Monday, June 11, 2012

HCwDB of the Week: Fingers McShmucksalot and Pink Kelly's Power Thighs of Thunder Taut

Because while last week was filled with herpsters, herpsters, herpsters, herpsters, and even more herpsters, Power Thighs of Thunder Taut rule all.

And Fingers McS is all sorts of Lazy Sunday douchery.

Maybe I have a mental block about giving the Weekly to a Herpster HCwDB. If I did, then I’d have to acknowledge this greasy trend is real.

Instead I take strange comfort in the classic Vegas Choadmunch and Hot Chick. It soothes my soul in an increasingly destabilized universe.

# posted by douchebag1
6:49 am June, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

I don’t know. This photo is only one sixth douchey. Anyways I know my world was totally rocked when TapOut and Affliction became the new No Fear and Bad Boys Club. And now you’re telling me Pabst and tablecloth scarves are becoming the new Grey Goose and religious bling? I just can’t grasp it all. I’m going back to bed with my bottle of bath salts and my Teddy Ruxpin. Hahahahahaha! Psych! Just trying to see what it would be like to be a giant pussy.

6:55 am June, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That girl would look better with my cock in her mouth. But only if she has a full set of teeth or is totally toothless cause we don’t want no rakers on our joints. Rakers, I says!

6:56 am June, 11 Doucheywallnuts said...

One sixth Douchey is still Douchey. Just like, to quote the Diceman, you either suck cock or you don’t. A less profane illustration would be that you can’t be a little bit pregnant. You can’t be slightly infected with the Greico Virus or be a partial Zombie, to use other examples.

7:01 am June, 11 Doucheywallnuts said...

Given your druthers, would you prefer to get oral or give anal? Druthers, I says. I’d give her anal.

7:03 am June, 11 Douchble Helix said...

Like cockroaches, ‘bags evolve.

.

If we close our eyes to that, like Global Warming, we’ll have only ourselves to blame.

.

Well, especially the Chief to blame, for that whole Snooki and the Jersey Shore thing. But it could have happened to anyone. Sure.

.

Frankensteins.

7:07 am June, 11 Douchble Helix said...

I propose we have a discussion on the karmic results of the Chief grabbing has ankles for that MTV thing.

.

You know, a reasoned examination, listing the pros and cons of his little adventure. He makes big bank, the civilized world dies a little. That kind of thing.

.

Burnetts.

.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Burnett

7:07 am June, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

Mmmmm……. Pink Kelly’s Power Thighs of Thunder Taut.

7:11 am June, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

Oh and Douche Springsteen nailed it*, Jake Largeman still cracks me up.

.

* “I’m having a really hard time hating on Jake Largeman. He’s John’s younger brother, second from the left there, and he is having a REALLY good time. Party on, Jake.”

7:33 am June, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Global warming man made? Next you’ll say Dick Cheney is evil..

.

The Tea Party

7:41 am June, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Or this The Tea Party. The Canadian love child of Led Zeppelin and Jim Morrison.

.

7:53 am June, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

Oh yeah, I almost forgot DB1 was responsible for giving us Snooki. Guess he really can’t complain about the death of the civilized world when he made a profit off it. It’s a bit, what’s the word, hypocritical. Oh well I’m sure his soul is still at least 2/6th intact. It’s not like he’s planning in doing any other reality shows to lead to the continued dumping down of America. At least I hope not.

.

.

.

.

Boobie sucklers

7:56 am June, 11 CB Popped said...

Once she gets those legs wrapped around you – there’s no escape. None. The local Fire Dept has to come with Jaws of Life to get you out, etc.

I’d dryhump that blond Midwestern/Vegas taut suckle thigh while simultaneously sloughing her with bath salts and 3 bottles of Pino Noir.

8:13 am June, 11 Doucheywallnuts said...

Vis a vis the Snooki/Jersey Shore, those types have been there for 30 years, the cameras just happened to show up and record and distribute it recently.

8:28 am June, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I made Mrs. Kroeger write up a new Will with me in case she ends up with a douchebag after I die prematurely. So the kids like get my half in trust so douchebag can only steal the Mrs. 50%. To my surprise she accepted the idea with an additional clause the if she die first I shave her nethers good and proper like for the crematorium so she goes to Heaven clean. She also added that my penis be donated to her estate and mounted on the wall.

.

It’s too hot to be stoned son.

8:29 am June, 11 Douchble Helix said...

My world is crumbling before me…

.

1. The Rev adds “man made” to my Global Warming comment.

1.a. (Dick Cheney *is* an agent of Satan, now that you bring it up.)

2. The troll agrees with me, and seems to ‘get it’.

3. Doucheywalnuts, the single most qualified guy on this form to speak about fame, cameras, skeevey broads, etc. has a completely different view of the issue I raised.

