Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Leo 'Tard

Once, when I was ten, I set off a firecracker and blew up some ants on a leaf. Then I cried.

Now I know that I spared those ants having to live in a world with Leo ‘Tard. And so I feel assuaged.

# posted by douchebag1
10:24 am February, 21 douchesquire said...

Five heads on D-bags, and the hotties appurtenant thereto, seems to becoming more commonplace. Coincidence?

10:27 am February, 21 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

This hipster tool needs to hit the gym. Those are pathetic moobs. And Medusa, I believe this fedora falls in the auto-douche category right ?

Where the hell has Chestbrah been ? Get this bag on a workout program will ya.

10:30 am February, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I wish I would have seen these two on my Family Day absinthe and opium bender. They would have made me laugh at them and feed them in concurrent floral instances.

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Fuck you fedoras. The last fucker I saw who could rock a fedora died yesterday at 94 still a war hero. Good thing cause he was fucking miserable in the retirement home.

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Anguses

leo tard still hasn’t found what he’s looking for, its been almost 25 years. purely coincidentally the first time i found what i was looking for i was looking at marsha brady’s boobies.

true story, i think we’ll let drueche be the judge of that

wallendas.

10:32 am February, 21 Wedgie said...

Hairplugs.

10:34 am February, 21 tall guy said...

She gets no bonus points for hanging w/- the idiot or, it must be said, for rockin’ the part down the middle do, but I’d nail her like Jesus to crucifix given half a chance.

10:38 am February, 21 DouchYouWannaDance said...

I wasn’t aware Marsha Brady had a daughter.

10:40 am February, 21 Vin Douchal said...

She’s got a Marsha Brady-cocaine figure-hot shaved biznootch-wouldn’t you like a little Patchouli scented pussy juice beard?-action going on. Yes, I want a Patchouli scented pussy juice beard , darlin’

10:40 am February, 21 Vin Douchal said...

Woah ^

11:12 am February, 21 tall guy said...

I wonder if he shaves his back as well.

11:12 am February, 21 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

If that scoop neck gets any lower, he’ll be able to suspend his shriveled testicle from it.

11:13 am February, 21 jonezy said...

lotta forehead with this duo

11:31 am February, 21 ChestBrah said...

My recommendation for this guy would be lots of push ups and then hitting the gym to focus on incline pressing. He look like he needs to work his trapezious too. Here’s how I do it and just because I a peek at the other bro’s ball satchel doesn’t mean It’s in any way ghey.

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11:34 am February, 21 Professor McDouche said...

The site seems to have devolved a bit from mocking the douchesters to just making fun of guys who land hot chicks. Making fun of virtually any guy standing next to a piece of taut hotness is easy. But how does a smiling hipster qualify? His hat is a stage 1 violation?

Candidly, you are losing your edge. Maybe you should re-brand the site as “Hot Chicks with Just About Any Kind of Guy and We Will All Rail on Him Because it is He and Not We With Said Hot Chick”. The URL might be a bitch though.

Raise the bar folks. And by bar, I don’t mean penis.

11:38 am February, 21 the truth777 said...

shes as attractive as Kuato from Total Recall

http://collider.com/wp-content/uploads/total-recall-movie-image-kuato.jpg

11:48 am February, 21 Vin Douchal said...

@ Prof McD

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Umad bro? Jelly?

11:48 am February, 21 douchebag1 said...

@ProfessorMcDouche did you scroll down and look at the past few weeks offerings? Hattas gotta hate.

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– management

PS. Moob shirt = douche

11:53 am February, 21 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Sounds like a certain pissy “Professor” actually bought that fedora he thought looked so cool on the mannequin at that little boutique in hipstertown.

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buyer’s remorse

12:04 pm February, 21 Wedgie said...

Professor of what, exactly?

12:16 pm February, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Professor of Peen?

12:16 pm February, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Professor of Sour Grapes?

12:17 pm February, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Professor of Exaggeratedly Low Cut Shirt Sans Pectoralis

12:18 pm February, 21 Professor McDouche said...

@Magnum PI

I didn’t buy the hat, though I did notice it at Hipster Hats R Us. You know, next to Hipster Hat Outlet, right across from Head Garments for Hipsters. It’s all in the Hipster Hat Complex in the Hipster Hat District.

But sadly, I did not buy said hat. They were all out of hats my size. You know, we professors are a brainy bunch, and well, our heads run big even as our shafts run long.

@ Wedgie

I am, in fact, a Professor of Tribal Tattoos. I have spent the decades adding barbed wire, shaman symbols, and Chinese characters to every inch of limb I have. But alas, the bleeth doth not cometh after the 23rd tribal band. And thus my dissertation was complete and my PhD handed to me.

