Friday, May 11, 2012

Friday Thoughts and Links

A longtime reader just sent me this pic, which he found in a folder he’d set aside for HCwDB back in the halcyon days of 2006. A classic-era douchebag runnin’ with the Goose. Unironically. A hot chick corrupted by Goose Runnin’.

Oh the days when the mock was new and the “game” was still seen as literature.

But there is still so much to be done. Especially when Herpsters crowd beer ads and Ed Hardy continues its biological contagion spread across the Wal-Marts of America.

And the Wal-Marts of my soul

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Classic Rock CD Pick of the Week: “Big Sky looks down on all the people who think they got problems… They get depressed and they hold their head in their hands and cry…

People lift up their hands and they look up to the Big Sky…

But the Big Sky is too big to sympathize.”

Your humble narrator needs bail money

I hope the missing Fox Studios exec is okay and all, but what’s with the orangeness?

Herpster Suck. Reason #43 I moved out of Los Feliz last year.

As a Pats fan for life, it makes me very sad to bring you this. But it is my duty and my obligation: Bradyhawk.

Speaking of doucheyhair, where do annoying herpster practitioners of “dubstep” go for hair inspiration? Llama.

Hair Abs. Over six years running this site, thousands of pics seen that cannot be unseen, but that was a first. Lets hope it’s a last.

Whenever you get depressed about a world filled with insanity, remember, it’s also a world that produced Sifl and Olly.

What happens when a kitchen brush has a fauxhawk? Should we grant a Plate Scouring Leniency Exemption?

But you are not here for douchey kitchen appliances. You are here for Pear. And today, you get not one but two Pear desserts:

Tighty Peary.

Not enough? Then enjoy some

Pouty Rock Pear

And if that don’t satiate your pear needs, then I don’t know what.

# posted by douchebag1
11:36 am May, 11 Vin Douchal said...

@ Db1

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Could be worse, could be a Red Sox fan for life like Bag Bro on the far left:

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11:38 am May, 11 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

POUTY ROCKERS IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT, EVERYBODY JUST HAVE A GOOD TIME!

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Sorry about that.

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When summarizing Herpster iconography they forgot to mention the ubiquitous cancer stick ashtray and local underground newspaper which he never reads but always has open on the table. Amateurs. They also don’t note how every few minutes he would shout pretentious statements to noone in particular just to keep the attention focused squarely on him. “YEAH, I USED TO LISTEN TO BOB DYLAN. I HAVE ALL OF HIS VINYL INCLUDING THE BOOTLEGS – OF COURSE. BUT THEN HE GOT THE PRESIDENTIAL MEDAL OF FREEDOM AND I WAS LIKE, YOU SO SOLD OUT BOB.”

11:44 am May, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I knd of dressed like the dude in main pic in 1983. Good times. That orange rock pear is hot and orange and hot and orange and hott.

12:09 pm May, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

Wow!!!!, both Pear entrants are outstanding and by outstanding I mean fucking outstanding!!!.

12:14 pm May, 11 I R A Darth Aggie said...

OH. DEER. LORD! WTF is wrong with Brady’s head? did he get one too many hits on the noggin?

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In the mean time, I’ll take a tighty pear and a pouty rock pear to go. For the weekend, you see…

12:35 pm May, 11 Wheezer said...

I echo IRA Darth Aggie and Et Tu Douche? regarding the outstanding Pear today! They are truly delightful.

12:37 pm May, 11 FlipFriddle said...

One might not survive seeing Tighty Pear in real life. Wow.

I hope someone shoved that vinyl up the ass of that Hipster’s Hipster. Gag.

1:03 pm May, 11 Doucheywallnuts said...

After viewing Pouty Rock Pear I forgot about all other links and thoughts.

1:07 pm May, 11 CB Popped said...

Pouty Rock,,,Hall of Pear, instant.

1:09 pm May, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

Portable record player? What, was his mini gramophone in the shop? Freakin’ hipsters.

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Derek Jeter (pictured above) was a douche in 2006. Will wonders ever cease? Also I know its not him tools, I was being sarcastic.

