Monday, January 9, 2012

Terry the Tongue Time Travels To 2012

It’s like a suburban frat tool from late 2008 stepped into the Tardis, fiddled with the controls, then ended up tongue licking a Companion while alternate reality Nero learned to play the viola rather than the fiddle.

Yup. I’m still making no sense today.

And before Ophelia is dismissed for lack of hotchickery, let me not be the first to say British chicks make up for in politeness what they lack in everything else.

Poor Brits. No wonder Downton Abbey gets the pheromones flooding.

# posted by douchebag1
12:21 pm January, 9 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

True fact: Every British babe I’ve ever known has been a backdoor girl.

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.You could look it up.

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.Neither of these two would be worth the condom.

12:34 pm January, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Ophelia has a certain charm. She shaves under her arms, which puts her several rungs above the French on the evolutionary ladder. No mustache, so way ahead of Italy. And she’s about the size of the average American woman’s breakfast. No quartasian brazilippino, to be sure, but cute enough by decaying first world standards.

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But all is certainly not well. She has a little bit of unidentified wrist fungus. But most telling, she is an unrepentant and unashamed douche-nozzle.

12:36 pm January, 9 DarkSock said...

I got her Ban Roll-On….riiiiight here.

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Pit Pumpers.

12:44 pm January, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

British women don’t have pickle slits, they have fannies. Anatomical fact.

1:04 pm January, 9 Wedgie said...

I always liked the name Ophelia. Sounds a lot like “I’ll feel ya” which of course gets my vote every time.

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Rubber Johnnies

1:21 pm January, 9 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Both of ye olde eyes are closed because neither of them wants to be wherever it is that the are. And surely the sight of this Huckle-Duckle and that Fiz a Putain’s Clax-box is enough to make you wretch while pruting about the countryside.

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Rennies

1:24 pm January, 9 DoucheyWallnuts said...

This Just In….

Jeff BAGwell was NOT selected for the baseball Hall of Fame.

1:39 pm January, 9 Charles Douchewin said...

Categories: Britbag

1:46 pm January, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Her last name is Rass.

2:01 pm January, 9 Vin Douchal said...

I’d give her a cake pop then watch her do pants-less squat thrusts in an aspagargus patch

2:06 pm January, 9 Nancy Dreuche said...

She doesn’t look very polite to me. I can tell these things. I have politedar as well as gaydar. And dardar, which helps me find other freaks like me. The only thing I would let that guy lick is RevChads rim.

2:07 pm January, 9 Hurl Scheibe said...

I wouldn’t mind plowing her Shepherd’s Hair Pie with my meat Kebab.

2:11 pm January, 9 jonezy said...

this is a pretty funny bathroom phone pic

2:17 pm January, 9 Wedgie said...

^Great mirror pic Jonezy. Would’ve been even better if it was our girl Brooke Banner. Maybe that’s her attorney.

2:22 pm January, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I feel the need to step in and make a PSA about Herpatitis at this point.

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Dear Ladies and Germs what you see here may LOOK like an innocent tongue nuzzle between two young lovers but in reality it is much more nefarious than that. For you see, small bits of the Grieco AND Herpatitis A, B, C, D, and the newly discovered E versions are being passed between these two. Unbeknownst to them, these viruses will latch onto the different bases that make up their DNA and RNA radically altering their genetic make-up from this point forward.

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At first they might not notice that they are humming the latest LMFAO tripe while shopping for bling at their local mall kiosk but the symptoms progress rapidly until the point of no return. Soon they are “GTLing” (that’s right, they turned it into a gerund [I always wanted to use that word here, he he]) and blathering endlessly about the Kunttrashians and The Unit (look it up bitches. I can’t believe I know this shit). Full blown symptoms result in the skin turning a permanent orange hue, loss of the ability to speak and/or communicate in any form of English (see “Grooo” and “Woooooo”), and and finally ink dickies and and knuckle tatts.

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So be careful out there lest you run into one of these carriers. It’s not like they are hard to spot, you just have to curb your urge to beat them and get any of their bodily fluids on you.

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(This message was brought to you by the “Good Fuccen God I Hate People Society and I Wish It Would End Right Now Club or GFGIHPSIWIWERNC. Thank you for your support.)

2:46 pm January, 9 CB Popped said...

Looks like a job for Travis Bickle….

(too soon)?

3:26 pm January, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dr. Bunsen finally read my research on Hep E. It was done with a charitable donation from my pants.

7:55 pm January, 9 Stephanie said...

Nancy’s making up new words. And Terry’s tongue isn’t normally near a women’s face.

12:49 am January, 10 Anonymous said...

YES!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I’VE DONE IT AGAIN. THANKS DB1 !

8:10 am January, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

He reminds me of a dairy cow. Seriously. When I was a wee gorgon, we took a school trip to a dairy farm to show us concrete-pounders where milk really comes from. Anyway, we were standing in front of a row of penned cows who were munching on hay. There was this one ol’ girl who was cleaning her damn nostrils out with her huge, muscular tongue. I stared in amazement, watching this boa-like thing come out of her mouth, have a pick, then slip back into her mouth as she continued chewing. From then on, every time I have seen someone forcing out their tongue like that, I am taken back to the feel of hot cow breath on my face and the amazement at one of God’s creations picking its nose with its tongue. Blecch.

7:18 pm January, 10 Nostradouchus said...

No boobs…except the taint on the right.

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