And finally, @dbag1

I ain’t be hatin’, yo. I’s be keepin’ it real, brotha. All y’all got an image to uphold, a battle to fight. There be real dbags to find and bleeth to free. (this is starting to transition to pirate speak for some reason, but screw it, I’m going with it). Ye be better off… nay, WE ALL BE BETTER OFF… if ye keep yer eyes on the prize. Find the dbags, make them walk the plank, and let us all ravage the wenches they leave behind. And by behind, I mean we ravage them from behind.

12:18 pm February, 21 Vin Douchal said...

Professor Prolapse

12:18 pm February, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Professor of Last Time His Name Was D.Baggins V. 2.0

12:19 pm February, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Professor Cock N’ Ball Hugger

12:20 pm February, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Who are we talking bout? Nancy?

12:22 pm February, 21 tall guy said...

Maybe the professor is Julian Assange.

12:37 pm February, 21 Tanath said...

I don’t know…bad taste, obviously, but a douche? I might give him a pass…no obvious tats, no stupid hand gestures, he’s smiling for the camera…I think he might be a guy missing part of his shirt…and for that, I pity him.

12:55 pm February, 21 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

I think we’ve been had. Nancy is pseudonyming again. She keeps falling in love with the bags.

1:49 pm February, 21 Wedgie said...

Professor Dreuche. First recipient of the PhD in Metaphysics offered at Spearmint Rhino University. And shit.

2:53 pm February, 21 Capt. James T. Douche said...

This guy is a total douche, though he has no obvious signifiers other than really awkward moobs about 5 minutes into a conversation with him about some lame ass experimental art project he did in undergrad or some obscure band you’ ve never heard of that makes all thier instruments out of materials procurred from second hand shop dumpsters, you’re desperately pulling the eject lever and at 10 minutes you’re ready to commit seppuku.

4:51 pm February, 21 Stephanie said...

He stole one of her shirts,and he has a St. Bernard dog face.

7:39 pm February, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

@Magnum Douche–indeed. This falls into Autodouche.

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He looks like Screech from Saved By The Bell and he’s wearing a wrestling singlet as a shirt. Douche. Final answer.

8:41 pm February, 21 The Dude said...

Blonde has a fivehead.

9:30 pm February, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

Dang, I sure cause a mess of stupid trouble when I’m not here. No nimrods, Prof Douche and I are not the same person, but I do think I might agree with second part of MPIs theory in that I’m falling in love with the douches. At least they would try to get some without me having to do too much.

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LazyLovers

9:34 pm February, 21 Douchble Helix said...

Hey Prof – reasonable enough comments. We give guys a nottadouche sometimes.

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And plenty of us realize we wouldn’t throw even the skanks out of bed for eating crackers.

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Join in, make us stronger!

9:53 pm February, 21 Douchble Helix said...

Marsha! Marsha! Marsha! nnnngggggg!!!!

9:59 pm February, 21 CB Popped said...

Jan Brady lol D Helix.

2:07 am February, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Notta. However, guilty of aggravated hipstery in the 1st degree. Although it’s not visibly present, the ironic mustache and flannel logger shirt is implied.

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And though cute, dental assistant Carie is not a blazing hottie worthy of our combined drool and sacrificial Philistine foreskins upon a blazing alter to Ba’al, our sacred god of rain, thunder, fertility, and $3 micros down at the Whelton Schooner Tavern on E. Main on Wednesday nights after work.

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I would nonetheless club Leo ‘Tard over the head with a paralytic wombat until his spleen drops into his scrotum and then kidnap Carie for a long and passionate night (8 minutes) of titty slapping, awkward upper thigh grasping, and brief if not rapturously squishy coitus that culminates in an anticlimactic dribble of tapioca-like penile diarrhea.

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Mmmmm…tapioca…

2:09 am February, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

That’s all you get kids. I’ll be back in town next week.

5:28 am February, 22 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I have been a firm believer in the advice I received from both an web expert and professional sports writer who receives hate mail and hate posts on a regular basis: Don’t Feed the Trolls.

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Troll Feeders

6:31 am February, 22 Douchble Helix said...

I agree and practice that extensively @DW.

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But I believe it’s possible that a criticism is valid, having made some of my own.

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Once I determine he’s a troll, no more responses. Imho, he’s not there yet. So why not try to encourage a ‘baghunter?

8:37 pm February, 22 Nostradouchus said...

He dances in the off-broadway production “Kings of Leon: The Musical”.

8:38 pm February, 22 Nostradouchus said...

He has the lead role in the off-broadway production “Irony: The Musical”.

8:39 pm February, 22 Nostradouchus said...

I could probably go all day on this line of bashing…

11:04 pm February, 22 Stephanie said...

If Leo was dead lying on the sidewalk,the cops would run out of chalk for that forehead.

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