Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Breaking: April 2011 Playboy Playmate and All Natural Semitic Hottie Jaclyn Swedberg is Hott, Dates Douchebags

Not-so-famous Playboy model and potentially Semitic hottie, Jaclyn Swedberg, dates the douches.

Or perhaps that’s not breaking news at all.

Nor is it when Jaclyn Swedberg shames the Torah.

# posted by douchebag1
11:44 am March, 28 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Holy Shit Balls!!!! A Playboy model dating a douchebag!!!! Fuck!! Where’s CNN, FOX, MSNBC, TMZ, et al?? They really dropped the ball reporting this one!

11:45 am March, 28 jonezy said...

seems sorta notta with all the smiles and such- just happy to have a Playmate and a Ferrari. Can’t blame him too much for that.

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The Primate lurching in the background on the other hand…

11:46 am March, 28 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Clearly she does not keep kosher.

Shomer Shabbos

11:53 am March, 28 Branch Sticky Icky said...

Wait so this chick is dating this guy? Where is the freaking humanity when you need it? She doesn’t deserve him! Look at how cool he is! I’m gonna go spark up a doob and have some alcohol this so depressing. I haven’t been this bummed since they cancelled Models Inc.

11:54 am March, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

She looks like Jenna Haze, which is another way of saying boner. I got a dollar that says that says her first nose left no question of semetic heritage.

12:00 pm March, 28 Branch Sticky Icky said...

Did you guys see his car?!!!! This is just rediculous that we live in a world where these things happen. Rediculous. I don’t know if I’ll be able to function for the rest of the day. Grumble alert!

12:07 pm March, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Not only does she shame the Torah but she embarasses every kosher deli in the Tri-State area hanging around with that hunk of bolonga

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Such a nice goil, vhy you vanna be with vith such a gornisht helfen goyim shlemiel?

i got two old testacles and a dead divine revelation that would like to gita govinda her mishnah

yashts

12:11 pm March, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Yeah, Yeah, I know,…. Hey Vin! Where’s the NSFW layout?

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Here

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Bleeth lovers

12:15 pm March, 28 tall guy said...

Jonezy FTW for drawing attention to simian background scenery.

12:16 pm March, 28 tall guy said...

Good Lord, Vin, she’s alright!

12:27 pm March, 28 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Hey, is that A-Rod?

12:32 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m so drunk I had to take a cab to run errands and I come back to see this. I mean I don’t mean to be an alter cocker but I like to yentz her blintz bagem but my balabusta might plotz and make me a shlemiel and kick me in the schvantz. This dude is 100% fershtinkiner if he thinks he gonna keep gresping with the non shiksa Mensch. I’m gonna schlock my way to the shivitz and have a doobenstein before the balabusta gets home to the schmaltz of my ballsack.

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And she’s pretty. I hate him. Hate!

12:34 pm March, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

“I’m so drunk I had to take a cab to run errands” FTW!!!!!

12:43 pm March, 28 Douchble Helix said...

This is the greatest non-porn website on the internets.

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Oh, I see, they’re in that Ferrari on a Saturday.

12:44 pm March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

There is only one way to unsee this picture of simian micturation with future semetic porn stars on this week that I thought was Passover but I just realized I’m a week ahead of time but fuck it the salmon and Manichevitz I just bought aren’t gonna last for two fucking weeks so Pasach is this fucking Saturday at my kibbutz. And I’m not clearinf the house of chametz cause I ordered some brisket from Montreal and I eat it on leavened bread. Leavened, I says.

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Oh yeah the only way to unsee that fuck above in his Ferrari with semetic hottness is to counter the evil with good semetism. And by good Jew’s. I mean.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wj10EzNKA2M&feature=related

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And pre-supper doobies. Brother.

12:44 pm March, 28 YA said...

Sorry DB1, but Swedberg is probably a, you guessed, Swedish or Scandinavian last name, most common in Minnesota.

12:45 pm March, 28 Wheezer said...

Thanks for more Spank Bank material, Vin (12:11 p.m.)! There’s a really nice NSFW ass pear shot in there amongst all the rest. Bring that one back on Friday, willya?

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On Friday, I says.

12:47 pm March, 28 Wheezer said...

For you Facebook stalkers (and don’t mind me if I’m posting anything there):

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https://www.facebook.com/MissApril2011

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002024050449

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Of course her personal page is fuccen private…..

