Friday, May 4, 2012

Friday Thoughts and Links

Rocker Horns.

Still out there.

Still douchey.

But feral Malaysian Hotties running wild in L.A. make your humble narrator joyful and festive.

Been an interesting week here at the ole’ homestead. Lots to talk about. Lots of emails coming in. Nice to see HCwDB firing up again with great comments threads and energy. Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in.

Creepy Japanes Face-Toy wants to bite your finger.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “And when they’re feeling sufficiently incomplete, you convince them your product is the only thing that can fill the void. So instead of taking steps to deal with their lives, instead of working to root out the real reason for their misery, they go out and buy a stupid looking pair of cargo pants.”

Orange New Jersey mom is Tanorexic. C’mon people, lets stop the cycle of orangeness. Or poo, as the case may be.

Teach… your children well…

David Lee Roth explains the Brown M&Ms.

Slate runs an excellent article on the pathology of tattoos. The need to turn our bodies into spectacles in the age of overstimulation reminds us of how far we’ve fallen.

The latest trend in annoying chefdom: stupid tattoos.

Goldblum. Death Wish. Life is good.

When did Beer commercials become some herspter Instagram nightmare? Et tu, Corona?

Note to the American Media: Sideboob can never be too much.

Remember kids, hot chicks are also crazy.

Okay, you’ve earned it:

Artistic Muscle Pear

Imbibe. For the weekend has cracked.

# posted by douchebag1
11:46 am May, 4 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Colombian, boss. Tho a if you got a Malay, Pinay, or any other ay to throw our way, I think we can handle it.

11:54 am May, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

She’s giving the “Malaysian Malocchio of Masterbation.” (Pronounced, “Mal-oik,” I says)

11:59 am May, 4 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Fuck! I Feel like I need to start a regimen of Peginterferon Alfa-2a just looking at these two! The Hep-C is jumping off the screen.

12:00 pm May, 4 Doucheophobic said...

Another view of Princess Pearielle and King Pooterface. If only we could exterminate Pooterface,

12:01 pm May, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmmm……..Artistic Muscle Pear

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For your douche viewing this weekend tune into the pre Kentucky Derby show were they show all the posers wearing really silly hats.

12:06 pm May, 4 DoucheyWallnuts said...

For anyone wondering what Malibu Strings are/is.

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http://www.malibustrings.com/

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For anyone wondering, I’ve started drinking.

12:07 pm May, 4 Wheezer said...

It pears repeating…..

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Which, of course, is a good thing.

12:08 pm May, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

RIP Nathanial Hörnblowér

12:10 pm May, 4 Wheezer said...

Yeah, the less of this assclown and his “I rolled around on a huge color palette” (ahem) “art,” the better I like it. Especially if you’re using a scroll wheel on your mouse while this particular photo is in mid-screen.

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But I want to see more of her tight and tiny ass.

12:20 pm May, 4 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I hope hall of mockers will forgive my divisive comments about lazy itots, swarthy greeks, and bohunk mobsters, or indeed any comments about people from parts of Europe where showers and toilets are used interchangeably. However, I cannot under any circumstances retract comments made about New Jersey.

12:24 pm May, 4 Anonymous said...

More recycled pear?!? Meh….

12:49 pm May, 4 Sir Huddleston Fuddleston said...

Off topic, but just wanted to say RIP, MCA. You walked the high ground, and you will be missed.

1:13 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Eets going to be a good weekend. Lenny The Box and family are Saturday BBQ guests for the Derby. And the new Chocalope X Blueberry Mist is dry and Mrs. Kroeger is finally getting back in shape. And by shape I mean oval.

2:01 pm May, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev

You wanna wager on the Derby?

2:03 pm May, 4 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Interesting how this douche tilts his head so his friend skelly can get a look around.

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I’m jealous though that his angry bishop is twirling her tight brown hula hoop.

2:06 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Et Tu

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Yes. The Olympics are too far away and I just got my easy to read big yellow letter keyboard in the mail. What do you propose?

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I make my Mint Juleps in one easy step:

-Add Bourbon.Son

2:15 pm May, 4 Doucheywallnuts said...

So that Dr. Jonas Salk really loved the ladies. One of the greatest scientific minds ever, cured Polio, was a hero to the world. Couldn’t get laid.

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He got to know Mr. Sinatra after Frank made some big contributions to the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in California. Without Sinatra that thing never woulda got built. Frank was a sucker for a sick kid and it was a shame what the Polio did to kids, and Frank gave a lot of cabbage and pulled a lot of strings to help the vaccine get made. He also helped get that institute put up real quick and real cheap. Union ties, capice? (pronounced, “Ga-beesh,” I says)

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Anyways, when Salk was raising money for his place, Frank had him brought out to his spread in Palm Springs and gave him 500 large in person, which was only part of the dough he gave. Frank had a pretty big gig going on at the house. He had pro girls flown in from all over; New York, A.C., Vegas, Reno, New Orleans and Miami. He had the cocktail dames from the Trop and the Sands serving up drinks and head all over the joint. Plus there was the usual bevy of starlets and wanna bes looking to throw a famous guy a boff.

