Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Lickwipe

I was gonna rag on the Lickwipe’s unholy presence near Sexy Poochtickle Trina, but then I realized we have celebrity guest mocker Mike Tyson willing to step in and do the job.

Mike, what would you like to say to the Lickwipe?

Mike Tyson: I’d just like to thay that the Lickwipe is tho thtupid! If I were still fighting, I would totally pop him in the mouth.

Yes. His head is very shiny.

Mike Tyson: Tho Thiny! It makes me weep for the lost childhood I reacted to with mindless aggression as a wayward man child.

You did have a tough childhood, Mike.

Mike Tyson: My pigeons were my Rosebud. That’s a metaphor you know. You ever see Thitizen Kane?

Of course, great film. Orson Welles is a genius.

Mike Tyson: Who that? Did I ever fight him?

Yes. Yes. Yes you did.

Mike Tyson: I knew it! They thay I ain’t go no memory, whatnot with the punches to the head and all, but I totally showed them! I’m taking night classes for nursing. And I thtudy the philothophy of Heidegger and Kant.

Really? Heidegger and Kant? What’s your take on phenomenology versus psychoanalysis?

Mike Tyson: I just shitting you. I don’t read no philosophy. Come on man, think! I got tigers.

Any other thoughts, Mike?

Mike Tyson: I would show affections for Trina by buying her expenthive jewelry. And then smacking her in the ass with my fist. Women like that.

I’m not sure that’s true, Mike.

Mike Tyson: Maybe you’re right. Hey, wanna watch Leno?

No thanks, Mike. Gotta go.

Anddddd… scene.

# posted by douchebag1
2:11 pm March, 13 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Trina for HOH,Stat! For most fwap-worthy combination of leopard brassiere and ….what the hell is that – bustier? Umm, I gotta go to the bafroom. See ya’ll later.

2:14 pm March, 13 Douche Springsteen said...

I think I’ve seen her on here before. Either that or I’ve been coming back for so long that I can’t tell one bleeth from the other anymore.

2:28 pm March, 13 Vin Douchal said...

That is one odd outfit on Sexy Poochtickle Trina. It looks like she had to rush out of the room grabbing anything she could find before Lickwipe tried to make a move on her.

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Now he’s following her around like a titmouse sniffing a worm. Yech

2:29 pm March, 13 Vin Douchal said...

He looks like Nick Swisher shitting razor blades

2:38 pm March, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

It looks like if The Lickwipe pushes a little too hard on Trina’s poochtickle we’re gonna see her squoobz fly out and fracture her eye sockets.

2:40 pm March, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Vin

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Is that a guitar pick necklace? If so, he probably got it from Simon LeBon after some special backstage time together when Duran Duran was in town.

2:45 pm March, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

John Stewart had a good one about that prick Leno to Letterman. “Romney’s like Jay Leno. He can draw a crowd but nobody really likes him”

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I hate John Stewart. But I kind of watch if I wake up in the middle of the night in an insomniac sweat that only a drug addict can sweat and he’s already on the tube while I have a swig of liquor to sooth my sleep apnea damaged throat and hope the old bitch doesn’t have to have a midnight shit cause then I gotta go upstairs and let her out.

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Sometimes my dog wakes up as well.

3:09 pm March, 13 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Is that a dragon belt buckle, worn off to the side ? Sweet !

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And Trina looks as dumb as a box of rocks, but that is one hot bod.

3:20 pm March, 13 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Whaddup DB1? Sexy Trina’s eyes are even farther apart than the last hott’s.

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.Notice I said “farther” rather than “further.” That’s because I learned the grammatically correct usage of the two words gooder in high school.

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.BTW: Her eyes are so far apart, rarely does ejaculate find its way into both of them.

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.Pearl Jammers

3:22 pm March, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

Underwear as outerwear is back. Madonna can feel relevant again.

3:25 pm March, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

Note placement of Lickwipes belt buckle. Is this a new douche maneuver? Young Mario Lemieux could sure pull some tail.

