Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Reader Mail: Dr. Douchebag

PIC DELETED

A spurned and angry Heather writes in with a Floridian douche tag on her ex-boyfriend, Dr. Douchebag:

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This is ——- aka Dr. Douchbag.

This scrote was a University of Miami Dermatology resident that got a job at Pinski Dermatology in Chicago and scrotishly broke up with me after one year of dating thinking he can do better than a nice hot girl like me and broke up with me to pursue his dreams of being a douchebag version of Dr. 90210 in Chicago.

It would mean the world to me if you posted him on your site, it would only serve him justice so others would agree with me he is a huge douchbag and douchy looking with saggy man breasts and messed up teeth that should have been glad to have had a girl that loved him like I did.

I would appreciate you willing to put this up to expose his Miami/Chicago/I think I am a cosmetic guru and love filling women’s faces with Botox because that is as close as he will get to hot women again self…

You guys are the best and I love your site.

Look up his place of business if you want. It is called Pinskiderm.

they are the #1 distributor of Botox in the entire Midwest… making him extremely douchy and worthy of your website since you expose douchebags of all shapes and sizes.

Feel free to include first and last names, I don’t mind.

Looking forward to seeing a post.

Happy new year & take care!

– Heather

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The “Dr. Oz” type of shallow psuedo-intellectual paternalistic “doctor” technique is absolutely a variant of the ‘bag virus. And while your email suggests personal bias, Heather, which may overwhelm the douche-tag’s logic system, I’m pleased to see the proper use of terms like scrote, if not myriad, in your ‘bagicide letter.

# posted by douchebag1
11:28 am January, 11 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Wow, Heather, just fucking wow. You are so hot and wonderful and loving, you should rejoice at the chance to find someone more worthy of you.

11:30 am January, 11 Wedgie said...

Heather, Heather, whips and leather.

11:33 am January, 11 Wedgie said...

The jury is still out on whether Heather is put together.

11:34 am January, 11 Wedgie said...

More photos must be in the offing.

11:36 am January, 11 YA said...

Haha, wow.

This is pretty low.

11:37 am January, 11 hermit said...

“Hell hath no fury………”

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Saggy man boobs

11:39 am January, 11 hermit said...

Plinky Dermatology ?

11:41 am January, 11 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

I’d like to know more about the “full facial analysis” offered at Pinskiderm.

11:44 am January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

Saggy Man Breast would be a good band name.

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Heather, as I tell all the young ladies I counsel, get over it and then get under it. The next dude that is. Mocking him publicy sorta makes you look shrewy. Trust me on this. If I had a nickel for everytime I’ve been called a cunt or a harpy on this thing I would have at least a dollar. But its the price I pay to speak my mind. Next time date a proctologist. He’ll be so sick of looking at assholes all day he won’t even want to touch yours. I’m assuming this is why your current Dr. Boyfriend left you. Because you wouldn’t give him any chocolate starfish love.

11:44 am January, 11 fatness said...

If Heather talks in gibberish run-on sentences like she writes, I’d have kicked her to the curb too. Yikes.

11:47 am January, 11 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Suck it fuck it spank and wank it

Eat it beat it don’t mistreat it

Slob it gob it grope and knob it

Spurn it churn it cane and burn it

Knead it feed it prick and bleed it

Lick it stick it hump and pump it

Stroke and poke it choke and yolk it

Strip it whip it flog and nip it

Squeeze it please it just don’t tease it

Bite it fight it wax and light it

11:49 am January, 11 Vin Douchal said...

So,…. do we soon look for the good doctor’s reply with a Heather video at Ex-Girlfriend Revenge.com ?

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One can only hope

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BTW, he looks a little like Jacques Douchteau. Maybe he was doing character research for an acting gig

11:51 am January, 11 colormedouche said...

I feel sorry for this guy having to put up with a crazy ex lover like this. Get over yourself if you thought he was a douchebag then you should have know this was coming.

11:52 am January, 11 antwar said...

Um, Not sure quite what to say? We seem to be a little off topic. This is HCwDB not Dontdatehimgirl.com. He shows no real signs of being douchey.He is sporting a button down collar shirt and a suit. She is not hot.The act of submitting such a letter for mass consumption is luke warm at best.

11:56 am January, 11 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Blonde in photo, to Dr. Douche: “It’s so sweet of your old girlfriend to meet us for happy hour. Look, she wants our picture! She’s so NICE! Your so nice. Everyone is so NICE!”

