Monday, February 13, 2012

Roadie Freddie Gets Ready

Rock steady.

# posted by douchebag1
12:54 pm February, 13 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I’ve been buried in work for the past two weeks Missed the whole Champagne Katie vote. Work is still going crazy but I just got too distracted by the sound of a horse whinnying loudly over and over and over.

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I’m betting my share of the cold pizza in the breakroom fridge she’s got Darksock’s DNA bonded to her rectum.

12:57 pm February, 13 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

That Rosie Perez sure can pull some douche.

1:02 pm February, 13 Colossus of Choads said...

RIP Wazza.

Greatest ever.

1:06 pm February, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Yiddish hipster Freddy needs a shovel. Freidel Longoria needs a round of applause.

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And by applause I mean clapping with no hands:

.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Osu4zew6pU&feature=related

1:19 pm February, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Boss

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Naw, Send lawyers, guns and money. And It won’t be because he was tryin’ to go home with the waitress.

1:57 pm February, 13 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

For how long has “hobo” been a current fashion style?

These Jagermeifter benders have really pushed me out of the loop.

And onto a similarly ridiculous question, since when did transplanting a duck’s bill onto a woman’s face become an accepted medical practice?

I’m lost.

2:04 pm February, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

She’s got that Hott Latina/Mulatto vibe going on. I’m thinking more Latina either way she’s Hott.

2:15 pm February, 13 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

There is just something hot about the thought that inserting peen could double her waist size.

2:18 pm February, 13 jonezy said...

oh laaawd!

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If she’s Kandy, I’d be up for a visit to Kandyland.

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True Story- I work with a lady named Candace Kane- and I’m not in the nightclub business. But apparently her parents were.

2:20 pm February, 13 Capt. James T. Douche said...

She’s the variety of girl who curses at you in whatever dialect of Spanish she speaks and chokes, slaps, kicks, punches and scratches you to a bloody climax whilst you rail her senseless. It’s a good chance too she would probably let you clam on her mams with an approving aye papi! Which I gotta appreciate cuz if you’re gonna fuck you should always fuck angry. This taint cheese is possibly an asdociate of band promoter Petey from a while ago I feel strangly jipped.

Bromosexuals

2:32 pm February, 13 Ted Brogan said...

I F’n hate that guy. And she’s on drugs.

2:36 pm February, 13 Vin Douchal said...

Hey you assholes!

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Pay attention. That ^ was “Sergeant Scrote Stain” of the Hall Of Mock.

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Nice to see you’ve arisen from your dreamworld, welcome back. Did you bring Plinky with you?

2:41 pm February, 13 troy tempest said...

So, I found die Antwoord’s original video for “I fink you’re freaky and I like you a lot”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Uee_mcxvrw

I don’t think they’re really hardcore douchebag central at all.

Fucked up, yes. But they’re so terminally peculiar and have been doing this crazy schtick for years, in South Africa, of all god forsaken places, I think it’s in some other category of cultural freakery. It’s definitely not “rebellious” or trying to change anything, as much as it’s terminally peculiar and bizarre. Kind of like this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSd5XTG7HTI

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Hot Chick? Sure, if you go cruising mental health facilities looking for pussy. Douchebag? Only in the sense that’s he’s a fashion victim who can’t dance. Or rhyme. Or sing.

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Do they get a pass? No. Do they get a No Pass? No. They’re a liminal border case. Somewhere in between Lady Gaga, Skinny Puppy, and an Art School Talent Show, Performance Art 2nd place winner.

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The worst thing about their “music” is that it’s boring – like most ersatz techno it picks a chord (usually A minor) and runs with it, never really changing, except by a whole step up or down.

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Still, the girls got a rockin’ bod, for someone who looks to be about 4ft 10in tall and has the emotional range and demeanor of someone totally zonked on an orbit inducing dose of stelazine.

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Yikes.

3:01 pm February, 13 jonezy said...

lite postings today = DB1 caught up watching alpaca pron

3:13 pm February, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Word. SSS hasn’t been around for a while. I fink he’s freaky.

