Thursday, March 29, 2012

HCwDB Turns 6!

Six in internet years is like a hundred and thirty in human years, and seven hundred and twelve in Lohan years.

Kinda makes me wonder what old friend The Gator is up to these days.

C’mon Gator, lets celebrate!

It’s just special to me that some of you still enjoy checking in on my daily douche mockings and hottie lustings. This site has dominated my life over the past six years. It’s brought me incredible joy, some cash, a book deal, a TV show that ran three seasons, a screenplay sale, and a whole new career I never saw coming. It’s introduced me to funny and sick readers around the world. At times it’s had some incredible stress too, but it has changed my life in was I never could’ve forseen when I registered it as a free blogspot blog one bored day at work lo those six years ago.

I’ll keep it going for as long as I can. Who know where that’ll lead.

Onward and upward.

And may you all enjoy tasty snack treats and alcoholism as much as I have these past six years.

# posted by douchebag1
6:32 am March, 29 DoucheWeasel said...

Mazal Tov (first).

6:40 am March, 29 Colossus of Choads said...

Big ups DB!.

Its the quality of the writing that keeps me coming back.

6:42 am March, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

“Onward and upward” indeed, congrats on making it to 6 boss.

7:00 am March, 29 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Along with Four Prong and King Douchious IV…(and as the senior ‘baghunter on the site) I think I speak for all of us in both thanking and congratulating you on your success….and for giving us the greatest yucks on the interwebs.

.

.And by “greatest yucks” I mean the ability to laugh and ejaculate at the same time.*

.

.

.* Nancy Dreuche and Medusa excepted….

.

.L’chiam DB1!.

.

.

.BTW: spellcheck for “l’chiam” tries to correct it to “chlamydia” — true fact.

7:02 am March, 29 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

….make of that what you will.

7:05 am March, 29 SonnyChibaChoad said...

bossman, thanks for shining the disinfecting light on the douchie-hottie trend in all its silliness…keep those pics coming. Props to the regs of course.

.

.

.

nepos

7:07 am March, 29 DarkSock said...

What a long strange trip it’s been…This war on baggery has become our own personal Afghanistan; and I’m signing up for a 7th tour of doodie.

7:08 am March, 29 saulgoode42 said...

Congrats! I check it every day I go to work, 2nd only after NASA-run Astronomy Picture of the Day. I likes me some heavenly bodies.

Speaking of which, a song about heavenly bodies to ring in Year Number 7!

http://www.flamingpie.net/joshgarey/mp3/Josh_Garey-Hot_Young_Stars.mp3

Peace and grease from Berkeley, CA

~SG42

7:23 am March, 29 Colossus of Choads said...

@ Saul…me too: APOD rules.

7:27 am March, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

Sock 7:07 FTW.

.

@ Choad…occasianally i laugh so hard I pee a little. Best I can do.

.

Congrats, boss. This has been a ton of fun. I’m torn from my keyboard by unfortunate circumstance as of late and am not checking in as much as I’d like. But It’s good to know one of my homes on the web range is still here for me. Actually, I should say, it’s good to know the same thing has held my interest for more than three months. That’s pretty good for me.

7:28 am March, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

^Hey, bug snatch, those squiggly red lines you saw when you were typing meant “correct that”. Derp.

7:36 am March, 29 vente guy said...

The King, Hello Kitty Bleeth, and Four Prong.

.

It’s true. A picture is worth a thousand pukes.

7:39 am March, 29 vente guy said...

Try ‘chaim’.

.

Cunning Linguists.

7:40 am March, 29 Douchble Helix said...

^^^^ Aw shit, that was me.

7:55 am March, 29 Douchble Helix said...

Look at The King’s belt buckle!!! He really is The King!!!

7:57 am March, 29 Obamacare said...

