Friday, June 8, 2012

Captains Hats Imply an Ironic and Playful Sensibility

Captain Hats.

The Hot Chick equivalent of douche tatts.

Wait, maybe douche tatts are the hot chick equivalent of douche tatts. Wait, is that a tautology? Mash up Einstein’s dice quote in Hawking’s robotic voice, and you have a solution to that paradox.

# posted by douchebag1
8:52 am June, 8 Melvil_Duchi said...

The Craptain and Tenatus

9:09 am June, 8 FredN. said...

She’s got weird leg muscles.

9:10 am June, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Somewhere in West Wendover, Nevada, there’s a single-wide trailer with a plywood partition separating the last four feet of the “living room” off into a nursery. And in that nursery is a hand-me-down crib that was recalled in 1996 for having plastic parts that would break over time and cause the side to collapse thus allowing the child to possibly fall and injury itself. And in the darkness beneath that crib is a 14-month-old baby girl, sucking desperately on an empty, crusty bottle, her sodden, reaking diaper ravaging her young, tender skin.

.

In the “master bedroom” at the opposite end of the trailer, the woman paid to babysit lies sprawled across her naked, unconscious boyfriend, her face buried in a drying stain of her own milky vomit. Stomach acid eats at her meth ravaged teeth, but she does not stir. She will sleep for at least another five hours before waking up enough to urinate off the side of the bed, smoke another bowl, and then straddle her boyfriend’s sunken face.

.

Have fun in Vegas with your bff, Whitney. Your last minute decision to leave Chelsea with your twitchy neighbor Brooke won’t haunt you for at least another two days.

9:12 am June, 8 Stage 5 Clinger said...

The Captain is taking a quick break from her fluffer duties on the Poop Deck.

9:40 am June, 8 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Scarsdale Jenny got lost on her way to Saks, and fell into a bottomless pit of herpster cabana baggery. I’d like to buy her a couple $80 mimosas so I can hear the full exhilarating saga of how she chose the custom kangaroo leather interior for her Porsche Cayenne, until I come to the sad realization that no cocc has ever, or will ever, touch Scarsdale Jenny’s lips.

9:49 am June, 8 Et Tu Douche? said...

Disturbing, the shoes, the odd dare I say bizarro side boob/flab reveal, the emotionally vacuous stare. Disgusted I says.

9:53 am June, 8 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

The remake of Gilligan’s Island had to be cancelled when the cast came down with a case of mass hysterical herpes.

10:00 am June, 8 fatness said...

Captain! There be whales here!

10:11 am June, 8 Stage 5 Clinger said...

Can anyone guess what the Captain’s belch smells like?

10:15 am June, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Anybody else want to guess that it’s Mangela with the cripsy blonde hair’s boyfriend who’s taking the picture.

10:28 am June, 8 Vin Douchal said...

Workers in HazMat suits spray that entire scene down every night with high power hoses and pesticide.

10:46 am June, 8 DarkSock said...

hatters

10:48 am June, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Those may be the type of girls I visit on the bad side of town who give me blowies for a gram and some pizza. The Montreal-style pizza is decadently oily, pepperoni laden, heavenly and smothered in deep delicious cheese. I think this lubricates their throats to take my Jesus-sized member. They like a bit of converstion now so fuck them.

Anyway that is why I’d let these questionable ladies suck my cook.

.

Fucking Revenuers on me hard. Lots of cash-back while dhopping this week N’mean.

.

I’ll have another.

1:29 pm June, 8 The Dude said...

Got Milk?

1:55 pm June, 8 Stephanie said...

The captain goes down with the boat,correct?

1:55 pm June, 8 CB Popped said...

Blondie on the right/pink shoes is worthy of my Vas Deferens Reveal. (VSR)

Veiny Sac Reveal did open up for ELO in 89, Dark Sock caught an amazing show.

5:00 pm June, 8 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Thanks for trying to get VDR and VSR into the lingo CBP. You’re alright in my book.

9:54 am June, 9 Wheezer said...

Scrotato should’ve just earned himself another Comment of the Week™.

4:32 am June, 10 CB Popped said...

NP Dreuche,,,,

1. They are funny.

2. I go for the VSR when ever possible/appropriate. Most chicks dig it.

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