3:26 pm March, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

Her eyes are so far apart she uses 8 Ss to spell Mississippi.

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Red pens

3:28 pm March, 13 Vin Douchal said...

@ Doc

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Why, yes, it’s “The Pick Of Douchesity” . It came with the $99 Squire Amp/Guitar combo mommy got him for his birfday

3:49 pm March, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Et Tu

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Never, ever make fun of Le Magnifique. Mario Lemieux never looked this bad. Even with Nathalie standing next to him. The bitch. Now Mitch Lamoreux…

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True story: After a game I was waiting to get his autograph outside the players entrance/exit. There was a guy a short distance from me and his little kid who was obviously tired after a big Pens win not to mention it was around 11pm at night. The little kid (he’s around 7 or 8) starts looking for somewhere to sit when he decides to park his ass on a car bumper pretty close to the players exit. Well, Nathalie and Mario come out and she sees the kid first. She FREAKS on the kid and then the dad for him “hurting the car”. So the kid starts bawling just crocodile tears and he doesn’t understand what he did wrong and why his hero’s bitch of a then girlfriend is spewing venom at him. Dad grabs kid and high-tails it out of there faster than you can “fuccen bitch”. Well, Mario turns red and pulls her into the car so she can stop making a scene. It was funny at the next game (my sister had season tickets at the time so I got to go A LOT), when they flashed the camera on Nathalie she got a sound round of booing from the other season ticket holders and regs.

4:34 pm March, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Doc,

No disrespect of Mario, I actually met him in Miami in the early mid 90’s and again at his charity golf outing. He couldn’t of been nicer. I still wince though whenever they show the footage of him toying with Raymond Bourque. Next time you head down to the Consol stop in at Shales across the street, old school at it’s finest.

4:44 pm March, 13 Stephanie said...

Making faces like someone is corn-holing you behind her,shows a real adult.

4:47 pm March, 13 hermit said...

True story:

I had dirty, drunken sex with a skank who once gave Wayne Gretzky a blow job when he played minor league hockey in Indianapolis.

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The Great One got her as a nubile nineteen year old co-ed. When I banged her, she was forty-five, a chain smoker and had a snatch like a sweat-stained catcher’s mitt.

4:52 pm March, 13 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I’d rather see that sweat-stained catcher’s mitt of a snatch than the Lickwipe’s face.

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Lickwipe for Weekly consideration.

4:58 pm March, 13 Stephanie said...

Her eyes are so far apart,her tongue catches flies.

5:00 pm March, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmmmm……dirty, drunken sex with a skank.

5:09 pm March, 13 Nostradouchus said...

Guitar pick necklaces should be autodouche. It’s bleeth pandering at its finest, and nobody who’s actually good at guitar wears them.

5:37 pm March, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

I really am glad you’re back Hermit. I just figured you were away burying wife number 4 under the porch and you would return once the heat died down a little.

6:58 pm March, 13 Blah said...

The Mark of the Bag is strong in that one.

8:08 pm March, 13 DarkSock said...

^What Nancy said. We gotta lotta work to do. Big news coming in a week.

OK…medium news. But still.

9:45 pm March, 13 ehcuodouche said...

No crazy eyes in the HOH. Today must be crazy eyes Tuesday.

10:12 pm March, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@echuodouche, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but not even sane eyes are getting into the HOH.

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@DarkSock, if the medium news isn’t Assapolooza 2: The Spankening, then it is no news at all.

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Priorities gentlemen, priorities.

10:54 pm March, 13 tall guy said...

Fuck! What’s with all these crazy eyed bleeths lately?

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Dreuche, have you got a gap between your eyes? Or just the ridges?

11:04 am March, 14 DouchYouWannaDance said...

That look in Trina’s eyes scream:

“Dear God, what have I gotten myself into?”

9:28 pm March, 14 Bret Easton Douchis said...

Wow….they are making crazy hot ventriloquist dolls these days…

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I’d put up my hand up there and drink a glass of water any day….

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