Friday, April 27, 2012

Friday Haiku

Behold Rocker Todd:

Knows how to make barre chords, but

Can’t put on a shirt

Glenn Danzig Old Bag

Instead of singing “Mother”

Brings her to next gig.

– Douche Wayne

Leather, mesh, hair, dirt

Reminiscent of one thing

My bathtub’s drain hole

– Justin

Hercules, Xena

Have seen better days than this

Now battle the herp

– Dude McCrudeshoes

It places the shirt

In the basket or it gets

The hose. Her skin hose.

– The Reverend Chad Kroeger

Ratt. Jackyll. Great White.

Best animal names taken.

Meet Marmoset.

– Baron Von Goolo

Yeah, I’d tap that hott.

I’d flop like a fish in nets.

Freeing butterfly!

– Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

twenty-six reds and

a bottle of wine should take

care of Rocker Todd

– Douche Springsteen

# posted by Bagnonymous
6:31 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

Glenn Danzig Old Bag

Instead of singing “Mother”

Brings her to next gig.

6:32 am April, 27 Scooby Douche said...

Metal band “El Bano”

Includes tranny Chaz on drums

Chin fung is roadie

6:32 am April, 27 Justin said...

Dreamcatcher necklace?

More like nightmare on douche street

Let’s end this franchise

6:36 am April, 27 Justin said...

Enormous chin pubes

Like bush on 80′s porn star

Maybe it was hers

6:36 am April, 27 saulgoode42 said...

Rock group “El Bano”

Literally means “bathroom”

Coupla turds here

6:36 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

What’s that creaking sound?

Could it be her leather pants?

Nope; his leather skin.

6:38 am April, 27 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Oldbag Chester hopes

Dianabol Cocktail still works

Fran Drescher got old

6:38 am April, 27 Justin said...

Leather, mesh, hair, dirt

Reminiscent of one thing

My bathtub’s drain hole

6:39 am April, 27 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Rockerbag denial

Tigress Vanessa Del Rio

can still guzzle jizz

6:43 am April, 27 Justin said...

Two sad, old rockers

Desperately clinging to youth

Go put kids to bed

6:44 am April, 27 Justin said...

Big hair, bigger boobs

She has some nice tits well.

See how I did that?

6:44 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

Fred Durst is the best!

Les Paul? Never heard of him.

Let’s cover “Nookie.”

6:46 am April, 27 saulgoode42 said...

In the studio

Wih the artist and his muse

Nipple solo – yow!

6:46 am April, 27 Justin said...

Crusty pizza box

Captain Lou Albano’s box

Dirty groupie box

6:48 am April, 27 Justin said...

damn…I forgot the “as”

.

Big hair, bigger boobs

She has some nice tits AS well

See how I did that?

.

much better

6:50 am April, 27 Adolf Skroatler said...

Nothing But The Best,

For The Least Amount Of Cash,

That Blue Makes Me Sick.

.

ASvB

6:52 am April, 27 Doucheywallnuts said...

Sometimes it’s bad luck

Just seeing something like this

To quote Bill Murray

6:54 am April, 27 Adolf Skroatler said...

She has a flare up,

It’s time for some quick thinking,

Unpack the Valtrex.

.

ASvB

6:57 am April, 27 Adolf Skroatler said...

The vent is broken,

It smells like ball-sack in here,

And rotten fish eggs.

.

ASvB

6:59 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

Local armory

holds wrasslin’ Friday nights

Defending title

-

-

Different Tact

7:01 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

^ Tack

7:01 am April, 27 Adolf Skroatler said...

He knocked, and walked in,

She quipped, “Please, take your shirt off.”

He wasted no time.

.

ASvB

7:02 am April, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hercules, Xena

Have seen better days than this

Now battle the herp

7:03 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

Smells like Teen Spirit?

Not for several decades

There’s moss on his stones.

7:05 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

He can’t wear chest shirts

Since the gyroscope was put

In her Monkey Hole.

7:07 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“Whatch ya mean I look

Stupid like Stephen Baldwin”

I got fucking abs.”

7:09 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And lo’ the Banshee cry

Of old Aldor screams heavy.

“Hey, got any Pepcid.”

