Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Reader Mail: Unclear on the Concept

——————

Bob Banks gregsteve505@gmail.com

Mar 26 (2 days ago)

to: douchebag1

Good Day,

Am Bob i would to know whether you carry ( Bag Chairs ) in stock for sale if you do so email me with the price ranges on that so that i will know the one to offer and also i want to know if you accept

credit card as form of payment. Awaiting for your prompt reply.

Mr. Bob Banks

—————

Do I carry ( Bag Chairs ) in stock?

Perhaps I do, Mr. Am Bob Banks.

Perhaps I do.

# posted by douchebag1
8:55 am March, 28 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Bleeth’s tits are not as good as they look.

.

.

.Much as, in an inverse way, Wagner’s (that’s VAHHG-ner to you philistines out there) music is much better than it sounds.

.

.

.Mendelssohns

8:57 am March, 28 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

Take the guy’s credit card information and say you’ll get back to him, Boss.

8:57 am March, 28 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

…and yes, Richard, Felix and their homies could kick these guys asses from here to the Milan Opera House.

8:59 am March, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I am guessing that Am Bob Banks is short for Ammarasbob Banksvarati. You have to respect and fear a country in which half the economy is under the table/black market/illegal.

9:00 am March, 28 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Let me go get my baseball bat, and I’ll fill your stock of ‘bag chairs right quick…

9:10 am March, 28 Branch Sticky Icky said...

Notta for guy in the middle. Douche for guy on the right. And Dead Eyes of the Year Award for bleeth on the left. Also I would like to order two bag chairs for my rumpus room please.

9:15 am March, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Living your life based on the movie “Zoolander” is no way to go through life. Son.

9:17 am March, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Anyone who would give the middle guy a notta is a total drueche, I mean douche.

.

Blonde bleeth has is broadcasting major porn vibes on all frequencies.

9:25 am March, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

The vacant, drug-addled stare exhibited by the bleeth gives me a boner. And by that I mean it gives me a boner.

9:28 am March, 28 Branch Sticky Icky said...

@Dude McCrudeshoes, guy in the middle has lost the ability to smile via some weird twist of fate. So as far as I’m concerned he’s good to go. He’s got his arms around his pal and he’s close to a female.

9:38 am March, 28 jonezy said...

Retro Jenny McCarthy with severed head spawn of Ivan Drago with son of Alfonso Riberio is sooo close to Guggenheim 2023 material.

9:38 am March, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Sticky Icky, his ‘pal’ is a hairless cabana boy with no shirt and a suit coat. There is homoerotic tension in this pic in much the same way Dick Cheney is experiencing a mild case of heartburn. On his other arm is a pay for play, and need I mention the look of douchitude?

9:40 am March, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Jonezy nails the Dolph Lundgren reference which I skipped because I couldn’t come up with one as funny as jonezy.

9:45 am March, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I hate it when peeps don’t get the concept. It’s like when someone calls me with good credit to see if they can get financed for 110% of a houses value while in college and they want to include their student loan in the mortgage.

.

Sometimes I give them a polite fuck off and quit bothering my buzz. But sometimes if I’m grooving on a tight buzz after many drinks I’ll play with them like little fish in a puddle and really fuck up their credit by doing their applications a hundred times. The fuckers credit is fucked for 7 years. But it doesn’t matter cause it’ll take them 10 to find of fucking job these days. I hate lending money. Gotta get into Wedgie’s business with my wife. Maybe move to SoCal after I finish my thesis and teach night school calculus at a communtiy college to dirty little girls in short skirts and plenty of chunky young menstruation fluid to keep me going.

.

Anybody know how much money I have to invest down there to get a work visa now that I am pardoned and free to cross the border to buy my cheap Indian gas and smokes. Fuck I’m drunk today. Son.

.

That dude looks like the black dude on Scrubs.

9:49 am March, 28 Branch Sticky Icky said...

@Dude McCrudeshoes, he’s got good bone structure not too much hair product and stroke face. I will agree to half a douche or diet douche. I can tell buy his lapel that he hates clubs and would rather be skeet shooting. I say say we give him one more shot before we bang the gavel of judgement.

9:50 am March, 28 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

That black dude on Scrubs is a master thespian Rev.

.

.Don’t be knocking master black thespians.

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….said Liberace.

9:52 am March, 28 Branch Sticky Icky said...

@The Reverend Chad Kroeger, re: work visa in the US. Oh man those things cost a fortune. You should stay in Canada where the living is easy.

10:04 am March, 28 The Dude said...

I like Am Boobs for to me. And my Bag Chair.

10:06 am March, 28 ChestBrah said...

That jacket is a very fashionable look and he seems to have spent much time in the gym to pull the look off. I applaud his style and you are all a bunch of jelly haters. I’m off to the gym to do some squat thrusts, lunges & deep knee bends.