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Salk was a real hound. Chased every skirt on the premises but needed a little help closing the deal. Na mean? At the time, Frank was working on one of his typical piece of shit pictures, “Never So Few,” with Lawford, Steve McQueen and Gina Lolobrigida. All the guys from the flick were there, as was Gina, and everybody was gunning for her. Now let me tell ya something, I never was a guy to go ape over a dame, but this Lolobrigida was somethin’ else. Pretty, funny, nice and loved to fuck. Abondanza!

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I had nailed Gina when she was filming one of those bible flicks, “Solomon and Sheba.” At the time, I was working as the property master on the film while co-ordinating the second unit shoots and scheduling the extra’s wardrobe fittings for the big crowd scenes. And by working as the property master on the film while co-ordinating the second unit shoots and scheduling the extras wardrobe fitting for the big crowd scenes, I mean I was keeping track of the swag the local mo-mos was lifting from the studio backlot, keeping the L.A. Shylocks on the up-and-up with the bosses back East and making payoffs to the local cops when any of our guys got pinched.

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So like I says, I was nailing Gina good and proper early on in the shooting, but she had a hankerin’ for her co-star, Yul Brenner. Yul was a little, bald chain-smoking fuck who had a huge joint and banged anything that stood or sat still long enough for him to feed his copious cock into. Copious, I says. Once Yul set his eyes on Gina it was all over for me. Go figure, this Ring-a-Ding-Ding doll had a thing for little bald guys. Easy come, easy go, ya mean? I managed to soothe my hurt feelings by boffing every cute skirt I could get my hands on. Trust me, I got over it.

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Back at Frank’s, Salk gets a glimpse of Gina and loses his shit, big time. He tells me he’d do anything for the chance to meet her. Now I knows something Salk don’t know. I knows this dame has a thing for the egghead type, and since I was always the strategy type, I knew how to play this angle. This is a sure thing for Salk, but I make him wonder just a little bit. I figure if he thinks I did him a real solid, he’d know he owed me one. Hey, you never know when you might need a favor from an egghead doctor. Guys like me sometimes get things that a shot takes care of.

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Salk was a tit man. He told me, “Pauly,” he says, “if I could just fuck the tits on that Lolobrigida I’d also cure cancer.” He did, and he didn’t. But I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself. I said, “Geez Doc, I don’t know, but I’ll see what I can do.” I drift over to Gina, exchange pleasantries and get to business. “Gina,” I says, “I have someone who’d like to meet ya, come with me.” 

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I really didn’t need to do anything else. Once she saw him, and then found out who he was and what he done, I could hear her get wet. Salk made some rotten small talk – never heard worse lines – and the two of them disappeared for the rest of the night. Salk also loved to talk, so I heard all about his exploits. Hey, who could blame him? She was prime gash and he did the animal with two backs with her, and fucked her tits, as we so crudely used to say. 

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Salk and Gina carried on a torrid affair for years. Doc would tell me, “Pauly, once I banged Gina I didn’t have the energy or concentration to work on those vaccines. All I could think about were those tits!” I don’t know about you, but that sounds like every wise guy I ever knew, not some brilliant scientist. Just goes to show you that the power of the Sticch is strong. So you could say cancer wasn’t cured because of pussy. Madon!

2:28 pm May, 4 Vin Douchal said...

This chick knows how to rock the glasses look

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And the sports gear look

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2:29 pm May, 4 Anonymous said...

That little thing is pint sized…but pint sized fugly

2:35 pm May, 4 troy tempest said...

Teach your children betterer:

3:09 pm May, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Brad Paisley is the most under rated guitarist out there but this is due mostly to being known for songs like , “Alcohol” and “Check you For Ticks” He should knock that shit off and go full balls out

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Brad Paisley and the Drama Kings channeling the DIxie Dreggs, incredible talent all around…. Damn I love the pedal steel, it’s witchraft playing that thing, witchraft I says.

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3:10 pm May, 4 Vin Douchal said...

Witch Craft I says when spelled right

3:37 pm May, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev

How bout we each get 10 horses and which ever one wins, wins. We would pick based on favorite first all the way down to the longest shot. You take the 1st pick then I take 2 & 3, then you get 4 then I would pick 5 you get 6 & 7 then I get 8. we keep switching the order until we get to 20. Let me know if that works or if you have another idea.

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Sea Biscuits

4:22 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Et Tu

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That sounds a little complicated. How about I pick 2 and you get the rest or vice versa.