7:11 am April, 27 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Years later stuck in

Still trying to cash in as

School of Rock Loser

http://nate-becky.blogspot.com/2008/02/i-found-sleeve-only-guy.html

7:13 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bumper sticker on

Tour school bus says. “MY OTHER

SHIRT IS A FRONT, SON”

7:16 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The rules of the road don’t

Change much. “ASS. GRASS, OR SHIRT NO

BODY RIDES FOR FREE.”

7:17 am April, 27 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Todd forgot to wipe

chin turd groupie left behind

when she rode his face

7:19 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Rocker Todd don’t care

About getting holes in pants. Makes

Patches from his shirt.

7:24 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The kingdom of Farto

Is safe with the return of King

Chest and Lady Boobies.

7:29 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Backstage at Mr.

Blackstone awards. They win “Most

Shirted/Unshirted”

7:30 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“Great pic dude. Next one

I think we should shake it up.

Let me see you’re cocks.”

7:31 am April, 27 The Dude said...

Gyroscope? Hell, no.

I’ve seen nicer monkey holes

On Nat Geo site.

7:33 am April, 27 Master Pee said...

Look at what I found

Hiding in the Ladies Room

A Pier One Carpet

7:36 am April, 27 Master Pee said...

Nothing more to see

Glamour Shots for rocker douche

She is just a prop

7:37 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

Exiting shower,

Jon Bon Douchi breaks his hip;

Slippery when wet.

7:38 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“Eat hearty of your

Closet breakfast for tonight

We dine in Hall.” Son.

7:39 am April, 27 Master Pee said...

What grows on his chin

Has to do with where its been

Munching nasty rugs

7:42 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

He asks the question,

Wanted Dead or Alive? We

all know the answer.

7:43 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

It places the shirt

In the basket or it gets

The hose. Her skin hose.

7:45 am April, 27 Doucheywallnuts said...

Escapees from The

Island of Dr Moreau

Hiding in plain sight

7:47 am April, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

A proud day for Mutt

holding his GED cert.

first of his cave clan

7:56 am April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

“Three chords and the truth”

Traditional punk mantra

Todd just lies, lies, lies.

7:58 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Banger reality

Shows. “Who’s Got My Damn Shirt.” and

“Don’t Forget The Wipe.”

8:01 am April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“Humunkulous and

Boobzilla” Coming Soon in

Scatch and Sniff 3-D.

8:09 am April, 27 Vin Douchal said...

It’s patient zero

Monkey pox epidemic

With catheter nurse

8:11 am April, 27 Vin Douchal said...

Too cool for the room

Seems it’s contagious in here

Later, “Fries with that?”

8:11 am April, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

The new Mad Max flick

Staring Mangler Jackson in

Beyond Pornodrome

8:12 am April, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

^two men enter, two men leave, yo…

8:13 am April, 27 B.A.G. Du Bois said...

Big Stephen Baldwin,

I see you got your dream job

As Rupaul’s fluffer

8:19 am April, 27 Vin Douchal said...

Todd on bass guitar

Lives his life in the kick drum

Kinda cramped in there

8:20 am April, 27 Baron Von Goolo said...

There’s nothing wrong here

That The BeDazzler™ can’t fix!

More rhinestones, betchezz!

8:22 am April, 27 Vin Douchal said...

What a sloppy wreck

Buncha crap strewn everywhere

The room’s a mess, too

8:36 am April, 27 Baron Von Goolo said...

Ratt. Jackyll. Great White.

Best animal names taken.

Meet Marmoset.

8:47 am April, 27 Charles Douchewin said...

The only real thing

about this horrific pic

is my true disgust.

9:02 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

That el Bano piece

Is an old record player

The kids won’t ‘member.

But he ain’t Wolfman

At best he’s just Dogpoo, right?

And us old shits laugh.

9:03 am April, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

After show at the

School cafetorium, now

Load up the Scion

9:05 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

They pulled on his shirt.

Up over his head. Also

Gave him a Wedgie

9:08 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So I guess this is

Death Toungue in person? He’s Bill

and she is Opus?

9:09 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Yeah, I’d tap that hott.

I’d flop like a fish in nets.

Freeing butterfly!

9:12 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

There really is no

way to make rhythm tuba

look cool so lift shirt?

