Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Reader Mail: "Get Your Weekly Dose"

Choad the Douche Sprocket writes in with a lament from Vegas:

——————

Dear DB1:

Now that summer is nigh, Las Vegans are forced to look at this constant, invasion of douche-i-tude on virtually every billboard within a mile of the Strip.

The tag line reads “Get Your Weekly Dose.” It should read: Get Your Weekly Dose of Douchebaggery, because from May 1st until the end of September, Vegas becomes the epicenter of pud, the vortex of vapidness, and the axis of affrontery to all that is thoughtful and tasteful in the world. (The stench of pool poo gets even worse in July and August — the “bargain months.” Then, every low-rent, slack-jawed, knuckle dragging rube within a 500 mile radius descends on our hotels like crazed, roided out houseflies swarming to shit.)

You know these things, of course. Your legions of ‘bag hunters know them too…but sometimes we feel the need to remind everyone that we are on the front lines of this battle, and that stupidity is a relentless foe.

Depressingly yours,

– Choad the Douche Sprocket

—————

“Stupidity is a Relentless Foe” should be my epitaph, good work CtDS.

However, the “Get your weekly dose” jokes just kinda write themselves.

# posted by douchebag1
1:16 pm May, 22 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Get your weekly dose of penicillin, azithromycin, metronidazole and valacyclovir.

1:31 pm May, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Get your weekly dose of “GRoooooooo”.

1:32 pm May, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Get your weekly dose of hymen. cause we’re all out.

1:32 pm May, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Get your weekly dose of italics.

1:33 pm May, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Get your weekly does of mons pubis.

1:34 pm May, 22 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Get your weekly dose of nut butter.

1:34 pm May, 22 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Get your weekly dose of silicon.

1:38 pm May, 22 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Get Your Weekly Dose of penicillin.

1:45 pm May, 22 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Get your weekly dose of meaningless garish tattoos

1:48 pm May, 22 Et Tu Douche? said...

Get your weekly dose of fail

1:53 pm May, 22 Charles Douchewin said...

Get your weekly dose of Brotein Barfs.

1:56 pm May, 22 Charles Douchewin said...

I’d like to second “Stupidity is a relentless foe” as a nice piece of writing CtDS.

2:01 pm May, 22 Vin Douchal said...

Get your weekly dose of crotch itch

2:02 pm May, 22 Vin Douchal said...

Get your weekly dose of 22 year old Douchebags splitting Jacks

2:03 pm May, 22 Vin Douchal said...

Get your weekly dose of jaded, bikini-clad pool cocktail waitresses

2:07 pm May, 22 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Get your weekly dose of Plan B.

2:25 pm May, 22 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Get your weekly dose of GSR.

2:37 pm May, 22 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Get your weekly dose of crotch cooties

2:40 pm May, 22 Wheezer said...

Get your weekly dose of Prep H.

2:44 pm May, 22 Et Tu Douche? said...

Get your weekly dose of Vagisil®

2:49 pm May, 22 Vin Douchal said...

Get your weekly dose of hammer toe

3:00 pm May, 22 Et Tu Douche? said...

Get your weekly dose of shame

3:02 pm May, 22 Et Tu Douche? said...

Get your weekly dose of Rohypnol

3:03 pm May, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Get your weekly dose of raisin balls.

3:04 pm May, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Get your weekly dose of Olestra shooters.

3:14 pm May, 22 Wheezer said...

[2:49 pm, May 22

.

Vin Douchal said…

Get your weekly dose of hammer toe]

.

“Don’t touch this!”

3:16 pm May, 22 Doucheywallnuts said...

Get your weekly dose of, “Get the fuck outta here!”

3:18 pm May, 22 Doucheywallnuts said...

Get your weekly dose of scabies.

3:29 pm May, 22 Pooch Spackle said...

Get your weekly dose of boobie suckle. You’re right, crap really does write itself. Nice write up though Choad.

3:59 pm May, 22 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Get your weekly dose of tint, clit-like weenus.

3:59 pm May, 22 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Or tiny even

5:04 pm May, 22 The Reverend Chad logged off said...

Get a dose of this thing.

This jew girl will not get one vote of hott But she thinks she’s hot. Well maybe one, but not from me.

.

This is my first copy and paste job. I am 47 and my name is The Reverend Chad Kroeger and I am stoned

5:21 pm May, 22 CB Popped said...

Yep Rev,,,thats the kinda material that makes the NY Post Newspaper (Ruppert Murdoch propaganda) when they arent bashing Obama or talking terror.

She is not hott, but her tits are i guess.

Get your daily dose of unadulterated, unwarranted, unyielding, unnecessary bullshit.

7:14 pm May, 22 troy tempest said...

Get your weekly dose of HPV.

7:17 pm May, 22 troy tempest said...

@Rev – she’s not my type, but it takes all types. Her employer had no business treating her like that. I hope she wins MILLIONS from them.

7:18 pm May, 22 troy tempest said...

Get your weekly dose of despair.

7:29 pm May, 22 Sofa King said...

Get your weekly dose of hepatitis C and desperation.

7:38 pm May, 22 Stephanie said...

Get your weekly dose of orange.

7:39 pm May, 22 Stephanie said...

Get your weekly dose of pathetic attempts at winning.

7:40 pm May, 22 Stephanie said...

Get your weekly dose of over photographed people who can’t get enough of themselves.

7:40 pm May, 22 Stephanie said...

Get your weekly dose of hair gel.

7:44 pm May, 22 Pooch Spackle said...

Come here to get your weekly dose of Stephanie. She’s like a bitchslap soup for the soul.

11:14 pm May, 22 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@rev, she’s not hot by a lot. And while I agree with Troy that her employer can’t abuse her the way she claims, I’m super suspicious. What kind of person standing up for their dignity bows to media pressure and spins 360 for the cameras while wearing a skin tight dress? That’s the time to say sorry folks, this is about NOT getting singled out for how you look. I smell cash grab.

3:41 am May, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

That girl suing MUST be telling the truth. I mean, god is she is SO hot that it must have been bad for business and these days everyone is entitled to damages for the slights, and perceived slights, suffered. And if Gloria Allred is on the job, it can’t be a publicity stunt.

.

Now if she said her employers told her to wear a bag on her head, I’d believe it. And support it.

5:21 am May, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Smeagle Pear?

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20597527,00.html

.

If this copy and paste works, tomorrow I fly to Mt.Olympus to save the Greeks. By the power of Greyskull!

5:40 am May, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

Get your weekly dose of buffet lines and self loathing.

7:11 am May, 23 Sir Huddleston Fuddleston said...

“Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.”

10:14 am May, 23 Mr. Biggs said...

Ah yes. Las Vegas. Where family fun for everyone meets porn culture.

7:18 am May, 24 DarkSock said...

Damn you Rev Chad you got me hooked on the Mons Pubis now.

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