Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Goldilocks and The Three Beards

Oh Katie on the far right, how I see your joyful glee. Like September rain or another stupid 80s song, I take you for karaoke and wine shooters until you have to go pee, and the bathroom is too dirty, and so we wander the streets of Minneapolis and make out by a mailbox.

And then I go home.

For the stains of Marty’s facial pubes are uponst your neck, and the tragedy is too much for me to overcome. Even as you cry a plaintive “Woo!” in the distance as I walk away.

# posted by douchebag1
12:23 pm February, 8 Wheezer said...

G.N. Eric Fratchoad in the middle is attempting to simultaneously hold his glass and make a “Hang loose” hand gesture.

.

It’s for his capstone project.

12:32 pm February, 8 melvil_duchi said...

I just thought that no matter what he was drinking he held his pinky out

12:34 pm February, 8 tall guy said...

Blond’n’skinny X 3 = goodtimes!

Nice rack on middle bleeth, she’s otherwise unremarkable though.

12:35 pm February, 8 tall guy said...

I wonder if they’re wearing panties?

12:37 pm February, 8 Ol' Dirty Douchebag said...

Moms drinks free if they bring their daughters on Tuesday night at the Hilton in Melville.

12:37 pm February, 8 Douchble Helix said...

The den mom in the middle is holding up well. Me likee all three!

12:38 pm February, 8 Magnum Douche P. I. said...

I can actually smell the Clairol platinum blond hair dye and Axe spray through the pic.

12:45 pm February, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Wasn’t it decreed under Vatican II that anyone using the Virgin Mary in a douchey way would spend their entire existence in purgatory being forced to listen to her while licking up the santorum made by Jerry Sandusky’s cell mate? If not, why not?

12:46 pm February, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Skeletor with bewbies is kinda freakin’ me out.

12:47 pm February, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Short guy is making up for his perceived disadvantage by entering a world of peacockery. I done pretty good for a short dude without attitudinous. The realm has been opened by a generational shift which has caused men to diminish their worth as the PPP(Purchasing Peacockery Paradox) has given women the upper hand economically. Fucking feminazis. The young male today does not look in the mirror and see himself as the creation of God’s grace any more. He sees himself as a commodity and brands himself according to what the advertisers tell him.

.

When I was in my 20’s pre-Mrs. Kroeger all you had to do was buy them a few White Russians while you drank Rusty Nails, smile, tell a few jokes and you were in whether wearing a yuppie suit or Op shorts with a wife beater on and you got them into the parking lot for some 77′ Dodge Tradesman paint covered mattress dirty action. That van saw more nipples than paint jobs I tells ya. Good Times.

.

But what I really mean is grow a fucking beard or not you primping, gym hitting, name dropping girly drink-drinking,

bead wearing, tat-monstered, MMA posing fuckhead cocksucking homos. I prefer clean shaven myself. Papa Kroeger wears a neat Man’s Beard to cover the scars from when he was in the Canadian Army and went through an old-school non-safety glass windshield when he was 18. Tough fucker. Mrs. Kroeger hits the puss new-school with a shave, cause it’s easier for the licking. I go nature bush 70’s porn-style like Nancy and Stephanie, Fucking women make Creature mad bitches. Where’s Hootie Johnson when you need him. Bleeders.

.

That’s all.

12:56 pm February, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Last but not least, the douche on the right takes the cake. Dicckface has to give a “mean mug” for the cam,era instead of showing how grateful is he to be in the presence of real wimmin. Because I’m such the asshole that I am, I LOVE to make eye contact with them and mean mug them back. Every so often I’ll twitch just to see what they do. It’s just part of my nature (ask Rev Chad, he knows the story) to do shit like this. Not once have I ever been challenged to a fight and the douche usually takes his “date” and moves or leaves. And then Mrs. Doc Bunsen will look at me and say “Are you done yet? Good God, grow the fucck up already why don’t you?” Well, this is why:

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http://www.snopes.com/critters/malice/scorpion.asp

(BTW, I’m the scorpion in case you didn’t get it)

1:02 pm February, 8 tall guy said...

Kroeger & Bunsen: Quantum Potes, Tantum Aude.

1:13 pm February, 8 army (ret) douche said...

minimal signifiers but it reaks of doucheatude… Some how i believe that makes it more foul

1:21 pm February, 8 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I just love the smell of peroxide in the evening. You know what it smells like? It smells like chicks who put out because they have daddy issues.

