Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Unholy Pear Fondle

Moving on, as bcs would want us to…

I’ve been going light on you with HCwDB pairings the past week or so. Felt it was time to smack you awake on this Wednesday with heinosity of unholy pear fondle.

Vegas Vincent is all that is douchebag essence. Essence du douchebag. Or, as the kids, say, a heaping pile of yak vomit.

I would gang tackle a busload of Armenian Lexus dealers dippied in Drakkar Noir, fighting through that sweaty flesh pile of immigration and desperation just for the chance to masticate on Suzy Pear’s bikini sweat in filtered tea formula.

And then I would lick-suckle Suzy Pear’s discarded summer lounge chair like arthritic crack aardvark until the security guard at Best Buy asked me to leave or he’d call the cops.

# posted by douchebag1
7:54 am March, 21 Anonymous said...

She’s dead to me.

7:55 am March, 21 Douchble Helix said...

^^^ That was me.

7:57 am March, 21 Leery said...

*sob*

8:08 am March, 21 Doucheywallnuts said...

Question: Would you adopt that appearance in order to fondle and hit that pear?

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I would ejaculate on that ass to the point it would resemble an Alpine avalanche but with jism replacing the snow. Jism, I says.

8:09 am March, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The girls figure it’s OK to do some pay to pose cause the gigs are tight and they got to pay the rent. It all right until gangster boy El Ben Barfy here spikes the drinks and a diplomatic duffle bag later the girls are for sale in Islamabad to OG oil gangsters in white robes to serve as yachtbound anal play for A-rabs. A-rabs I says.

.

Got jolly drunk and smoked a cannon for BCS last night. Still stoned.

.

420

8:11 am March, 21 Vin Douchal said...

G.E.D. candidate, putting off studies toward that graduation in 2017 , showing how to stock the canteloupes

8:16 am March, 21 Doucheywallnuts said...

Schopenhauer once said:

“All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”

If we were to apply this point of view to the above photo, we will come up with some terrifying possibilities. If the statement , “Douchebaggery is superior to non-douchebaggery,” is uttered by those who assert that douchebaggery is “truth,” we are in a transitional phase from the first into the second stage. I will weep when we enter the third stage.

8:39 am March, 21 Capt. James T. Douche said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfCjxDTyOIA

Sorry I can’t figure out how to do all that cool embedding shit you guys somehow do.

8:41 am March, 21 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

An early candidate for Vegas-y Vegas Douche of the Year…but the pool season officially starts today, so who knows what vomitus horrificness it will bring?

8:42 am March, 21 DarkSock said...

I would eat a live and angry cobra out of her asshole. Cobra, I says.

8:43 am March, 21 jonezy said...

I’d cockblender her ass into a mound of Close Encounter-esque, man-buttermilk infused, mashed potato mountain.

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And then eat it.

8:50 am March, 21 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

@Capt. ….me neither….and apparently the launch codes are now secret….so my lame-ass attempts at linking are all I can do as well.

.

.

.Luddites

8:54 am March, 21 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Her ass is so perfect, Michelangelo Buonarroti wants to come back from his gay-ass, Renaissance, Italianate crypt just to sculpt it.

8:54 am March, 21 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Her ass is so perfect, it doesn’t matter what her tits look like.

8:55 am March, 21 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Her ass is so perfect, it doesn’t matter what her face looks like.

.

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.Da Vincis

8:58 am March, 21 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Her ass is so perfect, only strawberry yogurt comes out of it.

9:05 am March, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I know how to do it but I’m too fuccen lazy…

.

I believe Christopher Walken speaks for all of us…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHIAn62N1CI

9:46 am March, 21 troy tempest said...

dark sock – file is sent – check yer gmail.

9:50 am March, 21 Anonymous said...

JORTS.

Here’s another contraction for you: Fwanker.

12:08 pm March, 21 Choad the Wet Sprocket said...

This guy has punch face…..I don’t very often see a guy where just looking at him, I want to punch him in the face, but this guy….

12:23 pm March, 21 tall guy said...

Jorts or ports.

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Also, he’s rockin’ the slightly raised hat tilt, which is as virulent a strain of douchitius as it gets.

12:36 pm March, 21 dervishdouchehunter said...

It should be illegal to make that face while engaging in such an act.

2:18 pm March, 21 The Dude said...

This could be the cover for the next edition of HCwDB: The Book.

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This pic makes me shake my head in the “NO!” motion. Swivel head.

2:50 pm March, 21 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hopefully she has a face like a VW Microbus that’s been driven headlong into a wall. Probably not though.

6:27 pm March, 21 CB Popped said...

“Son of a fucking bitch…this pic ruined my night.” – Me

7:39 pm March, 21 Chad Groover said...

I will cry myself to sleep tonight knowing that a steaming heap like that ever touched that monument to feminine perfection.

8:02 pm March, 21 Little Willie said...

A nice ripe ass spoiled by a fucked up tattooed turd in sunglasses.

9:04 pm March, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

Damn, Doucheywallnuts! You knock us all out with the Rat Pack Stories and then WHAM! Roundhouse with the Schopenhauer! You are truly a renaissance man. I hoist my glass of non-adult beverage to you.

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I’m imagining he smells like pizza sauce.

6:23 am March, 22 I R A Darth Aggie said...

If by “moving on” you mean “rip Vinnie’s arm off and beat him with it”, then I’m on board…

6:04 pm March, 22 Bret Easton Douchis said...

Proof positive….there is no God.

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I didn’t just throw up in my mouth. I puked out my teeth.

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5:00 am March, 23 Tony Ventresca said...

This is a pretty unique photo since the douchebag is actually touching the hott in something other than a brother-sister touch; on the other hand, he’s not putting much effort into it and evidently is more concerned about posing for the photo than grabbing ass.

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