.

Dr. Douche: “Um, yeah…”

11:56 am January, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

Dating men for their money is female douchery Dating men for their money who have “saggy man breasts and messed up teeth” is called being a whore. I have a firm chest and straight pearly whites and would be an upgrade but alas I don’t make 6 figures so I guess it wouldn’t work. I do know of a guy up in Northern Fla, who deep fries a mean turkey and would probably love to meet you if you’re still feeling all lonely and shit.

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Harpies

11:59 am January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I know this is gonna sound really out there but here goes: One of them might be a Jew.

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Goys

12:00 pm January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And I’m expecting a threatening post ftom the good doctor from a lawyer who may be a Jew.

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Yentls

12:01 pm January, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’m gonna go make some pop corn and then come back to this thread and patiently await our resident Gorgon’s reply as I have a feeling she is going to have fun with this one.

12:01 pm January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Not that there is anything wrong with either of those things.

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Duddy Kravitz’s

12:03 pm January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Et Tu, I almost forgot about Stackhouse’s jacked up grill. What happened to our bike hating turkey fucking shallow diving douchebag of the year?

12:14 pm January, 11 Baron Von Goolo said...

He’s drinking Mountain Dew and vodka.

She’s got a bottle of Vitriol Lite.

12:15 pm January, 11 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Yep, this can only end with a number of anonymous defenses of Heather, from variety of anonymous posters who are strangely sympathetic, followed by legal threats and the like from Dr. Douche’s sinistral Semitic solicitor.

12:17 pm January, 11 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

Funny how these spurned bleeths never have any problem dating these colossal douchebags until they get dumped. Although the picture doesn’t indicate one way or the other, and this guy really may be a complete cockring, I’m just not buying it, Heather. My guess is that you were happy dating an arrogant jerk who just happened to be on the verge of becoming a rich physician. You are angry that you got ditched, not that this guy is a douche.

12:17 pm January, 11 Medusa Oblongata said...

Oh. He broke up with you, his girlfriend of one year, not his wife of twenty, to go pursue his career ambitions in another city. This here: “thinking he can do better than a nice hot girl like me” as your qualifier means you are Conceited Cunt Supreme and he did himself a huge favor by escaping a conceited twat like yourself. Look at you, hanging on a man twice your age, giggling into the beer he surely paid for.

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And this: “should have been glad to have had a girl that loved him like I did.” If you loved him, REALLY loved him, you wouldn’t have done this to him. You would have not cared that he had “saggy man breasts and messed up teeth”, and you DEFINITELY wouldn’t have tried to humiliate him in front of teh interwebz. You’d be breaking your ass to get him back, not trying to make yourself look good and make him look like an asshole. You’re a petulant little cunt who’s pouting that the money train left for another station. Not even for another woman, simply trying to advance himself and his career. Women come and women go, a man has to be secure in himself and his job before he should be trying to please anyone else. The sun does not rise and set on your wee buttocks as you think it does; nay, that is merely a place for the jerk of the week to deposit a blob of semen after he pulls out. Can’t have you getting pregnant, someone as self absorbed and immature is you would make a ghastly parent.

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FAIL to you and all of your ilk. FAIL to anyone in this thread who sides with this bottle-blonde harpie. But a pass for DB1 for posting this. His original intent may have been misguided, but in the end he has provided us all with a good lesson here. The Heathers of the world don’t give a fuck about who you are and what makes you happy, gentlemen. Save yourselves from the scurvy likes of her and find a supportive gal who wants what’s best for you, even if it’s not what she wants right then. That is the kind of girl who, even if you let her go initially, your heart will always return with a passion that no distance can tame. Girls like Heather, well…the memories of them dry and flake away like the semen on her inner thigh as she rolls over and pouts that she wants to go to Cabo this weekend or YOU ARE CUT OFF, MISTER.

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Grow old in your bitterness, Heather. “Dr. Douchebag” will be a better man for having scraped you off like the barnacle that you are.

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Medusa has spoken. All hail the gorgon.

12:19 pm January, 11 troy tempest said...

I’m not so harsh on Heather. The only things that bug me about her are:

She’s a blonde, and blondes make me cringe.

She feels the need to put her ex in our crosshairs.

Her name is Heather.

