Thursday, April 12, 2012

"Brotien Bars" Appeals to the HCwDB Community

And by appeals, I mean skids:

——

Good afternoon,

Awesome website and book you got here. My name is Henry, co-creator of Brotein Bars. It took us almost a year of research & development to create these bars. They’re sugar free, 20-25 grams of protein, and sweetened with Stevia.

We are wondering if you can blog/ tweet/ or put us on Facebook for your readers. We wanted to create a protein bar that’s fun, instead of all the other bars in the market targeting bodybuilders.

Check out our blog too.

We’re in the talks with bodybuilding.com and sold online as well as a variety of gyms in Northern California. We think your readers will enjoy our bars.

Thanks in advance!

Henry Lee

Brotein Bars

505 Montgomery Street

Suite 1100

San Francisco, CA 94111

———

Sorry. I only eat Boobmellows (pictured here).

# posted by douchebag1
6:32 am April, 12 Et Tu Douche? said...

“sweetened with Stevia.”?!?! Who the fuck is Stevia and why would I want to consume anything he has “sweetened”

6:38 am April, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Et Tu, Stevia is a sugar substitute. What I want to know is, is it considered gay to eat another man’s Brotein Bar?

6:40 am April, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

Also I always enjoy being thanked in advance. That way I feel like I don’t have to do anything since I was already thanked anyways.

6:47 am April, 12 troy tempest said...

Brotein Bars? Fuck. I’m going back to bed.

6:50 am April, 12 Doucheywallnuts said...

I love her bikini. And by that I mean I’d like to brojaculate on her tits.

6:50 am April, 12 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

I dunno. I’m kinda with Et Tu on this. I mean, they coulda called it Protein Bars, but no, they call it BROtein! I’m thinkin’ there’s gotta be some Bro in that Pro, if you know what I mean. And then, they are right in the heart of San Francisco where they could easily cull this BROtein in quantities to support mass production! I’m thinkin’ Stevia is simple code talk! Like steve….iand everybody else!

6:52 am April, 12 Douche Wayne said...

“Instead of all the other bars in the market targeting bodybuilders” vs. “in talks with bodybuilder.com” and “sold in gyms.”

Did I miss something?

6:53 am April, 12 Douche Wayne said...

And I think we all know there’s only one way for protein to be “fun.” Am I right, ladies?

* crickets *

6:54 am April, 12 ChestBrah said...

These are the best for helping me get the energy I need to seriously get my pec workout on. If they made some infused with steroids I would be totally set. One time as a joke I wrapped my dong up in one of the wrappers, and had my friend GlutesBrah see if he could taste the difference. Yes he could and no homo.

7:02 am April, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Those links don’t work for me anymore. You know the links the he puts up day after day. And by don’t work I mean clicking noises and explosion graphics. Fuck me. The Reverend Chad was once a muscled hunk when he was thirty. But instead of creatine I ate grilled beef, pussies. And instead of going to gym I pumped chicks and backyard iron and carried rebar and i-beams and shit the Steve used to talk about. Mrs. Kroeger was going all crazy on my lean grillin machine body and then we got married and let ourselves go. And by ourselves I mean her.

.

I can only imagine that in those links are steroidally leaned bodies of thin girls and stumpy dudes in full flex. The only thing I ever flexed was my cock and the odd neck twitch headbutt on a bouncer juiced up and keen to toss me ot of a bar when I was a super wiry 150 pound killer. I don’t dig pumped lean muscles all out hard body chicks unless they are old like Grandma Mrs. Kroeger. She’s tight like the hermunculous ballast on a BP patch job n’mean. I don’t know what the fuck I’, talking about I think I gave too much blood this morning and shouldn’t have smoked the Chemo. I’ll leave you eith this:

.

.

7:09 am April, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

I bet these go great with Justin’s Nut Butter (An actual peanut butter product).

7:15 am April, 12 Charles Douchewin said...

I clicked “to create these bars” – and I’m wondering why anyone would reach for a brotien barf, when there are perfectly good bananas right next to them.

.

Bananas have less fat and sugar than Brotein Barfs, their wrappers are biodegradable, and they literally grow on trees.

.

Pay no attention to the Banana republics behind the curtain.

7:24 am April, 12 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Brotein bars. Because nothing makes a “food” item more fun than giving it a douchey name. “Weeee! No trip to Disneyland this year. We’re chowing down on Brotein bars instead. Yaaaaay! Splash Mountain’s got nothing on my turkey flavored “Snackhouse” bar. Get Some quick energy!!!!”

.

I’m going to the office men’s room right now to drop a couple brotein bars into the toilet. After that I’m going to mix up a nice brotein shake fwapping to blue bikini top.

.

Dumb ass marketers.

7:26 am April, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

^THIS

.

Also, RE: “Awesome website and book you got here.”

Apparently you have not actually read either one. Or else you would have realized how incredibly dumb it was of you to give us this information. So, it’s Bro-tein, or Bro-teen? I’m thinking they’re trying to corner the pedophile gym rat market.

.

We are a dickish bunch.

7:48 am April, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Charles Douchewin, maybe if they were called Bronanas people who find them to be more “fun”.

8:17 am April, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Brotein Bars? They have constipation written all over them.

.

