Thursday, April 26, 2012

Clown Hardy Can't Wait to Post About His Amazing Night on Reddit

The lost Kardashian Sister, Shaniqua Kardashian, offers rarest of sexy belly button pokey lotus flower, while Sandra Dee giggles melifluously and keeps her legs properly posed to prevent Holy Turquoise Triangle reveal.

And if I ain’t making sense, blame Twinkie #9.

# posted by douchebag1
1:40 pm April, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Shaniqua looks like she’s got a little Kanye’s Kottage Kheese factory goin’ on in that upper thigh area ifyaknowwhatimean. And doucheboy is thinkin’ now I smell like both Kanye AND Brody. SWEET!!!!!!

1:45 pm April, 26 Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein said...

I want to hit him with a sock full of nickels.

.

ASvB

1:53 pm April, 26 Capt. James T. Douche said...

He looks like he grows mushrooms on his taint.

1:57 pm April, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

Damn, Twinkie #9 and its not even 5pm on the Best Coast yet.

.

This douche and his stupid ski hat gots to go. Only explanation is he has the hookup for the good drugs.

1:58 pm April, 26 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Am I smelling most expensive first date here? I think these two are way out of his tax bracket, working retail at the local comic book shop ain’t as lucrative as it use to be.

2:14 pm April, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

Don’t hate you guys, this douche is just maximizing on Seth Rogan jumpoffs. You would do it too, if you looked liked Seth Rogan.

2:44 pm April, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

More hotts that set their bare asses on the furniture. I swear it’s like they aren’t used to wearing clothes. They are going to catch the crotch grunge real bad. I call this sitting Kardashian style.

2:58 pm April, 26 Douche Springsteen said...

Rosalita might be smiling but she’s really hoping that her paid-to-pose gigs will turn into some real modeling work so she won’t have to pretend to have fun with pasty dudes trying to buy their way into being “cool” with “designer” t-shirts. She’s cute. I hope things work out for her.

I wonder if that is an extremely self-aware meta critique that the guy is wearing what is essentially a cartoon dog version of himself on his t-shirt or if it is just a sad, sad coincidence. I’d like to have more faith in my fellow man but I have a feeling it’s the latter.

3:14 pm April, 26 Et Tu Douche? said...

One of Clown Hardy’s bro’s: “Dude Jägerbombs on me for the rest of the night if you can score a picture with those two.”

.

Clown Hardy: “I don’t know I don’t think they’ll be too receptive.

.

One of the other Clown Hardy’s bro’s: “Dude you’re rockin’s Ed Hardy, how can you go wrong?

.

Clown Hardy: “You think this hat makes me look like an idiot?.

.

Both of Clown Hardy’s bro’s: “Hell’s no! Bro chicks dig that kinda shit.”

.

Clown Hardy; “Ok I’m going for it, make sure you get a pic of this.”

.

Sad thing is this happens quite a lot to these girls and it’s all part of being a “Hot” chick.

3:23 pm April, 26 DoucheyWallnuts said...

That Breeth Olson has some life, one day on the BOOB BUS the next on the BOOB COUCH.

3:24 pm April, 26 Vin Douchal said...
3:56 pm April, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The ONLY way pussy like that hangs out with Motel 6 post-nasal shower fung like him is if he has money. Lots and lots of money. Now I’m pretty fuccen ugly and I give thanks every day for the beautiful woman who chooses to grace me with her presence considering my hideosity but this douche has me beat hands fuccen down. And there’s no way Mocha Grande and Stuck-up Sandy would even spit on him if $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ain’t fallin’ out of every orifice he has.

3:57 pm April, 26 Wheezer said...

I’m pretty sure that if I were able to pose with Jessica Burciaga, I’d be pretty happy about it, too. Problem is I know I can’t afford the cover charge to get into her condo.

.

Of course, that doesn’t faze Smilin’ Sam here. The 28-year-old unemployed high school dropout saw his life hit its latest nadir when his local McD’s closed shop due to repeated health code violations. Just like that, his career as crew chief was fuccen over. So what does a young man long off the employment rolls do after 6 months of Mom and Dad’s basement living? Why, he sets more goals, of course!

.

He caught wind from one of his broheims that Jessica Burciaga and her BFF Sally were going to make a guest appearance at the hot local club, yo, and started planning for action. It was coming up pretty fast, but Sam had done his research, bro. Two unemployment checks later, he was able to score the sweet outfit seen here and had enough spare change to get inside. Sans deodorant, of course.

.

And then his moment was fast approaching. Two lovely hotties casually mingled with the crowd while sauntering in from the back lounge, heading for their appointed spot to await the throng of horny scrotes wanting to shower them with affections. And by shower them with affections, I mean poison their nasal passages with the abundance of Axe residue and stupid pickup lines. “Make like a plant and grow on me, baby!” Yeah, that kind of stuff.

.