10:12 am March, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Val Kilmer is fat as fuck. Who woulda thunk it?

10:12 am March, 28 Branch Sticky Icky said...

@ChestBrah, sounds like your workout gives you some pretty tight glutes. Bet the fellas eat that up. And you are wrong, I rather enjoy jelly with the exception of apricot. Too sweet.

10:13 am March, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

@ ChestBrah

Totes jelly brah.

10:15 am March, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I think Glen Danzig wants something of mini-Dolph’s there.

11:00 am March, 28 Douchble Helix said...

Without the dyed blond hair, eye makeup, and sparkly low cut dress, you don’t want to see that gal.

.

How can I explain how I “love” for The Rev without me sounding all gay and shit?

.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

11:01 am March, 28 Douchble Helix said...

I could start with a grammaticly correct question, I suppose.

11:03 am March, 28 Douchble Helix said...

Oh, and I’m pretty damned pissed to find out this website is nothing but a come on to sell some shitty chairs.

11:25 am March, 28 troy tempest said...

Dutch tilt on Insurgent douchebags and a sparkly bleeth with funky funbags and the 1000 mile stare of a cokehead on oxycontin and we have a photo of a place and people I want nothing to do with. It’s people like this what makes for civil unrest.

11:58 am March, 28 tall guy said...

No notta for any of ‘em. And welcome back, Dreuche.

12:04 pm March, 28 Branch Sticky Icky said...

@tall guy, its probably best if we don’t speak of her anymore. You’ve forced me into hiding and I would like to stay here for awhile if you don’t mind. Thank you for understanding.

12:12 pm March, 28 tall guy said...

Dreuche, you were into hiding for a long time before we ever met even if my hambeast related comments caused you to be airlifted to the Mayo Clinic eating disorder unit (Gulfstream G3, please!) We’re all good. Life’s for living, Dreuche. Remember, get up, get out…And into something new.

ashley simpson walks into a gay bar, that saves all the ice for rubbing on nipples.

slampigs

12:29 pm March, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

/grandpa mode

I don’t know what the deal is, nor do I want to. I like Dreuche and I used to kinda like tall guy. What I see know is one person keeping a low profile and just doing their own thing, and the other person going out of their way to attack them ad hominem style. It’s ruining my buzz. Then I shout out to my buddy dreuche, and it’s like I’ve outed someone from the witness protection program. I don’t like someone trying to influence what I say or who I say it to. It’s like I either have to play by the tall guy rules and ignore Drueche, or I risk sparking this type of nonsense. Fuck that noise.

/grandpa mode

12:42 pm March, 28 Wheezer said...

Hey Boss,

.

Something to consider: If Am Bob Banks is any relation to the lovely Elizabeth Banks, then I’d go out and buy some ( Bag Chairs ) and hook him up.

.

Your “price range” could be something as simple as pawing at Elizabeth’s supple suckle thighs while chanting Cyrillian sonnets and picking fresh daisies. Of course, you’ll come up with better stuff than that.

.

– Wheezer the Matchmaker

12:48 pm March, 28 tall guy said...

McCrudehoes, the best way to have good internet is to avoid the internet. But internet disengagement deprives us of opportunities for bitching at the Douche, at the Dreuche and pushing around tall guy and Dude McCrudeshoes. This is occasionally useful and always a pleasure. In a democracy we don’t get in trouble by trying to make one another mad. We get in trouble by trying to make others like us.

.

There are certain things we may reasonably demand of the internet, of course. But most of these things are negative rights. And often it’s the internet users themselves who are violating those rights. If you think otherwise you’re confusing politics with Halloween.

12:53 pm March, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I’m going to avoid this mud puddle, which smells vaguely of social experimentation and vegemite.

1:05 pm March, 28 Branch Sticky Icky said...

@tall guy, you kinda remind me of Stackhouse telling me to leave my parents basement and start living. I don’t care if you call me hambeast dude, obvs I’m a little more thick skinned than the average chick but as an insult its not that creative.

.

@McCrudeshoes, LOL @ /grandpa mode. My disguises suck. Not your fault. I prefer to refer to it as mixing it up and if you blow my cover it validates part of my little social experiment. I used to like tall guy too until he started constantly asking me for my advice. Fucking non existent Germans. I thought I was helping a fellow comrade with his game. Turns out he was just lying to me to engage me in convo. So douchey.

1:06 pm March, 28 tall guy said...

Morality is important, McCrudeshoes, but it’s not the same as necessary. The internet is like a mile of boxcars filled with lard and its users are likeThe Little Engine That Could. You or I are unlikely to to get the train moving by pushing on the caboose even if we get all our friends to help. But once it’s moving we better not stand in its way. Derailment is not an option. But you can chose to alight at any stop you like.

1:19 pm March, 28 Douchble Helix said...

Amazingly elegant link, Wheezer, what with the italics and the alias and all that stuff.