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But what makes her claim of her ex being a douche is very clear in the photo – he has that cold empty stare characteristic of Greico infection. I mean, here’s your loving devoted GIRLFRIEND giving you great big huggies, and you can’t even show your pleasure by smiling for the camera? What kind of a doucheweasel is this turdmuffin?

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Oh, and Heather – you noted just how hott you are, and even though I find blondes kind of icky, you are an attractive woman. But what you need to remember is this old maxim:

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“No matter how hott she is, somebody somewhere is totally sick of her bullshit.”

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So, sure – you are well rid of a class A douchenozzle. Good for you. But he is also well rid of you… It cuts both ways, sweetie pie, and what goes around, comes around. I hope you had the good sense to never let him videotape the two of you having sex. Guaranteed it will be on youporn.com next week, and the fapping will commence…

12:22 pm January, 11 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

I think the cease and desist letter from Dr. Sulewski’s left handed jew lawyer (also his brother) should be hitting DB1’s inbox in 3…2….1..

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Sorry, you brought it on yourself boss. This chick is bitter and angry and probably had the breakup coming to her. I give Dr. S. a notta pass, saggy man boobs and all.

12:22 pm January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Et Tu 12:01p, unfortunately Medusa has berated her ex husband on here as well. Sure there was no formal picture sent in to DB1 but the intent was the same. As much as I enjoy her rants it would be the pot calling the kettle black. But grab some Cheetos while you’re at it.

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Next level shit.

12:26 pm January, 11 Baron Von Goolo said...

And I agree with the others. Before we come to the hott’s defense, we need to see her rack. Or something. All we have to go on here is a blurry photo of a drunk guy with no discernible douche traits other than the word of a vengeful blond with nice teeth and dark roots. There’s not enough for us to go full dick on him; we need to want to grab Heather by the ankles and work her like a post hole digger to compensate. When all else fails, a heady cocktail of jealousy and lust is our Red Bull.

.

But as it is, our indignation just doesn’t have the momentum. So put ’em on the glass, pumpkin. It’s only fair.

12:32 pm January, 11 Vin Douchal said...

@ Heather

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Did this go as planned?

12:32 pm January, 11 Baron Von Goolo said...

(SHHHHHHH! JEEZUS, Medusa! Ix-nay on the unt-cay! We’re never gonna get to see the goods if everybody’s all pooping in her cornflakes…)

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Amateurs.

12:33 pm January, 11 fatness said...

“I mean, here’s your loving devoted GIRLFRIEND giving you great big huggies, and you can’t even show your pleasure by smiling for the camera? What kind of a doucheweasel is this turdmuffin?”

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Probably the kind of doucheweasel who has listened to this harpy for a year and is trying desperately to find the door…

12:44 pm January, 11 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Nancy–there is a huge difference. There is frustrated crabbing about the man to whom you gave a decade, hundreds of thousands of dollars, an incredibly successful business, a house, two cars, a motorcycle and slunk off with nothing to your name so he could live his dream and be happy. Then there is crabbing about a man you dated for a year, sending a photo and asking the creator of this site to post the photo in revenge, and asking everyone in the thread to join in the mock.

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I’ve never posted a link to my ex’s business, I don’t believe I’ve ever even mentioned the name of the place on here, and I don’t plan to. There is a big difference between being frustrated and occasionally voicing my annoyances among people that I have come to know over the years (one baghunter has dined in my home), and some unknown twit coming in and demanding revenge, putting a face and a name on the guy and encouraging us all to laugh. I complain about my ex on here out a a genuine loss on my investment, and aggravation over seeing other men/women do the same thing to themselves/each other.

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Could you pick the Ex-Mr. O out of a lineup? Nope. How about Dr. Douchebag? Yes, you could. So yeah, there is a big difference, and Heather’s intent and my intent are not even in the same realm of intent. Her intent was to cause this guy pain and suffering, my intent was to relieve a bit of mine. You and your alter egos can go think of a clever retort now. Every time I think you might not be so bad, you gotta come in here and fart again. Proof once again that women are catty fuccen cunts that have to be pissing in each others’ purses in order to feel good. Sheesh. My balls itch, I gotta go.

12:52 pm January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Medusa, I thought the whole point of this place was to out dick eachother. That’s all I’ve been trying to do since day 1. Sorry, didn’t mean to pee in your purse. DarkSock’s horse was occupied so I had no other option. Also pardon my gas, I eat meat so it comes with the territory.

