Thursday, April 5, 2012

hermit's submission for HCwDB's imminent 2023 Guggenheim Exhibit

Hallowed Site Sage “hermit” offers this sepia-toned trip down memory lane:

“I happened upon this stunning piece, and submit it for consideration.

I call it; “Friendly Gathering on a Humid Afternoon”

When one views this profound work, those halcyon memories from days-gone-by flood the mind, rendering nostalgic images of Church Socials and Family Picnics, set in a far simpler time, when life moved at a slower pace and the world seemed less complicated.

Oh, to be transformed back to those days when an open bottle of whiskey, a distended paunch and a cheering throng of well-wishers was an invitation for a fly-fumbling speed-freak with skinny thighs to perform unnatural, public sex acts under overcast skies, in the waning light of a humid, Summer evening!

An unpretentious time, before HIV and leash laws, when homely unwed mothers pushed their bastard children in wobbly baby-strollers down peaceful dirt roads, and friendly Irish Setters walked unfettered among the revelers.

This Norman Rockwell-esqe depiction of late-seventies Amerikanna is a balm to the troubled soul, and would be a fine addition to any exhibit.”

-hermit

——–

EDIT: Hark!! Uponst my walkabout I heard a disturbance in the HCwDB Force. I come hither out of my alcholic HoHo sugar-rush induced stupor to discover: Hippie Peen. And so I summon the unholy force of 4-Prong to cover said peen. And the universe is whole again… and walkabout continues… as you are in the fine hands of the one and only ‘Sock…

# posted by Bagnonymous
10:00 am April, 5 Crucial Head said...

Hermit’s name should be near the top of the list of Baghunters on this site. Because of my extended absences, I gladly render my spot and deserve a lower rung on the ladder.

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Your prose is ear-delicious. It reads like Cormac McCarthy mixed with Everybody Poops.

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And you can’t top that combo. Ever.

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Bravo, m’lad. Bravo.

10:03 am April, 5 fatness said...

Hmmm…The Jerky Shore

10:07 am April, 5 Vin Douchal said...

I cracked up at the photo for so long I almost forgot to read what Hermit wrote. Epic

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This looks like an “All In The Family” spin-off called “Mike and Gloria See Post-Nixon America ” – Episode #2 – A Three Hour Tour

10:20 am April, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

All I see in Hermit’s mind is music from that time and I’m really stoned. The first one to come to mind was this little ditty which may have appeared at the Douchies.

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A melancholy song with the lovely Rosie Vella. And I see me skating in pools and falling 12 feet onto concrete and it didn’t hurt. Fuck you Father Time, I’m not caving in you old bastard.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF5NUSu1qRg&feature=related

10:28 am April, 5 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So, which one is Hermit? I sure hope it isn’t the guy with the kneedick on the back right in the red shirt.

10:38 am April, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

The Grateful Head

10:43 am April, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Another period piece that goes with Hermit’s visions.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH2w6Oxx0kQ&ob=av3e

10:46 am April, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Sleazy Rider

10:50 am April, 5 Vin Douchal said...

That cart in the back is for serving Bennies, Cali Skunk, Goofballs, Crosswhites, Pegasus blotter Acid, Mescaline, Blow, Mauwie Wauwie, Horse, Chronic, Oxys, Vicodin, Meth, Crack, Ecstasy, Kush, Jack Daniels and Pabst.

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What’s yer flavor, brother? Yeah this needle’s clean we just opened it Monday …

11:12 am April, 5 Ass-istant Manager said...

The Smells Angels

11:21 am April, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Aside from debauched Connie Stevens, there are more poorly dressed lesbians at this get together than the last 7 Indigo Girls concerts combined.

11:33 am April, 5 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

Bravo hermit! Now anything I have to say will be like a pile of Jersey Shore diarrhea dumped on a blue cheese filled vagina whose meat flaps leave snail trails the likes of which even Moses has never parted.

Speaking of moldy meat flaps…70’s blondie with her sweaty piss fenders flapping in the cool breeze like dumbo flying around a pink elephant parade would have never paid me any attention at that party, partially because I was still swimming around in my dad’s ballsack, but mostly because I didn’t bring her a joint. Though I would have been a lot cooler if I did.

11:35 am April, 5 Wheezer said...

These are the real-life versions of the “Black Widows” from Clint Eastwood’s Every Which Way But Loose and Any Which Way You Can movies.

11:35 am April, 5 Jeet Kune Douche said...

Back then, as a 16 year old teenager, I would have been overjoyed to run into that speed freak chick and pile into her like a runaway locomotive.