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Baditude on the right wears MMA pajamas.

1:45 pm February, 8 Et Tu Douche? said...

A toxic combo of poo. They deserve each other.

blonde=mcpussy

mma=autodouche

australopithecinesters

2:11 pm February, 8 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I vote for the MILFY Cougar Woo-Girl in the middle. And by that I mean I’d like to ejaculate into her over processed hair, thus giving her the “Houston Hankie.”

2:13 pm February, 8 DoucheyWallnuts said...

BTW, wasn’t Vatican II a bad horror movie starring Eric Roberts. Morgan Brittany, Morgan Fairchild and a young Erin Moran?

3:54 pm February, 8 Wedgie said...

Isn’t there a band called “Three Non-Blondes”?

3:55 pm February, 8 C.G. said...

skunk chin is an assistant coach on Ultimate Fighter.

4:06 pm February, 8 Southern Scrotic said...

I like the way the blonde on the left’s hair is tickling the breasts of the milf in the middle.

4:25 pm February, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

So, this is where all the blonde thin white woman is at. Tall guy I think we may have stumbled uponst your mecca.

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RevChad your continued obsession with my well manicured nature bush is as unsettling as it it unsuprising. Get in line is what I’m trying to say.

5:44 pm February, 8 Sir Douche Alot said...

The dude on the far right is Tiki Ghosen. He was a Mixed Martial Artist, and now specializes in training such fighters as Rampage Jackson and Michael Bisping. He was/is engaged to UFC ring girl, Arianny Celeste.

Just want you to know who you’re mocking, and the consequences that may result.

6:03 pm February, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Sir Douche A lot, at this point a good ol’ fashioned breatdown from one of these WNBA guys from Cincinnati would be a welcome change from my current situation. But thanks for the heads up.

6:58 pm February, 8 tall guy said...

Now Dreuche that’s not quite the spirit. Hardly the straight bat. I like brunettes, it’s only your Eye-Tie heritage that has you thinking every guy currently wandering around the universe prefers blonds. Correct and adjust this erroneous conclusion. Your own mind is misleading itself.

6:58 pm February, 8 McCrude said...

@Sir Douche I was kidding when I pegged that midget beardbag for MMA. He’d be more at home teabagging hobbits than fighting. Tell him McCrude dry humps his mother when she isn’t turning tricks.

7:26 pm February, 8 The Dude said...

Houston Hankie = my new life goal.

7:28 pm February, 8 The Dude said...

Fuckerfaster needs a quicker name. That’s some funny shit.

.

Hortense

7:31 pm February, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, I was just going off of the data you entered into the system. If you go back and research all of your comments like I painstakingly did you preferred the blonde on average 75% of the time. You can’t argue with the stats man. Has nothing to do with my Guidtastic heritage. Just lookin out for ya dawg.

7:34 pm February, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

Acronym fighters are the coolest.

8:51 pm February, 8 Stephanie said...

It’s like an isle of Barbie Dolls got out of their plastic boxes and are running around in bars and giggling.

12:29 am February, 9 tall guy said...

I wasn’t aware of my own likes, Dreuche. I prefer skinnier blonds some of the time. But then an attractive redhead isn’t to be overlooked. Whatever the shade though, I definitely prefer matching collars’n’cuffs.

3:16 am February, 9 Money Mike said...

The guy on the right is Tiki Ghosn, retired MMA fighter

4:33 am February, 9 CB Popped said...

DB 1 is hitting us so hard and strong in 2012,,,,I gotta bring more game to my mock this year.

4:41 am February, 9 Nostradouchus said...

I see the bleeths were going for originality when they chose their clothes and hair color.

6:35 am February, 9 troy tempest said...

Wow – there’s more skank in this image than my eyes can handle.

FWIW, I prefer brunettes and redheads. Natural Blondes are OK, but they don’t really flip my crank, and bottle blondes with dark roots, like this gaggle of skank, I find repulsive. My guess is the average IQ for this photo is about a 90, and the douchebags are the smart ones. Just another shovel load of dirt on the grave of civilisation.

8:09 am February, 9 Douche Deluxe said...

The guy on the right is Tiki Ghosn. Not only does he have the douchiest chin pubes, he’s banging UFC ring girl extraordinaire Arianny Celeste on the side.

3:14 pm February, 9 McCrude said...

Guy on the right is Tiki Barber, retired UFO spotter.

4:30 pm February, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Guy on the right is Tiki Torch, retired MMO warrior.

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