Friday, February 17, 2012

Friday Thoughts and Links

Douchebags.

Still out there.

Still making stupid faces at cameras while ignoring hott pear and standing in Vegas pools, while awaiting a court date for failing to pay child support to that bitch who like totally lied and it wasn’t his fault, and he was drunk anyway, so what are you lookin’ at?

Or something like that.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Comic Book Pick of the Week: “Man it stanks!… Lets run over Lionel Richie with a tank!”…

Twinkies workers threaten strike. The DB1’s world is about to collapse upon itself.

Tazerbags.

Do not click on this link: Beach Bleeth Bleach Blech. Told you not to click on that link.

Untreatable gonorrhea is on the way. Or, as I like to call it, Scottsdale.

Maybe it’s a little goofy, but I firmly support the mission statement of the Guerrilla Hugs Project. It may seem silly, but the world really would be a better place if people got hugged a bit more. Provided all hugs come from hotties in the 18-24 demo.

Speaking of Van Halen, the teacher from Van Halen’s early 1980s video “Hot For Teacher” is still uber-hott at 60. Yes, she’s 60. Got it made, got it made, got it made.

It’s true. We’re through the looking glass. Douchebag parking lot frolic has passed through absurdity and reached the sublime.

Here’s your pear:

Bud Butt Can Pear

Commence “Schlitz” jokes… now.

# posted by douchebag1
12:50 pm February, 17 crazed aborigine said...

Billy and the Boingers, bootleg. I still have the little 45 rpm that came in the sleeve of the comic book!

1:00 pm February, 17 Southern Scrotic said...

The Guerrilla Hugs Project is supported by Jerry Sandusky.

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Showerstall.

1:00 pm February, 17 Wheezer said...

There wuz many a day I rawked out to “Demon Drooler From The Sewer”! Opus could fuccen shred on the fuccen tuba, man!

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Fuccen-A!

1:03 pm February, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bud girl has a big can.

1:04 pm February, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bud girl gives foamy head.

1:05 pm February, 17 DontFearTheReaper said...

OT: Speaking of untreatable Virii(i think) here’s Patient Zero http://www.dlisted.com/taxonomy/term/94

1:06 pm February, 17 eyedouche said...

Eating Cheezits will give you Bud Butt Can.

1:07 pm February, 17 Wheezer said...

Oh yeah, and the Boingers’ rendition of Judas Priest’s “Satan Love Boogie”? Fuhgeddaboudit!

1:08 pm February, 17 DoucheyWallnuts said...

^Rotten Pool Pear. Does one bad pear spoil the whole bunch?

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Bud girl jokes are endless. Budder Face is the one that resonate with me.

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I gotta say I think the guy dancing is pretty cool. But then again it’s Friday and I am drinking and have an erection that needs tending to. Tending to, I says…

1:09 pm February, 17 Wheezer said...

Would it be considered “giving in” to the dark side if you drank a Bud Light Lime out of Bud Butt Booty Backside Can Pear’s boobies?

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Probably, yeah. Huh?

1:16 pm February, 17 Sloppy Thirds said...

I’d yank that mini bikini bottom down and tap that ripe bottom like a jack hammer.

1:17 pm February, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

Shit, now I gotta worry about some middleaged lady trying to hug me to make society better as a whole? You know what would make society better as a whole, vibrating chairs at the DMV. Vote me for President of Awesome Ideas.

1:19 pm February, 17 The Dude said...

I would Lillian her Muller like it was 1984. Van Huh?

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Ya know, except for his duck lips, huge shades, spikey hair and stupid tatts, I’d be inclined to give Goober a pass, as long as I didn’t get infected in the process.

1:19 pm February, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

And that is one skanky ass bleeth in the pic above. I’ll thrown in a free clinic checkup to whichever one of you clowns saves her first.

1:26 pm February, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

Bud girl chugs from the tap and from by the tap I mean weenis.

1:31 pm February, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Et Tu, guess she likes the taste of watered down sperm.

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Rocky Mountain Lows

1:35 pm February, 17 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Unfortunately I don’t heed warnings well. I just upchucked some of my kung pow chicken lunch when I saw the saddlebag leather bolt-ons on anorexic “been in the sun way too long” grandma. I know DB1, we were warned, I know.

1:41 pm February, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

Pumped Up Kicks frolic dancer needs to paint himself silver and start dancing on my street corner. That jam is still tight yos, I dont care what you say.

1:41 pm February, 17 Wheezer said...

I want Can Pear to Fal on my staff.

1:43 pm February, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hot for teacher grilf is right on in my book.

1:44 pm February, 17 Wheezer said...

I’d like to glaze Can Pear’s Hamm’s.

