Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Breaking: Wayne Gretzky's Daughter Dates a Hockey Puck

Daughter of hockey legend Wayne Gretzky, Paulina Gretzky’s continuing poor life choices require as many sarcastic quips as possible in one minute. Okay?… here we go…

Talk about illegally crossing the blue line!

Yeah, not quite. Lets try again…

If there’s one penalty Paulina understood, it was “too many men on the ice.”

Yeah… not so good. Keep going…

Penalty! Five for douching!

Later that night, Pedro made a Mark Messier on her belly!

As Pedro reminded her with a sultry whisper, some people call it “pulling the goalie.”

And by “lifting the cup,” Pedro meant his jockstrap.

Unfortunately, Pedro’s slap shot was blocked by a pad.

And… time.

# posted by douchebag1
8:27 am May, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Pedro aims for Paulina’s five hole with a one timer

8:28 am May, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Paulina laces up the strap-on for a wrap-around , Pedro takes a laser in the slot

8:29 am May, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Alas, Paulina got too drunk to screw so all Pedro got was a wrister

8:29 am May, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Pedro got a face wash between the pipes

8:34 am May, 1 Evilmoose said...

Check that vagina for a hockey stick….looks like she has been using one as a dildo.

8:35 am May, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Nice pads on her top shelf

8:37 am May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Looks like Pedro got caught in the trolley tracks with his head down again.

8:37 am May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Oglethorp?

8:39 am May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She’s been involved in more line changes than an 8-year old pee wee game.

8:39 am May, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Doesn’t McSorley have a burly daughter to keep her out of trouble?

.

8:40 am May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

It used to take a stiff stick to penetrate her formerly tight crease.

8:41 am May, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Paulina knows it’s easy to score when the little pink goal is untended.

8:42 am May, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Stick handling was never a problem for Paulina.

8:44 am May, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Pedro gets another 2 minutes in the box for high sticking.

8:45 am May, 1 Vin Douchal said...

As great as the playoffs have been this year ( Kings , Phoenix and Washington are making it very interesting) I think the NBC Sports and NHL channels are missing out by not bringing in Bruins announcer Jack Edwards to call some games.

.

8:48 am May, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I give her a questionable head shot, with my cock.

8:49 am May, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s been on her knees more than Patrick Roy.

8:49 am May, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d give her a high stick.

8:50 am May, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d cross check her ass.

8:50 am May, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

It’s a two man advantage and she’s all tied up. This one could still go either way.

8:50 am May, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

He shoots! She squints!

8:56 am May, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Pedro is forced out from behind the goal and has to settle for a wrist shot.

8:57 am May, 1 Douche Wayne said...

Pedro learned everything he needed to know from NHL ’96 on Sega Genesis.

8:58 am May, 1 I R A Darth Aggie said...

From El Wayn-o: Stop flopping around like a butterfly goalie! you know they tend to give up the 5 hole goal!

8:58 am May, 1 Douche Wayne said...

I’d throw a squid in her rink.

9:01 am May, 1 Douche Wayne said...

The Hanson Brothers wouldn’t stand a chance.

9:04 am May, 1 jonezy said...

I’d put it between her wickets

.

I’d give her the Dilscoop

.

I once gave her the Flipper

.

She loves to get slogged

.

I’ll give her a Yorker or two

.

Wayne Gretzky played cricket, right?

9:04 am May, 1 Douche Wayne said...

You could drive a Zamboni into her crease.

9:05 am May, 1 Douche Wayne said...

Does CCM make tampons?

9:22 am May, 1 Vin Douchal said...

It’s time for West Allis, Wisconsin to become a dry town. Yeesh, there’s a lot of drunken shenanigans going on there

9:35 am May, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

C’est le boob.

.

9:36 am May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ Vin

.

Suburb of Milwaukee. There’s a bar on every fuccen corner. No, I mean it. Literally every fuccen corner. How do I know? That’s where the in-laws are from.

9:37 am May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Why do Canadians always have sex doggy style? So they can both watch the game!

10:04 am May, 1 UFO Destroyers said...

This is what the cabana smells like.

10:04 am May, 1 UFO Destroyers said...

Go Preds!

10:05 am May, 1 Mr Reply said...

Paulina loves the hat trick!

10:12 am May, 1 hermit said...

I don’t know what pagan, heathen false idol is looking on, but he doesn’t approve of the alcohol, butt grab, devil horns or slashing.

10:29 am May, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’d shoot one up her dasher

10:31 am May, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’d Barry my face in her Melrose.

10:50 am May, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

In the picture with her spreading her legs on the link I swear I see the edge of puffy young labes. And by puffy I mean, I like young whores.

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Bowmans

10:54 am May, 1 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

She loves to get Czeched over and over.

10:54 am May, 1 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Her face offs usually involve paper towels.

