally by weed from DarkSock. And well you know the rest.

2:07 pm January, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Chuck Findley lives on through Sam Axe:

.

2:07 pm January, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

As I was doing my homework, and by homework I mean….. well you know, for this piece I came across this movie which I didn’t know existed.The Perils of Gwendoline

2:11 pm January, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hey we can also debate the same for Heather Locklear. I mean she got the Tommy Lee & Richie Sambora in her and believe or not David Spade.

http://www.people.com/people/heather_locklear/biography/0,,20007782,00.html

2:23 pm January, 17 Wedgie said...

Tawny Kitaen was the absolute hottest hottie back in the day. I still remember seeing her at the 1984 World Series here in San Diego. She was smokin’. One of those girls who photographs very well, and still looks better up close.

And a Mission Bay High alum, too. Bonus Points.

Too many years of cocaine and booze will ruin anyone. Even the high-grade shit is still shit in the end. Hear me, Rev?

Bummer. I loved her then, and I love her still.

Whitesnake and all.

6:39 pm January, 17 troy tempest said...

Ummm, I’m not so sure. She’s with Finley, here as noted:

http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/000/458/959/kitaen.6_display_image.jpg?1287716991

.

OK. When I think of douchebags, Chuck Finley doesn’t really spring to mind. And in that photo, she looks like a happy and rather attractive middle aged woman. Then I look her up in wikipedia and I find:

.

In 2002, Kitaen was charged with domestic violence for an incident involving her then-husband, professional baseball player Chuck Finley.[7] Three days later, Finley filed for divorce.[7] After a plea bargain, Kitaen agreed to “enter a spousal battery counseling program and avoid contact with Finley.”[7] The couple was married for five years and have two daughters, Wynter and Raine.[8]

In November 2006, prosecutors charged Kitaen with possessing 15 grams of cocaine in her San Juan Capistrano home in Orange County. They said her two children were home at the time and Kitaen had given deputies permission for the search.[9] In December 2006, she entered a six-month rehabilitation program in exchange for the dismissal of a felony drug possession charge.[2][10][11]

On September 26, 2009, Kitaen was arrested for driving under the influence in Newport Beach, California.[12]

.

She beat up chuck finley? WTF? He outweighs her 2:1 and has seriously strong arms – he could have snapped her in two. That he didn’t and dealt with it shows what kind of a psycho Tawny is. I wonder who got custody of the kids.

.

But, hey – it’s L.A. – DB1’s turf. Anywhere else, it would be ostracism and ignominy. In LA, it’s just another french fry at the Mickey D’s out on Sunset….

8:28 pm January, 17 DarkSock said...

Animal Styles

4:22 pm January, 18 Nostradouchus said...

Looks like Daniel Craig had amazing hair back in the day.

Leave a Reply

What is 7 + 14 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)