1:45 pm February, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

Dubstep is sooo passe, Brostep is were it’s at. Seriously there is a genre called brostep.

1:46 pm February, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’d like to filet can pears dog fish.

1:47 pm February, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’d Rogue can pears Imperial Stout

1:49 pm February, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

I Celebrate her Doppelbock

1:52 pm February, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

I would like to crush can pear and then recycle her.

1:52 pm February, 17 Douche Springsteen said...

I don’t really have any clever beer analogies to express how much I would love to have doggy-style sex with Bud Can Pear.

1:55 pm February, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Re chick in photo ^ , are her tatts drawn on with Sharpie in case she realizes she’s insane or ate too many mushrooms to go through with them?

2:08 pm February, 17 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Someone needs to fish that turd out of the pool.

2:09 pm February, 17 Capt. James T. Douche said...

I guess we all just got a glimpse from the future of the Jersey Shore cast circa 2069 in the link above.

2:25 pm February, 17 Wheezer said...

I had to go watch Cheers in order to forget the Twinkies news. But I was compelled to inform the Boss of a possible HoHo shortage – we don’t want him losing his muse!

2:28 pm February, 17 The Dude said...

Maggie Douche, you are Won Dum Foo. So am I. Looks like its leftover eyeballs from yesterday’s travestries for lunch today, and by that I mean I picked the wrong day to start drinking early.

2:54 pm February, 17 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Dreuche: Face it, you are just going to have to switch over to the other side (a.k.a. lesbian) and get with the program here, which is lusting after / making obscene references to the hotts. Your feeble attempts at comments about the bag who still warm your girly parts are slowing things down. Got it ? Thank you very much for your cooperation.

3:02 pm February, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Pitchers and catchers report this week. Finally, NBA basketball will be knocked to the back pages of ESPN

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3:12 pm February, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

@MPI, huh? Where is this coming from? You want me to lust after women to help the comments move along? I like being the monkey wrench in this place. It bends minds and shit. I just find it amusing that the whole point of this site is to mock dudes so the women they’re with will think they’re stupid and then date the guys that are doing the mocking. And here I am, a heterosexual female who agrees with you turkeys that most of the tools pictured are rediculous and you’re telling me to go lezbo? I’m your target audience morons and all you do is insult me. Now I know why your collective girlfriends dumped you. But you’re better off anyways because she was a total psycho hosebeast.

3:19 pm February, 17 The Dude said...

Yeah, but it’d be really cool to see you lusting at Holly’s *Hollyness*.

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We’re very simple pimples. Peoples

3:20 pm February, 17 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Yes, I want to Schlitz her Bud.

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And that also includes van Halen’s teacher…

3:21 pm February, 17 The Dude said...

Vin, goddamit, they already shortened the season to 66″ – what less do you want??

3:33 pm February, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Dude, which one of these skeezes is Holly?

3:57 pm February, 17 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Bud girl can malt my barley anytime.

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,.

.There, I said it.

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.Cicerones

5:17 pm February, 17 Vin Douchal said...

A little baseball news.

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Ryan Braun’s wife:

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5:18 pm February, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Barry Zito’s wife

.

5:23 pm February, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Evan Longoria’s squeeze

.

5:23 pm February, 17 The Dude said...

Surprise!! Baseball stars have hot chicks! MBL Chicks with douchebags™

5:26 pm February, 17 The Dude said...

@ Dreuche, wasn’t the prime Hall of Hott a Holly? If not, pourquois-pas??

5:27 pm February, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Jenn Brown, ESPN sideline reporter 2012 baseball season

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5:53 pm February, 17 Wedgie said...

Longoria wins it.

Thanks, Vin. You know how to win over the crowd. Any further thoughts on running for President of Fontucky? You can just make these girls’ pics your campaign posters.

Don’t forget, Palm Springs elected Sonny Bono mayor. And you’re way funnier than that little dead fuccer.

5:54 pm February, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Dude, oh yeah Holly, the girl who farts unicorn horns and burps elfin earwax. How could I forget her? Yeah no, she doesn’t give me any tinglie winglies in my girl parts. I wonder where she’s at now, and if she appeared in here today instead of yesteryear she probably wouldn’t even get an HOH nom, the way this place is headed.

6:19 pm February, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

I suppose I should do an evil laugh after that comment but I think you guys all know its implied. Victory is so very delicious.

8:27 pm February, 17 Nostradouchus said...

Pear was amazing. Ribcage tat should be submitted for autodouche.

9:28 pm February, 17 Stephanie said...

dickslap in a pool.

12:01 am February, 18 tall guy said...

Dickslap? Sure that’s not Dreuche’s new name? Nancy Dickslap… Has a ring to it. What say you, Dreuche? No disrespecting you or anything. Well trying not to.

