Friday, April 20, 2012

Friday Thoughts and Links

Tonguetwats.

Still out there.

Still ruining pics of raver girls who haven’t learned the life lessons that will switch their major from drama to pre-med.

Glorious, glorious holy Cleavite…. praise Tebus for dying on the Football field for our sins…

Your humble narrator Tweets an electric toot across the virtual landscape of Los Angeles scrub suck.

All is well in the nooning hour.

All is well, she said.

And then I had to pay.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “By the power of Greyskull!”

The douchiest thing you’ll see all week: RoboBros.

Still not convinced Semitic Hotts are the finest of all the ethnic subdivisions of the hott hierarchies? I give you exhibit #521: Rafaeli Hott.

“The Royal Lifestyle.” Smells like asschoad and petunias.

Douchey Cell-Phone Self Portraits: Now for Professional Hockey Players.

The Bleeth is a ‘Bag of Trouble (vintage style)

Hangover Heaven. Cures your hangover while turning you into a douchebag.

Want to giggle at something stupid this weekend like you’re twelve years old again?: Funny Restaurant Names. “Hitler’s Cross”?!

Predator: The Musical. Makes life worth living.

However, the DB1’s sanity hangs by a thread.

Uberblogger Andrew Sullivan muses on why men’s fashion is so straight. My guess: Because it took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

Okay, you’ve earned it. Here’s your Pear:

Golden Beach Pear

But soft! It is the East! And Juliette is a Butt Globby Globb!

# posted by douchebag1
12:19 pm April, 20 John Largemans Cheeseburger said...

Lake Lugano Pear?, Lake Como Pear? either way it’s fantastic.

12:53 pm April, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

RoboBros are disturbing and the fact the one in green has a shirt that says sailor on it in no way, shape, or form means he’s closeted.

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Mmmmm……. I bet Golden Beach Pear has some nice Golden Archs too.

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Zac Rinaldo is a mess and fits right in the long line of Philthy Flyers goons.

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Happy 4/20 to all the stoner regs on this site and by stoner regs I mean The Rev and his numerous alias’s

12:54 pm April, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

Forgot about Bar Rafaeli, she is smoking hott and a Jew hopefully a naughty one.

1:09 pm April, 20 yasser said...

modern jews aren’t even semitic. they are from russia and poland. jews of the bible were black. just look at your skin color compare to the people who are actually from that region. jews have been kicked out of over 100+ countries because they sneak into office and steal from the goym. in israel they are taught that everyone hates them from birth in order for them to take arms. usa is israels little bitch.

1:21 pm April, 20 Colossus of Choads said...

Ive drunk a the Bung Hole, on High Holborn, London Town,.

hehhehheee

1:27 pm April, 20 Steve said...

Love those musicals those guys made. Terminator 2 is my favorite. Check out the Stallone musicals as well. They mostly do Arnold character’s singing musicals, but they made one with Arnold as himself singing about cheating on his wife, right after the scandal broke. It got pulled off youtube a week later but I made sure to save it.

1:31 pm April, 20 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

^ glad to see the semite haters are checking in on this Friday afternoon with some hate filled rants. Dude, take it to one of those hater sites, this is a mocker site.

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Not to critique the fine medical work they are doing over at Hangover Heaven, but if the douchebag in video #3 actually drank 3 bottles of vodka, he would be a dead douchebag, which after listening to him ramble on about his partying lifestyle, wouldn’t be that bad.

1:37 pm April, 20 Doucheywallnuts said...

I love Golden Beach Pear. And by that I mean I have a fist full of jism. Jism, I says.

2:07 pm April, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Yasser

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Go blow yourself somewhere else ya fucking A-Rab Jew-hater. You’re supposed to be looking at boys fag. Son. Fag, I says.

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420

2:22 pm April, 20 Doucheywallnuts said...

I hate the mixing of douchebag mocking tomfoolery and politics almost as much as the mixing of the Jews and the Gentiles. And by that I mean I don’t give a fuck.

2:30 pm April, 20 Doucheywallnuts said...

I was switching through the channels the other night and saw one of the movie channels was running The Godfather Saga; they took the two Godfather movies and put ’em together so they follow the story in the time order that it happened. I got to thinking how screwed up the obsession with the mob is. I think this is one of the reasons we have a douchebag culture AND that people actually aspire to be a part of, like the idiots in this photo here.

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Not to bring anybody down, but just about every mob guy I ever met was a scumbag who woulda killed you and then gone out for pizza. No remorse. Great nicknames, not great guys. Many of them did dress really nicely, though.

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There were a handful of really bright guys and an endless supply of stunada heads willing to rape, kill and maim for a handful of cash. Stunada heads, I says.  Now me, I never was one for violence. When i got angry I didn’t get physical. When I got angry, I would get guys like Skinny D’Amato, Frankie Capicola, Jukebox Smith and others, and they’d get physical. Ya mean?