1:01 pm March, 28 Rev. Chad drunki said...

I’d Hugh her Hefner.

1:02 pm March, 28 Rev. Chad drunki said...

I’d facebook her friend. If her friend is her pussy ha!

1:02 pm March, 28 Rev. Chad drunki said...

I’d filet her fish stink.

1:02 pm March, 28 Rev. Chad drunki said...

I’d menst her ruation.

1:04 pm March, 28 Rev. Chad drunki said...

I’d lick her from head to toe before I got mad and put on my wax Kevin Spacey face and did her bum in a gentle yet rapier fashion.

1:28 pm March, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’d schmear her bagel hole

1:50 pm March, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

Maybe that’s just her Shabbos Goy.

1:52 pm March, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

No, it’s her Shabbos Douche.

1:57 pm March, 28 wonderdouche twin said...

Wow she studied Communications but didn’t graduate, what are the odds.

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One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight! Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!

2:02 pm March, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

I peed on a Semetic Hott once.

2:18 pm March, 28 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

I’d bialy her bagel hole.

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.I’d schmear her Borscht Belt.

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.I’d schmaltz her krepplach.

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….and challah about it.

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..

Circumcisors

2:19 pm March, 28 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

….Sorry Et Tu…I didn’t see yours.

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Plagarizers

2:30 pm March, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’d like to feed her my matzo balls.

3:31 pm March, 28 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Sorry YA (this being my day for apologies) but the first guy who “likes” our little hott on her FB page is named Yoram Abramowicz…and that’s proof enough for me that she’s one of the tribe.

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.Litigators

3:48 pm March, 28 vente guy said...

And if the first gu’ys name had been LeBron Jefferson??

4:45 pm March, 28 double latte mochaccino guy said...

Whew! I just ran 50k in my fashionable black Billibongs and swam to Hawaii. Did I miss anything? It’s ok if I did cuz the Interwebz is like a freight train filled with wild horses. You can’t stop it by licking the wheels (wheels are the round bits Dude McCrudeshoes, I know you’re stuptarded).

4:49 pm March, 28 troy tempest said...

Meh. She doesn’t swallow. Who cares.

7:50 pm March, 28 CB Popped said...

Droogies….viddy well.

7:51 pm March, 28 DarkSock said...

I think she balls on Shebbas.

7:51 pm March, 28 DarkSock said...

And I am a recent convert and enthusiastic fan of Brazilian-Balded Coochies.

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Smoothies.

8:03 pm March, 28 Obamacare said...

@DarkSock, you would prefer a surface as smooth as a horses behind to do your dirty work. Now ixnay on the vajajay talk before RevChad starts in with a “period piece”. If only it was about the 1800’s.

11:06 pm March, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Those invitingly sagging malted milk sacks remind me of my 4-H days, squeezing the teats on overinflated udders of 30+ head of cattle twice a day. I got pretty good with my aim too, able to hose down most anything within 6 ft and a 180 degree radius with any one of them four teats.

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At youth fair time I’d be squeezing away until a small crowd of urban gawkers would gather “see where milk comes from”, hyuk, hyuk. When their incessant chattering and stupid questions like “does that hurt the poor cow?” became to much to bear, with a quick movement of my pinky finger I’d flip a teat up to horizontal faster than the eye could see, and send a stream of warm unhomogenized up some sap’s nose. I’d apologize profusely and claim that “these heifers udders are all full o’ holes from when we castrate them. In fact, we got some oyster chopping going on here in a few minutes. Y’all wanna stick around and see where yer McDonald’s cheeseburgers come from?” At which point they would quickly disband, much to my relief.

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Now you’re probably thinking, what other kinds of fun did you have with cows all alone in the country as a sexually charged youth? Well it’s not what you think. I most certainly did NOT bottle feed calves and then quickly swap out the rubber nipple with my dick and latter regret that decision when they started teething in early summer.

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Not even once.

3:02 am March, 29 Nostradouchus said...

He obviously DOES roll on Shabbus.

7:05 am March, 29 DarkSock said...

@ Obamacare:

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I see what you did there…

7:31 am March, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

^Snicker

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I thought jews weren’t allowed to handle unclean meat.

3:26 pm March, 29 SWED said...

Swedberg is Viking-berg, not Semitic-berg….

7:45 pm March, 30 Guid is Good said...

^ didn’t make any difference for the Titanic.

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