Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Guy Who Most Needs a Moldy Cinnebon To The Face Guy

Jenna and Rachel weren’t aware they were standing with Guy Who Most Needs a Moldy Cinnebon To the Face Guy.

Until I hit him in the face with a moldy Cinnebon.

At least that’s how it plays out in the 3D Imax of my mind.

That’s poetic.

That’s pathetic.

Jenna’s poochacetic.

# posted by douchebag1
7:23 am March, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Boss

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I beg to differ. He might like the Cinnebon even if it is moldy. What he needs is a chainsaw enema. Pronto.

7:39 am March, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

I wanna say Jenna is all sorts of perky, curvy, yumminess but that dress? or whatever it is she’s wearing smacks of insecurity which leads to whiny annoyance. I’d still hit though just to say I did and change my phone #.

7:39 am March, 7 Douchble Helix said...

Did the Chief just come out?

.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

7:56 am March, 7 DarkSock said...

I believe Jenna is rocking a spurtalicious bod under that ‘tater sack she’s wearing. She’s probably insecure because she just read Self magazine’s “10 reasons why you’re fat even though you’re at the perfect BMI”. Which is fine; tilts the odds towards sexual vultures like myself, Mr. White, Medusa and Crucial Head.

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I’d throw my face at Rachel’s moldy Cinnebon. And by Rachel I mean Jenna’s Mom.

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MILF Brazilians.

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.

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Wait…where’d Crucial go?

8:06 am March, 7 troy tempest said...

Darksock is correct. Jenna’s mom is fuckin hot. Jenna’s a cutie, but, like 90% of the females portrayed here, well below my equation (half my age + 7). It’s nice to see some middle aged hotties once in a while – she’s 45 going on 30. That works.

And where DID Crucial Go?

8:11 am March, 7 Doucheywallnuts said...

Is this a scene from the new show, “How I Met Your Mother: Incest, Three-some, Douchebag Edition?”

8:40 am March, 7 Lady Godiva's Piebald said...

i would not give you false hope, on this strange and mournful day, but the mother and bleeth reunion, was only a douchebag away.

garfunkles

9:01 am March, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Doesn’t everyone want to have story about how you did a mother daughter team in their repertoire? Of course they do. Don’t you want to be able to quote, honestly and accurately, such gems as, “so then the mother says, that’s not how to deep throat, let me show you,” or, “oh yeah, that’s it, fucc my daughter’s little arse!” over a beer? Of course you do. Use this one as your closer, after the story of the Thai sisters, and just when they think you can’t get more outrageous, you figuratively reach out and and rip out their ball hair.

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So when the opportunity presents itself, you don’t balk. Even if they look like these two, trust me no one will see them in the retelling. Cast the die. Pull the trigger. Blow your load. And you are on your way to becoming a legend. Hear me now, think about it all week, and believe me later.

9:06 am March, 7 Vin Douchal said...

This photo is the very definition of uncomfortable.

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Can that “Moldy Cinnebon” be fired out of a bazooka?

9:14 am March, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m in a really bad mood. Fucking doctors won’t alleviate pain anymore. Fucking cocksuckers all think you’re an addict before you talk.

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I’d fuck them both. And in this foul mood maybe him with a Sawsall just because I’m in pain.

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Son

9:16 am March, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And by Sawsall, I mean Milwaukee. Fucking, fuck, fucker, fuck ing bad day fuck.

9:46 am March, 7 tall guy said...

Nothing wrong w/- with either of ’em. And GWMNAMCTTFG utilises minimal scrote plumage for maximal douche display.

10:28 am March, 7 Doucheywallnuts said...

Speaking of mother/daughter conquests, the real story behind the Stompanato murder is that he was doing both Lana Turner and her daughter. Lana walked in when the 14-year old was doing the reverse cowgirl on Johnny and Lana went off her nut and stabbed the stupid jamoke to death. Lana was high on grass she bought from some studio backlot shimanude – shimanude, I says – and didn’t know what she was doing. She straightened up real quick when she realized she was wrist deep in Johnny’s guts and told the cops the poor kid did it, who was so traumatized she was catatonic in a closet eating her own boogers and sitting in a pool of her own excrement and piss. Pool, I says.

.

The whole mother/daughter thing doesn’t always workout like we’d imagine.

10:52 am March, 7 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Looks like Tim Tebow enjoying Rumspringa.

12:12 pm March, 7 The Dude said...

