Friday, April 13, 2012

Friday Thoughts and Links

I ponder the explosion of masculine faux-piddle across this once great Nation on this Friday.

Tatts of Smellyass continue to breed like douchebunny.

Hair remains stupid.

The irony has increased, but the Grieco Virus remains.

And of the qualities and relative merits of the Semitic Boobie Hottie Suckle Thigh, I can only cry “Hosanna!” And self-flagellate with an onion.

Los Angeles has been rainy. And your humble narrator has been hard at work on new projects. Doors open. Others close.

The circle of life in the city of sushi and stupid.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Ain’t no rats, you can be sure of that.”

Beware… the homosexuals! Or, as the G.O.P. likes to call it, a 2012 election campaign ad.

The 25 Douchiest Bars in Los Angeles. Should’ve been twenty-six. And Barney’s Beanery should absolutely not be on that list. For shame. Legacy Exemption.

Worst Album Covers of All Time. “All My Friends are Dead” by Freddy Cage for the win.

Britain’s “The Daily Mail” steals a bunch of HCwDB pics for a comedy bit on tanning, doesn’t give HCwDB any credits or link-backs. Yeah, yeah, I know I bitch too much.

If you’ve ever desired to see Peter Pumpin’head in video form teach you how to work out, now’s your chance. No sign of Mary Mammageddon. Thank Tebus.

The Gator would like to sell your some supplements.

The reason your parents are entirely insane.

But you are not here for underlying psychosis of the 1960s. You are here for Pear.

Swedberg Selfportrait Pear

A followup to our Playboy Douche Dater offers quality suckle chomp on this Friday aft’.

# posted by douchebag1
12:07 pm April, 13 Wheezer said...

I think DS1 posted the Swedberg Pear shot, but it’s worth a repeat.

12:10 pm April, 13 Wheezer said...

So the rooster’s ass in the main pic had a tramp stamp at one time, I see. Then he decided, “Uhhhhh, I guess I better ‘man up’ and make this look like I’m no homo.” Yeah, that’s working well. (rolls eyes)

12:12 pm April, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

Never understood why this* didn’t make the worst album cover list.

*http://www.amazon.com/Push-Herbie-Mann/dp/B000002I3M

.

One of the guys (John Hall) on the Orleans cover is now somehow a Democrat in the United States House of Representatives, representing the state of New York. Saw it on Colbert awhile back.

.

I feel jipped on the pear today, seeing as we’ve already seen it.

12:17 pm April, 13 The Dude said...

I’ve Hitlered millions of possible Romneys to the Self-Peartrait, but there’s plenty more in the tank!

12:30 pm April, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m not gonna buy any supplements from a guy that looks like he’s currently having a stroke. WTF with the frozen jerkoff hand?

.

Bad album covers FTW. Happy real hump day everyone, especially to my haterz.

12:36 pm April, 13 Adolf Skroatler said...

His tattoo confuses the testosterone-challenged, they don’t know where to aim when they pull out.

.

ASvB

12:36 pm April, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Dude, now if you’ll excuse me I will be in my bunker Hitlering off.

12:42 pm April, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I wonder if Fightline has any brotein in it? It was made by professional scientists and shit. In Sweden. So it must be good.

12:49 pm April, 13 Doucheywallnuts said...

Have I ever mentioned that Raquel Welch was a cunt? Forgive me if I am repeating myself. Too many years of over-applying Hai Karate cologne and drinking too much bourbon. Yea well anyways, Welch tried to horn her way into the gang back when she was just starting out. Thought we would all fall at her feet because she was the new hot piece of ass in town, but she didn’t realize she was just the flavor of the day. Mr. Sinatra, Dean, Sammy and even the low-level members of the Pack had been with every prime gash that ran through Hollywood for almost 30 years. She was a good-looking dame, but nothing we hadn’t seen hundreds of times already. The streets of Hollywood are paved with twats like Welch.

.

Back in the mid-60s when we was banging the TV gals we ran across Welch when she was an extra on Bewitched and McHale’s Navy. She gave Brad Dexter a hand job in the coat check room at Chasen’s and Dex introduced her to Jim Mahoney, Sinatra’s press agent. Mahoney liked to claim that he invented Lysol. 

.

For those of you who don’t know, Dexter was a low-level, bit part actor who saved Frank from drowning one day in Hawaii. Frank set him up for life, made him a producer and gave him a plush office in the heart of Hollywood. I was working as the assistant to the co-manager of Dexter’s production company’s office at the time and was there when Welch got her start. And when I say I was working as the assistant to the co-manager of Dexter’s production company’s office I mean I was sending every half-decent piece of ass who wanted to be in films to the office casting couch, setting up orgies for the guys and girls, and procuring liquor, discount office supplies and other equipment from local establishments through previously undiscovered and unconventional channels of distribution. You know what I’m saying’, Cool Breeze?

