Sunday, January 8, 2012

Gold'Crust'n

And you thought hiphop douchery was dead in 2012.

Think again. Assclowns with ‘tude (and mommy’s credit card) are still self-producing “videos” about livin’ large and poppin’ bottles with bitchez, hopin’ to live da dreamz, yo.

And they are to continue to be mocked for narcissistic asspreenery until they go the way of the Dodo and the Federline.

# posted by douchebag1
8:21 am January, 8 ehcuodouche said...

And an Aussie douchebag to boot.

8:23 am January, 8 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’m not even going to hit ‘play’, lest I go off on a killing spree.

8:52 am January, 8 Scooby Douche said...

I made it to 1:04.

Then I threw up my breakfast.

Now off to church to pray a cyclone wipes these turds off the planet.

8:54 am January, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

Perhaps if it had a good pop lockin’ beat I could excuse it, but it neither popped nor locked. That pool party did have some fine ass Sheilas though. Tall guy should crash that shit. Also sunglasses over the hat is worse than the hat being askew, and when did shaving lines in your head come back? Or is Australia like two decades behind fashion trend wise? Tall guy, seriously, you’ve got your work cut out for you there.

8:55 am January, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

Was Dodo the original white rapper?

8:57 am January, 8 Wheezer said...

Good gravy, what societal ass pimples.

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Yo, I ‘ope dat^ shit ain’t poppin’, word!

9:02 am January, 8 Wheezer said...

…..and when did shaving lines in your head come back?

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Nancy, this is where we add to our douche lexicon, but Generation-WTF has me too irritated to even shake my fist at them and chase ’em off my lawn.

9:04 am January, 8 Wheezer said...

I was thinking “retroad/retrote” (“retro choad/scrote”), but that sucks. So do they, I know, but they need a better, more insulting name.

9:23 am January, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Wheezer, same shit different decade. I happen to have a lot if friends in their early to late 20s, just hung out with a bunch of them last night. Just sayin’ not all of them suck, and I’ll be damned if I become one of those “My generation was the best” coots. I don’t take people like that too seriously. Just another example of the Go Local Sports Team herd mentality.

9:56 am January, 8 Wedgie said...

Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here

10:02 am January, 8 Mr. White said...

I made it to 0:17.

Unrelatedly, I’d like everyone to know that I’ve found my future ex-wife. She’s a librarian hott with an interest in stun guns, she’s not afraid to show some underboob, and the both of us share an important common interest. What do you think, Medusa. Can we “work” with her?

10:02 am January, 8 The Dude said...

That video makes my hangover seem like heaven, because you can’t sleep it off.

.

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I thought you couldn’t get a hangover from wine.

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Vintners

10:04 am January, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Or roll over and die as Wedgie suggests. Is the general consensus that it was our parents fault we’re all screwed up and our kids our out to fuck us over even more? No wonder you guys self medicate so much.

10:28 am January, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Mr. White, she sounds neat. Gotta love a girl who fucks back.

10:32 am January, 8 Vin Douchal said...

Trombone Shorty , Falcons @ Giants in The Meadowlands: Greatest Pre-Game National Anthem Ever

10:36 am January, 8 Wedgie said...

The 2012 Douchies need a category for this crap. Good Lord, parenting skills have taken a turn for the worse since I was a small Wedgelette. My Dad would have shit a Merry Christmas if I ever looked, acted or spoke like this tool. And right after that shit was over, I would have been summarily had the shit kicked out of me, followed by immediate enrollment to a military academy of some kind.

Fuccen slack parents are the scourge of the Western World.

Tiger Mom might be a raving bitch, but you can bet your ass her kids won’t turn out like this fuckstain.

@nancydreuche

girls who fuck front are also good, and who doesn’t love a chick on the side?

10:50 am January, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@your names too long and I’m too lazy to copy and paste but not lazy enough to do this, well yeah, I thought those were givens. And where you been at? Haven’t seen you around these parts in awhile.

11:00 am January, 8 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Vin

That was pretty cool.

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What’s up with old bag at :44 second mark of vid?

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GO STILLERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11:08 am January, 8 douches Wild said...

