Friday, January 6, 2012

No More Backwards Baseball Cap Toolscrape

Megan writes in:

—–

My boyfriend and I are in a picture and I’d like it removed. We are both upset about it and someone put his full name out on it. It was funny reading all the comments until some gilr to it to the next level. ANy way you vould just remove it ASAP thanks

—–

Steven Tyler hates it when gilr’s take it to the next level.

# posted by douchebag1
9:41 am January, 6 tall guy said...

didn’t Lester Bangs once say that he had a picture of Steve Tyler above his desk for over a year and could not figure out whether it was Carly Simon or Mick Jagger?

9:42 am January, 6 tall guy said...

Also, Gary Busey on left needs an haircut.

9:45 am January, 6 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Ok, so who ran this one through the Face Melter app… oh wait. My bad.

9:49 am January, 6 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Ok, so Bill Mahr, Janice Dickinson, and Jerry Hall, walk into a bar…

9:50 am January, 6 Medusa Oblongata said...

some gilr?

9:50 am January, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

I’m always on some next level shit. That’s what we girlz do. Am I right ladies?

9:50 am January, 6 Medusa Oblongata said...

grill?

9:51 am January, 6 Medusa Oblongata said...

gila?

9:51 am January, 6 tall guy said...

Either that or you’re willing to take it to the next level, Dreuche. Right?

9:53 am January, 6 Medusa Oblongata said...

“It was funny reading all the comments until some gilr to it to the next level.”

.

Read that sentence carefully.

.

THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?

9:56 am January, 6 tall guy said...

Megan meant to write ‘until some gilr took a poo in the next level.’

9:58 am January, 6 soy bomb said...

Gilrs just wanna have fnu.

10:06 am January, 6 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

“It was funny reading all the comments until some gilr to it to the next level.”

I’ve been trying to parse that sentence for about 10 minutes now. My head hurts. I think I’ll just sit down for a bit and await the Friday ass pear.

10:43 am January, 6 tall guy said...

Alright, coolsies! I’m feeling (slightly) restless, (almost) irritable & barely content (despite numerous valid reasons for feeling otherwise) so to counteract the malady, if only at the physical level, I’m hitting the beach. It’s almost dawn outside and by the time I get there the sun should be just starting to poke its head over the horizon. Upon my return to the tall guy lair I’ll check pear. Enjoy your weekend fellow ‘Bagsters! Bring on the 2012 mock.

10:52 am January, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Medusa

.

I’ve become wildly proficient at stoopid speak the past few years (it comes with the territory, right Troy?) so I think I can decipher it…

.

“It was funny reading all the comments until some gilr to it to the next level.”

.

Vizzini says got back to the beginning so that’s where I go…

.

“It was funny reading all the comments…”

Analysis: So far so good. This implies a certain level of mastery of her supposedly native language (‘Merican). She finds humor in what we have written.

.

“… until some gilr…”

.

Analysis: She’s trying to convey some sort of code here. It implies some sort of time frame (“until”) at which point she becomes confused which then renders her unable to communicate in any sort of effective way. I believe the “gilr” is some sort of acronym. I’ll take a stab at it:

.

Ginormous

Illiterate

Lackadaisical

Rabbit

clouds her vision (at least temporarily). This rabbit then appears to devour her one last working neuron resulting in complete loss of well, everything.

.

“…to it to the next level.””

.

Analysis: The rabbit from Donny Darko finally got her and good riddance.

.

At least that’s how I interpret all this.

.

11:07 am January, 6 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Is she Transylvania? At least she was illiterately polite.

11:33 am January, 6 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Gilr, ven you are in zee public sqvare, tings like zis should not surprise you.

11:45 am January, 6 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

You guys are way off base. Gilr, short for Gilroy, a scottish name that means the illegitimate offspring of a Scottish king and king’s servant.

.

TOIT is the ‘The Occult Institute of Technology”. I know, ominous, right?

.

Keep in mind this is that stygian creature from the picture talking. It may not be wise to invite her fury. Anyway, what she is saying is, “some royal bastard has reached the next level of The Occult Institute of Technology.” Perhaps a graduation gift is in order??

11:53 am January, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

I’m glad we’re still mocking people for the important stuff, like spelling. My mom would love this place.

11:58 am January, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, taking it to the next level is how I call someone’s bluff.

12:05 pm January, 6 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Dreuche, you have a real clit boner for any spelling based humor. Is there any other type of mock you don’t approve of, so I can properly note it, print it out, and put it in my bathroom to wipe my arse with later?