It was Sam’s turn. He had rehearsed at home many an hour for the last couple of weeks, first abandoning then planning to use the “Hang loose” hand gesture, all with a sly smirk to make it seem he deserved these bitches. But he couldn’t quit smilin’, bro! The bitches were too tight an’ shit! So he got hustled over to the couch and couldn’t think of what gesture to make and threw up the horns and saw the flash and…..

.

.

.

…..just sat there for a second, smile still sort of on his face, but slowly fading as he, Sam, knew that he, well, hadn’t really planned for anything past that flash. The ladies were exhorting him to “move your ass, we got makeup at 10:00 p.m.!” But Sam heard them not. Well, part of his subconscious heard the voices telling him to get lost, so he absently rose from the couch, adjusted his slightly askew cap to the proper 10° tilt out of sheer habit, and just…..left. Then he remembered the photos cost another $15 apiece, and he rummaged through empty pockets much to his dismay, sunk his head, walked out of the club to his car out in the lot, and cried. Sam would smile no more.

4:10 pm April, 26 Nostradouchus said...

I smell low self-esteem on the right.

4:16 pm April, 26 Steve said...

Not just bare-ass on couch, but how does her top even qualify as a shirt? The parts that are supposed to cover are completely see through.

God I can’t wait until all the hotties dress this way.

4:45 pm April, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Steve, let’s look at it this way… suppose you weren’t yokel wearing Ed Hardy and ski cap indoors. Say were normal. And you say you were kinda in to this chick and she was kinda into you. You are even thinking if she’ll give you a blow bang, you might dine at the Y all night taco and clam bar.

.

Then you notice every where you go, she’s got her bare ass on the furniture. In your car… bare ass on the seat… and so on. Like a dog dragging it’s ass across the carpet. Except you can kick your dog and he’ll get the message. But this chick can’t stop putting her cooter on the upholstery.

.

What do you do? Can you go through with it?

4:51 pm April, 26 The Dude said...

Does Lou Bega getta pass?

.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tz2V3CIYA0

4:51 pm April, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mulatta chick is some kinda naughty. A little browner than sweet Mulatta Leah with the vicious and dripping wet tasty brillo bush. But I’s hit it. I think these people are in Burlington, Vt. Dudes name is really Darryl.

.

Leahy’s

5:41 pm April, 26 The Dude said...

I am hopelessly attracted to hotts. What’s a Kardashian? Are they hott?

5:42 pm April, 26 The Dude said...

oh, the Dumber and Dumbererer guy gets a pass. As long as he leaves before I look at that pic again.

5:44 pm April, 26 The Dude said...

too late, dipshit. License and derangistration please.

5:47 pm April, 26 Olddog1 said...

You are all wrong. That mope has the girls convinced that he is the famous TV and Movie guy, Joss Whedon. He of Buffy, Firefly and soon to be Avengers fame. That’s right, he will make you a star , baby. Do the dance of joy, numfar!

6:20 pm April, 26 Stephanie said...

There’s no way those two ladies are into this douche,of course he has good weed,and pays for everything,otherwise,I don’t think the two would never be caught dead with this guy who looks like he’s still in high school.

6:21 pm April, 26 The Dude said...

Leahy’s FTAwesomeW. Nicely mumbled, Chad. speak up dude!

6:25 pm April, 26 The Dude said...

If the litter that is currently being called HCwDB were put to the *proper* test, it will be confirmed that the funny crap on this site will extend your life at least 3 inches!

7:04 pm April, 26 Doucheywallnuts said...

@Rev “3) If the Senators don’t win tonight I’m going golfing at twilight rates for the next two months.”

.

I heard that at Mont Cascades it’s 20$ after 4pm.

.

Mashy Nipple Licks

10:39 pm April, 26 The Dude said...

Kardouchian can kiss me anywhere she wants, unless the blonde wakes up from her stupor, in which case obviously Jeff what’s-his-name from Frommer-and-Frommerer better sit fuckin’ still if he knows what’s good for him.

.

Betterer

4:37 am April, 27 CB Popped said...

Seth Rogan jumpoffs,,,,HA! That’s why I missed you ND.

These chicks are totally hot and the one on the left is cuter than all the Kardouchians combined. (not saying much but…)

I’d welcome the opportunity to pee in either of these babes.

I think Et Tu is still feeling the effects of the Bruin’s early exit.

4:38 am April, 27 CB Popped said...

I still cant believe the NY Strangers are playing the Caps……confusing as all hell.

7:02 am April, 27 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Ignatius J. Reilly reveling during a night of libations at the Night of Joy with two of the “exotics”. Later that evening as his pyloric valve seals upon him causing bloat of unspeakable pain, he regrets engaging in the obscene debauchery. Upon arriving home, Ignatius stealthy retires to his bedroom. Once there he begins his masturbatory routine, while condemning a society filled with woman who set upon men to test their moral fortitude by plying them with liquor and gyrating their ample buttocks in to their genitalia.

Leave a Reply

What is 15 + 13 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)