Friday, May 25, 2012

Friday Thoughts and Links

Creepy Crustacean Bros continue to haunt America’s young chicas, and what’s Obama done about it? Nothing! Nothing I tells you.

Where’s Dick Cheney when you need him. With a buckshot to the doucheface.

Yeppers.

Your humb narrs is all sorts of itchy and irritated today.

Too many Hollywood battles to recount. Some good, some great, some a flying pile of rotten euro-pie in the face of the Godhead.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Pick of the Somewhat Depressing Great Work of Groundbreaking Graphic Novel: “Friends? Your friends? If you lock them together in a room with no food for a week…Then you could see what it is, friends!…”

Worst. Tattoo. Ever. (NSFW)

Maxim’s Hot 100 has Semitic Boobie Tickle Pooch Spackle Suckle Thighs at #1 and #3.

The always ahead-of-the-curve city of San Francisco debuts Sausage-Fest Fighting Bar Software. Or, as they used to call them, “bouncers.”

I often discover HCwDB’s influence in surprising places. RIP big guy. We still miss you.

Reader Et Tu Douche? tags a Goose Car.

Tanning Mom still burnt. Still from Jersey.

Arizona continues to rapidly devolve into the second most useless, ignorant, ass-backwards and pathetic state in the union (Texas holding strong at #1).

After Herpsters… “Chappies”?

You are here for Pear:

Mmmm… Hypertoned Aryan Longjump Pear… but that’s not the pear we speak of… for it is

Table Pear

Little known fact, the 13th Century Sephardim included Table Pear on their Passover seder plate. It represented the pillows of our forefathers, who were denied boobie hottie suckle thigh by Pharoah.

Or whateves. Go forth and have fun tonight.

# posted by douchebag1
11:25 am May, 25 The Dude said...

Table Pear — it’s not just for breakfast anymore!

11:30 am May, 25 skrag2112 said...

Um…Denise Truscello in that Maxim article seems to sporting something extra.

11:32 am May, 25 Jeet Kune Douche said...

That russkie long jumper chick is potentially a stunner…..but she desperately needs to sit down to a 7 course prime rib dinner with dessert.

11:33 am May, 25 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmmm… Table Pear makes me want to go camping in an old Winnebago.

11:34 am May, 25 Et Tu Douche? said...

Wow old ass “Barbie” skrag makes my stomach turn.

11:35 am May, 25 Pooch Spackle said...

If that girl’s stank ass ass was on the table in my double wide I reckon I would have to cut a bitch. When I said What skills do you bring to the table? She obviously took it quite literally. Thanks whore. Next.

11:38 am May, 25 Jeet Kune Douche said...

@Et Tu Douche – Yo, no kidding. Her body is slurpalicious, but that FACE……..enough to sink a thousand ships. Poor thing has a 25 year old body and a 60 year old face – she must have put on some STUNNING mileage. Working the truck stops across the entire length of I-80 50 times, perhaps?

11:43 am May, 25 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

G

B

D

.

Gay By Day. Like you weren’t all thinking the same thing.

.

Little know fact. Old Bleeth got the Barbie bling when she made the now famous statement “Hey. Guys. Barbie should have tits.” in that first design meeting waaaaay back in the day at Mattel. Her other quote from those original product development sessions, “last one guys, I’m getting stretched out and it’s starting to burn. And not you Frank.” is unfortunately not so well known.

11:49 am May, 25 Vin Douchal said...

Gavin McInnes (Chappies) is the funniest MoFo out there right now. He’s on Fox’s Red Eye often and kills every time. His stand up is excellent and he has a twisted website called ,”streetcarnage.com” . Check it out

.

.

Street Magic I wish I could do ( stay to the end):

.

12:12 pm May, 25 Wheezer said...

Why does Table Pear look like Cameron Diaz? Well, that’s not a bad thing. Just an observation.

12:16 pm May, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dude. How did you miss the Jap guy who cut his junk off and cooks it for guests. NSFW?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/24/asexual-mao-sugiyama-cooks-serves-own-genitals_n_1543307.html?ref=mostpopular#s=more228605

12:23 pm May, 25 Wheezer said...