Nancy Dreuche here, Aw c’mon guys you knew it was me all along. Anyways, Happy Birthday HCwDB! Only site I’ve ever commented on because its the only site where trash talking is a requirement. DB1, while I may not give a rat’s patoot if hot bleeths are corrupted by stupid idiots, I do enjoy this site more for the in depth discussions on sexual economics, the sexual proclivities of the stars of today and yesteryear and all the other bullshit we shoot on here. And that could not be accomplished without you and the fine set of regs you got here. You’ve got regs, and you know how to use them.

.

.

.

ZZ Bottom

8:03 am March, 29 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Boss

.

Good grief we’ve been at it this long. Alls I gots to say to that is FUCCK YEAH! I’ll be the one right behind Dark Sock in the sign up line. I know I promised you something a while back (I haven’t forgotten) but I’ve been covered in elephant shit most mornings followed by blue whale gangbangs in th afternoon this semester. And that’s just Mondays. The rest of the week gets worse after that. As sson as these little fucckers get outta my hair I be back in the swing of things. Until then, for those about to mock, we salute you! Yeah I know I ripped off AC/DC but so what.

8:03 am March, 29 Doucheywallnuts said...

Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday, I says.

.

I’d love to punch Hello Kitty Bleeth, bang her, than punch her. Then punch myself.

8:06 am March, 29 saulgoode42 said...

2012: Year of the Bagon

8:11 am March, 29 Douchble Helix said...

DW – this isn’t the Olde Country, or the Olde Days!

.

Punchin’ dames is for private.

8:16 am March, 29 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Congratulations Boss. Not surprised to see Four Prong, Helly Kitty Hott, and the King all together as, posing alone, none of them could possibly count to six.

.

I raise my glass of Makers Mark and wish you a day of side-ways peace to celebrate. Here’s to six more years of quality mock. I can think of no better home for a collection of rag-tag, venomous pricks and c*nts like us to gather.

8:17 am March, 29 soy bomb said...

Happy Birthday HCWDB!

.

Is this a still from the upcoming Avengers movie?

.

.

.

Comic Book Guys

8:24 am March, 29 The Dude said...

The first day I ran across the glorious spectacle of HCwDB, I had to cancel all my appointments because there was so much funny shit to go through here.

.

Okay, I prolly didn’t have any appointments, but still. I must have had something to do that day.

.

Four Points is still my favorite. I think I’ll have to go find that girl someday, and the db in that pic actually wrote in saying yeah, he looks like a db, haha.

.

http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2008/09/four-points-writes-in/

.

Mounds

8:29 am March, 29 Doucheywallnuts said...

For the record, I would never raise my hand to a dame, even Hello Kitty Bleeth, and never would defend anyone who did/does. None of the guys would ever. This, however, doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it.

8:43 am March, 29 Battlescrote Galactica said...

Congrats Boss!!!

Sadly, I don’t have quite enough time to join in the mock everyday like I used to, but like many other legions of fans lurking and laughing their asses off silently, I think I speak for many in saying thanks for all the fun and keep up the good work! I check the site multiple times a day and have for years. HCwDB’s is always there in constant and reliable fashion for a good laugh.

Despite all the poking fun, this site certainly counts as 6 years of hard proof in documenting and exposing a true psychological disaster in today’s society, that on a scientific level, is not something to ignore.

Perhaps that’s an idea for a new spin-off TV show which pulls together the greatest minds of psychology today from across the globe to argue in support of the Grieco virus being a true epidemic. By using HCwDB’s 6 year catalog of evidence as proof to back up the theory, the show could help forge it into scientific fact! (As if you haven’t done that already) HA!

So thanks for sticking with it Boss and keep it up for sure! This is one of few sites on the net that I really never miss and truly enjoy.

My hat is off sir…

~Battlescrote Galactica

8:57 am March, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Well done, DB1! As everyone knows 6 internet years is like 19 real years.

9:00 am March, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hello Kitty can move on, but she just can’t be without douche royalty. Somewhere a lonely King is pulling down his Toughskins and hooking his testicles up to a Diehard with heavy duty Craftsman alligator clips.

9:07 am March, 29 Vin Douchal said...

Yes, the mock must go on, Db1. It is a true public service you perform.

.

Like this performance re-enactment of Darksock, Jr. showing his buds how his dad crashed the boat:

.