This was from the first and final episode of “How I Met Your Moldy Cinnebon”

12:17 pm March, 7 Mr. White said...

@darksock

I described it thusly to a buddy of mine just the other day: You know how on the nature channel, the cheetah always picks off the gazelle with the gimpy leg at the back of the pack? That’s how I pick my women.

12:22 pm March, 7 The Dude said...

Crucial Head is on the run from the Equestrian Society. Charged with crimes against horsemanity, he’s fled to Switzerland with the Von Trapp family.

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Good choice. Who in their right mind wouldn’t tap the Trapp girls? Heck, even Julie Andrews can create a pants stir at age seventy-whatever. I hear she does private parties now.

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Do, a deer, a big fuccen deer (for ‘Sock to pee in)

Re, a drop of golden fun (for RevChad)

Me, a name my balls call me

Fa, a long long way to run (from authorities)

So, my weed’ll fuck your head (Rev again)

La, the weenies that they are

Ti, to put “Guy Who Needs a Moldy Cinnebon to the Head Guy”‘s head on

And that brings us back to Do do do do…

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Amazing I remember all the lyrics after decades of drinking to forget shit like that…

12:26 pm March, 7 The Dude said...

The Nazis were proto-douchebags, btw.

12:31 pm March, 7 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Is it still possible to hire the New Orleans Saints to take this guy out??

1:51 pm March, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

DB1 is referencing musicals and The Dude is writing lyrics for one. When did this place turn into a Greek bathhouse? Can I get an HOH for Jenna before RevChad offers to blow Wedgie for a puff off a doob?

2:00 pm March, 7 Stephanie said...

Sledge hammer to the head,and ring the bell.

2:58 pm March, 7 Medusa Oblongata said...

His smooshed-up, greasy face looks like a moldy cinnabon already. After a trip to te locker room with his bros, he gets his special sweet cinnabon glaze.

2:58 pm March, 7 Medusa Oblongata said...

*the. Damnit.

3:46 pm March, 7 Sir Huddleston Fuddleston said...

@Rev Chad: sorry, man. I had to ride the pain rollercoaster myself for many years. Doctors, most of whom have never even had a hangnail, deciding whether you hurt or not.

All I can say is, try kratom. It worked for me as a substitute for vicodin. But be careful, it’s mildly addictive, as well, and expensive. But again, do you want to be in pain all your life? Feel better. –Sir Hud.

4:13 pm March, 7 Jenna's Potato Sack said...

Nancy, just because they’re referencing musical theatre doesn’t make them auto-Greek. c’mon, haven’t you ever kicked back on a sunday afternoon in your manbeaters and just watched some football?

4:35 pm March, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Jenna’s Potato Sack, if by man beater you mean lacey black tank top and if by football you mean baseball and if by watching you mean dozesterbating then yes, Jenna’s Potato Sack, yes I have.

4:43 pm March, 7 Jenna's Happy Potato Sack said...

Nice!

9:25 pm March, 7 bilbodouchebaggins said...

there are still people on the planet earth so stupid/original? seriously? overpriced t shirt with skulls and other sh_t on it, duck face, fauxhawk, arms akimbo in the-world-is-mine pose (if by “world” you mean “split shift at the arthur treacher’s fish & chips off the jersey turnpike”), capped off with some moronic hand gesture. the only slim hope for this idiot is if the picture is 5 years old.

9:51 pm March, 7 creature said...

Jenna sharpens her tongue on my satchel….& tha bitch can carve a pumpkin with that tongue

9:53 pm March, 7 creature said...

…guy cleanses colons with those lips

2:07 am March, 8 Nostradouchus said...

Girl on the right = not hot.

1:19 pm March, 8 CB Popped said...

Dildonic facial expression.

7:30 pm March, 8 ehcuodouche said...

This guy definitely wins “punchworthy face of the week.” Unfortunately, you can’t cold-cock this guy right handed because he’s stealthily positioned a tranny slightly in front of him, blocking you from generating any power from your right. The best strategy is to come at him in a right-handed stance and unleash a straight left, just missing curvy Jenna’s nose and connecting with the center of gravity of his duckface – the upper left lip just under the nose. The force and angle of the punch sends the upper half of his body right over the top of the booth, and allows you to step nimbly away before his lower body whipsaws over after it. You can then reward Jenna with a Long Island Iced Tea and yourself with a Newcastle Brown Ale.

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