Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Pabst Blue Ribbon and the Herpster Complex

There was a time, not too long ago, when I enjoyed a tasty P.B.R. as much as the next red-blooded American male.

Was it good beer? Hells no.

But, as Dennis Hopper and David Lynch reminded us, it was pure of soul.

And let us not forget Leon’s clue in the great Midnight Madness. (Ah, the 1980s. When 40 year old actors played college kids.)

So what to do now that Herpster irony has appropriated the P.B.R.?

I remain agnostic on P.B.R.

I cannot condemn it simply for vicarious herpster taint. But nor can I celebrate it as I once did for its vacuous taste of rural Americana.

# posted by douchebag1
12:10 pm March, 20 Jeet Kune Douche said...

I can guarantee you that the sweet little brunette cupcake feels absolutely NO sexual threat whatsoever from the dweeby little herpster pussy on her right.

12:42 pm March, 20 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

The smug look on both ot these two begs for stereo trashcans to the heads.

12:44 pm March, 20 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Actually, back in high school I was in a punk-polka band called stereo trashcans to the heads. True story.

1:06 pm March, 20 DarkSock said...

I rather liked PBR. But because of my incandescent hatred of hipsters, I moved laterally to Schlitz.

.

And by “laterally” I mean “passed out on the carpet in a halo of vomit”.

1:07 pm March, 20 Vin Douchal said...

A guy with a toucan beak shouldn’t draw so much undue attention to it with adornments

1:08 pm March, 20 Vin Douchal said...

In any language, Asses:

.

1:14 pm March, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

Only thing cool about PBR is that Fred Pabst Jr. the founders son created Bromley Mountain in Peru, VT*. Not the best skiing in the world but with southern exposure on a sunny day it was always a good skiing day and it beat the crowds of NYC, Westchester county numb-nuts who would descend on Stratton & Mt Snow.

*Not sure if they have Llamas so calm down DB1.

.

Apres Skiers

1:20 pm March, 20 Doucheywallnuts said...

Great trivia Et Tu. Me and Mrs Wallnuts have skied Bromley many times. And by that I mean I’ve ejaculated on her whilst in a chair lift.

1:32 pm March, 20 Dieter Douche said...

@vindouchal 1:08

My god, yes, asses! You have to love South America for that, was in Peru once myself. Unbelievable the amount of beautiful women they have down there!!! The only problem is, yes they are beautiful, but man do you have to put up with a loooooot of crap!

1:42 pm March, 20 Douche Springsteen said...

I used to steal PBRs from my old man’s fridge in the garage when I was growing up and he used to pretend not to notice them missing. There’s a certain nostalgia involved in plowing through a 12 pack of them (always in a can) on a hot summer day while fishing. PBR was also the first beer put in a can, and it’s a union shop, so I will still drink it.

This is where the line in the sand is drawn. If we let herpsters appropriate PBR, what’s next?

1:56 pm March, 20 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

When a beer can be drunk “ironically,” it’s time to “ironically” punch everyone in the nuts who tries to drink it.

.

.

…and “ironically” crush the cans against the soft little hipster heads that are trying so hard to like what is, essentially, rat piss.

.

.

(and for that last statement, I apologize to all rats)

.

.

.Kronenbourgs

1:56 pm March, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

God bless Vin Douchal for his affinity & keen eye when it comes to quality Pear, Pera y bombón’s. I just wept watching that video and by just wept I mean I wish I wish I was in South America.

2:22 pm March, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d like to take some of that sweet plump South American Mulatto ass goodness to Bromley with my thirty years old self and do some three-way pole planting. And by pole planting, I mean what Douchey Wallnuts means.

.

Mountain Pounders

2:54 pm March, 20 tall guy said...

I get the impression Pabst Blue Ribbon beer resembles Fosters Lager in that they’re both shit tasting beers.

2:56 pm March, 20 tall guy said...

South American arses! Not a hambeast amongst ‘em.

3:42 pm March, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Tall Guy,

PBR was and has been co-opted into the hipster culture. It was always a cheap lower tier, working mans beer compared to say Budweiser or MIller which both suck too. PBR experienced a revival in fortune due to it being the “hip” beer to drink from Portland OR to Williamsburg section of Brooklyn. Wouldn’t be surprised if Hamm’s or Schlitz becomes popular.

3:47 pm March, 20 The Dude said...

One spring day at Bromley Mtn, conditions were ideal — an overnight layer of fresh Colombian powder, an early morning Cape Cod, but the real bonus was the girl taking the chair lift tickets didn’t seem to be wearing anything under her ski jacket. It was zipped *just low enough* to get that thought lingering. Next time up, she’d lowered the zipper a bit more, confirming the rumor. Third trip — she had it completely open, and I wasn’t sure my knees could take the run.

.

.

True story

3:50 pm March, 20 tall guy said...

Et Tu, I see. Hipsters might next produce in synthetic polymer paint images featuring 32 can of PBR to give a lasting, retroactive Warhol-ish notoriety to the beer. Now that wouldn’t surprise me.

3:52 pm March, 20 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I have a feeling it’s more of a 24oz sex toy than a drink. That’s the irony.

4:12 pm March, 20 DoucheyWallnuts said...

She has the same look on her face Shirley McClain had after downing a mouthful of load from Cesar Romero one night at a Vegas party during the filming of Ocean’s Eleven. Load, I says.

.