9:14 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Death Tongue hands out cards

for low cost car washes post

gig. We need bucks, yo!

9:16 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

There’s a dried pee stain

On the rug at his right foot.

Stage fright crimps career.

9:16 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Kip Winger found that

bleeth in “Seventeen” vid. Be

careful what’s wished for.

9:18 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Someone remind me

to buy more shares in Chinese

pleather stocks, OK?

9:19 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

He;’s got Groupon chit.

Half off 2 burgers tonight.

Dubuque: Livin Large!

9:19 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Morrison, Hendrix

and Cobain all had sense to

cash in before this.

9:22 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

I got 69!!!

Well, that comment, anyway.

Sex? Eh, not so much.

9:23 am April, 27 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

No, sir. You cannot.

Big novelty credit cards

Aren’t good for butt plugs.

9:23 am April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Doc and I go nuts!

Two Large coffee for you, too?

May need to stop/piss!

9:25 am April, 27 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Mickey Rourke stand in

for “The Wrestler II” trades clothes

with Tomei’s crack whore.

9:27 am April, 27 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Rockerbag Pot Luck

San Fernando Valley site

Bleeth brings STDs

9:32 am April, 27 Douche Springsteen said...

twenty-six reds and

a bottle of wine should take

care of Rocker Todd

9:34 am April, 27 Douche Springsteen said...

parents’ fantasies

have real life consequences

embarassed children

9:36 am April, 27 Douche Springsteen said...

had Alan Freed known

he would have quit radio

and gone into sales

9:41 am April, 27 tall guy said...

Icey stare Todd goes bare

American puritanism subjugated

Ham OD next

Batter up!

9:51 am April, 27 Anonymous said...

This is FDD. WTF? This won’t post 3 times?? I hit haiku limit? Try this as Anon

Todd shows confidence.

His pizza coupon WILL work!

Expired 4/15.

9:54 am April, 27 Baron Von Goolo said...

“twenty six reds and

a bottle of wine.” Fuck me.

Now that’s in my head.

10:54 am April, 27 The Dude said...

Wine comes in boxes

Since the the gyroscope was put

In Friday Haiku.

10:58 am April, 27 The Dude said...

“Meat Marmoset” is

The new ’69′ for the

Shirt-challenged dipshits.

11:00 am April, 27 The Dude said...

Meat Marmoset is

The new monkeyscope for the

Gyrocologists

11:11 am April, 27 The Dude said...

Oro Norteño

Has a great rhythm Tuba

ehh, some other pic

11:45 am April, 27 Haiku Nazi said...

Tall Guy pulling out the rare and near-extinct 7-13-5 Haiku today. Well played.

12:23 pm April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Why no Picks by Noon?

What has happened to Fridays?

Winners BEFORE Thoughts!!

12:44 pm April, 27 CB Popped said...

Wow, look at the Douche,

“Backstage pass” gets him street cred,

Must be a drummer.

12:49 pm April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

@ Haiku Nazi – he was fighting Tallbot for the keyboard

@ FrankDD – another boat accident for Darksock?

1:08 pm April, 27 Douche Springsteen said...

I’m glad that you caught

my Jim Carrol reference

Baron Von Goolo

2:03 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Good werk, ‘Sock — you’ve got 74,000 haikus to sort thru. Just because you have a {quote] life [/quote] or one of those *jobs* doesn’t mean you get a full day pass from hot Chicks in Wonderland! Step up, and put one of Rev’s terrifying 17-syllable tomes under your — granted that was decent work, and by decent I mean…

2:13 pm April, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

It’s 6 on East Coast!

I’m like a cat for catnip.

Where’s fuccen Winners?!?!?

2:37 pm April, 27 DixieRecht said...

At least he’s doin’ what he loves: rocking out.

Ignore the fact no one goes to the low-life bars his “band” is playing and that life on the “road” (read county-wide) gave him crabs and herpes, and bad tribal tatts.

No, he’s not sacrificing his music for anything! He’ll make it big one day soon…

And on to his pathetic life.

Hey mom, why does it burn so bad when I pee pee…..?

2:59 pm April, 27 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Tight jeans, tiny feet

Belie shrinking cranium

Balls and dignity

4:10 pm April, 27 Nostradouchus said...