12:59 pm January, 11 tall guy said...

More credit to the good doctor for tolerating Heather for one year, I say. There’s already been an adequate breaking down of Heather’s many shortcomings, but not enough attention has yet been paid to her rather ordinary appearance. Now, Heather, as even my good friends would doubtlessly tell you, deep down I am very shallow. And as such I am a pretty good judge of fine female form. Sadly I never pull any, but that’s irrelevant or at least a story for another time. What matters is that I know good form from form that is not good. You dear, definitely belong to the later category. From one poor quality image I can notice two things: #1 your horse teeth protuberance, which I propose are capped. Fail. #2 Your hair is artificially blond. Phoney. Now neither of these things are, necessarily, bad things. But for one whose entire argument against her ex strongly suggests he’s insincere, your own insincerity has just been well and truly outed. I suspect we won’t be hearing from you again. Daniel, after all, did not return to the Lions’ den to fetch his hat. be gone Heather, and for God’s sake learn to use a glass. Drinking directly from the bottle only confirms what a sluzzah you truly are.

1:04 pm January, 11 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Nancy–outdick each other in regards to being dicks to douchebags, not being dicks to each other.

1:10 pm January, 11 hermit said...

She definitely hit below the belt, but like i said earlier, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” As a man, you have to know that going in, (or getting out).

I agree with Troy, one look at this dude and it’s clear he’s a pompous ass.

I have to side with Heather on this one though, based solely on her use of the term “scrotishly” as an adjective.

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Also, every female born between 1981 and 1993 was named Heather.

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Medical fact

1:16 pm January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Medusa, as long as there is no hugging I’m down with that. Not gonna lie though, its gonna be a challenge for me not to be a dick to Rev Chad. I’ll try my best though.

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@tall guy, drinking beer from the bottle is fine if you’re in a bar or your house or a Mexican restaurant. I had no idea you were so refined.

1:18 pm January, 11 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

I’ve lost interest in bottle blond harpie dissing Dr. Botox. The Nancy – Medusa catfight is much more entertaining. Ladies, please feel free to tear each others shirts off and groan and pant a lot whilst peeing in each other’s purses.

1:20 pm January, 11 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

You know how I know Heather’s a twat? She can’t use a period even though she has had plenty of them.

1:21 pm January, 11 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

You know how I know Heather’s a twat? Anybody that claims …”thinking he can do better than a nice hot girl like me…” automatically qualifies.

1:24 pm January, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

Her letter reminds me of a classic Seinfeld episode. Elaine was dating a guy in med school and when he eventually graduated to be come a doctor the following occurred:

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ELAINE: What? you’re breaking up with me? What about my dream of dating a doctor?

BEN: I’m sorry, Elaine. I always knew that after I became a doctor, I would dump whoever I was with and find someone better. That’s the dream of becoming a doctor.

1:25 pm January, 11 hermit said...

“The man scrotishly overlooked the porch beef.”

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Maybe it was a participle.

1:27 pm January, 11 hermit said...

Et Tu, dude was only a fuccen podiatrist.

1:27 pm January, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Medusa

I knew you wouldn’t disappoint.

1:27 pm January, 11 Wedgie said...

I got dumped by a girl once. They never found her body.

1:29 pm January, 11 tall guy said...

Dreuche, it’s either one bottle or the other. Never both. Heather’s already a bottle blond. That’s where she first used a bottle. Her necking (a UK term for drinking not a term for smooching) straight from the bottle is therefore made redundant in addition to the aforementioned sluzzah-ish.

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I am totally refined.

1:30 pm January, 11 Southern Scrotic said...

Heather,

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Why do you date douchebags?

1:37 pm January, 11 jonezy said...

I wonder what Spurs Fan would have to say about all this???

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actually, no I don’t

1:37 pm January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@MPI 1:18p, I’m gonna have to see some money first. I don’t fight for free. I only fuck for free. Get it straight.

1:42 pm January, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Hermit

You’re thinking of a different episode the one she dating a podiatrist is called the “Conversion”. The one I mentioned was called the “Abstinence”

1:46 pm January, 11 Southern Scrotic said...

“This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.”

1:49 pm January, 11 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

If I’m gonna put up with the crazy, it can only be for an old school latinanesian firecracker. They got the crazy in their DNA, and they don’t mean any harm by it. They only have two speeds, and one of them is full on crazy. And 20 minutes, hell, 2 minutes after crazy pays a visit, it’s all back to normal. You just gotta ignore it, or better yet give ’em a little spank to calm ’em down.