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And the Italians get all the attention, but it was really the Jews who ran things. For every mob guy like Giancana, who wasn’t a total idiot, there were 10 Jews pulling the strings. Without the Jews Sinatra would have been singing at some saloon in Hoboken until he was crapping himself. Don’t get me wrong, Frank was great, but he was rescued from obscurity by guys like Herbie Blitzstein, Izzy Blumenfeld, Mickey Cohen, Greasy Thumb Guzik and Meyer Lansky. There where a bunch of guys with good enough voices back then; Jerry Vale, Vic Damone, Julius LaRosa, Perry Como, and Jimmy Roselli, just to name a few. Frank was in the right place at the right time and made the most of his opportunity.

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Believe you me, these mob guys didn’t engage in any witty repartee when they talked. Most conversations were like, “So and so needs to say something to you about something,” and “I’ll meet you at the place to do that thing at the other place, ” and “I saw him fall and hit his head and put him in that place.” There were no philosophical musings, no wonderings on the meaning of life. That Sopranos show was a joke. They did get the part about the Jew right, though. Hesh, or whatever his name was, ran the music racket. Guys like that were the real power. But Tony Soprano? No way, no way.  What a sfacim! Sfacim, I says (pronounced, “sfacheem”).

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Any made guy whose wife busted his cogliones about their side squeeze, he would smack the wife in the mouth, she talks back again, you never see her again. These guys certainly weren’t buying their wives mink coats and diamond earings when they asked, if they asked, about the Goomada. Capice? Not my style, but that’s the way it was. Goomada, I says.

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Tony “Big Tuna” Accardo, who claimed to have invented the cuff link, used to make his wife drink a pitcher of water and stand in front of him while he threw figs at her, and wouldn’t let her leave to use the bathroom, and would tickle her with a feather duster. If she went, he’d make her sit in it. And he was a nice guy, a real gentleman compared to some of these other mama lukes. She never talked back, though. Ya hear me?

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This new show, the Magic City about Miami, it’s just the Jew version of the Sopranos. Of course they have to work Mr. Sinatra into the storyline to give the show credibility and its feel. But of course they work in the mob muscle aspect of the story, because that’s what everybody wants to see. We’ll see if they keep the Jews in power and show them playing the Italians as their pawns.

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One of the main reasons the mob goons never got with many Hollywood dames is that these actresses were into the whole women’s lib thing before the rest of the broads, and wouldn’t put up with the goons slapping them. Figure that, they’d get pissed on, but not smacked!  Plus these goombas were mostly ugly. There was a Kansas City hood, Charlie the Wop Carrollo, who was dying to meet a show biz gal. Charlie was tied into the major mob business in the mid west in the days when the local politicians and cops were in on the scam.

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Charlie the Wop  got pinched for income tax evasion did time at Alcatraz and, when he got out in the 50s, he was dying to get a Goomada who was in pictures. Send broads flowers, bought drinks, jewlery even a car or two. But no dice. The problem was he looked like the back of my balls. Scrotum face, I says.

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A lot of folks don’t realize that the mob was not really strong in L.A. Despite the portrayal, while the mob did the usual loan sharking, vending machine and gambling business, they didn’t do all the well with Hollywood itself. Sure Bugsy Siegal had some guys in his pocket, but there wasn’t the kind of mob influence with the unions that the bosses back East wanted. As a matter of fact, Siegal was ordered killed by Lucky Luciano because he was too personally involved with the Hollywood crowd. We used to call the L.A. Mob the “Mickey Mouse Mafia” because they were a bunch of second rate Strunzos. So it was tougher than you would think for a Momo to hook up with a Hollywood dame. Strunzos, I says.

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When I was acting as the Community Relations Coordinator for the Los Angeles County Sherrif’s Department I got to know the local mob goons really well. And by acting as the Community Relations Coordinator for the Los Angeles County Sherrif’s Department I mean I was in charge of delivering the weekly vending machine skim to the Dragna Family capos, making pay-offs to the local building inspectors to look the other way on new construction code violations and tipping the scales in favor of “The Families” at the waste disposal drop-off sites.

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These new style douchebags remind me a lot of the old, mob goon types. Working with garbage is about the right pay grade for them.

4:34 pm April, 20 Vin Douchal said...

@ DW

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I watched one episode of The Sopranos and said, “Unless these guys all take a bullet in the hat by the end of this show, I’m not watching it anymore.

Skeeves. Worst show ever.

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Don’t get me started on American Idol ….

5:45 pm April, 20 Nostradouchus said...

There needs to be a Hall of Boobs for the one on the left. The taint needs to save that beer money for braces.

5:55 pm April, 20 douche equis said...

