Thursday, April 19, 2012

The Assphlegm Twins Get Lucky

Oh Glorious Gloria. You are uberhott of uberhotts.

I tongue your shoes with orgiastic delight.

How your potent smile sings melodic homilies of poetic aural dissonance across a landscape of bunnies and tree humpty hump. How I long to gnaw wistfully uponst your used bobby socks while juggling your grandmother’s seat cushions upon which you sat last Saturday while condescendingly joining her for tea before you went off to your professional pillow fight at a private party in the Hollywood Hills. Allow me to poke your buttock for but a tock of the ticking clock, and the fact of my mortality will be accepted with grace and aplomb.

# posted by douchebag1
2:19 pm April, 19 bruinflak said...

That, my friend, is solid.

2:35 pm April, 19 Vin Douchal said...

@ Db1

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Word

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We’ve seen Slap Dangle on the left before. He’s a repeat douchefender .

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That is a pretty gal, unfortunately now she smells like Old Spice and bacne pus

2:45 pm April, 19 Vin Douchal said...

Yet another cocck achingly hott ‘Nuck chick, Rachelle Wilde

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Yes Virginia, she is nekkid all over the intawebs

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Pie McKenzie

2:52 pm April, 19 Stephanie said...

DB1,you are getting weird. You need a drink,some Hostess cupcakes or something…

3:44 pm April, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

Damn, I would say Vin’s hott is the uberhott of the uberhotts. Take a seat Gloria, there’s always another gig as a Tecate girl down the road.

3:45 pm April, 19 The Dude said...

wow, Rick Fox and Ewwwww!! can sure pull the hotties.

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someboday needs a fish slap!

3:50 pm April, 19 The Dude said...

I love how 48 minutes ago the clock is here. It’s like time-traveling, only bakcwerds.

3:51 pm April, 19 The Dude said...

How do you say ‘stoned’ in frenglish? frappée?

3:56 pm April, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Dude 3:50, I’m pretty sure its just cuz WordPress sucks. And also youre high and your hand most likely is the most amazing thing ever.

3:59 pm April, 19 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Lithiumed up emobag and monkey pox strickened Lorenzo Lamas are about to make her crotch a crime scene.

4:17 pm April, 19 The Dude said...

Nancy, both of my hands are quite nimble on the old 88’s (Steinway, not so good at Oldsmobile if ya get my drift), and — true story here — I have used said hands for self-grabbification, occastitionally.

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Another True Story:

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One fine morning at 4am, I woke up with the typical woodie, clicked the tv on to Morning Something with Robin Meade. She’s cute enough, so I thought I could multi-task. You know, rub one out while listening to a quick report on all the shitty things that happened while I was supposedly sleeping.

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This Meade chick looks straight through the tv, through my soul and says ~*swear to God this is true*~ “I want to know what you’re doing while I broadcast this show. Send me a pic or a vid or just tell me about what you’re doing right now.”

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I hit the fuckin ceiling that time! Hell yeah. Right next to the booger I launched last spring, it’s still up there.

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Waste areas

4:21 pm April, 19 Nostradouchus said...

Botox is a helluva drug….

4:22 pm April, 19 Wheezer said...

Dude’s^ getting in a little 4:20 practice for tomorrow, it appears.

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Tebus H. Cripes! A Friday 4/20 in this place is gonna be fuccen chaos between Dude, RevChad, and Hermit. Add a little haiku action and some pear photos and, well, we’ll just have to be here to see what transpires.

4:54 pm April, 19 Doucheywallnuts said...

Vin and bacne puss FTW.

5:01 pm April, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Dude, mind blowing. More than likely she was talking to you and she just wanted a peen pic or some sort of jerkoff video. If I was a newscaster I would definitely abuse my power that way.

5:37 pm April, 19 Et Tu Douche? said...

I believe the Russian term for motor boating as set of jugs like Glorious Gloria’s is called “Bobrovsky” if not it should be.

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Lyndon Byers

5:41 pm April, 19 Et Tu Douche? said...

RIP Levon Helm

5:52 pm April, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s sweet. Dude is stoned. 420 man. I got it going already whilst researching something and drinking the equivalent of an Ultra because doc told me my liver’s inflamed. I don’t know how the fuck that happened.

One time I was at a wedding for a first cousin. I didn’t have a chick at the time to bring. Neither did my first cousin Cathy. So I’m thinking of fucking this girl from high school who’s also a first cousin of the bride who’s grinding against my cock. She goes to the bathroom and I know I’m in for later at the motel. Cathy comes up and says hey you want to go our for a cigarette. I smokes so I says sure baby. She wants to wander the 18th hole to look at the geese in the fountain pond. N”mean. So into the shadows we go. I’m 25 at the time and she’s 18. Tight thing man. So she’s on the rag so she has to suck my cock on the 17th green in heels. She gave me the best job I ever got. Wasn’t as good as the fuck she gave me three years earlier. 420 man. It’s the near family love that’s cool man. See you all for Haiku, I will be stoned. 420 out man. I got some good Super Hydro but am looking for the next batch which is Chocalope x Purple Haze. Wow.

5:59 pm April, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’ve 420’d to this for decades.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLDmOgDI_3Y& feature=related

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I feel no pain. 420.

6:18 pm April, 19 The Dude said...

420 won

7:59 pm April, 19 Nancy Dreuche said...

Man, there is nothing cooler than getting blazed and hearing stories about old dudes knowingly effing their first cousins.

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RevChad is my anti-drug

12:20 am April, 20 tall guy said...

Old guys knowingly fucking their first cousins eh, Dreuche? Looks like that a fairly common pastime in any age group.

tumblr_l6lr6sh3GD1qa0uujo1_500.jpg

2:49 am April, 20 CB Popped said...

DB 1 that was a classic rant of uber gnaw proportion.

I offer part 1 of “The Little People”, original “The Twilight Zone” as humble sacrifice.

So many funny things on this damn site, however, I’m going to take a educational reference from Rev’s post – my liver must be inflamed. 420 city.

5:44 am April, 20 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

DB1 Translator: Excuse me Madam, but you are lovely. May I bang you?

6:10 am April, 20 Doucheywallnuts said...

May I be the first on this thread to make a Hall of Hott call for Gloria; can I get a second?

6:34 am April, 20 Tokyo Sexwhale said...

Seconded! And she’s in the running for Most Expensive First Date Hott too.

6:43 am April, 20 Nancy Dreuche said...

Thirded! Anything to deflect attention from RevChads family reunion stories. I can’t believe he broke the second rule of Doobie Club which is Thou Shalt Not Harsh The Other Members Mellows With Hella Gross Stories. He is one dude that would definetly not be invited to a Dreuche Smoke Sesh no matter how awesome his weed was.

6:54 am April, 21 CB Popped said...

Gloria gets my call because even if you take off all makeup, she is still totally smoking with large naturals.

Great face, edible nose.

Dreuche Smoke Sesh – good album name.

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