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Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go shave some hair abs onto the back of a llama, because well thats what the cool kids are doing these days.

1:18 pm May, 11 DarkSock said...

I’d pee in Tighty Pear’s butt.

1:31 pm May, 11 Douche Wayne said...

Ugh – guy in the pic is wearing “Rugby” by Polo which is the fashion emulation of Dead Poet’s Society. Great look, if you’re attending prep school in Great Britain circa 1963.

Oh Ass Pear, My Ass Pear

Yawp

2:12 pm May, 11 Douchial Webster said...

Pouty rock pear looks like Planet of the Apes (remake) hott Estella Warren. Am I right?

2:22 pm May, 11 Vin Douchal said...

@ Douchial

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Nope, it’s Rocio Guirao

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Do not click that ^ if your saving up for some action later…..
<

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3:20 pm May, 11 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Vin is the Bob Gucionne of this place. And I mean that in a great way.

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http://mike100915.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/roc__o-guirao-d__az-17408.jpg

3:20 pm May, 11 Army of Douche-ness said...

I’m noticing the quality links are becoming fewer and fewer as DB1 has himself implied…but luckily the pear pics never seem to stop coming

3:38 pm May, 11 Doucheywallnuts said...

@ Dark Sock

That’s called “Flooding the Cave.”

4:00 pm May, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Army of Douche-ness, Newsflash guy: The interwebz is an endless sea of tits and ass. All you have to do is part it. What you choose to part it with is your own business.

.

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Booblical References

4:08 pm May, 11 Doucheywallnuts said...

This picture reminds me of one the times me, Shecky Greene and Maury Amsterdam went on a peyote button bender over a weekend up at Grossinger’s in the Catskills. A lot of people made fun of the Borscht Belt, but let me tell ya, those Jews knew how to have a good friggin’ time. Na mean?

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I would take at least a couple of weeks every summer and get out of the Hollywood/Miami/Manhattan scene and head upstate for the Jewish Riviera in Liberty, NY. A little town with a lot of easy Jew broads, drugs, booze and good laughs. Tell you the truth, I needed a break from all the Guinea bull shit 24/7. The yiddisher boys provided a nice respite. And that Shecky Greene was a funny guy and could party with the best of them. He had a way with the women, and by way with the women, I mean he would take “it” out anytime, any place and get to workin’ it. Even Frank and the boys would head up to the kuchaleyns once in a while and enjoy the fun and games. Kuchaleyns, I says.

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So anyways, Shecky got a hold of some mushrooms from a hippy kid of one of the guests at the resort and me, him and Maury headed out to the pool one a Saturday afternoon and got all fired up. We was also drinking, so you can imagine how crazy it was. The pool at Grossinger’s was legendary. It was huge and always packed with married yentas looking to fuck and suck. There were a ton of good looking jewesses there and after a couple of caps and some gin and tonics we were flying high, trawling for Hebrew Heine. Hebrew Heine, I says.

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I forget why, but there were a bunch of other show biz types there that particular Saturday and they were all high, too. Bea Arthur was downing Microdots like they were Pez and along with Carl Reiner, Fyvush Finkel, Totie Fields and Soupy Sales they were all trippin’ balls. Maury Amsterdam was so fucked up he was going around taking his joint out and telling people how Rose Marie had a bigger cock than he did. Talk about letting the cat out of the bag! Also, Soupy was a known auto-fellator, and was doing his thing with Joan Rivers and Phyllis Diller watching.

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I don’t remember a lot from that weekend, but I do remember somehow winding up tag teaming some broad with Jackie Mason in one of the poolside cabanas. Oofa! She was there with her milchadick husband who was paying her no attention, and we came in guns a blazing, popped a few buttons with her and the next thing we knew we were in her cabana. I was giving her the Arabian Goggles while Mason was giving her a good trenching. Trenching, I says. She was one of those Aeroplane Blondes and she loved to boff. I don’t know how long it lasted but I do remember going at her Balloon Knot for a good long while before finishing off with a Greeker while giving Jackie, “The Bullwinkle.”