9:10 am March, 29 Southern Scrotic said...

… and Fuck Fish Slap.

9:16 am March, 29 Obamacare said...

@Southern Scrotic, Amen to that.

9:20 am March, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

My Canadian liver and HRH Queen Elizabeth salute HDwDB. Milk Thistle is the shit for not dying of cirrhosis while you tear through life drunk. That and lots of vegetable juice with a shot of organic apple cider vinegar and a dash of Tabasco (respect). Three years ago a doctor in the ER told me I would be dead by now. I told him to fuck off before he suspended my driver’s license.

.

I was a prescription drug addict and raging moonshine brewer when I was first linked to this site by some defunct blog I used to view in the middle of the night as a depressed insomniac. Since then I have moved back to my agrarian hometown from wretched Toronto with it’s multicultural fag-loving bullshit and been a better father to my children because of this site. HCwDB saw me through a quick rehab from which I relapsed immediately.

.

Now that things have settled down and the young’ns are in school I have started working again and my interests in the aesthetics of economics and mathematics have rekindled my academic lust. I stopped beating Mrs. Kroeger during ass play after she got the partnership in the firm and am preparing to take my role as caretaker as my parents get older and I get to use my power of attorney to buy a luxury cruiser with which to ply the mighty St. Lawrence River and pick up young chicks so I can lick their menstruation as my wife works another Saturday afternoon. And after these troubled years I find myself a prescriptionless drug addict and rabid consumer of store-bought alcohol and still an insomniac, but Lenny The Box helps me with that with some of his unprescribables. So I can thank HCwDB for leading me to a healthier lifestyle devoid of the by-products of home distillation. And nothing says congratulations like a little shout out from Terry Reid. Stay smoky my friends. Friends, I says.

.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e48l6Tz2DCc

9:43 am March, 29 The Dude said...

BattleScrote makes an excellent point — while the 2023 Googleheim Exhibit will provide an artistic retrospective, the true goal is to have the douche virus included in the Merck Home Health Manual as a warning to parents and their spawn.

9:53 am March, 29 fatness said...

Jeebus. We’re only one short of the Four Herpsmen in that photo.

.

Congrats DB1…keeping anything going on the Internet for six years is worth being proud of. Making money off it is even better.

.

Mayans.

10:24 am March, 29 I R A Darth Aggie said...

*takes bottle of Goose from douchebag*

*uncorks bottle, slams contents*

*beats douchebag with empty Goose*

*delivers stunned douchebag for sale*

.

Happy anniversary, boss. *hic*

10:33 am March, 29 John Largemans Cheeseburger said...

I’m a lurker but I thought this would be as good a time to make my first post. First of all congratulations to this site & DB1. I crack up every time I come on here and by come on here I mean read the posts. For the most part I think you are all a bit twisted with the exception of The Reverend Chad Kroeger. He seems to be the sanest of the bunch.

.

Anyway John couldn’t make it today as he’s working a construction gig up in Bakersfield so he wanted me to let you know that approves of this site as does Kip, Jan and the rest of the Largeman family. He said he’ll raise a glass of MUG® rootbeer in DB1’s honor later tonight.

11:08 am March, 29 DoucheyWallnuts said...

When the site started, where bleeths doing shiznit like this?

.

http://youtu.be/2CTQESW40tA

.

Sierra Clubists

11:10 am March, 29 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I feebley raise a glass of grapefruit juice and quietly set it down in your honor as I hold my hungover sinuses with the heel of my other had. Well done sir. Here’s to another six equally educating and entertaining years.

.

I’m goin’ back to bed.

11:26 am March, 29 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

If the King’s celebrating and Hello Kitty’s doll-like, witless eyes are any indication, we could be at this a lot more than 6 more years.

11:36 am March, 29 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

Has it been 6 years already? Why it was just yesterday that I hurled my first mock at a most deserving mandana sporting douchetard, to wit I was rewarded with the laughter and respect of my peers here.