“GBD…..WM”

.

G ay

‘B ag

D ouchin’

…..

W ith

M om”

12:26 pm May, 25 Wheezer said...

Amy Sedaris has gone to the dark side.

12:27 pm May, 25 Pooch Spackle said...

And regarding that app that let’s me know the Bro 2 Ho Ratio of some of the clubs in the city, I say sign me up. But I want it for the library and Comic-con too. What up nerd playas?!

12:31 pm May, 25 Pooch Spackle said...

@Wheezer, Amy Sedaris only bleeths in jest. Pass. She is my hero and she will not be shatted on in this forum.

12:35 pm May, 25 rhinestone doucheboy said...

stop dissin Texas. Anastasia Valeryevna “Nastia” Liukin trained here

12:36 pm May, 25 Wheezer said...

No, I was referring to Barbie Bleeth in the main photo after she co-opted the “Jerri Blank” look.

.

I’d never willingly rip Amy nor David Sedaris – both are rather hilarious.

12:46 pm May, 25 Pooch Spackle said...

@Wheezer, phew, I’m calling off the DOS attack or whatever it is called when phaggots get riled up when someone insults their leader. No homo, but I would go gay for Amy Sedaris.

12:47 pm May, 25 The Dude said...

GBD is a french acronym = Grosse Bague-Douche

1:05 pm May, 25 Doucheywallnuts said...

Barbie looks like she is the creation of Dr. Bleethenstein.

.

Long jump pear, FTW (boner).

1:12 pm May, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Gotta

Blow

Dudes

.

Weird squinty face Barbie Bleeth has a nice tummy and mons combo package.

1:28 pm May, 25 Pooch Spackle said...

^Gotta Blow Dudes FTW. Cause really, look at him. The only vagina he’s touched is when he tried desperately to crawl back in his Moms mons.

.

And you guys, I’ve been running more focus groups. Word on the street is the clitorus is gonna be the next big thing. But you gotta find it first so…there’s that. Anyway I’ll keep ya’all posted. No worries.

2:14 pm May, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Grapes Of Mons

2:14 pm May, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Monfather

2:14 pm May, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Green Mons

2:15 pm May, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mons Vice

2:15 pm May, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Dirty Mons

2:15 pm May, 25 Doucheywallnuts said...

Memorial Day weekend always reminds me of the time I was working on Dean’s first Matt Helm movie, “The Silencers,” another real piece of shit flick. At the time I was working as the assistant to the Unit Production Manager, supervising the on-site food and beverage service and Waxing the Ninns of every young chippy who was hanging around the back-lot. Waxing the Ninns, I says.

.

Dean was a back door man from before he was a shaved snapper man, and this particular Memorial Day weekend we had been shooting, and Dean told me he was going to, “Take a tour of Brown Town,” with his co-star in the movie Stella Stevens. I thought he was going to Burbank. So I says, “Dean,” I says, “What the hell is in Burbank?” Dean says, “Wallnuts, you Mama Luke, I ain’t going to Burbank, Brown Town means banging ass!” I didn’t know it at the time, but Stella loved to take it in the Copper Penny. Dean asks me if I ever did it to a broad in the butt, and when I says no, he goes ape.

.

“Wallnuts,” he says, “you haven’t really done a dame ’til you done her in the keister.” Keister, Dean says. So I says, “Geez Dino, I don’t know. It seems like more things can go wrong down there than go right. Na mean?” I actually said, “Na mean,” to Dean.  Dean was nonplussed – nonplussed, I says – when I hesitated. I was boffing Cyd Charisse pretty good the regular way, she was in the flick, and I didn’t really feel like messing things up, in more ways than one. She had the most perfect friggin’ quim I ever seen. Quim, I tells ya. She could do things with her Sticch that I wouldn’t have thought was possible. Plus, I really didn’t know how to bring it up to Cyd. When I tells Dean this, he tells me not to worry. Madon!

.