And I’d like to write my name on her tummy with my own personal white paint squirtage. Does she even have any discernible body fat? She’s fuccen tight, tight I says

8:18 am April, 12 Doucheywallnuts said...

Eat brotein is code for sucking dick. And if it isn’t, it should be. Great marketing department they got over there. Do they employ people who have been in a cultural coma for the past decade?

.

Could they have come up with a worse, more ridiculous catch phrase?

.

Let’s see if we can come up with a few.

.

Suck down some brotein!

8:21 am April, 12 Doucheywallnuts said...

Gay guys just called and said, “Brotein is gayer than our gay supplements.”

.

http://www.thrivebygay.com/products/showProductList.do

9:22 am April, 12 Ferris said...

Isn’t stevia that magic yogurt that helps Jamie Lee Curtis poop?

The only thing that could make these more gay is if they were actually formed into the shape of a penis.

9:23 am April, 12 The Dude said...

Wallnuts has a new career as sbrokesperson for the hunky bromosexual crowd.

9:33 am April, 12 Jeet Kune Douche said...

“Brotein Bars”????

Unpossible. No one could be so stupid as to name a product like that. It must be a gag.

OTOH, if the luscious hawtness in the pale blue bikini demanded that I actually EAT one of those Brotein Bars for the privilege of being her doormat, I’d chomp down on a bushel of ’em.

9:46 am April, 12 Brody Jenner said...

Copyright infringement on my name Brody Jenner, Bromance, Brotherly Love, My fucking gay face and my bitchy sisters who stopped sucking my cock when they met the Brothers.

9:56 am April, 12 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Didn’t the coroner who did Zyzz’s autopsy find out he died of too much brotein?

9:59 am April, 12 Steve said...

Next up, bro-atine. It’s like creatine, but with more bro.

9:59 am April, 12 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Brotein Niche Target Market = 14-24 year old skaters, surfers, high school athletes,weekend warriors, runners, cyclists…

Why not call them TWINKies??

10:00 am April, 12 Douchble Helix said...

Read a little more closely ‘hunters.

.

“We’re in the talks with bodybuilding.com …”

.

We’re in the talks with some goddam foreigner.

10:17 am April, 12 CK said...

I especially like the fist logo – for the strength to smack down haters (or commit domestic violence, whichever comes first)

10:59 am April, 12 Doucheywallnuts said...

If you eat to many brotein bars you take this. They have been around for waaaaaaay longer than the bars.

.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0000537QB/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=3894707995&hvpos=1o1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14013998231865188326&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=e&ref=pd_sl_35se3sb0t8_e

.

Brospect

11:04 am April, 12 Stephanie said...

Brotein bars contain a special sauce,don’t they?

12:58 pm April, 12 Douche Springsteen said...

I get my protein from drinking raw eggs every morning just like Rocky. Not from some pussy “brotein” bar.

1:00 pm April, 12 bruinflak said...

Brotein. It has what plants crave..

http://www.brawndo.com/

2:21 pm April, 12 Wheezer said...

I support broads, not bro-ads.

.

Broads, I says.

2:42 pm April, 12 hermit said...

Screw you guys and your dickishness.

.

I for one have been searching for a protein bar that’s fun for a long time and finally found it.

.

Thank you in advance Henry and co-creator!!!

5:32 pm April, 12 douche equis said...

Surely I’m not the only one who noticed that’s Hall of Hott member Mr. Liptatt’s Holly: http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2010/10/hcwdb-of-the-month-mister-liptatt-and-holly/

.

I would lick her tummy until I wore my way through to her diaphragm, and then to her diaphragm. It’s a shame she hangs with so many douchebags. Oh, but then that’s what this site is about, isn’t it?

.

(and yes, I see it’s a bit late to do all the ‘brotein’ jokes I was thinking of . . . good grief, what a disastrous choice of name. Why not just call ’em Milky Way — sorry, no, that isn’t any better — Hershey? no . . . geez, this is not easy . . . 3 Musketeers sounds like some sort of Renaissance gangbang . . . Payday for Rentboy? I give up.)

7:34 pm April, 12 Douchble Helix said...

That’s: This Girl, Holly and Larry The Insurance Adjuster’s (aka the greatest man on the planet) Elizabeth.

.

I didn’t see the point in taking out the lovely Elizabeth from this old pic.

.

http://img835.imageshack.us/img835/9946/questionhollyeliz.jpg

8:06 pm April, 12 The Right Honorable Member for, The Very Reverend Mother Her Duchal Serene Highness, Dr, Hortense Sussudio Fuckerfaster said said...

can you e-mail this guy and ask him if the brotein bars taste salty?

for science!

lab-ians

8:37 pm April, 12 douche equis said...

I take it that your point, douchble, is that it ISN’T Holly. Hmmm, you may be right. Indeed. Hmm. I’m curious as to why “this old pic” even exists . . . ?

11:33 pm April, 12 Douchble Helix said...

No, DE, I purposely made no comment. I just offered the facts.

.

Holly & Elizabeth were presented just days apart, iirc. I saw a similarity, and presented it to the gang. As you can see, I’m a Photoshop savant.

5:02 am April, 13 Nostradouchus said...

Boooo. You better not have profited off this blatant plug.

.

The only bars I deal with is when I’m doing pullups or drinking my ass off. Screw the bodybuilding scams. You don’t even need that stuff to get big.

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