And by “laughter and respect” I mean, one slightly used bottle of Night Train with a cigarette butt in it, a giant barely lubed butt plug, and a partridge that Darksock had spliced with a pear tree….just to see it shit fruit.

Yep…good times indeed…

11:41 am March, 29 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Only been posting on here for about 9 months but here’s to 6 wonderful years of mock DB1, and to all the mockers out there live long and prosper in a non douchey kind of way.

11:44 am March, 29 CB Popped said...

This is the only site I’ve ever blogged on.

Hunters for Life.

Son.

11:47 am March, 29 Vin Douchal said...

You think Db1 has a tough job? Check out this poor sap, Sam Rhima

11:48 am March, 29 skrag2112 said...

Congratulations on 6 years, but how long until the douche threat is gone? This may be war that never ends, and the enemy will become even more entrenched. It may be our children’s children’s children will be fighting this battle into the far future. Will it end with one side destroying the other, or will it be mutually assured destruction? Whatever the outcome, at least I won’t die wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt.

11:52 am March, 29 Baron Von Goolo said...

Has it been six years? My oh my. Why, it seems like just yesterday that we first slurped the doodie p, and now here we are. All growed up. And by “growed up” I mean still trying to outdick each other. Faggoths.

.

Good times.

.

(**sigh**)…I miss pfah.

.

Plinky, not so much.

.

12:23 pm March, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d like to thank John Largeman’s Chesseburger and the extended clan of Largemans (or Largemen?) for the sanity plea.

12:28 pm March, 29 Douche Bagalow said...

Congrats to DB1! I have been reading this site for years. Keep up the good work. Coming here is always a welcome break in my day.

12:37 pm March, 29 Charles Douchewin said...

Congratulations and thanks to DB1 and the contributors. Who – to me at least – make this site an erudite circus carnival of snark.

.

@skrag2112 – Douchebaggery may, frustratingly, be endemic to humanity, and not an epiphenomenon of modern culture. And so our goal may be more marginalization than erradication.

.

And so here’s to 6 years of HCwDB’s brand of Stetson Kennedyesque mock as frown power.

.

@Hermit – The more I consider whether “The Cell Phone Bathroom Self Portrait” is the greatest crisis of modernity, the more I consider you to be right.

.

.

Recursions

12:42 pm March, 29 Crucial Head said...

Congrats boss. This was the first blog I actually started commenting on. The posts brought me in, and reading the banter in the comments threads kept me coming back for more.

.

Maybe one day we’ll run into each other at the Ralph’s on Wilshire and we can raise our brown bagged Night Train to the continuance of the war.

.

Douche on!

12:43 pm March, 29 sully said...

I’ve been a daily reader since 2007 and you DB1 and all the regs have brightened many a deary day here in the wet wet North west. Mock on …and get sum!

12:46 pm March, 29 Ted Brogan said...

Congratulations, boss. I don’t know what I’d do without this site…

12:58 pm March, 29 John Largemans Cheeseburger said...

@ The Reverend Chad Kroeger

You are welcome

1:30 pm March, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

Save a slice of cake for Hermit, I assume he likes cake.

2:04 pm March, 29 Douche Bagalow said...

Where does one purchase a spray on beard template? Chess King?

2:19 pm March, 29 Douchble Helix said...

What? Did somebody die??

.

Chag Sameach, DB1 !!

.

Circumcisers.

2:28 pm March, 29 John Largemans Cheeseburger said...

Man I’d like to drip some of my secret sauce on Hello Kittys Titties.

.

2:38 pm March, 29 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Isn’t that Bree Olson wedged in between those two sperm farts? And isn’t that the Asian homo who trashed Anna Nicole Smith’s house?

2:51 pm March, 29 crazed aborigine said...

Hello Kitty Hott makes my logic circuits overheat and shutdown like an android from Star Trek (the one from the 60’s, you punks). Right brain: “good god that is one hot blonde”. Left brain:” she is completely irredeemable”. Right brain:” she’s wearing two tiny scraps of vinyl and stilletto’s, in a dance club!”. Left brain:” exactly my point, drooling moron”. Right brain:” TWO TINY SCRAPS! On that bangin’ body! Must have!” Left brain:” total bleeth, blank stare, I don’t care how freaking hot she is, she is corrupted!”. Right brain:’ Grooooooo!” Left brain: silence

2:54 pm March, 29 Douchble Helix said...