The eighties are dead,

but someone forgot to tell…

this stupid asshole.

4:26 pm April, 27 tall guy said...

Haiku Nazi marshalls

Lenny? No Squiggy!

Da Mid West too fancy…

4:47 pm April, 27 Douche Wayne said...

8:30 EST and all’s well. And by “well” I mean “no winners.” The natives are getting restless. And by “restless” I mean “a couple of guys in the Friday Thoughts And Links thread are ready to fellate The Boss.” And by “The Boss” I don’t mean DB1.

Someone call the Coast Guard.

5:27 pm April, 27 Haiku Nazi said...

Cool Springsteen song Vin. Word boys. I just got a great blowjob, then smoked, and still check in to this before I visit my lover in the den to decant a bottle of port and watch Storage Wars while the kids are gone. Yuuuuuuuuuuup!

.

Dark Sock is Tardos

5:48 pm April, 27 The Dude (undisclosed dislocation) said...

Welcome to Haiku-of-the-Month Club! As soon as any of us begin manstrating, we’ll all get our pheremoans in sync and summon the great ‘Sock.

.

Either that or not.

7:26 pm April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I bet he forgot.

I’m blazed waiting for bacon

And eggs to cook.

7:28 pm April, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

What?

7:40 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Tired of jerking off

To mesh-strained gothic boobies

Po’tree in lotion

8:15 pm April, 27 Doucheywallnuts said...

There are no winners

With Haiku or in picture

Nihilism reigns

8:17 pm April, 27 Doucheywallnuts said...

I saw milk carton

With Dark Sock’s picture on it

No winners this week

9:15 pm April, 27 Vin Douchal said...

Call authorities

¿Dónde está Señor Sock?

Check the waiver line

9:27 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Fuck, Wallnuts wins it

At eight seventeen p.m.

My life has ended.

.

Naw, I like the buzz too march! What month is it?

9:30 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Vin, if your name was

Larry, you’d be killing me

with Haiku punchlines

9:33 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

I will make a bet

What is the over/under

On DarkSock’s thread here?

.

Hundred fifty?

9:42 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

If I take ‘over’

This area will be strewn

With forgotten thoughts.

.

^ I went traditional, without mentioning butterflies or death.

9:44 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Give props to ‘The Dude’

For carrying the water

That DarkSock forgot

9:46 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Little do they know

Guggenheim in ’23

will be Haiku-strewn

11:05 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

I am still alive

Why didn’t I mark my place

At Gugg. ’23?

.

Looking fwd

11:08 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Velociraptors

Have nothing to do with

The trash in this pic

.

but the comment sticks. Where things aren’t s’posed to go!

11:10 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

47 more

but thass ok becuz i

got haikuschnizzle

11:12 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Bob Morely wrote some

excellent reggae tunes when

i was just a gleam

.

^more life & death themes without butterflies and dead babies. Achievement!

11:15 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

Butterflies and death

Yet born with a silver spoon

Nah, can’t finish that!

11:18 pm April, 27 The Dude said...

I give up for now

Will check on the douchebag site

in a little while

.

And by ‘little’ I mean something very different. Than.

1:14 am April, 28 The Dude said...

I got the ‘over’

But now it is 120

Pay me, Mr. TRUMP!

3:50 am April, 28 hermit said...

El baño’s concerned.

He faces deportation,

despite his green card.

3:57 am April, 28 hermit said...

El hermit’s concerned.

The gulf coast has heavy surf,

and small craft warnings.

5:02 am April, 28 Douche Wayne said...

Count DarkSock-ula

MIA into Sat’day

Dude abides all night!

5:34 am April, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

Sunrise Saturday

Yet still there are no winners

Dark Sock; AWOLos

5:41 am April, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

Filling the big void

Left by no Haiku winners

Is masterbation

6:07 am April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Open End Haiku!

Is this for ALL the Marbles?

Will Win List double?

6:08 am April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Who the fuc heard of

Saturday Haiku ’round here?

Overtime!! Dammit!!

6:13 am April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Management has slipped.

Probably with alpacas.

And that just ain’t right.

6:16 am April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Posting time is wrong?

Even clock has gone to hell.

Pear Reparations!!!