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Easter Bonnets

4:35 pm May, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Wallnuts, I’ve almost got this while Who really runs the world thing? figured out but I also want to have sex. Do I risk losing years of research and observation for a hearty romp? And I’ve always pronounced it Gabeesh, Capice?

4:39 pm May, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev

Sounds good to me, let know what 2 you picked and it’s on.

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PS: don’t get a good chunk of Morocco’s finest wrong whilst grilling treats on the grill.

4:52 pm May, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

Also RIP MCA from The Beastie Boys. Life is short folks, make the best of it.

5:03 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Et Tu

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I pick the first and last ranked horses, you have the rest. Is that fair.

Man I’m stoned. So’s Mrs. She grabbing my cock while I type. Moody Blues always works with stoned chicks. Moody Blues forever.

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Breath Deep

5:15 pm May, 4 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And Deep Purple:

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Wow! Just Wow!

5:55 pm May, 4 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev

Works for me, may the best horse win and hopefully DarkSock isn’t anywhere near the state of Kentucky.

6:04 pm May, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

Now that I think about it, to DarkSock The Kentucky Derby must be like how some rich dudes use Playboy as their “dating” service.

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Just Mare-eed

6:16 pm May, 4 troy tempest said...

The Corono comercial’s a douchie rephrasing fo a song by King Crimson, possibly the most undouchie band, ever, because they’re about one thing: music:

7:15 pm May, 4 The Dude said...

wallnuts, you lost me at “Frank Sinatra” 😉 j/k – another great read.

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Times like this, I wish I *knew* how to read.

7:16 pm May, 4 The Dude said...

Nancé got Marée’d!!

7:21 pm May, 4 The Dude said...

^gotta be another thread kill^

7:25 pm May, 4 The Dude said...

*Salk my calk* – okay maybe it’s not dead, in the diabolical sense.

7:26 pm May, 4 The Dude said...

What happens after 7pm? Do the hunters just go out and %hunt%?

7:42 pm May, 4 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Dude 7:16p I wish, at least I could get some action on the honeymoon, cuz its like required and shit. Also in re: to your 7:26 post pretty much everyone is having sex right now except for you and me. I mean everyone, even tall guy and probably my parents too. Blargh, I just made myself sick. Hopefully they’re just hugging really hard.

9:14 pm May, 4 Stephanie said...

Rocker horn is 100 per cent tiresome,played out, who cares.He’s also too old for this girl he pretends to be making it with. Next.

12:10 am May, 5 The Dude said...

Funny sharts squirt out of the Friday Fun House!

4:46 am May, 5 CB Popped said...

Vin thank you for showing us how good Paisley and his band really are. Def. Dixie Dregs influenced. Great stuff.

Troy, the King Crimson blew my fucking mind, kudos.

Fripp, etc – that is some of the most advanced music Iv’e heard in a while, since Zappa etc.

Not much is known about CB Popped, but I have performed and studied the guitar for 30 years. The above vids are fantastic.

7:07 am May, 5 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Has anyone peed in a Derby horse, once?

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The pronunciation hints are for those who might be less than familiar with the vernacular.

9:39 am May, 5 chad kroeger from his psychedelic Kentucky said...

@Et Tu

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There’s five 50-1 shots at the moment. So I’m picking “Bodemeister” and “I’ll Have Another One” as my two. Better start drinkin’.

10:05 am May, 5 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev

Sounds good, the cold ones will be flowing shortly.

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Apropos of nothing just scored me some vintage Telefunken 12AX7 / ECC83 – ribbed plates, matched pair. They were in an old Bogen Challenger tube pre amp. The lady was clueless $1.

Yard sales rule!!!!

*http://tctubes.com/Telefunken-12AX7-ECC83-ribbed-plates-matched-pair.aspx

10:58 am May, 5 Bobel said...

Man, that Corona commercial just pisses me off.

11:19 am May, 5 DouchYouWannaDance said...

As others have noted, a nod to the departed “MCA” of the Beastie Boys.

Their biggest hit: “Fight for your right”… was in fact an accidental Douche Anthem success. They actually wrote the song MOCKING Douchebags everywhere that use the word “Party” as a verb.

They actually found it a bit disconcerting that their most popular song make them heroes among the very people they were mocking. 🙂

11:51 pm May, 5 Mr. Biggs said...

I can explain the tattoo phenomenon with much less bullshit. See, at a certain point in history tattoos meant a certain incorrigibility and indomitability. Naturally women found this alluring, since it was beyond the pale. And men just as naturally wanted to be that object of desire. So more and more guys got tattoos to adopt that persona. When that happened, tattoos lost that meaning and allure. But in the land of tiny brained folk that doesn’t matter – surely the solution for that is not to finding the cutting edge of social rebelliousness, but simply to get more tattoos.

Hilarity ensues.

7:12 am May, 6 Douchble Helix said...

Rewatched 1986’s “Fight For Your Right”.

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I counted one tattoo. One.

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