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Heather’s flavor of crazy… it just ain’t as appetizing. It’s reminiscent of awkward BJ’s with lots of teeth and endless babble about what’s on sale at Nordstrom and how her friend Beth is a pleb cuz she doesn’t know what Harry Winston is. If I were Dr. Douchbag I’d be chugging Bacardi right out of the bottle and chasing it with laughing gas.

1:59 pm January, 11 hermit said...

@Et Tu,

I stand corrected.

I do remember George converting to Latvian Orthodoxy and Dr. Watley converting to Judaism.

In another episode Watley and his assistant violated Jerry by finger banging him while he was under anesthesia.

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Which I found very disturbing.

2:02 pm January, 11 DarkSock said...

Sorry, Heather, but I must totally and completely side with Medusa on this one. The only thing I could add to her post would be to copy-paste it and make it bold text to underscore her points.
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Sure, he looks like a full-size version of that one Oompa-Loompa from the Gene Wilder version of Willy Wonka:
edged
But c’mon, sweetie. You didn’t mind them sweaty man-teats flappin’ in your face as long as you got to ride shotgun in his leased Mercedes SLK. Only now, as you realize that you, too, were a leased vanity item, do you find him repulsive. He may be the bag, honey, but you were the douche.
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If I can offer you any condolence it would be that he’s a FUCKING DERMATOLOGIST. That puts him somewhere between Chiropractor and Podiatrist on the med school food chain, sugar.
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For fuck’s sake, re-dye them roots and upgrade to a Dentist, at least.
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And Nancy…I am SO disappointed in you. Posting here under different aliases. That’s just…tacky.
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Dermites.

2:04 pm January, 11 Elastic Snap Hole of the Love Bear said...

Darksock’s right, Nancy. Sheesh.

2:04 pm January, 11 Blinded By The Light Dressed Up Like A Douche said...

I agree with Snaphole on this.

2:05 pm January, 11 THAT MUTHAFUCKA!!! said...

HEAR HEAR

2:06 pm January, 11 i killed a hobo once said...

Nancy, DarkSock is right. Why, did you know that one baghunter actually appears SIX TIMES in the credit section of DB1’s book under different aliases?

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Scandalous.

2:06 pm January, 11 i like turtles said...

i like turtles

2:07 pm January, 11 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Well Nancy, its good to see someone on this forum has principles.

2:07 pm January, 11 Amish WomanPlant said...

I, too, must agree with denouncing this shameful practice of multiple aliases.

2:07 pm January, 11 Amish WomanPlant said...

Er, I mean, I, too, must agree with denouncing this shameful practice of multiple aliases.

2:09 pm January, 11 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

that was on your fucking for free comment, not posting as other identities.

2:12 pm January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@ Elastic Snaphole of the Love Bear 2:02p, my B.

2:13 pm January, 11 DarkSock said...

I’ll say this much, Nancy; at least Medusa, like Baron Von Goolo and myself, have the stones to post our real faces as our avatars. So there.
dfsfddf

2:15 pm January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

You post as “Jeff” one time and all of the sudden you have alter egos. Where is the love?

2:17 pm January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@DarkSock, this is my real face. I’m drawing a blank in this particular avatar.

2:18 pm January, 11 Baron Von Goolo said...

“Real faces”..? Wait…you mean all this time I could have been pulling wild tail with Robert Z’dar’s headshot? DAMN YOU, INTERWEBZ!!!

2:20 pm January, 11 DarkSock said...

Nancy, I’ll make a deal. You show us your real face, and by that I mean full frontal nudity, and I’ll show you my peen. Here, I’ll even go first:
rjyky
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In the interest of parity, I must also post a photo of Plinky’s Mom’s junk:
bht

2:23 pm January, 11 Ernest Hemmingdouche said...

I would like to cup Dr. Douchebags testicles while picking off Hungarian commandos using a slingshot I made from the tendons from deer and hickory branch. Not in a gay way, mind you. But as one man, confident in his manliness, communes with another man while death comes calling all around them. I might also need to taste his pre-cum. But still not in a gay way.

2:25 pm January, 11 Wedgie said...

I gotta hand it to you, Dr. Socck. You are one handsome muthafucka.

2:28 pm January, 11 Ernest Hemmingdouche said...

