Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Reader Mail: Stalkin' Stokke

Reader Mr. Biggs writes in to let us know he’s off in search of suckle Semitic pole vaulter, Alison Stokke.

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Going to Eugene for the olympic track trials!

That is all, thought I’d share that with you. All I ask is for you to help me cast a dragnet so I can better locate and stalk Allison Stokke. She’s even Sephardi. 😀

– Mr. Biggs

———–

Of whither toned bod there is no finer.

# posted by douchebag1
12:13 pm May, 15 Wheezer said...

I’d stalkk her with turgid cockk, too.

12:27 pm May, 15 Wheezer said...

Oh great, no one’s posting here after my first one. Shit…..

12:27 pm May, 15 Vin Douchal said...

Allison Pear must be represented.

12:37 pm May, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d wander through her desert oasis for 40 minutes eating her manna.

.

Exodus Stage Left

1:10 pm May, 15 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Mr Biggs

If you can’t find her then keep your eye out for LoLo Jones. I dare say The Right Honorable Rev Chad would highly approve. google LoLo Jones

.

http://www.runlolorun.com/

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Pistol Starters

1:56 pm May, 15 DarkSock said...

I’d let her vault my pole.

1:56 pm May, 15 DarkSock said...

I’d let her suck my discus.

1:57 pm May, 15 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Not to interupt another captivating T.G / Dreuche battle, but wtf is with the guy’s eyes in the picture above ? They’re like six inches apart. And wearing a shirt that says Pussy on it just begs to be mocked.

1:58 pm May, 15 DarkSock said...

I’d let her hurdle my…um…hurdle thing that gets knocked over when they don’t clear it enough.

1:59 pm May, 15 DarkSock said...

I’ll bet she mows her track and field.

1:59 pm May, 15 DarkSock said...

I got her starter’s pistol….riiiiight here.

.

Son.

2:00 pm May, 15 DarkSock said...

I’ll post her photo finish on teh interwebs, after promising not to if she’d please just let me video it once…

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Kardashians.

2:04 pm May, 15 Doucheywallnuts said...

If in fact she is a real Jew broad, she gets my vote as the best looking Jew broad ever.

2:05 pm May, 15 Pooch Spackle said...

This thread is about stalking, after all.

2:54 pm May, 15 The Dude said...

I’d let Stokke sukke madikke.

3:06 pm May, 15 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’d let her fondle my javelin

3:59 pm May, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d let her run my decathloin.

3:59 pm May, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d let her toss my hammer.

4:00 pm May, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d let her pommel my horse

4:01 pm May, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d let her raid my Entebbe.

4:02 pm May, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d let her vault my pole.

4:03 pm May, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^oops.

4:03 pm May, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d led her jump my high.

4:04 pm May, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d 100 centimetre her dash.

4:04 pm May, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’d hoop her rings.

4:12 pm May, 15 Vin Douchal said...

The Perfect Office

4:23 pm May, 15 Vin Douchal said...

Every Bond Girl ever….. mmmmm, Plenty O’Toole

5:36 pm May, 15 Wheezer said...

When A Blind Man Douches

7:01 pm May, 15 Mr. Biggs said...

Aw shucks guys. You shouldn’t have. Honestly, at the very least I must manipulate the cosmos to ensure she doesn’t end up with a douchebag. Which in athletic circles is a genuine risk.

Oh who am I kidding. I’m gonna stalk her like Ted Nugent on a liberal deer.

7:28 pm May, 15 Stephanie said...

His green shirt says pussy.

9:44 pm May, 15 turtle boy said...

I like turtles.

9:44 pm May, 15 Scroteophobic said...

For goodness sake TG just give it up already. You come across as a whining, attention seeking, spiteful little jerk. And the largest turd in the pool is how blatantly and unrelentingly not-funny you are with it. Seriously, I’d rather have HJBBAD or Stackhouse or just about any douche-ranter posting endless diatribes than this. At least it would be possible to wring some entertainment out of it. All I get reading your posts is an uncomfortable mixture of pity and dislike for you.

10:33 pm May, 15 Mr. Biggs said...

People people! Can we please focus on the promised land glory of Semitic hotness that is Allison please?? Thank you.

Oh and Et Tu, I’m well aware of LoLo. I think I even saw her at 2004. She’s just all around awesome.

11:32 pm May, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Hey Biggs, give me a buzz while you’re down here. I’ll show you where all the hipster beard ‘bags in “the Whit” hang out, drinking their Ninkasi microbrews. There are some hotties down there, but they have hairy ‘pits and the B.O. to match.

11:38 pm May, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Maybe we can talk BVG out of his dank cavern in Portlandia to venture out and help us stalk the track babes.

11:47 pm May, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Tall Guy and Drueche need to just get their hate sex out of the way now and be done with it. Trust me T.G., chubby chicks which you hold a shared animosity with give the absolute BEST blow jobs you will ever experience. They will attach their lips to the hilt of your cawk like an Oreck to a bowling ball and siphon off the prostate puss ’till your wrinkle berries implode, all while dishing out a firm nut valeting that’ll leave fingerprint marks embedded in your scrotum for a couple hours.

11:48 pm May, 15 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I actually have no idea what I’m saying.

6:48 am May, 16 douchebag1 said...

tall guy’s been banned, or at least temporarily suspended. Keep the focus on the mock on the pics, people. That’s what we’re here for.

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– management

6:55 am May, 16 Tall Gent said...

You forgot tall and glistening in addition to trim and athletic.

6:56 am May, 16 Tall Gent said...

I didn’t see that prior to posting.

Sorry

4:49 pm May, 16 Mr. Biggs said...

Wow Jacques, that sounds awesome. I’m actually landing in Portland and hitching a ride with a friend, then crashing at my punk friends’ place in Eugene (so yes I know about the unwashed hippy culture down there :P). So we could totally enlist BvG on this and turn it into a HCwDB special olympics expose.

And by expose I mean pear.

4:52 pm May, 16 Mr. Biggs said...

Man if that really is a picture of Stokke getitng mugged by Belvedere Pussy guy, we’re on a Mission from God.

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