12:07 pm January, 6 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

ps: is your mom hot??

12:13 pm January, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Unless the Boss is fucking with us, which I don’t believe he is because the 40 or so regular posters would not make him much money to keep this nonsense going, there must be a lot of fuckers checking into this shnizzle like Epic Meal Time numbers for one to ask for a retraction (redaction, reflection?).

.

I make my donuts off of fallen down financially fucked people so who am I to fazizzle on Toolscrapes parage, yo? And Steven Tyler isd the worst Barbara Streisand impersonator I has ever seen.

.

The Kroeger Outreach Programme has found the winner of the December Decathlon of Dumpster Diving and the boy is cool like the shiznut. In exchange for sanding my drywall and shovelling my driveway the little fucker gets a top-shelf longboard at Easter. Amen.

.

Go Socal Skateshop! Yo!

12:17 pm January, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, spelling is important but this is the fucking internet. Let people look like idiots if they want to. LOL.

.

My moms is a smokin’ hot silver fox. And no I will not post a pic. Her modeling career is doing fine without this place’s help.

12:26 pm January, 6 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I’d google gilr, but I’m afraid the network.nazis would hunt me down and make be dress like a douchebag.

1:01 pm January, 6 jonezy said...

speaking of Moms, I shit you not, I ran into this lady at a baseball game a few years ago and after talking to her for awhile because, well, she was hot, she gave me her card in case I wanted to hang out later, and then I bought 2 of her calendars and she signed one, which is still hanging in my living room, page turned to April, which is the pic on the homepage there. So everyone always wonders why I have a 2 year old calendar on my wall of some old lady, to which I say “well, just look at that- you can’t take something like that down!”

.

Not calling her is one of my grandest regrets of the past few years (grandest, get it?)

.

I still doubt her real name is Shelley Boston.

1:15 pm January, 6 Ferris said...

Nancy, if it was your work that “took it to the next level,” then I say bravo. Keep bringing strong douchemock, for a rising tide lifts all ships, and hopefully drowns some asshats.

2:17 pm January, 6 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Back to the point: Does Steven Tyler look like Norman Bate’s mother or what?

http://www.top10films.co.uk/img/psycho-corpse.jpg

2:39 pm January, 6 Wedgie said...

Hi everyone, I am sure you are all happy to know I didn’t drown this morning. Black’s Beach was only 10 foot, so even a pussy like me can surf it. Got to talk to Rob Machado, too. Too bad I can’t surf like him.

.

.

I can’t ever reconcile the fact that Steven Tyler is Liv Tyler’s dad. It seems like some sort of weird cosmic joke that a babe that fine came out of this dried-up husk of a former junkie rock star. And current American Idol judge. You couldn’t make this shit up if someone paid you. God must have the Rev’s sense of humor.

2:47 pm January, 6 beltman713 said...

Looks like Luke from General Hospital on the left.

2:57 pm January, 6 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Jonezy, damnit you shoulda hit that shit when you had the chance. Well here’s to another hot GILF random meet up.

4:00 pm January, 6 Capt. James T. Douche said...

I would hate to fight that gilr in the middle.

4:54 pm January, 6 Stephanie said...

But I know it’s super hard to not let someone take a photo of you with those genuine rock stars,right? Haw haw.

8:39 pm January, 6 Nostradouchus said...

WTF is going on with dude’s hand? His name should be Arthritoclypse.

8:40 pm January, 6 Nostradouchus said...

or Arthritosaur.

9:50 pm January, 6 Blah said...

The guy on the left might be Steven Tyler’s cosmetic surgeon. That would explain both his hand and Tyler’s face.

10:12 am January, 7 tall guy said...

Agree w/ wedgie re. the loveliness of Liv Tyler. She’s a totally smoking babola!

11:43 pm January, 7 Douchble Helix said...

“It was funny reading all the comments until some gilr to it to the next level.”

.

That’s exactly how I feel about that gilr’s ‘contributions’.

12:31 am January, 8 Ty Webb said...

That dude with Tyler is Matt Sorum ex G N R drummer and member of Velvet Revolver…..

10:38 am January, 8 Boondock Barney said...

That is (l to r) Matt Sorum (Drummer Guns N Roses and more), Steven Tyler, Matt Sorum’s Wife Ace Harper.

Leave a Reply

What is 4 + 4 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)