3:47 pm February, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I dunno. I fink Die Antwoord and this band have about the same amount of talent. But then again, that’s just me.

3:47 pm February, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ way to close that tag doofus.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbrjT7VowyI&feature=related

4:52 pm February, 13 Wedgie said...

Hi Sarge, nice of you to stop by. You owe us a round of Jager bombs. And a milk for the Rev.

4:54 pm February, 13 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I fink the above bleeth is a tranny; look at the hands. And of course the face. Would that be a “blanny” or a “treeth?”

5:34 pm February, 13 troy tempest said...

Dr Bunsen – yeah – that’s fairly appropriate. Thanks for the link. Rectal Smegma is now my new favourite band. Because they suck.

the fun part doesn’t begin until after she gets knocked up.

they will each confess to having never met their fathers, then imagine the shock when they confess to each other a similar secret. that their mothers, independent of each other, had hinted of an indescriminate past. and that their biological father could in fact be zappa.

imagine the further shock horror and family crisis when they find out it was actually dweezil, oh and they are brother and sister.

grobanites.

6:32 pm February, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@long name guy, you’re right. They do look kinda related. I always thinks it weird when a couple looks too much like eachother. If I wanted to bang my brother I would move back home. Because that’s where he lives.

7:38 pm February, 13 Douchble Helix said...

Every now and again you run into a girl who just wants to have fun. This is one of those girls.

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Worry about the clap or whatever if it becomes a problem.

8:09 pm February, 13 Bret Easton Douchis said...

Funny thing is, once everybody rides the town bicycle, nobody wants to take it home and leave it out front.

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Talking to you, honey…

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(Now where’s that Joe Jackson live LP with four different versions of “Is She Really….?)

8:34 pm February, 13 Blah said...

The teeth in that picture will give me nightmares. They have that lean and hungry look.

9:49 pm February, 13 Stephanie said...

They’re both on drugs. She: chemically engineered pot. Him:

Bud Light and Facebook photos of himself.

10:12 pm February, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

Blue contacts? Suck it up, you brown-eyed untermensch.

11:43 pm February, 13 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Who is that blue-clad brunette GODDESS being attacked by that pustulent Squid?

I nominate BlueBelle for HoH. To disagree is to admit to being a blanket-yankin’ rump gaucho.

4:21 am February, 14 CB Popped said...

Carly Simon still looks good,,,,damn.

10:37 am February, 14 FredN. said...

THANK YOU for the link to Warren Zevon. Just what I needed to cheer me up on Valentine’s day.

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Best memories of childhood are listening to Zevon’s albums on the couch with dear old dad, which he drinks his beer or rum/coke. Flash forward from the 70’s to the 90’s and I’m still sitting there next to dear old dad but this time I’m drinking my own damn rum/cokes.

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Glad we saw him at Park West before he passed.

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RIP.

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And to stay topical, that is nowhere near a hot chick. But that is definitely a douchebag.

6:07 pm February, 14 Nostradouchus said...

Roadies don’t wear that much gold. Tryhard gheys, however……

10:10 pm February, 14 Bret Easton Douchis said...

Hey Fred N….sign me up for a quiet playing of “Desperadoes Under the Eaves” this cold and forlorn St. V’s Night…

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“I believe this hotel will be standing…until I pay my bill….”

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Spent the night drinking at a local bar, looking at the morose 30-something former “hot chicks” who are now obviously “between trains.”

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If I had more “Tom Leykis therapy”, I would have pulled a few predatory moves tonight. Instead, I marveled at what happens to hot little girls as the odometer ticks over certain increments. Not nice.

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Douches like Freddy, on the other hand, just get greyer and grizzlier, and still charm the girls. Then, some time around the 48th birthday, they turn to crap all at once.

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12:59 pm February, 16 FredN. said...

You got it, Bret Easton Douchis.

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Desperadoes under the Eaves is my favorite to play when I’m on my second to last rum/coke.

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After a girl just left me.

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And the credit card bill is waiting in the foyer.

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RIP

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