Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Mike Wins At The Game Of Life

I got nothin’ on this guy. Nothin, I tells you.

Even the faux 70s glasses aren’t enough to convict. And so, by the by-laws I was sworn to uphold and without evidence to convict, I must acquit.

It pains me to do so. But it is true.

A begrudging Nottadouche and goinpeace, Mike. Even though I have my suspicions of douchery.

Cheryl, you are the hottest purity of suckle pooch to grace the butt globble since the days Tristam Shandy entertained the proletariat whilst robber barons stole. I drink the perfection milkshake of your cheekbones, dream of slapping your outer thigh with red licorice, and whimper for the inevitable tragedy of the corporeal form that awaits us all.

# posted by douchebag1
2:49 pm February, 7 army (ret) douche said...

your suspicions are ill founded boss. way to go mike. way to go

3:01 pm February, 7 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Uh, are we sure this isn’t his daughter ? I see a fatherly sort of hover hand going on. Just sayin.

3:08 pm February, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

Kind of looks like a hip somewhat in shape Jonah Hill.

3:30 pm February, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mike was the guy 30 years ago who said ..” Yeah! Micro!.” while his peers gazed in disbelief that this generally well thought of fellow would go to community college whilst the rest of the advanced math class was going to good old university. He smiled and waved and kept out of trouble. Ran around with the cool crowd sometimes because some of us had known him for years since junior-high even. I fucked his cousin for fuck sakes. He was even there the day we all skipped school the day before March Break (respect) and got drunk at the doctors house before the multi-car collison and ensuing bullshit from the po-po across from where the old drive-in used to be when we decided to go to the school we were skipping to get chicks and girlfriends. Good times.

.

He showed up for prom and the graduation ceremonies as most of us returned to the hometown, to which I have now returned to live the last pages of my wretched life, from university. How you doing Mike..”Yeah! Micro!”

We all left to complete our first semester at institutes/colleges/univerisites and never thought of the handsome man who went into electronics and Fortran and Cobol and whatever other primitive programming languages he knew.

.

As we toiled through the four year degree and master’s shit, young Mike was making money working for the feds as a programmer and finally had a girlfriend. Well! On the side Mike was developing a new platform with multiple applications which could be used among the spectrum of businesses to streamline their accounting and beneral operational needs. Mike found some venture capitalists who liked his idea. Mike quit his job and moved to a tax haven to build his business. A few years later Mike left his wife and kids and sold his share of the business to a foreign company and netted 25 million dollars from the sale.

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Mike now spends his time with models travelling and skiing. He spends his summers navigating his 50′ yacht through beautiful lakeways and sits on the board of various high profile charity organizations. I like Mike. I can’t run with his crowd yet amd that’s not his daughter.

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Do I envy Mike, maybe a little. But I don’t have a fucking lisp!

3:31 pm February, 7 DarkSock said...

I’m pretty sure this is Ricky’s brother-in-law.

3:44 pm February, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

He kinda looks like a chunky Hugh Grant. And the only douchey thing is this is one of them posed-for couple self photos a.k.a Look at how much fun we’re having Facebook friends!

3:52 pm February, 7 bruinflak said...

She is smokin’

3:52 pm February, 7 Nostradouchus said...

no chest shave for mike = passable

4:01 pm February, 7 Wedgie said...

That water color has me Jonesing for some faraway island action with overhead hollow peelers and a funky beer called Hinano.

Where the water is always 80 degrees, the babes mostly don’t wear their entire bikini, the sun is shining and some guy just delivered a pizza to me on the beach with a wave runner.

.

It’s cold and rainy here in SoCal. So time for some daydreaming you Manning-lovers.

4:10 pm February, 7 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Harold Ramis can still pull some Hott.

4:19 pm February, 7 Wheezer said...

He may not be a total scrotebag, but he reminds me a bit of CIT Lance Cashman.

4:24 pm February, 7 tall guy said...

She is fucking sweet!

4:29 pm February, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I think this is literally an Ang Moh.

.

She is cuter than a bucket full of smurfs. I would lick the sand out from between her toes while strumming out the chords from Kashmir on a harp made from abalone shells and cat gut.

4:45 pm February, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

Huge Grant. Damnit, sorry you guys I should have thought of that earlier.

4:50 pm February, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

All right you guys I think I’ve narrowed down tall guy’s type using my superior analytical skills and pay attentiveness. Tall guy likes thin blondes and unfortunately my aunts and mom do not fit the bill. Plus they said if I ever try to pimp them out again Taco Thursday which I fought so hard for will go back to Taco Tuesday. So I put it to you Gregs, where are all the blonde thin women at?

5:23 pm February, 7 tall guy said...

I’m both surprised & disappointed ‘junk in truck’ didn’t get more traction. Perhaps Dreuche & Kreoger can cut an album of duets using the term for inspiration. It’s a bloody good idea! Imagine, Vin twiddling the knobs, and also taking a slice of the desk, which could be released at a later stage as a bootleg. The possibilities are practically endless.

.

Dreuche could then do a solo follow up featuring a selection of squeezebox renditions from the old country that she had to endure every Sunday lunchtime during her formative years.