This Twinkie thing really has the boss upset, it seems, considering that the evidence would imply that “uberblogger” (and former gay conservative anomaly) Andrew Sullivan is musing about the potential demise of Twinkies. One wonders what that link was supposed to be.

6:29 pm April, 20 The Dude said...

I peed in a roach one time.

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True story from today: I saw a squirrel dropping a deuce. The little fella looked straight at me while the delivery was completed. Now I know why some folks like shooting at them.

6:33 pm April, 20 The Dude said...

Wallnuts, you must tread very carefully on the issue of whether Tony Montana is a proto-douche.

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Oh, you were talkin’ ’bout Tony the Tuna. Nevermind. Fuggedhaboudit

7:42 pm April, 20 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Dude, hype yourself up on enough caffeine and you’ll want to strangle those little suckers.

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@DW, usually I dig your stuff but this tale was a little to real for me. Any way you could pop some implants on that bad boy? Just go two sizes up and it should be good.

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Q: What’s the day after 4-20 called?

A: 4-21. What? You tell that joke to a stoner and they’re like stumped for a good two hours.

7:55 pm April, 20 Mr. Biggs said...

Thats’ right. We men relinquished our right to be monarchs. Now all we need is women to stop fantasizing about marrying a prince and maybe some day we can call ourselves human again.

10:52 pm April, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

Walking home from the local watering hole, cutting through an alley, I somehow scored a nice sized Hash brownie from some dude (Lenny the Box?) for a couple of cigarettes and $3. He had a tray off them, was on his way to some after hours party and warned me not to eat the whole thing as I might start seeing things. I’m saving it for tomorrows festivities of Barca v Real Madrid at 2 then melding into the Bruins V Caps at 3. It’s supposed to rain all day so I figures why not.

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Golden beach Pear gives me wood and by gives me wood I mean outstanding!!!!

4:04 am April, 21 CB Popped said...

The Godfather was the first – and still the best – mafia type movie. The acting, storyline and production is amazing – that’s why it was recently voted as the top US made film.

Never bothered to watch one episode of The Sopranos,,,,,just totally unnecessary.

The first Robobro is wearing FOUR accoutrements showing us his ethnic pride. Fuckin 4,,,,the other is purepoo.

I’m not a huge Ranger fan, but the game vs Ottawa tonight should be a barnburner.

5:50 am April, 21 Et Tu Douche? said...

The production value of the video for “The Royal Lifestyle.” is quite comical. I like how they spared no expense when it came to the “models”.

6:46 am April, 21 Anonymous said...

The Royal Lifestyle made me cry.

6:48 am April, 21 CB Popped said...

HAHA, Et Tu – I just watched “The Royal Lifestyle”,,,,,great direction for that. Where does DB find this stuff?

Brits meet Vegas, old bags getting the hotts, circa 1986?

Love it.

Hollywood had made attempts at gangster flicks prior to 1973, but none had the impact or came close to the artistry of Godfather 1.

7:00 am April, 21 troy tempest said...

So last night for 4/20 day I did some 420 and fuckin fell asleep by 10 PM. Fuckin dope. Fuckety fuckin dopety dope.

7:00 am April, 21 troy tempest said...

dope, I tells ya.

7:13 am April, 21 DouchYouWannaDance said...

Re: “Funny Restaurant Names”

OMG, I live just a few blocks away from “Crapittos” here in Houston. Good Italian restaurant. And yes, the owner does indeed pronounce his name that way. 🙂

“Fuk Mi” was also in Houston but has since closed. “Chewy Balls” is supposedly here too, but I’ve never heard of it.

9:01 am April, 21 The Dude said...

You know what’s sad? Besides 4/21 being National Random Drug Test Day? [No, not the research kind of drug test]

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What’s sad is, we have collectively ignored Tongesquat. Twat.

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A fate worse than fish slap.

9:15 am April, 21 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Dude, you are right. First and foremost we are here to mock douchebags. I think. I’m not really sure anymore. Internet comments to me usually follow under one of three categories 1.Go Local Sports Team! 2.My political views are better than yours. Or my fave, 3. Hey strangers I feel the need to tell you I am high and or drunk.

10:32 am April, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That tonqutwat is a dweeb of epic proportions and: 1. Go Sens! 2. Nancy Dreuche don’t know shit about politics, probably an Obamamaniac. 3. I just aced an exam while still on my 420 stone and a little drunk. Genius is as genius does.

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421 is D-day for doobs around the plantation. And by plantation I mean plantation. Son.

11:48 am April, 21 The Dude said...

@DouchYouWannaDance – somewhere in Texas, I think it is Houston:

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Can’t find the article, but there’s an Indian dude has a restaurant where he puts some very funny stuff on his billboard. For example, the joint next door put up “Every Tuesday is Fat Tuesday!” so he put up “Praise the Lard!!” stuff like that.

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Does that sound familiar?

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