So Saturday comes and when the days’ shooting ends, I bring a couple of nice bottles of chianti and a beautiful antipasto (pronounced, “anti-bast,” I says) platter over to Cyd’s place. I figure some nice wine and an assortment of imported, cured meats are a good way to unwind after a long week. Capice? Cyd was good to go without the sauce, and didn’t need it to have fun, but trow a couple a glasses a wine down her gullet and she became wild beyond description. A real far out dame.

.

So after she’s had a few, she starts telling me how Stella told her to ask me to, “Bang her ass.” Aou! I almost dropped my load right there! Here’s one of the classiest dames in the history of Hollywood, and she’s asking me to bang her ass, poke her in the brown eye, swab her poop deck. So who was I to disappoint this icon? “Let’s do it,” I says. It’s kind of hard to explain just what in the hell she could do down below, so let’s just leave it to your imagination.

.

Yea, Memorial Day sure does bring back good memories. Not like these fuckin’ skoonitz’s in this picture here.

2:15 pm May, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mons With The Wind

2:16 pm May, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bravemons

2:21 pm May, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@Pooch, clitorae are overrated. Half the time you need a bloodhound and seal team 6 to track it down, then inevitably she will tell you that you haven’t found it yet even as you are looking it in the face. They are like D.B. Cooper that way. An exciting folk tale, but everyone who goes looking is disappointed.

2:30 pm May, 25 The Dude said...

c’Mon, enough with the Mons jokes, it ain’t Monday!

.

At least I’m Mon enough to resist such tepid humor.

.

Mons

2:36 pm May, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hannah Monstanna

2:48 pm May, 25 Wheezer said...

You was in here, DW?

.

A tip o’ da cap ta youse!

2:53 pm May, 25 Doucheywallnuts said...

Dat’s the dame!

3:04 pm May, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Mons Squad

3:08 pm May, 25 FredN. said...

No one’s made a courtney love reference for this bleeth’s face? Fugly.

3:16 pm May, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Here’s a tip: forget your Facebook losses. The next big thing will be cleft of Venus. Put everything you can into it.

3:36 pm May, 25 Pooch Spackle said...

@DW, so classy broads do anal too? Heh, good one. Great fairytale. Get it? Butt sex = fairy tale.

@McCrudeshoes 2:21p, if I can find it anyone can and I’m lazy as fuck when it comes to looking for stuff.

4:26 pm May, 25 Anonymous said...

If you don’t stop dissin’ Texas, we won’t let you move down here to find a job after the rest of the country goes down the shit hole.

4:49 pm May, 25 Pooch Spackle said...

@Anon 4:26p, why would I want to work where all my exes live?

8:19 pm May, 25 Douchble Helix said...

This is confusing, but I think the gist of it is that Guy Fieri had a sex change operation.

.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/25/anne-burrell-comes-out-gay-food-network-_n_1545594.html

1:00 am May, 26 hermit said...

Is it just me, or does that chick have an uncanny resemblance to Courtney Love?

.

Re: Hypertoned Aryan Long Jump Pear

.

When I was a wee lad that particular track and field event was called the “Broad Jump.”

Needless to say, I’d jump that broad.

1:04 am May, 26 hermit said...

There.

1:06 am May, 26 hermit said...

Maybe?

1:09 am May, 26 hermit said...

Fuck ₩°®Dp®€§§

3:52 am May, 26 hermit said...

Re: Et Tu’s Goose Car

.

Budweiser has a team of majestic clydsdales pulling a traditional and nostalgic red, white and gold beer wagon to represent their product.

.

Grey Goose has an ’06 Chevy.

4:02 am May, 26 Douchble Helix said...

“Young chicas”?

.

“Orr was knocked down into the water or had an engine shot out almost every time he went up, and he began jerking on Yossarian’s arm like a wild man after they had taken off for Naples and come down in Sicily to find the scheming, cigar-smoking, ten-year-old

pimp with the two twelve-year-old virgin sisters waiting for them in town in front of the hotel in which there was room for only Milo. Yossarian pulled back from Orr adamantly, gazing with some concern and bewilderment at Mt. Etna instead of Mt. Vesuvius and

wondering what they were doing in Sicily instead of Naples as Orr kept entreating him in a tittering, stuttering, concupiscent turmoil to go along with him behind the scheming ten-year-old pimp to his two twelve-year-old virgin sisters who were not really virgins

and not really sisters and who were really only twenty-eight.”