6:18 am April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Dude, Wallnuts and me.

Keep on writing in the wind.

Like piss; less blowback.

7:07 am April, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

R.I.P. Dark Sock

It’s like we hardly knew you.

Hold on, yes we did!

7:08 am April, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

He’s in a better

place right now. Stables galore

and lots of horse butts.

7:51 am April, 28 hermit said...

Hell hath no fury,

Like the swift and well-placed hoof

of an angry mare.

8:35 am April, 28 douchebag1 said...

Haiku’s lonely sad,

No winners without the ‘Sock,

Boats crash inside soul.

.

- management

8:36 am April, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Old men tell tales of

A man-mouse appearing

In the cool sping mist.

8:38 am April, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dying with a healthy

Prostate, that is how he will

Be remembered. Son.

8:51 am April, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Davey Jones Locker

Now rehab center for young

Abused sea horses.

8:53 am April, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Like young Jack Sparrow

Before him. Dark Sock rocks the

Keith Richards chinfung.

8:56 am April, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

In bizarre turn, Dark

Sock posts picture of self, wife

Flees to the Falklands.

9:14 am April, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

Drafted in fourth round

The Cincinnati douchegals

Have picked the dark Sock

9:19 am April, 28 The Dude said...

I want my organs

Ravaged by passionate girl-

on-girl threesomes. Son

9:31 am April, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

Waiting for winners

That should have been named Friday;

Haikusterbating

9:41 am April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Haikusterbating?

Doesn’t that lead to chafing,

swelling and redness?

10:47 am April, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

Soy un perdedor

Playing xbox live, Waiting

For Godot. Dark Sock?

11:25 am April, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Darksock fuccen flakes

Still reading Doucheywallnuts’

Friday storytime

11:25 am April, 28 Vin Douchal said...

.

11:30 am April, 28 Doucheywallnuts said...

Dark Sock where are you?

Story time will be longer

If you don’t show soon

12:09 pm April, 28 hermit said...

Somewhere in the gulf,

An empty Ambien® vial,

Has washed up on shore.

1:27 pm April, 28 Douche Wayne said...

Took kids to the zoo

Winners on my mind all day

peed on a gibbon.

3:54 pm April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Time for directions!

Regulars need to post pics.

How else we know them?

5:03 pm April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Referring, of course.

To those small pics by your name.

You know – those Icons!

5:06 pm April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Who the Fuc heard of

SUNDAY Haiku???? Well i’ts here!

Now WTF, huh?

5:08 pm April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

I’d still like to bone

that hott leathered, fishnett mess

I would scrapbook that!

5:11 pm April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

It AIN’T five oh eight.

It’s more like six fifty two.

Geez, my life’s crumbling!!

5:12 pm April, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

We should burn Dark Sock!?

In Effigy? Like a Norse?

Maybe like a Fart?

7:08 pm April, 28 The Dude said...

Naughty Norses are

better than the thought that ‘Sock

Has met his maker

.

kunk! kunk! Here ‘Socky ‘Socky! I hope you only got arrested for some stupid shit! That happened to me, when I was a kid. In my early 40′s

10:42 pm April, 28 Whoop-di-douche said...

Gothic sea hunt drags

this pair from kelp beds, tears net,

bares his gator abs.

10:45 pm April, 28 Whoop-di-douche said...

Dark Sock’s deathly sick

comments are missed, pair dons black

in memoriam.

10:48 pm April, 28 Whoop-di-douche said...

Back in the day they

wore hair nets, not boob nets, to

hold back the danglers.

6:37 am April, 29 Doucheywallnuts said...

Sunday, Go to church

Pray that Dark Sock is well, or

For his successor

9:08 am April, 29 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Now its Sunday noon.

STILL hold hope for Front Page post.

Dark Sock found a herd?

11:24 am April, 29 DarkSock said...

Damn…It’s gonna take

All fuccen day to sort through

These epic haiku…

Damn…Can’t a guy take

a quick boating excursion

Into Limbo-Land?

5:33 pm April, 29 Sofa King said...

Cougarrific hott

Posing with slab of roast beef

In blue room of shame.

6:36 pm April, 29 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

And that’s a wrap folks!

Epic 3-day one-sixty!

Damn those horses butts!

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