.

So anyways, Welch had no problems with giving the occasional hand job and blow job if it meant getting an invite to a party or casting call where any of the guys were involved. She didn’t like to give it up though. Thought she had a golden one. A golden one, I says. I will says in her behalf that she did give it her all with the handers. Some of the dames, like Edie Adams and Angie Dickenson, wouldn’t even look at you when they jerked you off. Raq didn’t just phone it in and had all kinds of special tricks and techniques she would use. She was also big with the finger up the ass for the big finish and never, ever neglected the balls. She had this thing where she’d lightly slap the balls with her one hand while stroking off with the other one. Badabing!

.

The problem was that the handers worked on the mo-mos, but just wouldn’t cut it with Old Blue Eyes. As a matter fact, it didn’t work with me, and I told her so. After four or five different encounters with “Rack-El” I told her, “Honey, a broad should suck my dick, throw me a boff, and pour me a nice drink. Capice?” I warned her that Mr. S would be looking to get at the Sticch and then have her mix up a Jack and Coke, and would not be happy with just an unzipped fly and a manual release. Even if she did use her “Two-Handed Hi-Lo” technique. Na mean?

.

Sure enough, after handering her way into a reading in Dexter’s office for a role in Frank’s Tony Rome film, “The Lady in Cement,” she got together with Frank, and then got the part in the picture. She did what she had to do to get the part. Ya mean? However, soon after shooting wrapped, she shut down the snapper. It’s no coincidence that while she maintained a pretty high profile, her career never really took off. Handers and the occasional skull worked with the press agents and kept her in the spotlight but did little to help her get good parts. Plus she was on the outs with Frank and the boys, which is never good. Christ, by staying in Frank’s good graces Richard Conte and Henry Silva worked a lot and they were both ugly and couldn’t act for shit.

.

She has some nerve saying Amercans are addicted to porn when she made her bones by selling sex and is still trying now.

1:25 pm April, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

@DW

That sucks!!! about Raquel, her scene in “Bedazzled” as Lillian Lust was and still is great fwap material. Plus she’s part latina and I loves me some latina hottness.

http://www.tcm.com/mediaroom/video/278189/Bedazzled-Movie-Clip-Good-Morning-Mr-Moon-.html

1:29 pm April, 13 Capt. James T. Douche said...

@ DW Heard a rumor from an old timer during my time in Vegas last week that Dean Martin’s hardened, scotch infused cirrhotic liver was the original base material for Kevlar back in the 60s when it deflected a .357 mag slug at point-blank range during a scuffle that got out of control outside a nightclub the Rat Pack was doing at show at. According to this old lounge lizard I talked to Dino got away with just some mild bruising and a pretty nifty souvenir when it hit The King of Cools well seasoned hooch filter and stopped it cold. Dino had the flattened slug made into a watch fob he kept for good luck. Apparently a chemist from du Pont was at the show and happened by when the whole thing went down.

Ascites

2:22 pm April, 13 Steve said...

Wow, I’m only 2 minutes into Pumpinhead’s “instructional video” and I can already point out at least 5 things he’s doing wrong. Elbows flared=surefire trip to the emergency room for torn pec. Smith machine for ANY press movement throws off center of gravity (and let’s be honest, is a machine made for chicks). Thumbs out while holding bar during said press is also an accident waiting to happen. He’s also not going down all the way during the reps. Which means those tiny muscle fibers that get used during that part of the movement are not getting proper training, and will also lead to injury. Same goes for him not going to, or close to lock-out and the top of the rep.

Lastly, I know the stereotype of muscleheads being insecure isn’t always true, but this guy stutters and stammers with his “uhs” and ums” so much that it makes me wonder if this guy can go 5 minutes without looking at himself in the mirror.

2:36 pm April, 13 Wheezer said...

@Et tu, 1:25 p.m. –

.

Keep posting stuff like that and I’m going to have that Pavlovian boner every time I see your links, just like I do with Vin’s stuff.

.

Raquel was the young Wheezer’s first celebrity crush. I first saw her in Kansas City Bomber and was awestruck at how the 1’s in her #11 jersey diverged as my eyes ran up her torso and chest to her lovely face. Then it was on to One Million Years B.C., where I think we’re all aware of the appeal.

2:46 pm April, 13 Vin Douchal said...

RE: Douchebag bars.

.

I have a buddy that’s a “doorman” at The Standard. His favorite thing is to toss a guy out of the bar or into a cop car with , “Another Douchebag Bites It” .

.

Saddle Ranch is the only fuccen place to load up on booze before a show at The House Of Blues. The only time to go there is to avoid the line at the HoB and their $20 valet robbery. The Bleetherized waitresses are a plus

.

