Thursday, April 26, 2012

Keyser Shmoeze

And like that… he was a douche.

# posted by douchebag1
12:01 pm April, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Best nomen in a while, DB1. Keyser Shmoeze indeed.

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From his shirt, I guess he’s from Chicago, where wearing your ‘good’ T-shirt and Sunday jeans out on the town is considered high fashion. It’s not enough to wear the freakin’ thing. He has to flaunt that piece o’ shyte as if without his flaccid support they never could have aspired to achieve their second to last standing. Well done, superfan.

12:12 pm April, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

These bleeths are like a plate full of nachos. You think you want it, but then it gets to your table and it’s a soggy, salty mess. Huge disappointment, every time, all the time. Raven haired bleeth is almost passable, but trust McCrude on this, she’s giving us Hellenic eye of mega-bush. The kind that starts at the belly button and wraps around the back and halfway up the butt like some hideous bikini bottom crocheted from human hair.

12:17 pm April, 26 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Keyser Shmoeze seems to be wearing a merkin on his head.

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merkin

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Where the fucc is everyone? Get in here and entertain me, dammit

12:18 pm April, 26 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Does the Bleeth in the purple sporting the cummerbund have knuck tatts?

12:18 pm April, 26 Douche Wayne said...

Kendra and the rest of the typing pool celebrate Secretary’s Day by taking the CEO’s ne’er-do-well son out for drinks, slipping some Rohypnol in his Kamikaze and crashing his R8.

9 to 5

12:19 pm April, 26 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Thats how he holds his peen when he takes a leak.

12:21 pm April, 26 Douche Wayne said...

“Faith Hill-ing” is SO 2008.

12:22 pm April, 26 Capt. James T. Douche said...

We’re going to play Russian roulette the douchebag version… 4 Bleethy looking girls one of which is a Tranny, take your pick…

12:24 pm April, 26 Mr Reply said...

Raven haired bleeth is a member of Blackhawk girls. She is flexible as hell and loves upside down sex in the back door. Just sayin…

12:25 pm April, 26 Douche Wayne said...

^ I can narrow it down to one of the two on the right. After that, it’s in the hands of the Fates.

12:27 pm April, 26 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Sorry Skippy but you picked the wrong week to take the typing out for mojitos all their cycles are synchronized and they’re riding off into the sunset on cotton ponies.

Period sex

12:29 pm April, 26 Capt. James T. Douche said...

^typing pool

grammatical errors

12:31 pm April, 26 Vin Douchal said...

I luv that chick on the left. Right in my wheelhouse

12:34 pm April, 26 Douchble Helix said...

Point #1: I’d brag about banging any of ‘em.

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Point #2: DMcC is right, they are very good from far, and far from very good.

12:43 pm April, 26 Vin Douchal said...

I see you over there on the left in your black cocktail night out with the Woo Girls dress, Mrs. Chamanlal, trophy third wife of the maxillofacial surgeon that lives in the big tri-level house up on the hill……

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Sure, he keeps your balance zero on the Nordstrom’s card, has bought you the black window tinted Mercedes SUV and matching convertible coupe and takes you to Atlantis once a month but do these things make you happy? The diamonds, the servants, the indignity of the farce? He’s never home, just works away then goes to his Hindu Men’s club … was that vacation to Mumbai hell on earth? Happy?

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Do you really want that awful Indian food, the look-down-their-nose in-laws because you’re not like them that sit and dine barefoot on the floor eating with the same fingers they pick their toes and gouge into their noses with and worse yet that horrible dick in your vagina, your mouth?

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The company of Douches may temporarily bring physical relief but what of a real lover? A lover that learns your spots…. finds the intimate areas that send you to meadows of lust overflowing with pleasure? A caring you-first partner that satisfies your womanly needs in a way no other ever has or will? Someone that finally gets you off, orgasming multiple times without seeming dirty or wrong? Nay it all seems right, feels right- more, more more moremoremore … don’t stop …

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You don’t know, you just don’t know. You’ve convinced yourself it’s right, you have everything you need but do you? Does the mirror see a liar, kidding themselves? There’s more to life than money and there’s a certain few things that money can’t buy ….

