Thursday, February 9, 2012

Uberbro Meltdown

Forget adding up the signifiers. The douche counting machine just melted down into a pile of toxic poo.

There is no coming back from witnessing this atrocity.

We are all through the rabbit hole now.

# posted by douchebag1
2:16 pm February, 9 soy bomb said...

Don’t see what the big deal is, that’s how I do my hair before attending Star Trek conventions as well.

2:17 pm February, 9 tall guy said...

Nice arse on the hott. Nice for pounding.

2:19 pm February, 9 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

I only see one bed in the background. Where will she sleep?

2:33 pm February, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

What in the sweet fuck is that classic beauty doing with the Swiffer brothers? Fuck I’m mad. Fuckity fuck cfucking fucking opopo!

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Laces

2:41 pm February, 9 jonezy said...

it would be sweet if Machete jumped into the scene and started hacking away.

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It’s been a bad month for machines

2:49 pm February, 9 baffomet said...

Damn! Baby got Back!!

2:52 pm February, 9 Dan said...

That’s a very special ass … and I like how doofus on the right is more interested in the view on the tiny screen then the view in the big mirror in front of him.

2:52 pm February, 9 skrag2112 said...

Gay Klingon on the left. Notice the forehead ridges.

2:55 pm February, 9 UFO Destroyers said...

Beautifully written Good Reverend. Beautifully written.

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Most of the “groooooming” articles in the foreground are of the douchial variety. She just needs a gently used Bounce dryer sheet to remove static from her hemline and she is ready to go. On the other hand the taints with the camera phones need an hour’s worth of preparation (H) to get to looking this way.

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Maybe this is the last photo of the two guys with all their kidneys intact.

2:55 pm February, 9 Douche Springsteen said...

That butt is a thing of beauty. Those other two asses can cram it with a can of Aquanet.

I think this could very well be included in DB1’s future Guggenheim show.

3:10 pm February, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I want this guy to be their father:

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kl1ujzRidmU

3:20 pm February, 9 DarkSock said...

I’d invite her over to play with my XCockks 360 game “Call of Doodie: Back(door) Opps”.

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D-Pads.

3:22 pm February, 9 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

I got nothing ! I can’t stop laughing at these two. And that is one big thick ass !

3:25 pm February, 9 Baron Von Goolo said...

The guy on the left runs The Lollipop Guild, an Oz-themed nightclub in Orlando. If you ask the bartender to makie your date’s drink “Cowardly Lion style” he’ll drop a roofie in it for you.

3:26 pm February, 9 creature said...

BDunk-a-Dunk!

3:27 pm February, 9 Geoffrey said...

the question is: which camera captured this pic?

3:30 pm February, 9 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Sweet Baby Jesus and the Orphans! What a rump!

3:33 pm February, 9 Wedgie said...

Oh, now you all come around. But back then, you ridiculed me when I said Colonel Kurtz was right.

3:45 pm February, 9 troy tempest said...

I agree with the tagging – this is definite Guggenheim material.

3:47 pm February, 9 troy tempest said...

I’m still waiting for another moment of brilliance that can compete with “Still Life with Coors Lite”. That was a masterpiece.

3:56 pm February, 9 Et Tu Douche? said...

Ouch, I’m going back to oogle Marta Roig from Barcelona, Spain and by oogle I mean weep silently in the dark whilst in the fetal position.

4:12 pm February, 9 Nancy Dreuche said...

One camera wasn’t enough? Both of these idiots needed to snap a shot? If youre close enough to pose in the can together, one of you morons can probably take the picture and then send it to the other moron. Or does anyone trust anyone anymore?

4:13 pm February, 9 army (ret) douche said...

damn it! late again, this time on the dual camera call! i’m off this week…

4:24 pm February, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Sweet mother of fuck. I have tried to convince myself that this pic could be something other than what the evidence suggests. These two douchebags share the same toothbrush. Gross.

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I have a sneaky suspicion that there are a lot more explicit pics out there of these two fey Klingons using a double team with Oksana as an excuse to rub each others wood together like a couple of boy scouts trying to start a campfire.

4:34 pm February, 9 Wedgie said...

^Which brings up an interesting question: Is it still gay rubbing if it takes place during a d.p.?

5:20 pm February, 9 Pootie Tang said...

The dudes don’t count as douchebags if they’re gay. That’s just their culture, don’t hate.

5:58 pm February, 9 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Ya know, that rather classy lookin’ wench has a pretty slurpy, ripe lookin’ pear, I would relish the opportunity to run my tongue over her glutes and smell her bunghole. In fact, I bet her buttcheeks taste like particularly silken, high quality vanilla ice cream……..drrrroooollll………….

The two cockroaches sandwiching her need to get jobs – and I have just the thing for their level & kind of talents and abilities! I understand the DoD is funding the Railgun research project at the University of Texas at Austin, and the weapon development has reached a further milestone in testing. These two would be excellent candidates for live targets, I think. In fact, they’d be contributing to the future defense of the nation. I can’t imagine there is anything more useful they could do with their lives……..

6:06 pm February, 9 Wheezer said...

She needs a name before she gets any Hall of Hott consideration. Quickly now.