11:52 am April, 5 jonezy said...

How has this never been on Friday T&L?

11:52 am April, 5 jonezy said...

I guess links don’t work in this universe:

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http://youtu.be/IhJQp-q1Y1s

11:58 am April, 5 jonezy said...

oh, that’s where DB1 was hiding:

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http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SWeMHjDxuKQ/T0QabkmyRfI/AAAAAAAAM5M/T0sRmlOamJQ/s1600/this_is_a_llama.jpg

12:10 pm April, 5 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Vin

You forgot to mention Panama Red & Peyote Buttons.

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I for one can not tell you how pleased I am for Hermit to be back and contributing and by contributing I mean telling it like it is and in this case was. This id definitely being added to my Hermit scrap book. Oh and by the way that’s Hermit in the back, with the long hair, chugging a can of Hamm’s®

12:12 pm April, 5 Et Tu Douche? said...

Now if that is Hermit being double handed by Blondie then much respect.(No Homo)

12:14 pm April, 5 hermit said...

Damn Db 1 I’m profoundly sorry, and take full responsibility. Other than attaching it to the email, I had only seen this pic on my smartphone. Went back and looked at it on my desktop monitor long and hard, (and by “long and hard,” I mean short and semi-flaccid,) and saw the naked truth.
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Sorry Darksock.
*** I REGRET NOTHING – D.S. ***
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At least Four-prong is good for something…………..that dickhead.

12:21 pm April, 5 Ass-istant Manager said...

Cock-blocked by 4-Prong. That’s gotta sting.

12:37 pm April, 5 Ass-istant Manager said...

@ Hermit, I saw it with my smartphone, and saved it for my sepia tone peen collection. Great write up of a simpler time when live BJ shows were just something you did after playing Red Rover and before Capture the Flag.

12:46 pm April, 5 Douche Springsteen said...

I still think that dude’s junk would be less offensive than Four Prong. I hate that guy.

12:51 pm April, 5 Tony Ventresca said...

The original photo is here: http://theselvedgeyard.wordpress.com/2010/11/06/tsy-saturday-sloppy-seconds-the-1970s-badass-biker-roundup-pt-ii/. For those amateur cultural anthropologists interested in outlaw biker culture back when it was really an outlaw biker culture (rather than a mainstream part time lifestyle that every middle aged accountants poses on summer weekends) should check out Hunter S Thompson’s book on the Hell’s Angels of the 1960s.

12:53 pm April, 5 Vin Douchal said...

Hey , man, what’s this thing on my dick, man? It’s dancing and it stings my cocckhole, man …..

.

12:56 pm April, 5 Charles Douchewin said...

@Douche Springsteen

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I agree. At least that dude is all natural – possibly organic.

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Four prong is faker than twinkies.

1:07 pm April, 5 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

That was peen?? I hope Grizzly McMuffintop has passed on to the great rally in sky, so he doesn’t read this: that was the most innocuous and unremarkable peen pic ever published. He could pull that thing out at school bus stop and no one would have blinked.

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Normally, when your peen comes out, you want thunder and lightning cannoning from horizon to horizon as mothers shutter their daughters indoors and a choir of angels trumpets out the Ride of the Valkyries while flames shoot from your urethra.

1:18 pm April, 5 Wheezer said...

Should have Four Prong facing the other way. His smile would be more believable.

1:47 pm April, 5 hermit said...

@Crucial Head, salty tears. It’s good to hear from you.

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Dr. B & Et tu, In ’78 I was riding a Kawasaki®, these guys would have beat me with chains.

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@ Vin bwaaahaaaaaa.

That dude is a dead ringer for Meathead. She would have been Gloria had she gone down the road of induced vomiting and amphetimines instead of fully digesting double cheeseburgers, milk shakes and five gallon buckets of gravy.

2:41 pm April, 5 Stephanie said...

That’s not natural,4 prong’s head is usually facing the other direction and there’s something in it’s mouth.

4:44 pm April, 5 Sir Huddleston Fuddleston said...

Man, Canned Heat never got the credit they were due.

5:39 pm April, 5 Scooby Douche said...

What? You just covered up one dick with another? What’s the point of that?

9:08 pm April, 5 DarkSock said...

I zoomed in several times…I still see no weenus…
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Maybe a vienna sausage set amidst a field of grease-matted pubic hair…I’ll grant you that…but that’s not sexual. I hope…
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Medical FACT.
sd

1:02 am April, 6 Nostradouchus said...

4schlong

4:59 am April, 6 CB Popped said...

Disturbing yet invaluable.

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