Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Mickey The Polyp Buys Savannah A Drink and Shames Her Ancestors

Lessie… count ‘em.

Greasytracks, chin fung, Jesus bling, stupid face, moob shirt, all make Mikey the Polyp a retched excuse for Jerz Guid.

Savannah’s taught leather dress calls for feline metaphors and a vat of Crisco.

Yonder hills are filled with helium and shame.

# posted by douchebag1
10:05 am February, 29 Wedgie said...

Her ancestors have nothing to be ashamed of; them’s some good genes.

His are the problem. It’s not unheard of for Canadians to mate with Sasquatches.

10:09 am February, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I don’t know what the hell she is so I’m calling Fine Feline Mulatto. But she’s a little dark for me and I don’t like the Bob Hope nose. I’d still hit it in a minute. And by minute I mean that’s how long it would take to get my giant flaccid cock in her.

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Son

10:11 am February, 29 Dan said...

I’m callin fake on the boobs, a deal-breaker for me.

10:11 am February, 29 Wedgie said...

A minute is exactly 59 seconds longer than I would take to hit it. You’re a little slow on the draw, eh Hopalong?

10:15 am February, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I better cash my $500 cheque from Wedgie soon. He’s harshing on Canadians.

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Davey Jones just died. God is on celebrity smackdown this year, watch out Celine you screaming french banshee ape.

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Monkees

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfuBREMXxts

10:17 am February, 29 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I’d need to put my hands on her bewbs, to check for implants. And if they are fakes, she’d need to pull ‘em out so I can judge the skill of her surgeon. Or sturgeon, for that matter…

10:25 am February, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I’d like to tickle her lovely lady zipper with my crude missile.

.

Are her raw, red fingers from a stripper pole infection, or does she have a chronic handjob injury?

10:34 am February, 29 Vin Douchal said...

Just pulled a left nut muscle picturing her naked

10:38 am February, 29 tall guy said...

She’s a bit oily for me. Also, Lord Of The Fries Mickey has probably got more front than Ned Kelly. Whether coping a compliment or a payout he’d spin it in such a way that he comes up smelling like a rose; an imitation rose scented toilet deodoriser, sure, but a rose by any other name would still smell like a 4-day old bit of fish fried-up and served on that belt buckle.

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Nice Monkees clip, Kroeger,

10:50 am February, 29 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Savannah’s 115 lbs. of wrong.

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.Not as hot as she thinks she is, with a record of making bad choices in haircuts and boyfriends.

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.With one helluva temper to boot, no doubt.

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.There’s also no doubt makes a lot of noise in the sack…if you’re into that sort of thing.

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.Moaners

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10:52 am February, 29 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Those bewbs look like some real nice jigglers fake or not, the kind you grab underhand and make like you’re juggling. Tall Guy pretty much hit it on the head this grease-shart works somewhere that his name is on shirt and he wears a funny hat but he’ll spin that he really owns the place or is the district supervisor/vice president for oversight of the quad state regional area or something like that when really he’s dropping fry baskets, spitting in burgers and cleaning pubes off the bowls.

10:52 am February, 29 douche-da-douche said...

nice to see they tied for the Jerzzie Cock Suck-A-Thon and are still friends.

11:08 am February, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I have a serious question about doucheocentric industries. I get what Axe, Christian Audiger, and Grey Goose are up to. They build up some douche cache and douches, being natural followers, line up to get in to douche uniform and collect their douche schwag because deep down they know they have no game of their own. They rely on the collective game of the douche archetype.

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But how do professional party throwers like feelgoodnights, napkinnights, cumstainedsocknights, etc. fit into this picture? Feelgoodnights has an ‘about us’ page that is completely blank. If that ain’t an inadvertent metaphor than I’m a 2 meter tall geisha cannibal. But what they do have is hundreds of pictures, documentary evidence, of tragic hottie-douchebag coupling.

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Is today’s douchebag so utterly devoid of imagination that he doesn’t know how to throw down and party unless someone takes him by the hand and walks him through it?? Say what you will about Tigerblood Sheen, but at least that twisted fuccer knew how party oldschool, and without a playbook.

11:18 am February, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Who else on here is a proud Canadian like me and Wedgie?

11:30 am February, 29 tall guy said...

Interesting theory, McCrudeshoes. And if I misinterpret your words feel free to correct me, but what I see is a form of inverted cultural imperialism. The douche isn’t profiting (unless one profits by hooking-up w/- skanky hambeasts) nor is it ripping off or cultivating culture, but their crossover to the douche world is foisted upon them and they’re too fucking dumb to realise it because in ways that are both barely believable and mind numbingly noticeable the douche assumes it is being somewhat remote and beyond classification in its preening dance. It’s typified by a seemingly limitless capacity to transcend all criticism and see itself as unique. Strange cattle.

11:39 am February, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@tall guy, I dunno if I said that. Maybe. I’m just confused by this new business model of professional party throwers. They don’t own the venue, they don’t make the music, they just seem to promote and profit.

11:59 am February, 29 Vin Douchal said...

The only thing I know about Canada is they ship all their hot as fucc babes here and the NHL is the greatest spectacle on earth.

12:00 pm February, 29 Vin Douchal said...

C’mon man, I gotta take a dump….

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12:27 pm February, 29 Wedgie said...

^That guy is a big fuccen D-Bag. So is the photographer.

12:27 pm February, 29 Wedgie said...

I am not Canadian. But my dumps are.

1:05 pm February, 29 Doucheywallnuts said...

I buy Canadian at every opportunity.

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The above couple gives me doody cramps. Doody cramps, I says.

2:21 pm February, 29 army (ret) douche said...

if by proud Canadian you mean, hater of Quebec and Ottawa for crippling my provinces economy… I am… also fuck tommy douglas.

.

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Redistribution of wealth

2:25 pm February, 29 The Dude said...

I’m calling hair extensions, draped over breast extensions, topped off by the first nose extension I’ve ever seen.

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No comment about Chingus Polyp. Wait, I guess that was a comment.

2:26 pm February, 29 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Dude McCrudeshoes

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My theory is as follows: Besides blowing their $30K salary on douching products what else do douches like to do? That’s right, hang out with their bros. And you don’t want to hang out just anywhere. You want to hang out at somewhere “exclusive” because you like to think you’re not normal riffraff scum. And the more exclusive the better. So when you have napkinights or kotexnights or whoever organize and throw an “event” (it’s NEVER a party,. That would be gauche.) and make it exclusive, well then that just goes to show how much better you are than anyone else. Who cares if you can’t afford Fuzzy Navel from the bar because it cost $24 and you don’t get paid for another 3 weeks, that’s what bad credit is for! I wholeheartedly applaud Brawnynights and their ilk because they’re bilking idiots out of money AND they’re providing us with fodder. It’s a win-win really.

2:32 pm February, 29 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ All

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It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel like hurling.

2:58 pm February, 29 McCrude said...

Prayers are going out all over Jerz to an entire pantheon of gods: please don’t let it be me.

4:40 pm February, 29 Capt. James T. Douche said...

I can see the OB Doc screaming when that precious little orange ball of Guid gets shat out “Release the Kraken!!”

8:36 pm February, 29 Stephanie said...

Are both of them using oil from the taco meat drippings to seal in the moisture?

1:37 am March, 1 Nostradouchus said...

Best belt buckle EVER!

6:38 am March, 1 Ohio FJ said...

Me thinks you mean “taut” when referring to her dress, boss.

4:10 pm March, 1 scoaladepoker said...

the douche is italian or arab?

3:59 pm March, 2 MissMissyMiss said...

I think you mean “TAUT.”

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