Medusa reminds me of a medic I once new during the battle for Messina. The Huns and Itots had us pinned down, but this lady went out between the lines to bring back a man who had had both legs blown off by mortar fire. Snipers took her out. I was damn proud of her. Damn proud. DarkSock also reminds me a little of her.

2:32 pm January, 11 Wedgie said...

Tickle your ass with a feather?

2:33 pm January, 11 Wedgie said...

Looks like we’re having nice weather?

2:55 pm January, 11 CB Popped said...

I peed in a purse once, it was awesome.

3:28 pm January, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Hey everyon…whoa, why does it smell like urine and Auschwitz in here? And why are everybody’s eyebrows missing?

4:19 pm January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@DarkSock, its been two years and noones convinced me that having an avatar is important. You think I’m gonna just give in and do full frontal to boot? The last guy that got a full frontal pic from me had to beg for it for at least three years. And the deal was peen pic up front. Real style, not produce.
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***EDIT***
So…this counts as Year One then, right?
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-DarkSock
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PS –
HOT DAMN, Baron; 24 months to go…and yes, Goolo, you shoulda gone with Robert Z’dar for the avatar:

erth
***EDIT***

4:47 pm January, 11 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Plastic Surgeons = autodouche

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…unless you’re reconstructing accident victims face’s or something.

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.Women who describe themselves as “hot” = auto-dick-shriveler….no matter how hot you are.

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.Priapics

4:52 pm January, 11 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

BTW: how does one put an avatar up on HCwDB?.

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..

.Worthingtons

4:56 pm January, 11 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

BTW #2: Miami “Suntan U” University = autoschooldouche.

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.Masadas

4:58 pm January, 11 Wedgie said...

^There is a tutorial here somewhere. And you need to go to Gravatar.com. Plus, you have to talk Socck into giving up the launch codes. Which is gonna cost you a case of Maker’s Mark, plus your wife has to blow him at least twice.

5:18 pm January, 11 Nostradouchus said...

Spare us the pious baloney, Heather. You know you’d be going down on Newt Gingrich’s man jugs if he came calling.

Here’s what I read from the whole note: Poor little tramp Heather ain’t getting her free cosmetic treatments anymore, so she decided to have a temper tantrum. The good doc left her high maintenance ass because 1) he’s got a career to worry about, 2) he’s smart enough to know that long distance relationships don’t work, and 3) even if they did work, they wouldn’t work with self-entitled whores like Heather.

Heather, you obviously aren’t really a fan of the site. If you were, you’d realize that the chicks don’t get a free pass. You are guilty by association. Quite frankly, the good doc gets a complete pass in my book. If he was a douche, an YOU knew it, then it’s your fault. If he wasn’t, and you’re just some vindictive bitch, then good on him for leaving you. Either way, you are the mock…

….I wouldn’t worry, though, because I’m sure you’ll land on your feet…in the bed of another poor successful guy who can’t get away from the succubus.

5:37 pm January, 11 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’m with Medusa. This guy looks like Jeff from the movie “Used Cars,” and if he was in fact a guy who worked in a used car lot, and NOT a doctor, this Heather wouldn’t get within a mile of used cars from him. Her actions are indicative of her being Auto-Something, I’m just not sure what that “something” is.

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Fuchers

5:37 pm January, 11 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Speaking of Used Cars, great underrated movie.

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Rudy: C’mon Jeff! You’ve seen how bad business is. Thanks to Fuchs, our name is mud! Look… we had nuns, protesting out front when I got here this morning.

Jeff: Nuns?

Rudy: Yeah. I had to have Jim turn the firehose on them.

Big Jim: [holds up the still wet firehose] And I knocked them motherfuckers right on they asses, too.

6:09 pm January, 11 Guid is Good said...

Wow that letter doesn’t make Heather sound like a whiney, shallow, peroxided bimbo at all.

6:18 pm January, 11 SMALLWORLD said...

w

7:36 pm January, 11 Wedgie said...

You bitches are too hard on Heather. Cut her some slack.

“You guys are the best and I love your site”. Personally, I love Heather and I think she’s going to send more pics of herself, proving how totally hot she is. In something more revealing than what she’s wearing above.

Some of you dickwads need to learn how the carrot and the stick work together. All stick, no carrot, you don’t get any results.

Fuccen pinheads. You’re ruining my chances for a date.

