Friday, March 30, 2012

Friday Thoughts in Links

Thought I might retire the site when it turned six, but I’m still a’goin’. Can’t let up… so many ‘bags out there… must keep mocking…

Can’t take me down, ‘bags of the world!! I’m still here to mock you, and oggle your hotts!! So long as you’re Bodyspraying and bad-tatting and stupid-shirting, I’ll be here. To mock your sorry ass. And Pear.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB double-pack DVD Pick of the Week: “It appears as though you forgot our French fries and a coke, fishhead.”

The Bleething of England: Real Life Barbies

Remember craptastic website “The Dirty,” which began as a cheap HCwDB ripoff called “Dirty Scottsdale” back in late 2006? Back then, lead doucheblogger “Nik Richie” used to email me begging to link to his site. Now he’s engaged in lawsuits with lunatic cheerleaders. Don’t worry “Nik,” it’ll all pay off sooner or later. And by pay off, I mean not pay off.

In a new movie directed by Harmony Korine, James Franco plays HCwDB Whitetrashbag “Riff Raff.”

Signs Douchebaggery is entering new mutant variations in 2012: Nokia Patents a Vibrating Tattoo

Nodal douchesuck and the original “Von Douche,” Tommy Something-or-Other sells his Beverly Hills Mansion.

Herpster eyewear now a legal strategy.

My contribution to the decline of western civilization takes on generational impact.

File under “Drakkar Noir:” Bag Odor makes TSA Workers Sick

World Bank nominee Jim Yong Kim rocks out, Dartmouth Style. Kinda awesome.

Speaking of Asian people, Chinese Gangster’s Cell-Phone Pics Go Viral. And by viral, I mean the Asian Bird Poo.

But you are not here for Asian Bird Poo. You are here for Pear:

White Trash Pear

More than a touch Bleethy, but still uberchomp suckle spackle slap poochable.

# posted by douchebag1
11:50 am March, 30 Wheezer said...

Nokia Patents a Vibrating Tattoo

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Look for the ‘bags to begin hacking that concept and getting themselves vibrating pocket pussies…..for when the phone rings, of course.

11:50 am March, 30 Douche Springsteen said...

Oh man I don’t think I can handle anymore Four Prong. It’s been a rough week. I’m not even finding any joy in the pear. The plexiglass heels, sneer, middle finger, etc are just too much. I’m going to sleep til next Friday and see if anything is better.

11:51 am March, 30 Wheezer said...

I never knew Debbie Gibson and Four Prong were buds.

12:04 pm March, 30 Anonymous said...

very disappointing pear. broke out in a rash just looking at it

@wheezer

vibrating hot pocket pussies, with axe scented fillings.

its the sum of all douche, much like 4 prong.

12:12 pm March, 30 The Dude said...

Can WTP loan me a couple of bucks? By which I mean, trash ain’t what it used tebow.

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I still like my disappeared Haiku from the combover twins. Was it buried with them?

12:16 pm March, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Sweet Pope in a fucking basket, I couldn’t make it past the english Barbies. My life has just been freaked out forever. I need some fucking food I’m all dizzy. Keep it going DB1. This site is wrong like Donkey Kong. And by Donkey Kong I mean I like it and menstruationisms.

12:19 pm March, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

That first barbie bleeth is hot in a totally legal and non-creepy way. And by non-creepy, I mean you really have to re-evaluate your humanity once you are (and you know you are) turned on by a human loli doll.

12:26 pm March, 30 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Just so are all aware, you can’t ungoogle search once you have google searched. Don’t make the same mistake I made.

12:30 pm March, 30 Anonymous said...

that is one rotten pear!

12:38 pm March, 30 The Dude said...

Holy crap! I usually just skip to the pear, but anything that stops Rev Chad in his tracks bears looking at, and I’m acutely aware that time travel is impossible, so to see is to not be able to unsee.

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Unforeseen. dammitt

12:39 pm March, 30 The Dude said...

Why is it that the douchebag virus doesn’t make all the gals even purdier and more adorable? Perhaps some genital research is in odor here.

1:10 pm March, 30 Doucheywallnuts said...

These jamokes remind me of the hangers-on, C-listers and other losers who wanted to be in “The Pack” and reap the many benefits. Don’t get me wrong, there weren’t all big stars hanging with Mr. Sinatra, Dean, Sammy and the gang, and I was just there on the fringes reaping the benefits. But I worked for it. And by worked for it, I mean I banged a ton of broads. Seriously though, it wasn’t all fun and games, orgies, beautiful dames, great booze, laughs, shaving broad’s zools, two-girls/one-guy (what’s now called, “a threesome”), three-girls/one-guy (what’s now called, “holy shit!), etc. I spent a weekend in Cleveland once. Cleveland! Oofa!