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What, no one else brought it up? She did, so to speak. Damn, a backless dress, that kind of quality ass pear, and her hair pulled up so I can nibble on her neck…..ummmmm, gotta go take care o’ somethin’…..

6:17 pm February, 9 hermit said...

That chick is truly a classic beauty. It’s as if Liz Taylor and that horse from National Velvet gang-raped Jessica Alba.

6:21 pm February, 9 hermit said...

So, I’m a hopeless romantic.

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Guilty

10:25 pm February, 9 Nostradouchus said...

Best hair ever. I’m predicting a Douchie.

3:21 am February, 10 The Dude said...

I’d put my Gugge in her heimer.

5:23 am February, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Any peen rubbing is total gayness Wedgie. No exception for porn dudes either. Threesome must only be FFM in the porn vernacular.

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Mandingo

6:04 am February, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d like to gove these fuckers a Dropkick Murphy. Gonna be a long day. Been drinking since 3.

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Drunken Insomnicasa

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-64CaD8GXw

7:06 am February, 10 troy tempest said...

This is what makes this picture Gugenheim bound:

1. IT is of the time – we all know pictures of douche and bleeth in the bathroom snapped on a phone are the latest stupidity.

2. THeir clothing and hairstyles place them in a certain category of douchebag of our time, similar to the paintigns of Robert Longo who painted images of what passed for douchebags in the early 1980s – basically the Reptiles who have eviscerated the economy today, but 30 years ago were just junior league post-political business school asshats, viz:

http://www.theartsyn.com/.a/6a00d8345165dc69e20120a59c150b970b-800wi

3. The Ambiguity of the source: which douche snapped THIS particular picture? If not one, then the other, which implies a multiplicity of source, and once so opened leads to an aporetic genesis story on the one end, or more of a collective whole on the other: no one douche took this photo, but The Douche as a category or social object took the picture, much as the following picture makes sense: how the project of Modernity results in the opposite of its intentions:

https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-XPzoWp9owoQ/TihWsIONP4I/AAAAAAAACHs/vXKvl523vf8/liberte%2Begalite%2Bfraternite%2Bcctv.jpg

So I think it is safe to say that the question of WHO took this picture is lost in the endless hall of mirrors we call consciousness and ends either in an unresolvable state: aporia, or in a position of collective repsonsibility: the decadent collapsing culture that would produce douchebags in general and the douchebags themselves in particular, as one should not overdetermine causality, because the object of a cause always withdraws from the phenomenon of causation (either into aporia or another causation) hence, Harman’s Object Oriented Ontologies and the speculative realism of Meillessoux.

4. This photo is the true end of post-modernism. We need not engage the debate any longer – the jig is up. The party’s over. It has hit the fan. We can now look at Baudrillard’s theories of the simulacra as “quaint”, much as we look at Rousseau’s notion of the Noble Savage – a product of that time, and grossly ignorant. This photo defies identity, it defies any originary inquest, it is completely technological and not only exists only within a media sphere, but it exists because of the mediasphere. And the society that surrounds this Spectacle? Far more rotted and pathetic than anything Debord could have imagined. 12 year old child soldiers are commanded to murder their parents and brothers and sisters in order for local warlords to get a stronger lock on the extraction of coltan; and from that coltan come the necessary parts of the cellphone so that a couple of chimps with goop in their hair get to photograph a girl with a big fat ass, completely oblivious of the murderous horror that their entire lifestyle, interests, and practices are predicated upon.

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This is the final nail in the coffin of post-modernism. There is no going back. We have sailed over the cliff of modernity, and our post-modern legs are tired of pretending we’re still running in the air, a la Wile E Coyote, and now we’re on that long hysterical drop to the bottom of the Canyon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_d8ROhH3_vs

7:08 am February, 10 tall guy said...

I’m glad her beauty hasn’t gone unnoticed. There’s something very alluring about her. I strongly suspect it’s the combination of poundable arse, sweet-as-a-nut-face, peach neck display & backless dress that does it for me.

7:16 am February, 10 I R A Darth Aggie said...

That dress looks really good from that angle.

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It would look better on the floor, next to my bed.

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What?

7:52 am February, 10 Wedgie said...

Nice close to your rant, Troy; The Acme Company thanks you.

8:36 am February, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

Troy FTW and were I still in college, I would pirate that for a thesis.

9:20 am February, 10 McCrude said...

She has my attention, but I need a face on pic to be sure I’m not being bamboozled.

12:21 pm February, 10 DixieRecht said...

Why are these boys with her? I’d expect them to be cuddling each other and grooming each others obnoxious hairdos.

Do they qualify as males with those ‘dos??

Yikes!!

1:45 pm February, 10 Hurl Scheibe said...

The Decline of Western Civilization.

9:45 pm February, 10 Blah said...

The beauty built for comfort is wasted on the Leapfrog Brothers.

6:29 am February, 11 CB Popped said...

DB on left has the “E-Blo” hair-do in full effect.

4:37 am February, 12 CB Popped said...

That is quality pear. Retro-dress vibe.

5:23 am February, 12 my friends call me @$$hole said...

ohmygod she’s FUCKING GORGEOUS!!!!

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