8:03 pm January, 11 Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabbadouche said...

Props for the “Heathers” reference.

9:16 pm January, 11 Whoop-di-douche said...

Ya know, Heather, ladies don’t tell. Look at Angie Dickinson, for example. Many know she has a great “history” with some significant male others, but nary a word ever comes outta her dear little mouth. Just a smile.

Now, go and do likewise, you bleethy bitch.

9:35 pm January, 11 bilbodouchebaggins said...

Sorry boss but you’re wrong twice. This guy does not have a single ‘bag accoutrement, unless you count the bleached bleeth shrew talking about how hot she is. And what’s wrong w/ dr. oz? He’s head of cardiothoracic surgery at mt sinai or some such hypercompetitive academic hospital. You don’t need his advice. Ok, but have you *looked around* in this country at how fat and unhealthy people are? He’s saving our tax dollars… You thinking of dr. phil or something?

10:08 pm January, 11 DarkSock said...

I peed in an MRI once.

10:12 pm January, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Elastic Snaphole of the Love Bear 4:19p, yeah mark your calendar. This counts as year one. And I barfed in a purse once in a Black Angus. But that’s it.

7:10 am January, 12 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Deer Heather: coffee? let me know.

7:47 am January, 12 Eponymous Douche said...

Heather you ignorant slut. Play with douche and get bleethed. You deserve everything that has happened to you. Repent, or face more of the same the next time you go mining for gold. What a cunt you are. Learn from this. There is still time for you. Although I am not optimistic in your case.

7:51 am January, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

So, Heather, you didn’t answer the question. Did this work out like you had hoped?

12:39 pm January, 12 RAPETIME said...

Always sad to hear from a jilted gold digger who got her meal ticket stolen by someone with a better bod and tighter snatch than she had.

Better learn to swallow and not spit next time, Heather. Your expiration date is coming near.

1:21 pm January, 12 The Truth said...

The response(s) to Heather just illustrate whats wrong with this site all too quick to judge and all to happy to criticise then look at the situation from any other point of view apart from “lets use insults to make our worthless selves feel better” and its this bitterness that this site thrives on and is the reason it was created out of bitterness the real justice is in the fact that all the mockers on here are low lifes who have never achieved anything in their pathetic lives and the likes of medusa are just jealous because shes just as ugly as her name suggests shame on everyone who treats an innocent party and follower of the site such as heather in such a disprespectful way

learn to show some respect to others if you want to be valued in the real world that being the real one in which you are all losers not this pathetic facade of one in which you a “legendary mockers”

The Truth has spoken!

2:12 pm January, 12 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Has anyone one else noticed the correlation between profound stupidity, and the inability to use punctuation? I mean, don’t third graders punctuate? I think they do. Exactly how far below the cognitive ability of a 3rd grader can you be and still function in society? I want to know.

.

Troglodytic mouth-breathing neck beards.

2:26 pm January, 12 soy bomb said...

Way to swing and miss, The Truth. Bet that happens a lot to you.

2:47 pm January, 12 hermit said...

@ The Truth,

It surprises me that someone like you, obviously successful and attractive, would bother to ever log on to this site. After all we are nothing but “worthless, pathetic and bitter.”

That may all be true, but my familiarity with Medusa is based upon her writings on this site. She’s humorous, intelligent, insightful and in possession of a cutting wit, which, far from ugly, I find extremely hot.

You, on the other hand, seem shallow, superficial and lacking in basic punctuation skills, which I find somewhat unattractive.

Remember this is all mindless parody.

I suggest you not take this site, or yourself so seriously.

3:01 pm January, 12 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

The Truth has spoken, and so it begins. The ancient prophecy written in Dude McCrudeshoes 12:15 is coming to pass.

6:02 pm January, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Truth, I can’t handle you. Also if insulting people to make myself feel better is wrong then I don’t want to be right. The high is pretty incredible. It’s like heroweed. You should try it after you remove the stick from your ass.

6:54 pm January, 12 Stephanie said...

And what store puts marshmallows next to potatoes,I’d like to know? WTF? I never made potato crispies for the children.

7:20 pm January, 12 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I don’t ever eat marshmallows, but if I did, I’d want them on top of a loaded baked potato.

8:33 pm January, 12 Darwin said...

See how I did that? y’know, since I’m about to address, ‘The Truth’ I thought a little Jesus fish judo was in order…nevermind.