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I don’t think Rickles was ever considered a member of the Rat Pack, but he was always around. Ugly fuck though with an ugly little stub for a cock. We used to tease him that he should have shaved his gabiles like the broads so he could find it. Couldn’t get laid in a whore house. That may be a cliche to you kids, but that phrase was coined at Rickles’ expense. We were out at some ranch about an hour outside of Vegas that operated on the sly. We called it Louise’s House of Lays, but I don’t know if it had an actual name. So one night we take a bunch of limos out there with booze and some of the girls from the lounge at the Tropicana. The girls were there to blow us and serve us drinks on the way out, and to blow us and serve us drinks on the way back to town. An hour outside Vegas is depressing these days so imagine how bad it was 45 years ago. And it was a long ride.

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Anyways, we get to the ranch and Louise, who ran the joint, had a prime group of snapper waiting and ready. Plus the girls from the Trop were always up for a fun time. We paired up and there were plenty of girls to go around, except for Rickles. He wound up getting turned down by this broad Dottie who looked like Ernest Borgnine with bigger tits. Louise came down after the night’s festivities, saw Rickles watching Playboy After Dark On the TV in the lounge area when she uttered the line, “Christ Rickles, you can’t even get laid here,” which became the world famous,”Can’t get laid in a whore house.” The girls were even getting it on with each other. By the way, you kids today think the whole girl-on-girl action is something new. Wrong. It was big time back in the 50s. I’ll tell you about it someday.

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But Rickles was always “with us.” A lot of other mo-mos tried to weasel their way into the group, or worse, told people that they were with us when they weren’t. Red Skelton used to tell every skirt he met that he was part of the gang and that he partied with us at the Trop. He couldn’t have found the Trop with a Heckowi Indian guide. He also couldn’t have found his asshole with a funnel. A funnel, I says. 

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So Frank gets wind of Skelton getting laid by telling broad’s he’s one of the Pack, and Frank isn’t pleased. So he sends one of his Jersey goons over to see Skelton. Frank “Frankie Capicola” Minetta once beat a skell to death with an imported 25-pound Capicola, an Italian cold cut. By the way, it’s pronounced “Gab-a-gool,” not “Cap-i-cola.” Back in the day, if you walked into the wrong place and ordered a sangwich the wrong way, you would catch a beating. A sangwich, I says.

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When Frankie C did what he did, it was the first time an organized crime figure whacked someone with seasoned and cured meat, but it wasn’t the last. Anyways, as the story goes Frankie killed this skell and then sat down and ate the whole thing, getting rid of a murder weapon in a way that made it totally untraceable. Frankie C made liberal use of a variety of pork-based cured meats throughout his very successful career. The only guy to kill more people with pork products was Jimmy Dean.

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He’d beat guys with soppresata, speck, bresaola, coppa, you name it. Frankie C once smothered a guy with a loaf of Lardo, which is cured and seasoned pork fat that goes great sliced thin and laid over a toasted piece of Italian bread. Delizioso! 

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Anyways, some Mick was into Mr. Giancana for about twenty large and he mouthed off to Frankie, who in turn held him down and shoved the Lardo down his gullet until he passed out and then paid up. Later on Frankie C started doling out beatings using panninis, strombolis and calzones. It was a revolution for guys in the muscle racket. Meanwhiles, Frankie had a little talk with Skelton to straighten him out, and the next thing we hear Skelton is telling people he hangs out with Jack Parr and his crew. He didn’t get laid as much, but he retained his ability to eat solid foods and walk.

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Yea, these wanna bes really steam my onions. 

1:23 pm March, 30 Vin Douchal said...

What do you tell a White Trash Pear with two black eyes?

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NOTHING! You’ve already told her twice

1:28 pm March, 30 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Wait…is that 4 Prong? or did he get a promotion? and his bleeth? I’d hit that.

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Put her over my knee and give her the good spanking her daddy didn’t. She’d be a different woman, and daddy wouldn’t be drinking himself to sleep every night.

1:30 pm March, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

@DW

There was “Playboy After Dark on the TV” back in the 50’s?.

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White Trash Pear reminds me why I don’t head out to McKees Rocks anymore.

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I pretty much hate people but when it comes to parents such as the A-Holes on “Toddlers & Tiaras”, “Dance Moms” and now these Barbie moms it makes me sick to my stomach. WTF?!?!

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Have a great weekend!!!!

2:31 pm March, 30 Dirty Little Cum Monkey said...

I know I’ve hit my own personal Nirvana when 4-Prong fails to raise my hackles. It’s official, I’ve lost the ability to care again. I’m just gonna go ahead and tell White Trash Pear to finish stacking the folding chairs at the Whore Convention where that pic was obviously taken. Nothin classes up an ass shot like Thanksgiving kiddy table folding chairs. Criminy.

3:16 pm March, 30 Doucheywallnuts said...