Hello Kitty Bleeth is at Model Mayhem. I believe her name is Vina (?). Some other ‘hunter linked to it a couple weeks ago. She’s on fb, too.

.

I’m over her.

3:03 pm March, 29 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Been a while since i posted a song parody. But given it’s HCwDB’s birthday I could’t resist.

.

For all you hatterz out there.

.

Lifestyles of the Hott and the Douchebag, to the tune of Good Charlotte’s Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous

.

.

Always see ‘em at the beach

In the clubs with hair of bleach

Suckle-pooch just out of reach

As we watch them waste their lives

We don’t dare tell our wives

How we’d like to get inside each peach

.

See the scrotes there by their side

Shave groin reveal got no pride

Abs and tats they just won’t hide

To smack them with a piece of poo

It’s the least that we can do

Dickish haterz one and all!

.

Lifestyles of the Hott and the Douchebag

The ‘Taint and the Club-Hag

Asspear and Cro’mag

No Money? Hell that’s no problem

They all got trust funds

See how they rob them

.

Well did you know if you’re a douchebag you can ink your face

Flash your middle finger to the human race

And hot chicks with bloated racks, will chase you ‘round the place

But if you ever had the nerve to ask a bleeth to dance

She’d laugh so hard she’d pee a little in her pants

Let you sniff the crack of her ass out of pity

.

Walkin’ round in their orange skin

Wastin’ life sin after sin

Buy it all on credit cards

And so we mock them every day

Wastes of flesh we make them pay

Pretty sure the guys are gaaaaaay.

.

Lifestyles of the Hott and the Douchebag

silicone funbags

posing for club schwag

We mock them because they’re ass clowns

We bruise their egos

They demand take-downs

.

Lifestyles of the Hott and the Douchebag

Internet ‘pic tags

Chicks we would all shag

We comment, because we don’t care

If DB1 loved us, he’d post more Ass Pear

.

Lifestyles of the Hott and Douchebag

We’ll mock your clothes, cash, hair, and skin nothing’s off limits

Lifestyles of the Hott and Douchebag

Lifestyles of the Hott and Douchebag

Lifestyles of the Hott and Douchebag

3:17 pm March, 29 Wheezer said...

Happy Fuccen Birthday, Boss! May we have 6 more years of unfettered hattin’ and douche mockin’!

3:57 pm March, 29 melvil_duchi said...

congrats on 6 years, here is to many more years

4:10 pm March, 29 troy tempest said...

Six years? Well, that’s just ducky. Congrats there DB1. I’ve been here I think about 4 of those years. I remember Plinky and Pfah and bcs and many others who have come and left a special skidmark on my heart and then vamoosed to other pastures. But I’m still here – not as active I was – I’m too damn busy – heck I don’t even have time to wipe the skidmarks off my heart much less finish my PhD.

4:19 pm March, 29 troy tempest said...

And the picture – wow – four prongs, King Douchious, and a zombie bleeth. Now, that’s CULTURE!

5:26 pm March, 29 douche equis said...

My God, has it been six years already? Well, no, not for me. But those of y’all for whom it has, and those who’ve made my time here so much fun, please accept my gratitude. From the bottom of my soul to the tip of my penis, as the aptly named Peter O’Toole once said, you have my thanks. Congrats on six years, DB1, and here’s to six times six more. Unless of course the scourge is eradicated in the meantime, in which case the site becomes Hot Chicks Who Finally Came to Their Senses. One can only hope.

6:14 pm March, 29 hermit said...

Before I found this site I suffered from seizures and irritable bowel syndrome. Now I’m nearly seizure-free and studying to be a certified yoga instructor.

.

Thanks D B 1!

7:12 pm March, 29 Douchble Helix said...