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Vin Douchal luv is one of them….. I bring a full toolbox, Honey

12:49 pm April, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m with Vin, but who the fuck am I kidding, I’d fuck ‘em all. But the one on the left if kept on the straight road may repell zaftig and stay just where she is for a decade. And by straight road I mean dominated and ravaged.

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Hairy Greek broads? Hey they need the money. Just buy them a full abdominal wax.

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Opa.

12:50 pm April, 26 merle baggard said...

One of the most overated movies of all time, right up there with Scarface.

12:52 pm April, 26 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And the other thing Vin said.

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Sorry about Boston guys.

12:57 pm April, 26 Adolf Skroatler said...

Missy on the far left better praise the great almighty man upstairs that she was in this picture with a collection of 4:00 am Blow & Go’s, else we would of missed seeing her completely.

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ASvB

12:58 pm April, 26 Adolf Skroatler said...

He’s 42, and has the haircut of an 8 year old Special Needs student. Why?

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ASvB

1:00 pm April, 26 Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein said...

2 of the “girls” are secretly wishing the buffet opens soon. NOM NOM NOM

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ASvB

1:09 pm April, 26 Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein said...

He actually thought to himself, “I’m a Shoe-In to be the next, Ridiculously Photogenic Guy!”

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ASvB

1:17 pm April, 26 Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein said...

I had a Greek (hairy as sh!t) Girl once. Oh my Lord, Gillette stock would jump 2 solid points if she would start practicing a little hygiene.

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I met her mom and her mom’s facial hair. I looked at Adelpha, and realized that one day, she too would take on the appearance of a far North, Canadian, lumberjack.

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So I told Adelpha that I needed to get something from the car, started it, and sped off. Never looked back, didn’t want to.

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True Story

1:18 pm April, 26 Sir Huddleston Fuddleston said...

@Vin for the win. Hell, I’d fucc him at this point….

1:42 pm April, 26 Nancy Dreuche said...

Yeah douche I get it, Go Local Sports Team. I too have rooted for my local sports team but somehow when I am out on the town living it up in between ham binges I somehow manage to keep my allegiance on the down low and focus on the company I keep. That is why they always come back for more. But you’re young and you’re trying to look nonchalant in front of the ladies. I get it, you don’t want them to know how you really feel. Your love of the Chicago Blackhawks=the love you felt as a child attending or watching the games with your Dad. And no, those bleeths will never be able to re-create that feeling for you. So I guess what I’m trying to say is when I ask you what 5 items you would take with you if you were stranded on an island and you say “My Chicago Blackhawks T-Shirt and some hockey sticks and a puck, fuckin duh.” instead of you know, a water filtration system and some flares I will now know the reason why.

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Also “Vin Douchal: Full Toolbox of Love”, better be available on iTunes soon. Alls I’m saying.

3:05 pm April, 26 Et Tu Douche? said...

The one on far right is the one no one focus on but that is a mistake she is sneaky naughty.

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Bravo Vin D!!!, Bravo you nailed it right on the head. I’ve had the unfortunate pleasure to happen to be around girls of her ilk and by ilk I mean gold diggers with no shame what so ever and I got nothing against Indians, hell you could insert a myriad of foreign nationals and it’s the same story.

3:24 pm April, 26 DoucheyWallnuts said...

KEYSER SHMOEZE is the best name ever given on the site.

4:08 pm April, 26 Nostradouchus said...

His hair took longer to fix than theirs. Fact.

5:13 pm April, 26 tall guy said...

Bleeth on far left has some serious cellulite issues already. Check out her upper thighs. She’ll run to seed in fewer than five years.

6:26 pm April, 26 Stephanie said...

Are these people waiting by the door bench seats for a table at some crappy restaurant? What a bunch of who cares.

11:21 pm April, 26 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

This ‘Bag looks like a slightly less – orange, separated at birth, lost twin of the Millennium Bag. He of yore, years ago on HCwDB.

4:41 am April, 27 CB Popped said...

Its all about the one on the far left,,,,,fwapppy.

I see her,,,,with her extra long bangs…mmmmmmmm.

9:56 am April, 27 The Douchetorious B.A.G. said...

The greatest trick the Richard Grieco ever pulled was convincing the Hotts Douchebags didn’t exist.

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