11:07 am May, 1 Nancy Dreuche said...

The Great One will be displeased but probably won’t do anything when he sees his daughter with her latest ZamJabroni. Don’t worry bout her Gretz, let this thing Lohan itself out.

11:11 am May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She looks like she’s had her Worsley Gumped pretty often.

11:11 am May, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Looks like he’s about to put his biscuit in her basket.

11:13 am May, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

He should be assessed a gay misconduct penalty.

11:13 am May, 1 DarkSock said...

What is “hockey”?

11:16 am May, 1 Vin Douchal said...

So’s I snaps this photo of this woo girl and the next thing I know she spreads her legs and I hears this giant queef , like PFfffffffffffoooobt, and this puck comes flying out of her bizsnatch at what hadda be , what, 200 MPH…… caught me on the bridge of my nose….. I saw stars, stars I says, and planets all whistling around my head in a circle…..

.

11:19 am May, 1 CB Popped said...

Pedro’s grabbing the stick too tight.

11:20 am May, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

She has loved to puck

Since the Stanley Cup was put

In her Monkey Hole

.

I will be reusing this on a Haiku Friday.

11:20 am May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ Geez, I didn’t know Eddie Belfour was still at it.

11:20 am May, 1 CB Popped said...

Et Tu at 10:31, ftw.

I’d Mike her Milbury.

11:21 am May, 1 CB Popped said...

I’d Jarri her Kurri and take the misconduct.

11:22 am May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Et Tu will appreciate this one…

.

He looks like he doesn’t know whether cry or wind his watch!

11:23 am May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I’m guessin’ that Wayne will Semenko her Tikkanen shut pretty soon after these pics.

11:24 am May, 1 CB Popped said...

I’ll tighten up my play in her Neutral Zone.

I’ll fwap a slapshot in her crease.

11:27 am May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Now this douche is the definition of a cherry picker.

12:06 pm May, 1 CB Popped said...

Douche could use a haymaker from Craig Berube.

12:07 pm May, 1 CB Popped said...

Douche could use a haymaker from Craig Berube.

I’d Zenon her Konopka.

12:23 pm May, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Doc

I see what you did there, I’d scratch her back with a hacksaw.

12:28 pm May, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev

I thought the same thing when I saw spread eagle, and i too agree with your assessment.

12:34 pm May, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

Oh and by the way I never liked Wayne Gretzky. I remember him saying prior to being traded to LA that “Fighting is ruining his game” yet when the trade went down his one caveat was that Marty McSorley had to be part of the deal. Fucking hypocrite!!!

.

Grapes

12:59 pm May, 1 FinderGirth said...

Her mother is Janet Jones from Flamingo Kid white bathing suit diving in the pool scene. Yes, that one.

1:03 pm May, 1 creature said...

if Pedro has his way, the penalty will be in her box

1:06 pm May, 1 creature said...

she’s got an icy crease

1:08 pm May, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Paulina takes a number of shots in double overtime, but it takes a shootout to finish it.

2:16 pm May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

It ain’t called the sin bin for nothin’!

2:31 pm May, 1 CB Popped said...

Jack Edwards and Mike Emerick should call the next Winter Classic.

2:34 pm May, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’d butt end her with my Sher-Wood™

2:36 pm May, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

She doesn’t look like she would have a problem with “Too many men on the ice” or off for that matter.

2:55 pm May, 1 CB Popped said...

Trottier, the underrated Center.

I think Mike Bossy still has a ludicrous record regarding goals per game, etc.

3:02 pm May, 1 CB Popped said...

Bauer her Koho.

3:37 pm May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ CB Popped

.

John Tonelli was no slouch either. He may not be there in ppg but he sure worked his ass off.

3:38 pm May, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

And add Ron Francis to that list of under-rated centers too.

6:21 pm May, 1 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Curses! I was about to fire you an email, our esteemed host, , and look at that, you already have not only the reference I was going to send but also, the actual photo I selected. I really need to return from my self-imposed exile.

6:53 pm May, 1 The Dude said...

Paulina smiled back

When they put the gyroscope

In her monkey hole.

6:55 pm May, 1 The Dude said...

Paulina shivered

When they put the hockey stick

In her monkey hole.

.

.

Wrong day, right?

8:05 pm May, 1 army (ret) douche said...

the comments: Why management can’t retire this site. kudos

3:04 am May, 2 CB Popped said...

Bunsen,

Ron Francis son.

Yes, it was John Tonelli – the working man’s right wing,,,,that assisted Nystrom’s OT goal against the Flyers for the Isles first Stanley Cup.

12:38 am May, 3 Whoop-di-douche said...

Too much hat-trickin’ and not near enough high- stickin’ goin’ on around here.

12:39 am May, 3 Whoop-di-douche said...

She was created when a flyin’ puck penetrated a rollin’ doughnut.

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