Another great thread, h8ers!!!

7:45 pm March, 29 Dirty Little Cum Monkey said...

Before I found this site, I was terrified of all things internet, especially memes. Now I’m just terrified of all things. Thanks DB1!

7:55 pm March, 29 Douchble Helix said...

6 years of selling those shitty Bag Chairs by credit card.

.

This guy couldn’t sell pussy in a whorehouse.

8:21 pm March, 29 Douche Springsteen said...

Congratulations on 6 years of holding up a mirror to the worst parts of our culture. And by culture, I mean the kind of thing that grows in petri dishes.

And poor King Douchous IV, looks like he is fighting a horrible infestation of beard termites.

On a side note, have you guys ever thought about what it would be like to see someone from the Hall of Scrote in the wild? I mean not that any of the regs here probably frequent clubs, but you have to figure these people need to go to places like Target every now and then.

9:08 pm March, 29 The Dude said...

Like George H.W. Bush, Four Prongs seems far less scary since he’s out of Presidential Politics.

.

Why?

9:24 pm March, 29 Stephanie said...

Douche bags don’t have a calender,and these three assume Halloween is March 29th. Happy Birthday.

9:53 pm March, 29 Nostradouchus said...

HBD HCwDB. King D & 4Prong…..FU.

10:00 pm March, 29 bilbodouchebaggins said...

congratulations, and here’s to at least 6 more. it is no mean feat to be consistently original and funny (for the right reasons), about ‘bags, the most consistently unoriginal, and funny (for the wrong reasons), people on earth.

10:11 pm March, 29 Juke Joint Sniper said...

Will Flyteeth be making an appearance in honor of the anniversary? Or did the state hospital permanently cut off his Internet access?

4:36 am March, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Douche Spingsteen

.

Mrs. Kroeger and I were getting an oil change at Wal Mart in our hometown a few Easter’s ago and what should fly out of the oil filter section than a full blown douche with earbot, chains, hanging shiny pants, the hair, big watch and everything else. We were so stunned we missed our chance to catch him on film

5:22 am March, 30 Douche Wayne said...

Thanks for the mammories. Keep it up!

5:54 am March, 30 army (ret) douche said...

ARGH! these 3 together AGAIN?!? the universe truly is merciless…

5:58 am March, 30 army (ret) douche said...

if SS, fishslap, DD or stackhouse joins them the horsemen prophecy will be fulfilled! (hello kitty is clearly disease)

6:28 am March, 30 The Dude said...

I got my ass up

Early on a Friday morn

Where is the Haiku?

.

.

‘Sock is a Slacker

What the fuck, comma — over?

I go back to bed

.

:)

7:32 am March, 30 creature said...

6 years is a testament to stability, tenacity & dedication!

I salute you boss….thanx for the yucks!

9:41 am March, 30 DarkSock said...

Slurpin’ the Doodi P, indeed…

10:06 am March, 30 crazed aborigine said...

I am renaming this photo “Weekend at Kitty’s”

6 years one joke, this site becomes more like three’s company every year.

trippers.

10:47 am March, 30 FredN. said...

Congrats, bitches!

11:43 am March, 30 Douche Springsteen said...

@ Rev. Chad,

I think that might be a common thing among hunters. My uncle was telling me about the first time he was hunting moose in Alaska and when he came across one in the wild, he was too awestruck to shoot at it. He just stood there and watched it. I would have probably done the same had I seen a prime ‘bag specimen in the wild, just standing there staring, too dumbstruck to work the camera app on my phone.

1:08 pm March, 30 airdomin8 said...

This site is the best! Daily mock must be maintained – for the good of mankind!

6:35 pm March, 30 creature said...

i would very much like to draw a 1/2 gallon of milk from her jugs

10:37 pm April, 1 Whoop-di-douche said...

I’m just an April foole for postin’ so late, but happy 6th. Boss-man.

You do-do it like no other, then all the posters out-do-do it better’n Samurai Scrote riffin’ his gee-tar with DarkSock.

Leave a Reply

What is 2 + 2 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)