.

So, t, you don’t mind, if I call you t, do you? You didn’t read the thread too carefully, because I think everyone turned this issue over pretty thoroughly. Some were even slightly sympathetic to Heather.

.

I think where I am disappointed is that her post even made it onto the site. This isn’t about some blonde bitch who thinks she’s too cute to get dumped, so why is her picture up with some shovel faced dude who definitely looks like a complete prick, regardless of whether he’s a douche? DB1, this is disappointing.

.

Of course, t, the most painful thing is that I am a pathetic loser who lives in my mother’s basement–you nailed it. I’m a virgin too. Oh, I have to go, Mom just hollered that dinner is ready.

9:47 pm January, 12 Sir David Douchenborough said...

all to happy to criticise then look at the situation from any other point of view apart from “lets use insults to make our worthless selves feel better”

If there were such a homogeneity as you suggest, my dear Truth, one would suspect a complete unanimity in the comments, which is clearly not the case. The rest of your diatribe tends to be nothing more than projection and armchair psychology. Repeat after me: People who rattle your fragile sensibilities does not necessitate a possession of such sensibilities by them. Even more to the point, since you are so concerned about decorum and respect, you execution in your tortured “nineties-after-school-special” bromides was pretty pathetic (Peter Engel should be asking for cheques). Has it never crossed your mind that perhaps Heather may have been exhibiting those very same deleterious character traits by flippantly expecting that everyone would simply gang up against the good doctor because she was maligned just like every other human being on this planet when it comes to breakups?

*

Of course, that would require some circumspection as well as the pants-crappyingly patent sense of self-examination which would have prevent you from spraying your unlettered screed all over this board.

10:12 pm January, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

Dear Truth:

Try using punctuation. People might take you a bit more seriously. Well, Heather, er, I mean Truth, I love the “you’re just jealous” argument. Uh, no. I don’t pick because I’m jealous. I pick because I’m an asshole. Ugly is subjective, but at the very least, my appearance is quite memorable, unlike the Bottle Blonde #23 look you, I mean, Heather is rocking here. She’ll disappear into our collective as soon as you stop giving us reason to think about you, I mean, her.

.

As far as never achieving anything in my pathetic life, you’re right. I never dated a rich man that I thought was ugly because I liked his paycheck. I never got petty revenge on a dude by sending his picture to a satire site and begged everyone to mock him and worship me. I never threw a fit when a dude moved on, as there were plenty more to choose from and I never thought I was so fucking important that anyone should drop their dreams on my behalf. And I never wrote two paragraphs straight without a single comma or period, either. And here I thought tattooing in Europe, rebuilding a classic car and learning oil painting were actually accomplishments. Anyway, thanks for writing. You’ve done well to help reinforce my points about you and people just like you.

2:14 am January, 13 Baron Von Goolo said...

And as long as we’re all here, am I the only one that doesn’t get America’s love affair with Chelsea Handler? I mean she’s kinda funny in that “office-cut-up” kind of way and she’s kinda pretty in that “lesbian-lifeguard-with-no-makeup” kind of way, but beyond that…mehhhhhhhhhyy I doan geddit.

7:56 am January, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ @ Baron

.

Count me in too. Bitch ain’t funny and has no other discernible talent. So what does that leave? Looks? Ain’t got those either. She must be fuccen the shit out of every single asshole at E! to make sure she has a job somewhere.

9:06 am January, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

^That makes three. I watched her show once. If there is one thing I cannot stand about her, it’s her dead-eyed, glazed expression. She always looks like she’s had too many valium and she’s someone’s ventriloquist’s dummy. Basically her whole act is bragging about being an alcoholic slutbag, whilst propped up in a chair like a mannequin and occasionally blinking. What a twist! No animation, no expression, nothing remarkable about her. If I passed her on the street, I’d never notice her, if we had a conversation, I would forget it after five minutes.

9:08 am January, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

OH, SHIT!!!! Pic deleted as I type! Awwww. Heather is now crying to her lef hand cam jew lawyer (face down in his lap, I’m sure) about all of us. Karma, darling. Look it up. I know, my assholery on this site earns me small paybacks in the non-cyber world, and I will accept that. However, Heather, your actions here got you the cyber cunt-punt you really needed, hopefully this caused you to do some personal re-evaluation. Nothing like a good crisis to help one get one’s house in order. Good luck, and no hard feelings.

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