4:02 am May, 26 Douchble Helix said...

Another great job, DW!!

5:03 am May, 26 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Hermit

Re: Goose Car

The funny thing is, prior to snapping that pic, I’d seen it driving around. When I was able finally able to follow it one day it took only a couple of blocks before they pulled over and parked. I had a nice conversation with the lady who was driving it. I thought she might of been a rep and even asked her so but alas she wasn’t and just is a fan of Grey Goose. Older lady too which I found odd. Check out the rims.

5:25 am May, 26 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Upon further review, Barbie appears to have a nice sized C-section scar. She is obviously a confident gal if she wears that suit in public, which means she’s into anal.

.

GBD=Groin Body Double

.

Happy Monsmorial Day!

6:36 am May, 26 troy tempest said...

Cyd Cherisse was one of the hottest of all hollywood hotties, and she aged really well. Her legs were so long and gorgeous. Here’s a photo of her in 1958:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/glamourdaze/3174077656/

Note: she was born in 1922, so she was 36 in this photo.Amazing. Many women at 36 have crapped out several sprogs and resemble sofas. Cherisse – yikes. The Silencers was made in 1966, which means Cherisse was 44 when DW was servicing her final voluntary sphincter. And she was still smokin hott at 44. Cyd Cherisse was a Hollywood hottie and goddess for good reason. Genetic lottery winner.

.

.

.

.

.

polio victims.

8:03 am May, 26 Pooch Spackle said...

I miss dick……Cheney too.

8:19 am May, 26 Wheezer said...

Have a great Memorial Day weekend, ya fuccen hatters! Suckle the hottie thigh of your choice, or perhaps you can head over to RevChad’s place for pharmaceuticals…..

8:59 am May, 26 Reverend Chad Logged Out said...

Red, White, and Blue Mons

http://coedbc.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/78915.jpg

.

The first crop of feminized auto-flowering Chocalope is in the ground. Thank you Amsterdam Seed Company. Herrs.

12:41 pm May, 26 CB Popped said...

Table Pear,,,,actually white trash, trailer – table – influenced.

– LOVE IT,,,Hall of Pear nominee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12:43 am May, 27 The Dude said...

Wallnuts, your Mammorial Tome is currently resonating across the synapses of several people who are laughing their fuckin’ asses off. You need and deserve some kind of column or collection or bleg or something because I’m far too lazy too look around for these things, except that when I do bother, there’s always something fuckin’ hilarious to be found!.

12:44 am May, 27 The Dude said...

^at my party that’s winding down^

6:11 am May, 27 Tanath said...

Katy Perry looks like an average dudes third choice for prom…why is she even on this list, let alone so near the top? Credibility of Maxim’s Top 100 list? I cannot say, it has plummeted so far it is no longer visible by mere mortals such as myself.

3:58 pm May, 27 DouchYouWannaDance said...

Sorry DB1, gotta take offense at the notion Texas out-dims (vs “out-shines”) AZ, AK or MS for the top spot.

With the nation’s fourth largest city (Houston) electing and then RE-electing an openly gay mayor, along with the proudly “weird”, Progressive Mecca, Austin, home of Molly Ivins and Bill Moyers…

…you can’t convince me Texas is worse than a dozen more redneck states just because our dumbest have a penchant for elective office (note: Perry won his third term with only 34% of the vote.)

4:10 pm May, 27 CB Popped said...

Even jaded – NYC Rockerbags respect playing in Austin – was performing there last summer, fucking blast.

Def has that artsy vibe- great music scene alot of places in the US of A lack.

7:28 pm May, 27 Douchelips said...

Mmmmm…. Table Pear.

8:51 am May, 28 getplaning said...

More feminine perfection here-

12:06 am May, 29 Little Willie said...

Barbie isn’t so bad really. I’d like to write my name in man pudding on that nice flat stomach and those artificially enhanced breasts on a skinny gal never hurt either. As for the turd to her right could somebody please flush before leaving the stall next time?

Leave a Reply

What is 10 + 9 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)