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btw, a brood of MILF-aged hens from the old H. Group are out dancing tonight to a local band that achieved national prominence during the 80s. I’ve been invited – in a roundabout way – and I may go and practice my game. German there? God only knows. Better take the natty L. r’dstar just in case. If she is I’m so on the pull.

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Mental As Anything.

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The Nips Are Getting Bigger.

12:22 am February, 18 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Bud can looks for sure to me like it was taken at the TDY barracks at Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan…right down to the plastic drawers with the crummy snacks on them…never saw her at Bagram though. I would remember a can like that.

12:35 am February, 18 Sir David Douchenborough said...

My Douche and Bleethieroglyphics are a little rusty, so I must confer to the esteemed members of the Academy on that one. As for that illuminating video, I don’t know if I should have issued that gentleman some Carbamazepine. Though, I pose the following query: Has dubstep jumped the shark as to be co-opted into the douche paradigm? I thought the tryst with watered down Euro techno music that has now been transposed into every asphalt laden frolic gathering behind the nearest mid-town IHOP might have warned of the perils of douchmorgrification of popular music, especially with origins across the pond.

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Barbie GIrls

12:44 am February, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Schlitz jokes, really? What sort of infantile toilet humor obsessed degenerates do you take us for anyway?

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Still, I’d love to get my Hamms on her Busch.

5:33 am February, 18 CB Popped said...

^Dreuche, nice job not going lesbo.

6:07 am February, 18 Wheezer said...

Vin convinced me that I should’ve tried out for Little League after all. But Mom was always too worried about my asthma.

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Now I’m stuck here fwapping. Not that I wouldn’t be doing that anyway. What the hell am I talking about?

6:11 am February, 18 Capt. James T. Douche said...

That is one hell of a dumper on that chick, regardless many a bag hunter would gladly motor boat her tailpipe with rippling, undulating glee!

Jello molds

7:45 am February, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

@CB Popped, thanks. It was tough but somehow I soldiered on and stayed my boring straighty self. I know, I’m totally going nowhere on the intertubes with that kinda attitude.

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@tall guy, hope you busted some sick dance moves and at least talked with something other than the punch bowl.

7:46 am February, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy again, and that’s Mrs. Nancy Dickslap to you. (Capitalized for Respect)

10:25 am February, 18 CB Popped said...

It’s so cool when chicks say they are “Strictly Dickly”.

11:28 am February, 18 tall guy said...

Dreuche? You’re married? Wonders never cease…

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Anyway, a good night was had. Several who agreed to attend didn’t. Hardly surprising; chronic isolators and all that. I’m not like that. Life’s for living and all that.

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So I danced, opened but no extraction. Scored a phone number though w/- a view to further meeting (or meating). All in all not a bad effort.

12:18 pm February, 18 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, scored some digits, nice. No, I’m not married. Just practicing how I would say it if I was married to a dude with the last name of Dickslap. You never know, stranger things have happened.

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@CB Popped, other ladies say that too? I keep forgetting to trademark my catchphrases. Doh!

12:52 pm February, 18 Eponymous Douche said...

Cheese. I like cheese.

1:44 pm February, 18 Whoop-di-douche said...

Great when a Douche gets his comb-out

to co-ordinate with his tatt script style…

1:45 pm February, 18 Whoop-di-douche said...

I think this week’s Asspear has taken can-can to a whole different level. SHe’s SO Busch league…

1:47 pm February, 18 Whoop-di-douche said...

And THANKS, VIN…you’ve taken baseball trading cards to a whole new level, too. Sigh, if only we’d had those versions back in the day….

7:01 pm February, 18 The Dude said...

So, some idiot in florida sued for whiplash from getting his head knocked sideways by a stripper’s giant sillycans. Can that happen from male strippers? Dicklash??

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God, this is a long weekend. What day is it anyway?

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Burrp

8:14 pm February, 18 YodaBag said...

Why is an invisible mummy trying to grope the old woman in the beach photo?

And that pic brings to mind a joke I heard the other day…..

What’s the hairy spot between an old womans titties called?

Her pussy

ZING

11:17 am February, 19 Douchble Helix said...

I think I turned DB1 onto the hag on the beach pic. Is everyone too shocked to comment on her string bikini bottom?

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I’ll Bud that pear’s Weiser.

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I’ll Stroh’s her Bohemium.

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I’ll Tuborg her Heinekin.

3:48 pm February, 19 Hurl Scheibe said...

With pitchers and catcher ready to report, Jenn Brown makes me want to grab my bat.

As for Beach Bleeth, when did the Treblinka Spa and Ocean Resort open up?

That shit just ain’t right. At all.

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