Friday, February 17, 2012

Reader Mail: Hardycar

Wedgie writes in:

————–

DB1:

I snapped this photo on Friday 2/10 while visiting a client in Coronado, an island city just across the bay from downtown San Diego. This is an affront to all of mankind, but is particularly galling by its presence on this most hallowed isle. For Coronado, as all patriotic U.S. Americans know, is both the birthplace of Seal Team 1, and the current residence for Seal Teams 1,3,5 & 7.

Not having any ordnance at my immediate disposal, I did the next best thing that came to mind, and peed on the rear bumper. In honor of Darksock.

We must keep up the fight. Remember, fellow hunters, it is always darkest before dawn.

Regards,

Wedgie

———————-

It’s like a castrated gonorrheal elephant nad. Shaped like a car.

Good work, Wedgie. The battle continues.

# posted by douchebag1
10:16 am February, 17 Vin Douchal said...

If you flicked it with your finger it would have rolled over a few times then caught a breeze out to sea

10:20 am February, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Oh Wedgie, Wedgie, Wedgie… I’m assuming that you drove to the meeting with your client. And by driving you have keys. And by having keys you have tools that can construct such artistry as “Die you fuccen asshole,die!” and any number of geometric patterns to help “adorn” the “car”. And even if the cops come up and ask what you’re doing, all you had to do was point at the aforementioned abomination and then ask them to lend a hand. Hell, they probably would’ve towed it too just for shit and giggles.

10:23 am February, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

This is like the opposite of a SmartCar.

10:29 am February, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Should Canadian Americans know about secret-ops dudes driving gay cars in Coronado too? Did they make the Olds Toronado there too Wedgie? Huh? Huh? Did they? I saw on KTLA that the San Diego police and SWAT team and shit had a two hour standoff with an unarmed car on Wednesday. Are you all forgetting to wear hats when you are out under that shiny sky thing every afternoon?

.

Eskimos

10:35 am February, 17 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Carbon monoxide poisoning kills slowly.

10:46 am February, 17 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Tune into 243 MHz and call in an air strike, preferably with a JDAM.

10:49 am February, 17 The Right Honorable Member for, The Very Reverend Mother Her Duchal Serene Highness, Dr. Hortense Sussudio Fuckerfaster said said...

that smart car is so small you could parallel park it in one of the cellulite divots on khloe kardashian’s ass.

nuva ringbearers.

that smart car is so small, it uses mary-kate olsen’s dinner plates for hubcaps.

11:01 am February, 17 schlicht bindenburger said...

being a SEAL is super, but there are some doooshes that have infiltrated their ranks…..like the wad that cappped himself a month or so ago! goooooo SEALS go!

11:01 am February, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

That Smart Car is so small when I sit around it, I really sit AROUND it.

11:02 am February, 17 Vin Douchal said...

DLR fucking up an otherwise great jam during a Van Halen dress rehearsal for the upcoming tour. .

.

Check out Wolf’s bass playing, can’t wait until he springs his 6-string guitar work on us. Most kids working in the family business are swinging a hammer, stocking shelves or answering phones

.

Go buy this fuccen cd, I’m tellin’ ya

.

11:03 am February, 17 Vin Douchal said...
11:11 am February, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

Seriously Vin, Van Halen? Like seriously? The only dudes that can pull off believable old guy rock are The Stones. The only stones Van Halen passes these days are of the kidney variety. I will pass on this particular music recommendation.

11:41 am February, 17 Vin Douchal said...

@ ND

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Nah, I’m telling ya. I am a student of guitar, click me link over there <—– and listen to my tunes. Eddie is a master, Alex is still manic, Wolfie's fitting in well and DLR's never sounded better.

.

The new VH cd is really good. The Stones are so-so to me , a little simplistic. But if it’s Stones ya like check out Keith Richards when he was Chuck Berry’s bandleader:

.

11:58 am February, 17 skrag2112 said...

They need to do a Bin Laden on that car. Kill it and dump it in the ocean.

12:09 pm February, 17 The Dude said...

It’s not so much the car, it’s the cartoos™ that get me the hardest.

.

.

Unplug it

12:14 pm February, 17 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Vin, :D. Great song, thank you. [It’s was so good I felt the need to use a fucking emoticon. And I hate emoticons. ;)].

12:16 pm February, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

“Not having any ordnance at my immediate disposal, I did the next best thing that came to mind, and peed on the rear bumper. In honor of Darksock.”

.

Way to go Wedgie, I’m still chuckling about this.