Another fun spot that could easily fall into the douchebag list next time around is “Sonny McLean’s”. It’s a decidedly Boston sports themed bar and for some reason all the “back east” territorial bullshit makes it’s way out here. Does anyone fucking care if Brighton baddasses got shit on by the WASPs in Newton or the Jews from Brookline ? Shaddup…. Does a Falmouth High graduate ( a rare individual indeed) HAVE to run his mouth if someone mentions they went to Barstable?

.

However Sonny McLean’s makes a very strong showing at Angel’s Stadium when the BoSox come to town bringing 6-8 busloads of cantankerous, red eyed, pock nosed drunken boobs from their starting point. Keeps the alcohol related deaths leaving the game to a minimum .

2:55 pm April, 13 Vin Douchal said...

Suggestion: Google “raquel welch tits”.

2:59 pm April, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@DW, I feel like a owe somebody a handy just for getting the inside scoop on Raquel. It really is about who you blow. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop drinking Spanish Fly. Please tell me my beloved Elizabeth Montgomery was generous with the bjs.

.

.

.

Don’t forget to cup the Darrens

3:31 pm April, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Wheezer, DW & Vin,

Don’t forget about “Mother, Jugs and Speed”, love me some Raquel.

4:10 pm April, 13 Douche of Hazzard said...

Pregnant Chicks with Douchebags?

4:17 pm April, 13 Douchble Helix said...

Anybody seen this Miller Lite commercial where this douchebag, I’ll call him, no I can’t call him that. Well anyways, the first douchebag walks into the bar and starts hitting on the Hott.

.

Then the second douchebag, her boyfriend, gets all scary.

.

Then the first guy’s two douchebag buds make peace with everybody..

.

Then I’m supposed to go out and buy more Miller Lite for the house.

5:06 pm April, 13 Douchble Helix said...

Great yarn, DW!!

5:10 pm April, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Douchble Helix, based on your non-descript description I’m sold. As long as there was some cleave and someone was wearing red.

6:40 pm April, 13 Vin Douchal said...

Here’s a good one:.

.

THE FOX SPORTS GIRLS

.

Lauren from Detroit, RRRrrr!!!

.

.

Minnesota babes:

.

6:53 pm April, 13 The Dude said...

Do the douchebags prefer flying solo/with one wingman? I haven’t seen photographic evidence of doucheflocks. Not that I want to.

6:54 pm April, 13 Vin Douchal said...

Flyers go two up on the road in a laugher. Kings v Vancouver game is starting out very spirited.

.

This calls for ICE GIRLS

.

.

.

.

7:19 pm April, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmmm…….. Ice girls!!!!! aka Puck Bunnies

9:04 pm April, 13 Nostradouchus said...

These chicks are not hot. Dbag can have ’em.

4:39 am April, 14 DouchYouWannaDance said...

DB1,

With so many sites swiping your photos, don’t you think it”s about time you start putting tiny water-marks in the corner (the way they do on TV) so when people see them, they know where they came from?

5:07 am April, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Peter Pumpinhead’s shirts are available at reception for $49.99. They come in three sizes Moo-Cow, Steer, and Buffalo.

5:09 am April, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

When I was a kid we had Ice Chick’s. She was named Marnie and gave blowies after figure skating.

5:21 am April, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I for one have never been afraid of homosexuals, unless I get a boner.

5:50 am April, 14 The Dude said...

@Wallnuts, nice piece. The first sentence looks like ~ Raquel Welch HAS a cunt ~ and I’m thinking well, duh! She’s still alive. Or, WAS she a cunt but not any more? Is CUNT being used in the British derogatory fashion where the blokes call each other cunts all the time?

.

More questions than answers. Typical

.

.

Typicists

5:51 am April, 14 The Dude said...

@Dreuche in bunker, better be wearing rain gear!

6:35 am April, 14 Anonymous said...

DB1,

Your ripoff complaint is more than valid here–as noted above that site actually put copyrights in the corners of the pictures. That’s just bullshit.

7:07 am April, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’ve been looking for this psycho shit. Fuck off Lorne Michaels.

.

7:31 am April, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Shortly around the time Dean Martin filmed his first Matt Helm movie his liver was certified as being the hardest substance known to man. More on that later…

.

I haven’t seen Raquel in quite a while, and she was a cunt, and very well may still be one. Great call by Vin to do The Google search on Raquel Welch Tits. Time well spent. And by time well spend I mean I ejaculated all over myself.

.

The above ice girls, which one of these things is not like the other. And by that I mean the Devil Dogs need to go.

9:21 am April, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Let this be a lesson to anyone who thinks they can stay anonymous…The Man will get you…

.

http://houston.cbslocal.com/2012/04/13/anonymous-hacker-busted-by-fbi/

12:33 pm April, 14 Stephanie said...

Punk Star on your back,huh? Really, what band?

9:36 pm April, 21 TheFlash said...

Scott Alexander is a boss. Dropping gems on Twitter such as — “It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.”

Leave a Reply

What is 10 + 7 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)