.

So we’ll need working titles for both albums and a gritty name for the bootleg release. I like Hooked On Dreuche for the sophomore effort and perhaps Duo Balls for the debut. Bit blocked on the bootleg, although Live At The Junk Trunk Palladium might work.

5:25 pm February, 7 tall guy said...

‘slice off the desk’

5:43 pm February, 7 tall guy said...

Also, brunette in One Word Tuesday is a stunner!

5:49 pm February, 7 The Dude said...

This Ramis makes my Harold…uhm, what?

5:55 pm February, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, I’m down with some squeeze box renditions but I doubt Kroeger could keep up with me duet style, plus he said the idea if us doing anything together repulses him. He was quite adamant about that. You do remember when he tried to form that old boys club with our dearly departed Creature to get me kicked off this little squad don’t you? Anyways, that’s all water under the bridge now. I mean I’m not the kind to hold a grudge for a rediculously long amount of time, spending night and day plotting revenge. Wait, I am that kind.

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And yes Live at Junk in the Trunk Stadium would make a great booty-leg album.

6:49 pm February, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Furious furry macamberfurr should do a pushup, and maybe lead something other than downy soft manboob.

.

Mama’s got a squeezebox, daddy likes it warm and tight.

6:58 pm February, 7 Stephanie said...

You keep putting photos like this up and you’re have everyone leave this site. Where is the douches,so we can roast him or her…

7:04 pm February, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

^i gotta think Stephanie’s first language is Russian. More importantly, I believe she’s Vladomir Putin.

7:30 pm February, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, where is the douches? Bring us the douches of which you speak. And hey, stop clowning on Stephanie, we’re finally getting along.

7:31 pm February, 7 The Dude said...

Harold’s Ramis is getting pissed, he’s got the blonde gal from Lethal Weapon 2 climbing all over him.

.

Duck Lips

7:33 pm February, 7 The Dude said...

Этот укол, который выглядит как Гарольд Рамис делает мои яйца очередь очень плохой оттенок синего.

7:44 pm February, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Dreuche, I submitted this pic to the lab, but all they came back with was an orangy hirsuteness and lack of upper body tone. In other words: American. It’s just not enough tinder for the spark of mock to take hold.

.

I posted some good stuff yesterday though. If you weren’t to lazy to follow the links. I’m going to to gratify myself to dancing Chistina tonight, as a matter of fact.

8:30 pm February, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, damn it you know how I hate doing work here. *audible sigh* must go back and check McCrudeshoes links to see if by Christina he means the now porked out Christina Aguilera. My life sucks.

8:37 pm February, 7 doucheborg said...

I wish to rub his hirsute, saggy man nips with Parkay whilst longing for a pigeon to smack me in the face to erase all doubt that he smells of Miami micro-brah beer and axe. Cheryl, on the other hand, could Charlie my angel for several moments, divorce me, run off with her personal trainer and subsequently take half of everything I own. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind. If ever a picture begged for photoshop this is it

8:39 pm February, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, yeah couldn’t find it. Hey bag hunter YA, do ya think you could dig up that link McCrudeshoes is currently wanking it to? Thanks, you’re a peach.

9:33 pm February, 7 ehcuodouche said...

@Wheezer

Meatballs is a completely underrated comedic gem.

11:57 pm February, 7 The Dude said...

Her High Member, Hortense has a point.

.

.

I definitely picked the wrong glue to start smoking week.

2:07 am February, 8 Wheezer said...

@ehcuodouche, 9:33 p.m. –

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Oh yeah! There’s this little exchange (even if I don’t get it just right):

.

Spaz: I can’t do this! I can’t even walk…..

Spaz’ hott: Sure you can, Spaz! I’ve seen you walk!

3:39 am February, 8 tall guy said...

Not Live At The Junk In Trunk Stadium, Dreuche! More like Junk In Trunk=Sticky Carpet.

3:59 am February, 8 tall guy said...

Plus, Dreuche, I’m depending on revenue gained through the cross-cultural contradictory complex (CCCC).

Recall: America’s censorship of breasts; something we people from Oz wouldn’t even think about. e.g..

Remember when Janet Jackson accidentally bared a breast at a football game? The outcry from your precious constituents was intense yet laughable. It caused a riot of pursed lips. Later on statistics were collected by the appropriate people. Fifty thousand Americans had rung up the station broadcasting the ‘wardrobe malfunction’ in various stages of outrage, shock, and protest within a very short time.

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Meanwhile, over the border in Canada, there was only one complaint.

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That’s gold, Dreuche! A potential gold record I mean.

4:10 am February, 8 Douchble Helix said...

Has anyone else noticed just how good The Rev’s postings are lately?

.

Just sayin’.

6:29 am February, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

No offense DH, but an endorsement from you is like an endorsement from Trump and The Klan. Oh wait, yes offense DH.

7:52 am February, 8 Medusa Oblongata said...

Go in peace, Huge Grant. Just don’t let her drink up all your rent money.

8:27 am February, 8 DarkSock said...

That’s what they do, Medusa…that’s what they do.

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