Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Moose Is A Rocker

Doe Eyed Jenny (from upstate Connecticut) knows this, because Moose makes the “Rocker Horns” hand gesture.

And, by definition, that means that Moose is a punk rocker now.

# posted by douchebag1
9:38 am February, 15 jonezy said...

I wouldn’t mind seeing her moose knuckle

9:42 am February, 15 Douchble Helix said...

Nom, non, nom. Plus a slight panty line.

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Really? At long last, is this what I have become?

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I’m OK with that.

10:07 am February, 15 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

She has the mayan eye of “uh, I thought you said you were taking me to that trendy new Asian-Ecuadorian fushion sushi place, not this dump ?” Run Jenny, run.

10:11 am February, 15 tall guy said...

She’s bleeth & you could fry an egg on Moose’s forehead.

10:32 am February, 15 Vin Douchal said...

She’s the poor man’s Heather Locklear. Beause you know this guy’s got no “Straight Cash, Homie”
?

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10:37 am February, 15 tall guy said...

Yo! Dreuche, great advise you gave, although you might have misunderstood my first field dispatch, which I take full responsibility for since I wrote it therefore here’s a brief recount so we’re both singing from the same hymn sheet.

.

1 Monday night, I asked the German’s friend if the German is married. The answer to this question was vague, but from it I guessed the German was separated and hoping for reconciliation. As a side note and quite possibly not insignificant, the woman I asked is single and has been “lonely” for some time, but she doesn’t do it for me…

2 Somewhat disappointed, but grateful for what I assumed was closure re. the German’s status I nevertheless decided to seek clarification and the following Wednesday asked a different woman from my home group whether she knew if the German was, indeed, married. Now this second woman I asked is a very high maintenance Dutch MILF (HMDM), who, while very sexy, does not interest me. So anyway, the HMDM tells me the German is not married but is still friends w/- her ex-husband. Inspired by this I send that first SMS to the German and she replied, eventually, w/- ‘I’m lost for words but thank you’

.

Which brings us to today, a Thursday but really day 2 of operations. Now I’m thinking of sending an SMS along the lines of: ‘I knew you would be confident to accept a compliment. I am too so now it’s your turn.’ Only problem is she’s somewhat shy and might find that one difficult to reply to. I mean, I am not sure if I can endure any more anxiety-ridden moments awaiting her reply. Suggestions for an alternate SMS please.

10:51 am February, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, oh dude, do not send that. Please tell me you haven’t sent it yet. How about, “I hope I didn’t embarrass you too much but you really are a cutie. We should grab some soup sometime.”. Soup is the most non-commital foods and its comforting at the same time. Trust me I own a Soup Bible. Plus she might thinks its funny. How often have you been asked on a soup date? Hopefully it should open the doors to at least some two way convo. But let’s say you pay her a compliment and there is no return on investment? It don’t matter because you are on to the next one. I recommend listening to Jay Z’s On to the Next One to get in the right mindset. Hopefully I caught you in time.

10:52 am February, 15 Douchble Helix said...

Y’all may not see any posts from good ol’ DH for a while.

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Having stupidly read that fucked up continuing soap opera’s latest installment, above, I just shot myself, set myself on fire, and jumped off a tall building. No drug overdose, though, I respect my body too much.

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Just a flesh wound!

10:53 am February, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

And is the chick above carrying this douche? He’s like a giant baby with bad taste in shirts.

10:55 am February, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Douchble Helix, if you need help talking to the ladies, I’m here for you too. God bless.

11:05 am February, 15 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmmmmm…… Upstate Connecticut

11:12 am February, 15 tall guy said...

No, that one remains unsent, Dreuche. It’s barely sunup here & I am just about to head for the beach to skip, run & swim. My body is a temple, y’know…

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Anyway, I like the soup date idea. What’s not to love about soup?

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re. Eye of the Tiger inspirations: I did play Issac Hayes yesterday while burning carbon in the natty little roadster. I believe it helped!

.ps what of DH? Nature’s worst blunder, what?

.

Threesomes.

11:12 am February, 15 Douchble Helix said...

