Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Reader Mail: Blunderbus in the Ukraine

Reader Purple Punguine writes in with a tale of trolling for Ukranian Hotts on the internet:

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db1,

I was searching through a travel website for people to meet new people for the countries that they will be visiting and I was talking to a girl until I saw this. So the question I have for you is this, its snowing outside the lake is frozen and you have 2 ukrainian hotts with the perfect licking hight, would not looking or even putting hands on them be douche?? Or for that matter would the fact that hes wearing a speedo in the winter at a frozen lake be douche?? I beg of you DB1 please tell me!!!

— Purple Punguine

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This email raises far more questions than it answers. Especially the “I was talking to a girl” part of it. Please do not end up in a bathtub filled with ice and missing a kidney, PP.

As to Ukranian douchebaggery in presence of Ukhottians, hey, they work with whats they got. Sad Christmas trees and an Alien Welcome Matt.

But oh how I lurve the Ukhotts. Especially their polymorphously perverse kneecaps.

# posted by douchebag1
7:17 am May, 9 Douche Bagalow said...

I have no problem with the Ukes accepting their fate with the Phantom Zone. But some please save the sad Christmas tree! For the love of God!!!

7:28 am May, 9 Doucheywallnuts said...

I put the over/under for abortions had by these bleethskis at 7.5.

7:42 am May, 9 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Hotts? not. But the positive would be if your ass fell through the ice these two “well insulated” girls look like they would be able to jump in like a couple polar bears and pull your ass out, then cuddle you in their folds until you were warmed.

7:44 am May, 9 Capt. James T. Douche said...

I think Ivan here is the town abortionist/plumber/health inspector/auto and farm equipment mechanic/public defender.

7:47 am May, 9 Doucheywallnuts said...

In the Ukraine, Alcoholism Counsellors teach people how to be alcoholics.

7:54 am May, 9 RAPETIME said...

The Speedo is a Euro thing, God help ’em.

8:05 am May, 9 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

As the loving husband of a second generation Canadian/Ukranian/Jewess I can tell you all that when the Ukranian hots are young and interested, they take a serious shine to you. And by shine I mean my knob. They really do have nice kneecaps and straight legs as opposed the the Kaskstanis. When they get older they learn from their old Bubbies how to make a version of perogies with enough bacon fat to kill a horse and killer cabbage rolls and borscht. As for the outdoor thing, my Ukhott did in fact like getting nailed in the backyard on a piece of snow covered plywood I kept behind our first pool shed. True story.

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This guy should be hitting it with those chicks instead of doing the Cossack Chicken on a rock. Comrade.

8:11 am May, 9 Vin Douchal said...

Uncomfortable. Everything about this scene is uncomfortable be it the fat Buddha troll, the non-seductive posing of thick in the middle questionable “Hotts” or their proximity to the mortar practice range target .

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They will ‘splode momentarily when the shell hits home, thankfully.

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There has got to be a better place to vacation than the Ukraine, right? What in fuck’s name is worth going there ? Travelling to fuccen crazy countries is fuccen crazy.

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@ Purp

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Don’t come crying to us in a video taped ransom demand when those backwards batshit fuccers take you at rusty Kalashnikov-point. Try Epcot Center. It’s safer and closer

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IMODIUM®

8:16 am May, 9 FredN. said...

“They will ’splode momentarily when the shell hits home, thankfully.”

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Can NOT stop laughing at this line.

8:22 am May, 9 Doucheywallnuts said...

I hear Ukrainian broads have barbed wire gabiles. Gabiles, I says.

8:24 am May, 9 Doucheywallnuts said...

And I second Vin’s admonition regarding traveling to dangerous shit hole countries. You can meet plenty of foreigners right here in the good ole US of A.

10:34 am May, 9 The Dude said...

There are days when I think RevChad must be my alter ego. And there are days when wallnuts must be my alter no go. Today is both of those days. I hate going through precious sheets of kleenex from laughing; they are snot meant for that. Funny, funny stuff here!

10:40 am May, 9 The Dude said...

The Ukhotts invented the belly plop. That’s one reason for the population decline in that region. The other? Chicken Kiev. No need to explain that little microwave joke, eh?

11:23 am May, 9 Stephanie said...

He’s protecting his boy stuff with his hands,are you nervous Ivan?

11:36 am May, 9 jonezy said...

Looks like they’re celebrating the 4th of July to me

11:49 am May, 9 Vin Douchal said...

This looks like the nativity scene on Festivus Eve

8:28 am May, 10 DarkSock said...

If I were sitting bare assed on that rock I’d fart. I bet the backslap would hurt too. Good kinda hurt.

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