1:17 pm February, 17 Wheezer said...

DarkSock pees on Mustangs.

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I have to believe he’d take a liquid dump on this car, however. As would I. As would you.

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DO IT

2:03 pm February, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Vin

.

I gotta disagree with you on VH. I just watched the rest of the videos from that show and I just came away feeling…I dunno, sad because it seems like they’re just a former shell of themselves. All these songs seem like they would be the “B” side of any number of songs from “Women and Children First” or even “5150”. None of the songs have any bite or balls to them. It seems like Ed wrote all of them in one afternoon before he started drinking again. His guitar work is…OK. I used to LOVE the guy (I had a shrine built to him in my grade 10 locker) and would practice VH songs for hours on end to try to get even 10% as good as he is. But now…it’s almost like he’s not even trying. Don’t get me wrong, simplistic isn’t necessarily bad but these songs are just top 40 blandness. Dave needs to give it up. Good Lord he sounds bad. Alex was never the greatest drummer but he’s still adequate. Wolfie still has time to blossom but I just hope it is somewhere else. I sincerely hope that it is these old guys that are holding him down because I ain’t impressed with him yet. Mikey had chops and Mikey had range that complimented Dave. Now that Dave can’t do anything but forget lyrics (see Ozzy) Wolfie has to carry too much responsibility. It’s like a trainwreck to me; can’t turn away but can’t stare anymore either.

2:33 pm February, 17 Vin Douchal said...

@ Doc

.

Yes, I would see your point had you had bought the fuccen cd and fuccen listened to it. Those videos are of a loose rehearsal they had that was open to the public. From fuccen cell phones

.

The cd is produced really well with some nice vocals and backing overdubs, Eddie’s guitar work is sensational and the band is really tight in the studio. It’s a headphone good listen

.

Will it translate to the live show? I don’t think so. I am skipping this tour for this reason plus they only play 3 songs from the new cd.

.

I saw them last tour in Vegas and they were on. By the time they get back to L.A. they’ll be tight.

.

Still: A good album is a good album whether it can be replicated live or not

.

.

.

Counter Programers

2:59 pm February, 17 Vin Douchal said...

BTW Sammy Haggar is hammering them in interviews and I don’t think he’s listened to the cd, either. I don’t even think he’s listened to that Chickenfoot crap.

3:32 pm February, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Vin

.

It’s not the audio quality or anything else that makes them sound less than old time VH. It’s the lack of PASSION that the songs contain.

.

Example: Ed giutra God with balls the size of fuccen Alaska:

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_lwocmL9dQ

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoXYiG0t_H0&feature=related (Yeah this fuccen ROCKS even as acoustic stuff)

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Ed just another guy who can tap on a fretboard playin’ another derivative song:

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WfQ-hV3WtA

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Not lookin’ for a fight. Just sayin’ new stuff doesn’t seem nearly as good as the old stuff.

4:17 pm February, 17 Wedgie said...

Next time I go over there, I’m gonna write “You are an asshole” in fancy letters using a black sharpie. I want to see how long it will take before this tool notices.

Glantz-Culver has established the Over/Under line at 45 days.

I’m taking the over.

5:00 pm February, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Buy the cd already and find out for yourself

5:49 pm February, 17 Wedgie said...

I like Van Halen. I don’t give a shit if they’re old. So am I. Being old means you’re smart enough to have gotten away with doing a lot of stupid shit when you were younger. Or you’re really lucky.

So what? Consider the alternatives. I’ll take it, with a shot of prune Jagermeister.

You young whippersnappers. And Canadians.

8:25 pm February, 17 Nostradouchus said...

Nice go-cart.

9:34 pm February, 17 Stephanie said...

Simply a casket on wheels,that douche would never survive an accident.

11:28 pm February, 17 DoucheWeasel said...

I used to love Van Halen (and even Van Hagar). Never paid attention to the Third Incarnation.

But what the FUCK is this?

And isn’t this a school night? Somebody report EVH to CPS. Wolfie ought to be in bed….

If they get rid of DLR (showing early signs of Alzheimer’s) and bring in Ed and Alex’s dead dad, it will be like Hansen 40 years from now…

5:35 am February, 18 CB Popped said...

Keith Richards is still underrated.

10:34 am February, 19 no said...

IT IS NOT ALWAYS DARKEST BEFORE THE DAWN, RETARD.

5:02 pm February, 19 Wedgie said...

Look up the word “metaphor” and turn off your caps lock, douchebag.

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