Et tu, you are correct. It wasn’t Playboy After Dark, but Playboy’s Penthouse, which ran from 1959-1960 or 1961. Good call!

3:22 pm March, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

@DW

Not only are you a great story teller but a connoisseur of the great contribution HH bestowed upon our society. Kudo’s Sir and I look forward to more of your memorable escapades.

3:46 pm March, 30 Dirty Little Cum Monkey said...

@Doucheywallnuts, bingo bango, your tales are the tops Pops.

4:20 pm March, 30 Vin Douchal said...

That Ass Pear was sub-par, sub-par I says.

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This one is better : Better Ass Pear

5:25 pm March, 30 Nostradouchus said...

The glasses were for watching the 3D version of Gran Torino starring Clint Eastwood. He was so inspired by the Asian boi.

5:36 pm March, 30 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

That warn’t no Pear!! That was Prickly Pear. At least that’s what it felt like to my eyes.

5:48 pm March, 30 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Fuck! If you remove that little ‘/’ in your browser header, you’ll get there.

7:41 pm March, 30 Guid is Good said...

“/”.

7:48 pm March, 30 Ever Present Anon said...

@Doucheywallnuts – FTW!

8:33 pm March, 30 Little Willie said...

Four Prong should go back to pulling trains in the restroom. Blondie looks like she might be quite the wild cat in the sack after she gets done licking my sack.

8:46 pm March, 30 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

…wait! Four Prong is now FIVE PRONG! Dear lord, just like Snooki, he has reproduced. We cannot stop now (even though I haven’t been on here for awhile) the mock must go on!

9:19 pm March, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Stackhouse hits one out of the yard. Seriously, this is internet gold:

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Support Blubber Cunt’s Hunt For Death…& Protoplasmic Philanthropy to American Amusement

12:12 am March, 31 Stephanie said...

Four prong should be in the restroom near a hole in the wall I sez. And that white trash pear scares me to the point of me not wanting to touch another dollar bill,EVER.

3:05 am March, 31 the motley douche said...

Does this mean four prong is still alive?!? I was sure someone would have taken steps by now…

5:03 am March, 31 CB Popped said...

Nokia tatt = cancer candidates

4 no now its FIVE Prong to White Trash Pear….DB – don’t kill this site, its one of the only ones on the net that matters!

Holy fuck that 4/5 Prong dude has staying power, shelf life.

Keith Richards has staying power….he could have stopped at “Satisfaction”.

5:56 am March, 31 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m hungry for a plate of gabagool;.

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White Trash Pear’s cunt comes in two sizes, clean and used.

6:21 am March, 31 Et Tu Douche? said...

Re; ShortStackhouse’s rant,

WTF is a “pancake cock”?

6:25 am March, 31 Et Tu Douche? said...

I also like the fact that on ShortStackhouse’s blog he has an ad sponsor called “Sterilesyringes.com”.

8:12 am March, 31 Blubbercunt said...

I resent this Stackhouse person calling that Manatee by my well earned nickname. For the record, I am not fat, its just my cunt that is fat. Honestly, I don’t even consider my cunt fat, its just big boned.

8:27 am March, 31 Pancake Cock Lover said...

Ah man, Stacky is the best. He is a straight up dipshit but I admire his bold use of ALL CAPS and my new favorite term, pancake cock. He’s got a way with words when it comes to describing inferior penii.

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Elder child pancake cocks

8:38 am March, 31 Pancake Cock Lover said...

Oh crap I just figured it out. You don’t start out with a pancake cock, it only happens after your wang had been repeatedly crushed by blubblercunts. The fact that I understand him scares me more than anything. If anyone needs an Stackhouse to English translation, holla.

10:45 am March, 31 Jacques Doucheteau said...

That guy commentating the Chinese gangster video is…intense. After watching it six times I still can’t figure out whether his head is that huge or his face is really that small.

11:19 am March, 31 Lyndon LaDouche said...

Being a Dartmouth grad, I have to give kudos to Prez Kim for joining the Illuminati inner circle. The Big Green is a great school, despite being a magnet for entitled fratdouches. The uber-smart/uber-hott athletic coeds more than make up for it. Hanover forever!

11:27 am March, 31 Wheezer said...

@Vin (4:20 p.m. <—–Hmmmmm…..) –

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I could find Nirvana in her Heart-Shaped Fartbox.

5:26 pm March, 31 Anti-anticontrarian said...

Great post. Washington Post is also trash.

5:31 pm March, 31 Anti-anticontrarian said...

And Huffington Post too.

6:25 pm March, 31 troy tempest said...

This is also the 6th anniversary of another one of my fave blogs:

PROG NOT FROG:

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http://prognotfrog.blogspot.ca/

8:41 pm March, 31 Useem Ahor said...

I see a donkey punch in this couple’s future.

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