That’s what PBR must taste like.

4:18 pm March, 20 ehcuodouche said...

That can is perfect for borrowing from her, and then flattening on his head, with a sledgehammer.

She has a nice can herself. I’d love to have some of her sweet, sweet, can.

5:00 pm March, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Tall Guy,

You’re not that far off:

.

“The beer experienced a sales revival in the early 2000s after a two decade-long slump, largely due to its increasing popularity among urban “hipsters”. Although the Pabst website features user-submitted photography, much of which features twenty-something Pabst drinkers dressed in alternative fashions,the company has opted not to fully embrace the countercultural label in its marketing, fearing that it could jeopardize the very “authenticity” that made the brand popular. Pabst instead targets its desired market niche through the sponsorship of indie music concerts, local businesses, post-collegiate sports teams, dive bars.The company even encourages fan art to be submitted online, and is subsequently shown on the beer’s official Facebook page.”

http://www.pbrart.com

5:06 pm March, 20 troy tempest said...

But, as Dennis Hopper and David Lynch reminded us, it was pure of soul.

======================

David Lynch is the hipster’s film maker. That scene is what MADE PBR the hipster beer. Before that it was just american piss beer, like the rest, but afterthat movie it got hipster cred, and PBR rode it all the way back – PBR was >< close to disappearing (along with Schaefer and Schlitz) and that film scene resurrected the brand. If he had said "Heineken – FUCK THAT SHIT! We drink SCHAEFER around her, buddy!" THen Schaefer would be the pee getting guzzled by mindless hipsterbags.

5:10 pm March, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

@The Dude,

I too have experienced “overnight layers of fresh Colombian powder” whilst spring skiing in VT. Sadly I never experienced boobal tease reveal, ticket checking hotts while waiting in line. A buddy and I did get hit on by an older couple while Apres-Skiing and by older they were probably in their 40’s. I wasn’t appreciative of Milf back then and didn’t know any better. I think the guy wanted either my buddy or I or both of us to bang his wife.

.

True story, seriously true.

.

Snow Blowers

5:13 pm March, 20 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Why do Turds smirk? That smirk on HIS face needs to be punched! That smirk on her face needs to be fed 9 inches all the way to the pubes – stat!

6:47 pm March, 20 DarkSock said...

TurdSmirk = good band name

8:02 pm March, 20 Chad Groover said...

Bono doesn’t look so good since his botched cosmetic surgery.

9:58 pm March, 20 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Nobody remembers Stroh’s????

I remember spending part of my youth buying CASES of Stroh’s in Evanston, Wyoming for $4 (you read that right, gents) and ‘smuggling’ them over the border into pseudo-dry Utah.

1:24 am March, 21 Wheezer said...

Herpster scrote here looks as if someone gene spliced the poo from the toilets of Denis Leary and Bono.

2:24 am March, 21 Nostradouchus said...

I didn’t know Joey Greco and Rosie Perez were an item.

6:05 am March, 21 Anonymous 3:16 said...

FWIW, I think this exemplifies the ability of the Greico virus to infect inanimate objects – in this case, a product. For PBR, in it’s glory days, was pure of soul and stood side by side with the best America had to offer. In a sense, it WAS America. We would drink that in cases on sale for $3, unless of course red white and blue, a pabst knock-off, was on sale, or maybe the Old Style 30-packs for the price of the case at $3.30. ANYWAY, now, I fear that it still represents America – the dirty, infected, “most of the stuff that’s wrong with” America…

12:38 pm March, 21 dervishdouchehunter said...

His chin fungus raises food safety questions.

1:54 pm March, 21 Kooz said...

Pro PBR. Anti herpster.

6:57 pm March, 21 CB Popped said...

Turdsmirk works….

I’d def fwapp salty fuccen ropes on her after a few PBRs in Williamsburg.

Jeet Kune FTW first post. LOL!

9:21 pm March, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

@Nostradouchus 2:24

GOD DAMNIT You beat me to the Joey Greco reference!!!! See what I get for fucking off for so long? Damnit. I gotta start applying myself here.

.

@Tall Guy

Yeah. you’re not far off. I am a reformed alcoholic. I mean, an absolute, in-the-gutter, degenerate drinker of epic proportions. I lived in a car for a while. I once filled the sleeve of my coat with vomit on the El train in Chicago. I thought I was hitting the floor, really. I drank Bombay Sapphire mixed with blackberry brandy and Jameson’s on a dare. I stole from my mom’s purse to get booze. And, when offered a PBR, I would say, “Got anything else?”

7:58 am March, 22 CB Popped said...

Medusa, thanks for giving us that awesome and creative way to vomit on trains if need be. That’s a good urban survival tip!

9:20 pm March, 25 Mr. Biggs said...

I believe it was St. Augustine who said nothing is inherently good or evil but only in the manner of its usage. My taste in beer is like coffee. I don’t care so long as I get the drug, and if I can get a 24 oz PBR for the same price as a 12 oz domestic, dammit that’s what I’m drinking.

And that’s what my friends have been drinking since the late 90s. If some herpsterbags wanna mimic what we do and then give me some bullshit stink-eye because they think they’re hipper than me, well then, that’s what defines their herpsterbaggery.

9:41 pm March, 25 Mr. Biggs said...

When it comes to beer, herpsters follow their nose!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVHvrsoy9P0

Leave a Reply

What is 14 + 6 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)