@ETD – I kinda questioned that locale when I read it. Maybe, but maybe not.

11:32 am February, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, right on. And yeah I don’t get DH either. I’m constantly praising his side by side collages he puts up but that just seems to make him angrier. Men. What are ya gonna do? Never straightforward and totally irrational sometimes.

11:40 am February, 15 Vin Douchal said...

Not to eavesdrop here but….

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I don’t know about “soup”. In some cultures the word soup means ” shower of cum”. In others, soup denotes the primordial ooze and is used as a derogatory term to denote a lack of education .

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Here’s an idea, ask her out. let her know your intentions as in you’re interested in her. Quit being a shrinking violet…..

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….. which in some cultures is a delicious soup….

11:40 am February, 15 Stephanie said...

These are suburban yuppie scum douches,and would never set foot into a real punk club.

11:51 am February, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

Hey Vin, don’t knock soup. It’s good for your soul and shit. And chicks dig it.

12:48 pm February, 15 Capt. James T. Douche said...

She has the look on her face of a gonzo porn actress right after the asshole behind the camera finishes asking her a bunch of inane and pointless questions while every so often having her remove articles of clothing so he can tweak her nips and examine her clit as well as evaluate her body right before she has every hole filled balls deep for the next 20 minutes.

Jason Hervey appears to still be cahsing in on his Wonder Years fame, she’s nowhere near the level of poontang Fred Savage is getting but hey what can you do?

Child stars

1:07 pm February, 15 Douchble Helix said...

Aye, Captain. That’s the look she has.

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Funny thing, there *is* no movie for her to audition for!! But, didn’t I *just* watch that movie? Uh-oh. Quantum shitstorm!!

1:50 pm February, 15 army (ret) douche said...

can i also vote for Capt. Jimmy T. Douche’s comment for the week? I lost interest with the repeat of penile erosion but do not retract my nomination.

.

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props for the innovative ski pass as bling. he must be in douche R&D

2:02 pm February, 15 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Is that the new move, wrap your leg around the hot so she can’t run and then hump her hip until you reach climax? Where did he learn that watching his poodle getting laid by the german shepard from nnext door? Clearly that is his O face you can tell by the concentration. It is her, what the hell is that sticky wet crap on my leg look. Although I have a feeling she has felt it before.

Tall guy, just ask her if she wants to bang you-this way you might get lucky before she discovers you are a big nancy boy.

2:19 pm February, 15 Wheezer said...

Jenny looks as if she’d like to leave. Of course, this preferably occurs after she hurls.

4:11 pm February, 15 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Her face says “What did I win for being here this long? All I get is this fuccen keychain with the bar’s logo on it? Where’s the nearest exit? I’ll NEVER do alpaca porn if I don’t at least get a T-shirt next time!”

4:47 pm February, 15 Bret Easton Douchis said...

Somewhere, a kindergarten class is missing its substitute teacher…

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…and she’s juiced and hanging with a Jeremy Piven clone.

.

4:59 pm February, 15 Wedgie said...

WTF is going on around here? Is this site turning into some kind of “advice for the lovelorn” column hosted by our resident alien/dildo-crash-test-dummy N.D.?

For fuck’s sake, get each other’s e-mail address, and take that shit private. Tebus Christ!!!

5:15 pm February, 15 Nancy Dreuche said...

Woah Wedgie, sounds like you could use some help talking to the ladies as well. Resident alien huh? Pretty harsh. Is this about the board shorts comment?

10:12 pm February, 15 army (ret) douche said...

have we lost the way of the suckle thigh and cleavite? A mock divided against itself cannot stand.

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counseling

12:04 am February, 16 Nostradouchus said...

Surprise buttsex gone wrong.

i would put up with 4 consecutive hours of late 70s prog rock just to have the chance to put my foot on her ass to assist her in plundering his rectum with a 14 inch strap on while he struggles in vain to get the tricky part of “more than a feeling” down on his own wii plastic “guitar”.

then i would come somewhere probably just left or right of her bukakiable cheeks.

gamebois

3:09 pm February, 16 CB Popped said...

He’s proudly displaying that backstage pass.

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