Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Herpster 'Stache

If you’d told me back in 2009, when orange ‘roidbags haunted the hotts, that ironic late 19th Century Herpster ‘Stache would become a popular trend in HCwDB configurations, I would’ve responded thusly:

“Balderdash! This hobbadehoy is a fimble-famble! Surely this rumbumptious hugger-mugger’s gullyfluff needs a rain napper, stat! A hoy hoy, me rusty guts is off the horn.”

Mmmm… Mindy Pout. A juggle worthy teddy fondle of a fort-night’s glute poke, if I’ve ever seen one. And I have seen one. Once. I wrote about it in my diary.

# posted by douchebag1
2:25 pm June, 13 Fyodor Dostedouchesky said...

What a choad. Isn’t the 11th commandment “thou shalt not desecrate Black Flag”

2:33 pm June, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

Finally, some quality hotts! Geez, it was getting to be like the day shift strip club rejects up in here. He is heinous and a Green Day shirt would better suit his personality. Hmmm…DB1s diary. A real page turner I’m sure. Let me Cliff Notes it for you guys. “Waaawaaaawaaaaaa! The End”

2:46 pm June, 13 hermit said...

I would wade into a troop of hungry baboons wearing nothing more than a stocking cap and a pair of ripe bananas strapped to my penis if I could load a crack pipe with Mindy Pout’s intoxicating belly button lint, light it, and inhale it deeply into my feverish, waiting lungs.

2:48 pm June, 13 Vin Douchal said...

I deserve the stink eye she’s giving me for all the nasty shit I’d like to do to her

2:53 pm June, 13 The Dude said...

Mindy has my dingles a’dingle-dangling.

.

Stink eye of coitus. Said.

2:57 pm June, 13 The Dude said...

Thanks for the Cliff Notes, Nancy. Do I have to jump off that cliff to find out if I get the girl in the end? And by “in the end” I mean exactly that.

3:00 pm June, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

Henry Rollins is pissed and I don’t mean drunk.

3:13 pm June, 13 troy tempest said...

If he didn’t have that stache, he’d get a notta. Black Flag rocks, and without the stache, he would look like any other rock club denizen. “Going to see my biddies play tonight. What should I wear? I know – the black flag shirt. That works.”

.

I would do the same thing, only reach for different shirts – Joy Division, Silver Apples, Voice of Eye, Big City Orchestra, Vomit Launch, J-Church, MX80, among others to establish my music cred, as I wear those shirts without irony – I love all that music.

.

I think the douchefactor comes in with the introduction of postmodern irony. PoMo is so fucking dead at this point, it’s like “Irony? who cares? Tell me something that matters.”

3:18 pm June, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Isn’t Black Flag a pest spray?

3:23 pm June, 13 The Dude said...

Herpstache = turn-of-some-century douchebag. And no, Black Fag isn’t a pest spray. huh?

3:30 pm June, 13 The Dude said...

troy, it’s nice to see you back on the Mock Block. Or maybe I wasn’t paying attention. Or I’m just a complete fucking moron.

.

Anyway, PoMo Ire-No™ needs, deserves and is granted my full support. Tell me something that matters.

.

Heard

3:36 pm June, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Oh Black Flag with Henry Rollins. Henry Rollins has to be the most useless piece of shit I have ever seen. That he denies his homosexuality is absurd. He may be the protodouche in the form of a self-described hack poet and screamer. If I saw him on the street I would be tempted to kill him. Then I would kill him and piss on his faggot ridden corpse.

.

I hope he is in pain.

3:56 pm June, 13 Vin Douchal said...

Mustachioso Douche is the equivalent of pinching the tip of yer dick in yer zipper

4:02 pm June, 13 Douche Springsteen said...

Just like Black Flag, dude is taking himself a bit too seriously.

4:02 pm June, 13 Vin Douchal said...

Mustachioso Douche is the equivalent of an Armenian fart in a crowded elevator

4:24 pm June, 13 Mr. Biggs said...

I’d say this guy just ruined black flag for me, but Henry Rollins managed to do that a while back already. And that’s another thing I wanna bring up. Herpsters wearing “vintage punk” shirts. Like it’s two levels below poser and Hot Topic at this point. It’s just another piece of bling totally stripped of any meaning.

As for Mindy, stink eye of coitus FTW. Such a tragedy to know that such powerful coital forces are destined for vague suburban dissatisfaction. I shed a native American tear at the trash heap of American humanity.

