Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Breaking: Wayne Gretzky's Daughter Dates a Hockey Puck
Daughter of hockey legend Wayne Gretzky, Paulina Gretzky’s continuing poor life choices require as many sarcastic quips as possible in one minute. Okay?… here we go…
Talk about illegally crossing the blue line!
Yeah, not quite. Lets try again…
If there’s one penalty Paulina understood, it was “too many men on the ice.”
Yeah… not so good. Keep going…
Penalty! Five for douching!
Later that night, Pedro made a Mark Messier on her belly!
As Pedro reminded her with a sultry whisper, some people call it “pulling the goalie.”
And by “lifting the cup,” Pedro meant his jockstrap.
Unfortunately, Pedro’s slap shot was blocked by a pad.
And… time.
Pedro aims for Paulina’s five hole with a one timer
Paulina laces up the strap-on for a wrap-around , Pedro takes a laser in the slot
Alas, Paulina got too drunk to screw so all Pedro got was a wrister
Pedro got a face wash between the pipes
Check that vagina for a hockey stick….looks like she has been using one as a dildo.
Nice pads on her top shelf
Looks like Pedro got caught in the trolley tracks with his head down again.
Oglethorp?
She’s been involved in more line changes than an 8-year old pee wee game.
Doesn’t McSorley have a burly daughter to keep her out of trouble?
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It used to take a stiff stick to penetrate her formerly tight crease.
Paulina knows it’s easy to score when the little pink goal is untended.
Stick handling was never a problem for Paulina.
Pedro gets another 2 minutes in the box for high sticking.
As great as the playoffs have been this year ( Kings , Phoenix and Washington are making it very interesting) I think the NBC Sports and NHL channels are missing out by not bringing in Bruins announcer Jack Edwards to call some games.
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I give her a questionable head shot, with my cock.
She’s been on her knees more than Patrick Roy.
I’d give her a high stick.
I’d cross check her ass.
It’s a two man advantage and she’s all tied up. This one could still go either way.
He shoots! She squints!
Pedro is forced out from behind the goal and has to settle for a wrist shot.
Pedro learned everything he needed to know from NHL ’96 on Sega Genesis.
From El Wayn-o: Stop flopping around like a butterfly goalie! you know they tend to give up the 5 hole goal!
I’d throw a squid in her rink.
The Hanson Brothers wouldn’t stand a chance.
I’d put it between her wickets
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I’d give her the Dilscoop
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I once gave her the Flipper
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She loves to get slogged
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I’ll give her a Yorker or two
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Wayne Gretzky played cricket, right?
You could drive a Zamboni into her crease.
Does CCM make tampons?
It’s time for West Allis, Wisconsin to become a dry town. Yeesh, there’s a lot of drunken shenanigans going on there
C’est le boob.
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^ Vin
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Suburb of Milwaukee. There’s a bar on every fuccen corner. No, I mean it. Literally every fuccen corner. How do I know? That’s where the in-laws are from.
Why do Canadians always have sex doggy style? So they can both watch the game!
This is what the cabana smells like.
Go Preds!
Paulina loves the hat trick!
I don’t know what pagan, heathen false idol is looking on, but he doesn’t approve of the alcohol, butt grab, devil horns or slashing.
I’d shoot one up her dasher
I’d Barry my face in her Melrose.
In the picture with her spreading her legs on the link I swear I see the edge of puffy young labes. And by puffy I mean, I like young whores.
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Bowmans
She loves to get Czeched over and over.
Her face offs usually involve paper towels.
The Great One will be displeased but probably won’t do anything when he sees his daughter with her latest ZamJabroni. Don’t worry bout her Gretz, let this thing Lohan itself out.
She looks like she’s had her Worsley Gumped pretty often.
Looks like he’s about to put his biscuit in her basket.
He should be assessed a gay misconduct penalty.
What is “hockey”?
So’s I snaps this photo of this woo girl and the next thing I know she spreads her legs and I hears this giant queef , like PFfffffffffffoooobt, and this puck comes flying out of her bizsnatch at what hadda be , what, 200 MPH…… caught me on the bridge of my nose….. I saw stars, stars I says, and planets all whistling around my head in a circle…..
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Pedro’s grabbing the stick too tight.
She has loved to puck
Since the Stanley Cup was put
In her Monkey Hole
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I will be reusing this on a Haiku Friday.
^ Geez, I didn’t know Eddie Belfour was still at it.
Et Tu at 10:31, ftw.
I’d Mike her Milbury.
I’d Jarri her Kurri and take the misconduct.
Et Tu will appreciate this one…
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He looks like he doesn’t know whether cry or wind his watch!
I’m guessin’ that Wayne will Semenko her Tikkanen shut pretty soon after these pics.
I’ll tighten up my play in her Neutral Zone.
I’ll fwap a slapshot in her crease.
Now this douche is the definition of a cherry picker.
Douche could use a haymaker from Craig Berube.
Douche could use a haymaker from Craig Berube.
I’d Zenon her Konopka.
@Doc
I see what you did there, I’d scratch her back with a hacksaw.
@Rev
I thought the same thing when I saw spread eagle, and i too agree with your assessment.
Oh and by the way I never liked Wayne Gretzky. I remember him saying prior to being traded to LA that “Fighting is ruining his game” yet when the trade went down his one caveat was that Marty McSorley had to be part of the deal. Fucking hypocrite!!!
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Grapes
Her mother is Janet Jones from Flamingo Kid white bathing suit diving in the pool scene. Yes, that one.
if Pedro has his way, the penalty will be in her box
she’s got an icy crease
Paulina takes a number of shots in double overtime, but it takes a shootout to finish it.
It ain’t called the sin bin for nothin’!
Jack Edwards and Mike Emerick should call the next Winter Classic.
I’d butt end her with my Sher-Wood™
She doesn’t look like she would have a problem with “Too many men on the ice” or off for that matter.
Trottier, the underrated Center.
I think Mike Bossy still has a ludicrous record regarding goals per game, etc.
Bauer her Koho.
@ CB Popped
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John Tonelli was no slouch either. He may not be there in ppg but he sure worked his ass off.
And add Ron Francis to that list of under-rated centers too.
Curses! I was about to fire you an email, our esteemed host, , and look at that, you already have not only the reference I was going to send but also, the actual photo I selected. I really need to return from my self-imposed exile.
Paulina smiled back
When they put the gyroscope
In her monkey hole.
Paulina shivered
When they put the hockey stick
In her monkey hole.
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Wrong day, right?
the comments: Why management can’t retire this site. kudos
Bunsen,
Ron Francis son.
Yes, it was John Tonelli – the working man’s right wing,,,,that assisted Nystrom’s OT goal against the Flyers for the Isles first Stanley Cup.
Too much hat-trickin’ and not near enough high- stickin’ goin’ on around here.
She was created when a flyin’ puck penetrated a rollin’ doughnut.