.

What a shame it doesn’t work.

1:22 pm March, 28 tall guy said...

Dreuche, I’ll translate ^ because you’re rather simple: freedom of speech is important – if you have anything to say. I’ve checked the internet; nobody does. Freedom of belief is important – if you believe in anything. I’ve watched reality TV and I can’t believe it. Freedom of assembly is important – if you’re going to an assembly. Most people are going to the mall. And, at the mall, they exercise they’re economic freedom.

.

It’s not hard (McCrudeshoes I’m certain you’ve heard those three words before…)

1:30 pm March, 28 Branch Sticky Icky said...

Thanks for the breakdown tall guy. Seriously though you Aussies speak the same English we do right? It just seems like its a whole nother language (Klingon) when I read your stuff. Maybe if I stand on my head it might make more sense. Can you just go back to being wacky tall guy instead of douchebag tall guy or should I just call you tall douche from now on?

1:42 pm March, 28 Douchble Helix said...

As My Stomach Churns…

1:42 pm March, 28 tall guy said...

Dreuche, I expected you reply to be whiney, insecure, self-righteous and bumbling. But I hadn’t expected it to be a pathetic, pious lecturing humanity on morals while possessing no whit of moral understanding. Your approach to international relations closely resembles US foreign policy: vain, testy, inconsistent and meddlesome and by turns too skeptical, too credulous, too permissive, too controlling and too obtuse. In short, like a dysfunctional family.

1:59 pm March, 28 Branch Sticky Icky said...

Ah man, fuck this shit. I knew I shouldn’t have come back. Sorry you guys, I tried. Tall guy out logicked me so to the victor go the commenting spoils. Y’all have fun now.

2:09 pm March, 28 Douche of Hazard said...

Nice job Tall Boy. You realize she is many times more amusing to read than you, don’t you?

2:13 pm March, 28 tall guy said...

Dreuche, you’ll continue to lurk. You couldn’t have it any other way even if you wanted it.

.

2:37 pm March, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Drueche, the doublespeak is part of the role he is playing. He said one true thing though: he doesn’t have to stop, and so he won’t. Adopt a policy of 100% nonengagement. Reaction is what gets him off.

2:43 pm March, 28 tall guy said...

McCrudeshoes, ^ that was to be my last post, but I’m sure you didn’t figure it out. So… Just so you’re au fait w/- everything – well as au fait w/- everything that you possibly can be – I will not be posting here starting…Now!

3:08 pm March, 28 The Dude said...

The longer I stare at the blonde’s holy cleavite, the simpler life becomes. Until I start drooling. That gets embarrassing.

3:10 pm March, 28 Meduim Guy said...

Hello all,

I am new here. I have a natty little roadster, a German girlfriend (no respect) and a nice collection of board shorts.

Did I mention I’m from New Zealand?

Cheers

3:27 pm March, 28 vente guy said...

Hi,

.

I’m new here…

4:36 pm March, 28 double latte mochaccino guy said...

Ever notice how the Shielas at the flowershop are dull lesbians because they ignore me? I thought you didn’t. I blame your Obamacare.

6:01 pm March, 28 Obamacare said...

@mochacinno guy, the ladies ignore you because you are boring and you don’t understand women, stop blaming me. I’m just a health care policy.

7:51 pm March, 28 CB Popped said...

Eggy Weggs…what a couple of fucking DBs.

7:59 pm March, 28 DarkSock said...

Dammit Tall Guy throw a shrimp on the barbie or something; be Funny or Die. And by Die I mean stop being tiresome.

.

Come on back Sticky Nancy. You’re too droll to snark anywhere else, Woman.

10:44 pm March, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Am I missing something here? Folks are talking about the Dreuche’s less-than-triumphant return and bitching about the interwebs, but I see no signs of Dreuche’s seductive cottage cheese thighs, and complaining about the internet on the internet is kind of…well…I best not complain about it.

.

Did I leave for three months only to return to some moderator’s vortex of symbolic self immulation? Aaargh! Let’s go back to laughing at mini-Dolph.

.

The Microversal Soldier. He has a necklace made out of mice ears.

10:45 pm March, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I Come in Small Pieces

10:48 pm March, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

The Poonisher

10:48 pm March, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Masters of the Pooniverse

10:49 pm March, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Army of Little One

2:59 am March, 29 Nostradouchus said...

Ashley Simpson in fifty years.

5:12 am March, 29 Douchble Helix said...

Take away the bleach and the mascara, and…

.

Siblings!

.

Brothers and sisters.

7:59 am March, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

I thought a “Bag Chair” is a dude sitting down with a gross Bleeth giving him a lap dance.

9:46 am March, 29 fatness said...

^^ winner.

11:53 am March, 29 CB Popped said...

Y’all just a bunch of Hatters.

^^Medusa,,,he he.

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