4:47 pm June, 13 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Mindy is svelt and tasty. If you put your ear to her crotch you can hear the siren call of the sea. And the anguished cries of a thousand drowned sailors.

5:04 pm June, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Man I’m wrecked. This is crazy stupid funny if you hate Rollihttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n7WnPw8Swgns and Danzig. The interwezbz are full of stoner shit man. Peace.

.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n7WnPw8Swg

5:34 pm June, 13 Douchble Helix said...

Great site, great thread, great pout.

.

It’s a shame The Rev is gonna leave us too soon.

5:34 pm June, 13 Douchble Helix said...

And Arquette here is a douchebag.

5:56 pm June, 13 The Dude said...

DH, is that one of the Arquette brah’s? I thought only the Baldwins had enough ‘tardy sibs to make it to this place.

.

Snooki Baldwins

7:39 pm June, 13 Reverend Chad wat Stoneed said...

@Douchble Helix

.

Am I supposed to be going somewhere and forgot? I fucking hate it when that shit happens, man.

8:08 pm June, 13 Ted Brogan said...

Is that the Mayan eye of coitus?

8:35 pm June, 13 Doucheywallnuts said...

Pooch Spackle. Pooch Spackle, I says.

9:24 pm June, 13 The Dude said...

Mr. Biggs 4.24p – early candidate for post of the week. Not the Mayan Eye of Coitus Post of the Week, let’s not get carried away here.

9:39 pm June, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@The Dude 2:57p, a good lemming would jump. Maybe you should just hang off of it instead. And if you want to have it in the end I might know a few guys that could help you out with that.

10:58 pm June, 13 Mr. Biggs said...

Thanks, The Dude! I’ve yet to be honored with that coveted title.

11:22 pm June, 13 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Greg Ginn is a douchebag.

4:16 am June, 14 CB Popped said...

Yeah, what Biggs said.

“Herpsters wearing “vintage punk” shirts”.

This guy isnt the worst we’ve seen, but the stache is ridiculous.

4:52 am June, 14 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I like herpsters. They are positively intellectual compared to the fist pumping Groo speakers of the Homo Jerzicus genus. It may be the first sign that we are winning the war.

5:01 am June, 14 CB Popped said...

Regardless, this chick’s belly deserves my salty pudding spacklefwap.

6:47 am June, 14 FoghornLeghorn said...

He looks like Meathead. Plus Mindy Pout is way hotter than Sally Struthers. I give him a notta.

6:51 am June, 14 troy tempest said...

@Dude McCrudeshoe –

I’m not as harsh on Herpsters as other douche variants as well. Most of them are just “in between” identities and are looking for some credibility. The odds of snagging some gash as a herpster are far more reduced than working out at a gym 24/7 and dosing up with some roids. This is due to the lack of intellectual power in general. You figure if 100 is average, then, by definition, have the population is below that, even if 100 spans a vast quantity of the population (i.e., it’s a flattened curve). The women I always preferred to bang had to be at least in the 120 range. But that’s less than 10% of the population, so it was always pretty slim pickens. Same goes for herpsters. They’re trying to snag the smart ones, so the odds of finding one are greatly reduced, and when they’re wearing ironostaches, the numbers collapse. As a consequence, the herpster is always a temporary state.

But the Grooo Crew – that’s a lifetime commitment. Once you become a roided up jerk off, it’s like making a funny face and someone slaps you on the back. Suddenly, the funny face sticks and you’re stuck. True fact. All the Grooo Crew can do is grunt and hope they get that job as the insurance claims adjuster, and that Suzy Q, the silicone queen of Piscataway, doesn’t completely tarnish and turn into a sofa after 2.3 kids.

9:34 am June, 14 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

She’s goin’ on notice as making the list for Most Expensive Firrst Date Hott.

12:20 pm June, 14 Stephanie said...

I’ve got records older than you. And for those who weren’t present at Black Flag shows,Black Flag was a slap to Adam & The Ants,get it? Kills bugs dead.

12:40 pm June, 14 Voulez-vous douchez? said...

Does that belly pooch belong to American-Idol-turned-D-Lister Ryan Starr?

http://static6.imagecollect.com/preview/137/9b3a4e1c4799281

10:45 am June, 16 creature said...

i constantly paste subliminal black flags, w electrical tape, on many of the jobs I work….have for years!

…just doin my part to be subversive

[...] again I just can’t select a Herpster as the HCwDB of the Week. I have a block, I tell you, a block. And by block, I mean hatred for [...]

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