Ahhhhh a morning dose of the camaraderie amongst sub-standard fart heads and the scrofulous skanks who indulge then- I consider it a warm-up for the next round of Republican “debates”…..BRING IT!!

11:18 am January, 8 tall guy said...

Over morning coffee I hit the .59sec point and thought I’d had enough. However I kept viewing and managed to arrive at the end. As previously mentioned the sunglasses over the cap look is atrocious. And the idiot must really love his white cap because it’s in almost every shot. Not sure of the location. Possibly Queensland’s Gold Coast: a sunny place for shady people. This video is so wrong it’s embarrassing.

11:23 am January, 8 tall guy said...

Okay, I’ve replayed enough of it with the sound on.

.

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Queenslanders.

11:35 am January, 8 Doucheywallnuts said...

To my knowledge the new KFC hot wings commercial is the first mainstream commercial I have seen that features an entire douchebag cast.

12:39 pm January, 8 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

First sign you’re not a millionaire rapper: You are being driven around in a Chrysler in your rap video.

12:40 pm January, 8 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Second sign you’re not a millionaire rapper: You have your dad and a couple of his friends as “your posse” in your rap video.

12:50 pm January, 8 The Dude said...

We don’t make Chryslers, we make fuccen Cadifuccenlacks!

12:59 pm January, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@MPI, why you gotta destroy the illusion. I thought that was my job. Pimp ass playas always have the local Elks club as part of the posse.

1:14 pm January, 8 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

De-evolution at work. If Darwin had been right, breath-taking stupidity and natural selection would have scrubbed these choads from the face of the earth years ago. Instead they seem to to have staggering piles of cash and are breeding like roaches. Stock up on ammo and jellied gasoline, kiddies. The douchacolypse approaches.

1:23 pm January, 8 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Oh and with respect to tall guy, Australians are a plague. They specialize in alcohol fueled criminal assholery throughout the Pacific rim.

1:25 pm January, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, the “Douchacolypse”? You guys have been talking about that for years now. Isn’t it here yet? Hasn’t it always been going on? Havent I been fighting it since the “Big Johnson/No Fear/Stussy” shirts of my high school days? Doesn’t Target sell the Stussy brand now? Does anybody see where I’m going with this or is everyone’s head still firmly planted inside of their own asses?

2:08 pm January, 8 tall guy said...

The irony of that analysis (which is fairly accurate), Dude McCrudeshoes, is that most of my countrymen assume they’re simply good guys’n’gals having a go at life.

I’d get out if I could, don’t worry. But as Dreuche’s mum is already taken who else is there?

2:21 pm January, 8 DarkSock said...

@ Mr. White: I peed IN a bus once, but never OUT of one. Impressive. If she rejects you I got dibs; she can pull my mouse ears towards her glue hole all she wants.

.

.

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Pickle Slit Glue Holers.

2:21 pm January, 8 DarkSock said...

Speaking of disturbing douchebag footage, I present to you:
.
The secret life of New Jersey bodybuilders.

3:24 pm January, 8 schlicht bindenburger said...

the boogers wiped on the terlet door in some subway are more appealing than this bunch of self indulgent cockshites!

3:28 pm January, 8 tall guy said...

@ DarkSock I once drove a bus that someone peed in.

True story!

3:41 pm January, 8 DarkSock said...

@ Tall Guy:

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Yeah…I remember you now. My bad.

3:55 pm January, 8 hermit said...

I’m sorry but any chick who openly displays her underboob on the internet is just asking for it, and yes, deserves it.

3:56 pm January, 8 hermit said...

^ by “it” i mean consensual nipple fondle.

4:45 pm January, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I watched this video earlier and was tempted to load my antique Turkish double-barreled blunderbuss with gravel and dog kibble and blow my Jesus-sized cock off.

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Just after I had it loaded I realized that I wanted to keep my cock for future infidelity and current obligation to the now drunken-again Mrs. Kroeger and her drug-fueled demands for evening kink. I also realized that after two days with no sleep that I was in no condition to make such a drastic decision.

.

So fuck off Gold Coasters whatever that is and take a big suck on the majesty which is the New York Giants as I load up on NyQuil, perchance to dream of a threesome with a brillo-pussied Mulatto and my cousins wife and maybe that Precious’ mother Mo’Nique with a brie- flavoured yeast infection.