.

Well, I guess that’s the risk you run when you take on the King.

.

Please continue, while I take this warm bath. And oh so lightly slit my wrists…

.

Pentangelies

8:46 am June, 11 Vin Douchal said...

The “Circle N” stands for “Nimrods”

9:21 am June, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

The “Circle N” stands for “Numbnuts”

9:27 am June, 11 Doucheywallnuts said...

@DH I am not disagreeing with you, but just mentioning that the Jersey douchebag has been around since the 70s and the pop culture is just catching up.

9:38 am June, 11 Douchble Helix said...

Huh? Whatstaht? This bath feels so nice and warm… Oh look, a bright light! Yes, I’m coming to join you, President Reagan…

10:08 am June, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@DH, I’m going to assume I’m the troll of which you speak. And thank you, like Stephen Colbert before me I do my best to mock from within to shed truthiness on rediculousness.

10:23 am June, 11 Doucheywallnuts said...

Don’t forget what’s posted at the coliseum in Rome; Non cibos troglodytae.

12:10 pm June, 11 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I just met a guy from Las Vegas while taking night photographs. After this encounter I’ve surmised that everyone from Las Vegas is a douchebag, even if they’re not a douchebag.

.

So I went to a popular hill that overlooks the particular college town I live nearby to take some night landscape photography with my new DLSR. There was a full moon, and it was partly cloudy, which was making for some especially stunning pics in conjunction with long exposure times and a polarizing filter. There were some other folks up on the hill – some kids getting high and giggling, folks in a car making out, a middle aged couple walking about having a conversation – but most everyone was keeping to themselves.

.

Then this guy and his girl come walking up to my vicinity, both of whom are trying, and failing, to rock the steam punk look. I notice the guy has a DLSR and tripod in tow, and are there to snap some photos as I’m in the prime location for doing so. He comes up and asks, “What program are you using bro?”

.

“None,” I respond. “I’m in manual”.

He nods, “Cool. What type of camera you got?”

“Canon 60D,” as I continue to try and pay attention to what I’m doing.

“Canon?” And then he lets out a loud and obnoxious “Pshhhhht!! Nikon all the way baby!”

I glance over at his setup, which looks similar sized to my friend’s D3100, the equivalent of a Canon Rebel series. It’s tough to tell in the dark, but he has a 300mm telephoto with a…wait, is that a lens hood on it? At night? Then he starts snapping away at the moon and stopping every so often to show his girlfriend and exclaim, “Lookit that, it looks like the sun!”

.

Okay, this guy’s an dick, and an idiot. He stops every so often to regale me with a tale about when he got in a drunken golf cart wreck and used his own body to protect his camera like when he played football in HS, or just to talk shit about Canons. I doubt he’s ever even touched one other than some cheap little point-and-shoot.

.

At one point his girl breaks off to go get ciggs from their car and he approches me. “Hey, one photog to another..” What? Photog? “…I’m sorry about being a dick, but my girlfriend doesn’t know shit about cameras.” So a) neither to you, and b) how does that justify you being a dick? But I hold my tongue and resist the urge to shove his entry-level DSLR down his throat and take pictures of him as he gags to death, even as he continues to talk shit the moment his girlfriend returns and brag about how his pictures of the night sky look like it’s the middle of the day.

.

Then he starts asking questions about my camera, like what ISO speed it goes up to. 6400. “Whoa. Mine only goes up to 1600.” Okay, enough shit from you dude. I see my opening and strike.

.

“What exposure autobracketing range are you using?” I ask. He gives me a blank look. “Are you using evaluative metering for your pictures of the moon? Because you really should use partial or center-weighted average metering so that the moon looks like the moon, and not a washed out glare like the sun.” He looks over at his girlfriend, who just looks back at him like he should know what I’m talking about. “Look, I’ll show you.” And I procede to show them the collection of landscape shots I’ve been taking for the past few minutes, with the city lights, the hills in the distance, the soft amber light of the moon and the way it reflects off of and makes the clouds glow. Stars and planets can be clearly seen, and everything is composed just so, while dickface has some close up pics of the moon so overexposed it looks like the sun. He still says nothing, and his girlfriend looks at me and speaks for the first time all night, exclaiming “Wow. Those are REALLY good.” I look her in the eyes and reply with a genuine, “Thank you. That means a lot.” Without even giving dicknozzle a second glance or word, I carefully pack up gear and mosey on my way. He says nothing, takes no more pictures, just sits there mulling over his camera like if he looks hard enough he’ll find a make-me-less-shitty-a-photographer setting buried in the menu.

.

No, you won’t dude. You’re a douchebag.

12:28 pm June, 11 Douchble Helix said...

Si’, Doucheywalnuts.

Leave a Reply

What is 15 + 13 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)