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That’s the last time I took psychedelics. I think.

4:36 pm May, 11 Pooch Spackle said...

DW

Your work should be required reading in all schools.

Trenching, I says.

4:37 pm May, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

I am craughing (cry laughing) D. Wallnuts. I thought I could maintain but when I read about Soupy Sales I lost it. And now of course I need to go look up what a Bullwinkle is to let you know if you’re gay or not. Well done and thank you.

5:45 pm May, 11 Douchble Helix said...

Skipped most everything but the pears, got some things to tend to.

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I made the right call. Nice pair o’ pears.

6:13 pm May, 11 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Rock pear good. Soupy sales suckin his own joint bad. Back to happy hours.

6:31 pm May, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

I got home a little while go after enjoying a few cold ones and some spleef with my neighbors. I had a bite to eat as that shit gives you the munchies. There’s not much on tv so I decided to check back in. Mind you I’m cooked and I stumble across DW’s recent epic. I came away with two things, A) I loves me some Jewish women all depraved and insecure. B) DW is a creative genius.

7:14 pm May, 11 Douchble Helix said...

“To comment on a Doucheywallnuts reminisce is to devalue it.” – Hillel

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“We are not worthy.” – Wayne Campbell

9:11 pm May, 11 troy tempest said...

tighty pear’s gots a wickedly fucked up back. She’s gonna be mess when she’s 40.

10:02 pm May, 11 Medusa Oblongata said...

I suppose if I were to pass that herpster on the street, it would take every ounce of my brain, I mean the parts not eaten away by fluoride, to stop myself from stabbing him repeatedly in the neck and then playing the holes like an ocarina. And the his Zooey Deschannel-esque sidekick would be all like, “Ugh, Ocarina. I remember that ocarina player right before Interior Semiotics.” And then I would have to strangle her with the cord from the herpster’s headphones.

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Thera-Flu. WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

11:34 pm May, 11 The Dude said...

wallnuts, when you make a *significant* (meaning long) post like today’s, I usually stare at it for an appropriate time out of friendly respect whilst pear-pondering.

Today’s pear-ponderance was mentally set aside (Rock Pear should be a significant threat to a grown man’s ability to read, write or whatever that other subject was), because what you wrote is 5 stars of funny!

A+ dude!!

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Your other stuff is prolly that funny too, so please accept my sinpearlest apearogies for staring at some of them more like a monkey waiting to jerk off.

11:44 pm May, 11 The Dude said...

“playing the holes like an Ocarina” – can I puhleeeze stop craughing™ (Nancé) at some point? I have work to avoid!

1:19 am May, 12 Douchble Helix said...

Just sayin’.

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http://img201.imageshack.us/img201/7610/bradytintin.jpg

1:23 am May, 12 Douchble Helix said...

I dunno, Mr. SH. Looks like the biggest bag is on the mound.

1:46 am May, 12 Douchble Helix said...

Maybe I shoulda stuck the brush into the prom pic?

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http://img594.imageshack.us/img594/3574/brushprompa.jpg

6:49 am May, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“…taking his joint out and telling people how Rose Marie had a bigger cock than he did.”

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Fuck that is funny. My wife was crying and she’s too young to remember that shit.

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Van Dyke’s

8:45 am May, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

@DH, LOLs at Joey Porsche and brush side by side. Too bad the brush wasn’t orange or it would be the perfect fit.

11:16 am May, 12 FredN. said...

In the pic that accompanies this post, I would fuck the shite out of the faceless chick in the left background. Jesus, perfect legs and torso.

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I don’t care if her face looks like Jeff Daniels. I would hit that over and over.

4:05 am May, 13 CB Popped said...

Rocio pisses on Rihanna, Beyonce, Pink,,,everyone of those overblown entertainment whores that ruin everything.

Rocio. Fwap.

Was watching “Mommie Dearest” at 3 am last week,,,,some guy named John P. Mercurio was listed in the credits,,,gaffer or something. Was funny.

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