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‘Aints

4:48 pm January, 8 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

No, Dreuche, this is not the douchacolypse yet. These are the end times. The signs are frequent and many, and the four horseman can be seen riding up and down the Jersey Shore, but it will get much, much worse before the final reckoning. It’s you who are naive if you think the cataclysmic battle is already underway. This is just an aperitif before the inverted funnels of fiery demon bukkuke to come.

5:04 pm January, 8 Hong Kong Douchey said...

Cake the prophet:

“And how much did you spend on your black leather jacket?

Is it you or your parents in this income tax bracket?

5:05 pm January, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, why does it have to always end with someone getting jizzed on? Fucking predictable. Whose directing this crap, Larry Flynt? My stance remains the same, same douche gift, different packaging. People have been talking about the end of times since the beginning of times. It’s merely away to control the masses by scaring them shitless. I can see its worked its magic on you. Damn it, I had hopes for you McCrudeshoes. Hope chest hopes.

5:14 pm January, 8 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

It always ends with the money shot, Dreuche. After that, all that remains is to put away the handcuffs and powertools.

5:36 pm January, 8 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Nothing says top shelf like Bacardi with a plastic pour spout.

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What a way to party upper class, yo. Is bitch beer your usual impress-girls-with-how-affluent-and-classy-you-are drink, or are you just that much of a pussy?

5:43 pm January, 8 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Mike’s, Sparks, Four Loko, Bacardi Silver, Smirnoff Ice…feh! Sissy little fruit flavored girly drinks. There’s only one malt liquor worth drinking.

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Olde English “800”.

6:11 pm January, 8 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I just recognized the bottle he’s gingerly gripping the neck of like he’s never handled a cock before. This baby-faced little pussy boy is drinking a frickin’ watermelon Bacardi Breezer.

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I’d call him a faggot, but even GAY men are still men.

6:21 pm January, 8 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Besides, Bacardi parties are never that glamorous.

6:33 pm January, 8 Wedgie said...

You may be Gold Coastin’, but I bet you never fucked a white girl in a pink Range.

6:49 pm January, 8 creature said...

peed ON busses many a time…mostly their tyres

7:20 pm January, 8 The Dude said...

I peed in a terlet once, alsmot.

9:13 pm January, 8 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Mr. White: I agree with Hermit. I’m afraid that young lady needs to learn a thing or three about being a lady. First of all, you never put your underbewbs on the interwebz. That is for home use only. Second of all, you never pee out a bus window. You beat the fuck out of a person ON the bus, then pee on their face, use your panties to wipe and then stuff the panties in their mouth. Then you politely apologize to the other riders as you pirouette up the aisle and get off the bus.

10:01 pm January, 8 darksock said...

I peed on an underboob once. I think it was mine though.

1:43 am January, 9 hermit said...

I have no problem with her peeing out of the bus.

Imagine standing on the sidewalk, without warning a tight young buttocks is suddenly thrust out of the window, followed by a pulsating, golden stream of urine flowing freely from a well-maintained pickle slit.

It would be awe inspiring, and would rival witnessing the fountains at Ceaser’s Palace or the natural spectacle of Old Faithful at Yellowstone.

4:30 am January, 9 asiandouche said...

why was that same asian guy at all three parties on the same night LOL LOL

5:53 am January, 9 CB Popped said...

Made it to 16 seconds,,,,thats all.

9:55 am January, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

WAAAAAAAAAAAY too much guy-with-guy dancing in this thing. I thought it was going to wind up in some kind of circle jerk but it looked like they were all too afraid to touch each other’s mushroom caps lest it be considered heteroquestionable. Good lor5d, if you’re gay own up to it and get on with your life. Quit pretending and just pee on each other already.

.

Has anyone told the Underhill’s about this? I’m pretty sure that account was de-activated sometime in the late 80’s.

12:37 pm January, 9 Jim Dandelion said...

It’s cool that Rolly from FX is in there

3:52 am January, 10 Guid is Good said...

The Gold Coast – Australia’s day old floater just bobbin’ about.

6:36 am January, 10 van doucheland said...

I hope “Douchegaddon” will give them repentance soon…very soon

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