Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Scruffwad

Maybe HCwDB doesn’t have the cultural impact or resonance it once had. But I’m okay with that.

So long as I have a place on the interwebs to mock Scruffwad and his stupidhair while lusting after Jenny Milkshake Purity Suckle Fondle, then all is well in my little universe.

And I’m glad you’re still with me.

# posted by douchebag1
12:43 pm February, 21 Professor McDouche said...

I applaud the efforts of dbag1 to take the fight back to mocking those who are mockworthy. The next cheap American beer is on me. Salud.

12:59 pm February, 21 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Scruffwad had a conscious thought once. Once.

1:02 pm February, 21 jonezy said...

Scruffwad looks like he just got his anus lacquered.

1:03 pm February, 21 Douche Springsteen said...

I wonder how long it took the Scruffwad to “primp” himself for a night out on the town. I look almost exactly like that after I wake up on the floor after a weekend bender, but then I do this thing called combing my hair and shaving to make myself presentable when I leave the house.

1:09 pm February, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I thought Scruffwad was OK until he met Gwen Stafani. And don’t get me going on how fat that hot slut from The Sopranos got. Fuck.

1:22 pm February, 21 The Dude said...

Even without the stupidhair, Scruffy McWad violates with that smug look on his face. Yeah, Scruff — you really have it all put together, eh?

1:30 pm February, 21 merle baggard said...

I’m sitll here. Thanks DB1.

2:23 pm February, 21 Professor McDouche said...

ScruffWad has mastered the next-generation comb-over. By combing the sidehair forward, he hopes to hide the inevitable balding that threatens to unsaddle said douchewad. When asked to inspect, supple Jenny can do nothing but avert her gaze. Yes, Jenny, you see the unavoidable conclusion of this romp. Stare away all you like, but the side-comb-over only ends in an awkward breakup text followed by some man-sobs and a week of stalking leading up to a restraining order and a cavity search.

Isn’t the goal of these rants to make the sentences long? I know I am new, so I don’t want to break the protocol.

2:31 pm February, 21 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I think that’s Mark A. Sheppard‘s younger brother.

2:48 pm February, 21 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Scruffwads, as a category of Douche-i-tude, do not offend me as much as most garden variety pudwacks.

.

.True, they go to great lengths to make themselves look “tough” and “edgy” (thereby nullifying the effect for anyone with a brain or any cultural reference points), but a scowl and perpetual 5 o’clock shadow is but another form of peacock-er-y, and far less shovel-to-the-face worthy than four-prong hair, excessive tatts or chin straps.

.

.

Plus, Jenny Milkshake gave me an insta-woody so I’m feeling in a generous mood today.

.

.

.Adelsons

2:51 pm February, 21 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Jenny’s BFF: “Smile for the camera you guys!”

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Scruffwad: “Nnnn-nnn-gggggguh.”

2:56 pm February, 21 Capt. James T. Douche said...

He looks like his mid poop contraction as he is birthing a big brown 16 inch corn-back rattler!

2:57 pm February, 21 Bigphatnotadouche said...

The Hott has been on the site before. Where is Wedgie when you need him? Or are dead looking blondes with no soul becoming too common in my faded memory?

Get some

3:17 pm February, 21 Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabbadouche said...

She looks a lot like my friend Rhonda (very good thing), with a small dose of Paris Hilton (very bad thing). I’m conflicted. She’s pretty, yet I don’t want to touch her. This site gives me trouble when I read it while sober.

4:04 pm February, 21 Wedgie said...

I always wanted to date a girl named Jenny Milkshake. Damn great handle. Almost as good as Brooke Banner.

4:10 pm February, 21 troy tempest said...

Scruffwad is entropy with hair gel.

4:44 pm February, 21 Stephanie said...

Jenny has nuts in her cheeks,like a squirrel and the guy is brain dead,that is all.

6:53 pm February, 21 Douchble Helix said...

Why would she walk around with walnuts in her cheeks?

.

Hellers

7:00 pm February, 21 tall guy said...

I like Jenny Milkshake. There’s a slight nordic thing going on with her. Not strictly nordic, more the type of nordic depicted in advertising pitching products that are, allegedly, nordic inspired. Things like bath soap.

7:36 pm February, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

I didn’t know “hung over” was considered stylish.

8:56 pm February, 21 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

So what’s wrong with this guy? I thought everyone wears D neck stoopid T shirts with pin stripe suits, and bizarre hardware on the lapel…am I wrong here? Do I need to rethink my wardrobe choices?

9:01 pm February, 21 Douchble Helix said...

Terri Garr -ish.

9:37 pm February, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

I’m glad I’m still with me too. This place will never run out of material. It is however running out of mojo and I think the only cure is a new inductee into the HOH. I don’t care who it is, but if someone doesn’t get in there soon I’m thinking y’all have gone H-mo. Not that’s themes anything wrong with that, just you know I’m here to get my mingle on.

9:57 pm February, 21 CB Popped said...

She is so honey suckle milkshakefondlegrope…….

The only prob is the DB looks a little like me.

Damn.

10:11 pm February, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

Say it ain’t so CB Popped. You comb your hair forward on the sides to cover up the receding hairline? And you wear broaches on your lapel? Damn, in my Therafluantasies you’re always so super chill and old school skater boy lookin’. You definitely don’t use gel after any of the shower scenes that’s fer sure.

11:02 pm February, 21 CB Popped said...

Dreuche, I do none of that. 😉

It ain’t so, just a funny post. I have the same eye color as this joker. Sux.

I thrive in your Therafluantasies, and gratefully so. What guy wouldn’t want that honor?

11:04 pm February, 21 CB Popped said...

Yeah, no broaches on my lapels.

Hehe,

12:03 am February, 22 tall guy said...

He missed blue this morning. My old dad used to say that to me:

.

Dad – “you miss blue this morning?”

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Me – “Eh?”

.

Dad – “Blue Gillette, you forgot to shave!”

.

As a result I’ve never sported a designer growth. Dads.

12:38 am February, 22 The Dude said...

Because I rarely look at myself in the mirror unless I’m naked, I have occasionally gone out in public with an accidentally popped collar, and sometimes my hair is sticking straight up on whatever side I was sleeping on the night before. Never on purpose. Purposes and sea lions are endangered.

1:44 am February, 22 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I’m transfixed on the cheaply embroidered pattern on his lapel. What is that design? Is it a map of his home planet and set of instructions aimed at extraterrestrial intelligent life similar to the Voyager 1 record?

.

Or is it a stylized post-deco architectural design concept to rival the genius of Frank Lloyd Wright? Perhaps it’s even representative of a contextualized form of superstring theory dynamics that binds magnetic monopole dark matter synergy with the proportionality constant of photon energy and electromagnetic phase oscillations in quantum mechanics.

.

Nah. This guy’s a dick, and needs a frickin’ shave. Preferably using a vat of molten lead and a cheese grater.

5:30 am February, 22 DoucheyWallnuts said...

This is the guy who wears the wool hat to work out in the gym.

6:21 am February, 22 Douchble Helix said...

Steelers hat in the back.

.

Ipso facto, 100% DOUCHEBAG!!!!

8:14 am February, 22 Doucheywallnuts said...

Carriers of the Herpster, douchebag virus.

http://www.details.com/about/guerreisms

8:17 am February, 22 Nancy Dreuche said...

@CBP, phew. I will carry on then. 🙂

8:40 pm February, 22 Nostradouchus said...

Christopher Meloni post-douche makeover.

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